Listening to Jax sing in the shower makes me laugh. I'm sitting on the countertop brushing my teeth in nothing but his tee while Lance sleeps quietly in our bedroom. His little crib is quickly becoming too small for his growing body and as much as I hate it he's getting bigger.

Jax and I got married last year, and what it year it was. The first year of marriage was the hardest, that and the fact that our son came a lot faster than we expected. Nine months flew by, meaning that Maddie became a big sister and well, I became a mom of two fast. Jax handles being a dad like a professional though, he's not doing it. He's the most supportive husband and I really do love that man with all my heart but he's just been so distant.

I finish brushing my teeth as I set my toothbrush down and walk towards the glass shower. Maddie's fast asleep in her room and I just want some time with Jax before they wake up and give us one heck of a morning like everyday.

I strip naked and he's completely unaware that I'm even here.

I wrap my arms around his back as I step in behind him, surprising him at that when he grabs my wrists and stops singing. "I didn't mean to wake you up" he tells me as I look over his shoulder and he opens his eyes.

"You didn't, I just wanted to join you." I whisper kissing his shoulder blade with his tattoos. He tattooed all of us on his shoulder blade a month ago. "His girls" as he said, and then Lance's name as well.

"Good morning to me then." He tells me as he pulls my around to kiss my lips. I kiss him back and rub his chest as he holds my hips in place smiling onto my mouth. It quickly gets heated fast when he grabs my leg and opens it to encase his frame as he backs me up into the glass shower door.

"Jax." I whisper breaking away as he kisses down my neck. I know he's hard because I feel it on my belly and he's wanting something right now and I just can't do it.

"Umm humm." He mumbles into my neck as he grabs both my legs and wraps them around his waist. He continues kissing me as I smile and pull away.

"We can't." I whisper pulling away as he nods.

"We can." He tells me as he lines up at my entrance ready to take me. "Jax, Lance." I whisper talking about our son. He's only a few months old, and I don't like to leave him alone for long periods of time. He knows when I leave his side and immediately starts crying. Unlike Maddie when she was a baby, Lance loves to stay in my arms. He's my son, he loves his mom, he looks like me, and he's me in a little guys body. Of course he's got Jax's dark brown hair and tan skin, but his face, his face is what I used to look like as a child.

"Is fine." Jax tells me as he sinks himself into me making me instantly moan. I rock my hips into his as he pounds me into the wall. He takes my hands into his and pushes them in the wall as he kisses down my neck. I squeeze my legs tighter around him as my eyes roll back in my head in pleasure.

"Jax" I moan out as he keeps going and finds my g-spot instantly, like he does every single time. I moan into his mouth when he pushes harder and faster driving me crazy.

Then I hear Lance crying in our room. "Fuck" Jax whispers into my neck as I instantly freeze up.

"Hurry." I whisper into his ear as he pulls me closer. He keeps rocking his hips as he pounds into me and then Lance's crying gets ten times worse.

"Fuck, let me down." I tell him as I try moving out of his grip. He won't let go though.

"Jax let me down" I tell him moving to get off of him when his grip tightens further. "Jax I'm serious!" I tell him as Lance continues crying.

"Fuck that Ry, you go to him every second of everyday and we never have time for us anymore! He cries because he wants attention and you know he's fine!" He shouts at me as he pulls out of me and turns his back. I stare in nothing but shock as I grab a towel and run out of the bathroom. When I see Lance he's whining his little lungs out. I reach and grab him into my arms as I pull his head into my neck and kiss his.

"Hey baby, it's okay. Mommy's here." I whisper over and over to him as he continues crying. I pat his butt rocking him as I move him closer to me and let my boob out of the towel as I start breastfeeding him. I rock him and let him eat as he calms right down. While I'm standing in the corner I hear Jax come in. I look behind me as he walks to the closet and slips on his clothes.

"Jax we have to talk about what just happened." I demand from my side of the room closing the blinds so that I can sit down and feed Lance.

"No we don't. I'm going to work." He demands as he slips on his No Bull athletic sneakers along with his workout attire. I'm so proud of him, he's the co-owner of the gym now and he's making triple what I do. He's amazing and I love him so much for taking care of our little family.

"Jax stop." I demand standing up and moving towards the door.

"What do you want me to say? Huh? That we don't have a relationship anymore? That you send all of your time with our kids, not me? These things are the reason we don't even have a relationship right now. We live together and that's it. You know I'm telling the damn truth." He shouts at me as my heart hits my ass. He's right.

I do everything for our kids. I don't have a life without my children. Jax and I haven't even really talked in days, and it's because of our kids. If I'm not working I'm with the kids. We haven't had a vacation since our honeymoon, and it's been so hectic the one time he tried to have sex with me in two months I had to run away. He's been so patient and this is my fault.

"I'm sorry." I whisper as he glares at me.

"No you're not. Because I love my kids, I do. But this is fucking ridiculous Ry, I haven't talked to you in days and this isn't working anymore." He tells me pointing between us as my heart cracks in half. I'm holding Lance when I feel my world crash. I almost lose the feeling in my body when the words hit me. He's done.

"Do you want to explain anything?" He asks as I stare at him. He looks down at Lance and back at me as he sees my expression.

"You don't have a right to act this way. I do everything Jax, I'm the only one who really takes care of our kids and I'll be damned if you tell me that I'm doing it too much. You don't feel like I'm giving enough? Jax I work forty hours a week on top of being a full time mom of two, cleaning this house, washing laundry, cooking dinner, and raising our kids when you train other kids instead of being with ours! So I'm sorry if you don't like the bond I've developed with them but they're all I've had for a long time because you're not the same man you used to be with Maddie. You hate our son, you don't want anything to do with him!" I shout at him as he steps back. I know I've crossed the line when he grabs his keys off the table.

