the oceans water splashed violently into my car as i accelerated. i felt myself sinking. drowning. but not just emotionally. physically too. the water filled up from the bottom the car first. then seeping through the windows it came. engulfing me whole.

finally putting an end to this miserable. miserable life.

i guess i got everything i wanted.

after Billie left i cleaned up the dishes and went straight to bed. the next morning i got up and ready for work, i knew what i was going to do. and by that, i meant i was going to ask Amber because they always know what to do in situations like these.

i drove to work and explained to them what had happened.

"well, i know you really like her and everything hut she was out of place saying that shit and acted like you didn't have a say. and you where right to have slapped that bitch. trust me, i would've too." they said.

"yeah things got really heated hut i don't regret smacking the fuck out of her. Billie's face went red because of it." i laughed. "so what do you think i should do?"

"so you wanna keep it but you don't know if you should, correct?" they asked.

i nodded in response.

"have you talked to her about it since the fight?" Amber asked.

"nope. i didn't text her and she didn't text me." i said.

"alright. well, if you want to do something then listen to your hear but don't forget to take your head with you. if you have a feeling that you shouldn't be doing something, even if you want it, then stay away from it." they said. "stop thinking with just your heart or just your head and listen to both and make your decision. whichever pops into mind first, you choose it, no overthinking."

"thanks Amber. i think i know what i'm going to do about it." i hugged them and continued to serve some customers that walked in.

i thought about the fight Billie and I had yesterday and how heated it got. my blood began to boil in sheer rage thinking of the shit she said and did.

what was really weird was how her head and eyes kept moving around. i think she might've had Tourette's and they got worser and worser as our fight heightened.

oh well. it's not my problem.

i woke up in a hospital bed.

fuck. i'm here again? i thought it was over.

seeing Finneas beside me light up with utmost relief when i opened my eyes.

"fuck Billie. what the fuck where you thinking? are you okay?" he asked,inking his fingers into mine.

get your act together, Billie! create some lies!

"i'm scared, Fin." i whispered out. "i'm really fucking scared."

"so am i. what happened yesterday? you know how much you worried me? us? you could've died." he asked.

"i had another episode." i said.

"what? another one? i thought you said they where gone?" he asked.

"yeah it was brutal. i'm scared if i ever have ones that bad again." i said.

"was there something bothering you? what triggered it?" he asked.

"stress from tour and the new songs snd shit. i don't know if i can juggle both at once, Fin. i don't know if i can be the celebrity people want me to be." i lied.

Fin fell for the lies straight away. i knew my brother well and i also knew how to lie to him. although now that i'm thinking about it i sunk a 50k dollar car. which i do regret.

"i think you should go and see Dr Drake again." he said. "if it's back, you need to kill it."

the only thing i need to kill is myself.

"yeah. where's mum and dad?" i asked him.

"they left to get some breakfast. we where here all morning. but seriously, Billie, if you ever have another episode again. tell me. i have to know. i need to know. i can't afford to loose you, Bil." he cried.

"i'm so sorry, Finny. i'm sorry." my voice cracked.

Finneas talked more shit after that too. even though they where kind, loving words, it didn't mean as much to me as how shitty i treated Luna.

i still haven't forgiven myself for that and i don't know if i ever will. but i have to apologise to her and set things right so we can move on. i don't want to have my life on hold again. that shit hurts.

when my parents got back there was a lot of crying and stuff. even though i've done this shit before i don't know if they where expecting it. i'm not saying that like its a thing that you expect but they thought i was better. maybe this was my breaking point.

when he got the call, he called the police and an ambulance by tracking my phone because we do that shit. they pulled me out the water and did the buzzy thing until there was a heartbeat again. he told me i died for ten minutes.

Fin payed off the police so that they don't release this to the press, because if the word gets out it'll be 'the depressed billionaire Billie Eilish tried to commit suicide. again.' and i cant handle that. neither can my family.

Finneas got my car pulled out of the water and payed for the expenses. it's funny how all of that happened in the span of 7 hours and my ass was asleep in a hospital bed.

after a while, i tried to convince my family that i was okay and i just needed to go home and rest but obviously Finneas came too. by 'home' i meant the cabin. he came with me and i told him i just needed to get some cigarettes when i left and geabbed his car to go to the Orchid and waited for Clarke but she never came.

around 20 minutes later Amber comes up to me, with a disgusted look on their face.