"Oh I don't? What about the fact that I work the skin off my bones for you? For this? And you think you have the audacity to tell me I don't love Lance? Fuck you. I'm not coming home tonight." He shouts walking out the bedroom door as I follow him.

"Jax don't be stupid. Don't leave." I tell him walking behind him. I hear Maddie yell from upstairs as he stops and turns around. He looks down at me from his height when he slips off his wedding band and throws it on the kitchen table.

Tears break down my face when he stares at me.

"Either you pick our marriage or you pick our kids over me. Because obviously we both know this isn't working anymore. I will not come home when I can't have my wife." He tells me grabbing his bag and walking out the door as my sobs break out. I fall into the floor holding Lance in my arms as I wipe tears falling down my face.

And just like that, I know my marriage is over.

___

Jax doesn't come home. Not for three days, and by the time he walks through the front door something in me has changed. The kids are with my parents in Florida for the week because I told them I needed a break, and I've been waiting on this. I have held Jax's wedding band between my fingers for days as I've cried my eyes out hoping he'd come back.

But he didn't, not when I called, not when I texted him, not anytime. When I look at him I see what's happened to us. He's got huge bags under his eyes and he looks miserable. But I know I don't. I've got my hair and makeup done, and I'm dressed and put together.

"What are you doing here?" I ask crossing my arms as he looks around the house. It's too quiet, and it's too clean. I've been alone and as much as I've needed time to think it hurts me to know that Jax wants to end our marriage.

"I came to get my stuff." He tells me walking past me and to the bedroom. I don't follow him as I sit at the kitchen table. When he walks back in with bags he stops in front of me.

"Where are you going?" He asks looking at my clothing. I've got on black leather pants, and a white long sleeve body suit top with a oversized tan denim jacket and white boots.

"It's none of your business. Want this back or do I need to throw it away?" I ask holding his wedding band between my fingers. He stares at it before glancing at my face. When he seriously looks at me my tears whelp and I have to look away.

"Ry I know you. You're dressed like this and acting like this to try and cover up how you feel. Where are Mads and Lance?" He asks as I stare out the window.

"Just go. Do you want this or not?" I ask holding his ring back up. He snatches it out of my hand and pulls my face to him as he grabs my jaw.

"Let go of me." I tell him as he holds me tighter and sits me still. "No. Answer my questions." He tells me as I glare at him.

"I took them to my parents okay?" I tell him as he lets his grip get softer and I feel the tears leaving my eyes as he wipes them away.

"Fuck this. Why did you go? Why did you do this?" I ask breaking down as he rubs my cheeks.

"Ry I love you. I do, I love you. I love you enough that I know when I have to leave. I know when I'm at my breaking point. I married you because I love you Ry, and it doesn't make any sense that we can't talk because of our kids? What's wrong?" He asks as he pulls the chair next to me and sits down. He opens my legs and pulls me closer to him as he rubs my thighs.

"I'm going to explode. I can't make them happy, I can't make you happy, and you want to end our marriage when I'm struggling like this. Jax you don't do anything for them, I do." I tell him as he shakes his head no.

"Maybe it's because I lost you when we got them." He tells me as I glare back at his head.

"You didn't. I'm still here, or I was." I admit as I wipe my tears. "Ry" he whispers as he tries to hold me and I push him away.

"No, don't touch me. You left me, and you left our kids and I'm so mad at you" I tell him as I push him away.

"Are you cheating? Do you want a divorce?" I ask looking at him as he grabs his wedding band and slips it back on his finger.

"That answer your question? No I don't want a divorce and I would never cheat on you. You know that right?" He asks pulling my hands in his. "I love you Ry." He tells me as I nod.

"I love you too." I whisper as he leans to me and kisses my head. "This is so hard. Being a mom, nurse, wife, maid, babysitter. It's too much and you have to know I didn't mean to neglect you or anything it's just that I have to be a mom. We made that decision when we had sex." I tell him as he pulls away and wipes my tears.

"I know. I'm sorry for flipping out and leaving. But I do have a proposal. I booked a beach vacation and it's just for the two of us. I say we fix us, because I'm not giving up, I just want my wife back. And I'll try my hardest to be a better dad and husband." He tells me as I nod. He picks me up from my chair and pulls me into his lap as he grips my face and pulls it into his neck.

"I'm sorry. I'll fix it okay?" He asks rubbing my back as I cry.

"I don't know what to do" I admit as he kisses my forehead. "We learn how to be mom and dad while still being husband and wife. But with that being said. The next time we have sex, I'm not stopping because Lance needs attention." He tells me as I sigh.

"Lance doesn't need attention. He gets fussy when he doesn't eat." I tell Jax. "So make bottles and keep them in the fridge. When he gets fussy give him that and sit him in his cradle. He'll be fine" he tells me as I shake my head no.

"He doesn't like milk that's refrigerated. He likes my boob." I tell Jax as he sighs.

"He's spoiled and knows that Ry. And Maddie gets whatever the hell she wants and it's making them little shits. We need to discipline them." He tells me as I nod.

"We'll figure it out. One day at a time." He tells me as I nod. He kisses my head and I hold him and grabs my arms.

"I love you. We're not ending this." He tells me as I nod.

"I love you." I whisper back kissing his lips. It might not be perfect but we'll figure it out and I love him. And I just know he's my life partner and this kills me. But we'll figure it out. One day at a time.