"you might wanna go to the bathroom." they said.

"why?" i asked, i felt curious to see what it was.

"you'll see." they turned around and rolled their eyes.

because Amber rolled their eyes i'm guessing its not a good thing. i walked over to the bathroom and pushed open the doors to hear soft moans and this light repetitive banging.

there i saw Billie, she was sitting on the toilet, with her eyes closed shut and some random blonde whore riding her.

"Billie! what the fuck!" i yelled.

"princess?" she said, opening her eyes. "fuck, i was waiting for you but you never came."

she pushed that blonde slut off of her and trudged up to me- zipping up her hard dick.

"don't call me that." i gritted through my teeth.

"why not? are you mad at me?" she slurred.

"are you drunk? don't you remember anything that happened yesterday?" i scoffed and took her confused expression on her face as a no.

the green eyed hoe in corner got dressed and left the bathroom, leaving Billie and I to it.

"i'm sorry, darling." she said.

i slapped her across the face and she stared at me, waiting for the other.

"i can't deal with your bullshit anymore." i said. "i'm done."

that was it. i walked out of the bathroom and to my car as she followed behind me like a dog.

"Luna please take me back! i'm sorry! we can keep the kid! please i'll do anything! Luna, please." she begged.

i tried my best to ignore her and got into my car but Billie continued to bang on my windows. i looked at her for the very last time, i got ready to drive away when she pulled up in front of my car, making me some to a sudden halt.

"what the fuck is wrong with you?" i shouted. "no fuck you!"

she came onto the opposite side and tried to get into my car.

"Billie! i'll call the police if you don't get the fuck off of my car!" i threatened.

she managed to open the door and sobbed.

"please let me explain." she begged, getting onto her knees in the middle of the road. "please." she said.

"no. i'm sorry, Billie." i said. "Goodbye."

i left her in the middle of the road, watching her cross the street drunken and confused. her eye liner had smudged everywhere from the tears. i couldn't even explain how sorry i was.

i drove home. it's a bad habit that i always do that once something happens in my life, but i'd rather break at home than be the 'poor little girl' that cried her eyes out during her shift.

i hugged Baxter as he welcomed me home and cried with him in my arms. i didn't want Billie to go. i wanted her to stay. but i couldn't let her after all that she did. there was no way i could forgive her.

i took a therapeutic shower and by that i mean that i just sag down and wrapped my arms around my legs while letting the hot water run down my face so i couldn't notice if i was crying or not.

its free therapy- you should try it.

i got dressed when there was a knock on the door. through the window, i peered to see Billie there with a bunch of flowers.

she caught a sight of me and i flipped her off.

"come on, Luna!" she said. "let me in, please. i'll tell you the truth this time, okay? lets just talk about this like adults."

that fucking set me off. i left my house and walked outside to see Billie.

"like adults? oh, so i'm being immature? what happened to that bitch you fucked just then!" i nagged.

"Lu, come on. i was drunk." she said.

"so? that's not an excuse." i replied.

"no. it's not- but that bitch came onto me and we aren't even dating, Luna!" she shouted.

"no. but i'm carrying your child right now, Billie." i said. "doesn't that mean something to you?"

that made her Tourette's go crazy.

"i- i haven't been honest about everything about me." she started.

"go on." i said, watching her fiddle with her chains.

"i'm not a graphic designer. i'm a singer. i'm a celebrity." she whispered.

"what was that?" i said. "i can't hear you."

"i'm a celebrity." she remarked.

i looked her in the eyes up and down.

"you are?" i asked.

"yeah. Billie Eilish. just google me." she replied.

"no. i'm done with your bullshit." i said.

"can't i just try and make things right again?" she asked.

"no. you chose to fuck her. you chose to get rid of it. you chose to lie to me. so, no." i replied.

she looked me up and down and so did i. i could feel the tears forming in her eyes slowly.

"just stop trying." i said and left, closing the door behind me.

a celebrity? it all made sense now.

even so it doesn't pay off for the fact that she was so persistent on getting rid of it and she cheated on me with some skinny stick whore. she could've tried to conceal it from the public.

i slid down the door and sobbed into my own arms. i didn't want to leave her so soon. i finally found a home. a place where i belong. a place where i can call my own.

but what can i say? everything comes to an end.

i guess this is goodbye.