In the past few months I'd experienced a lot of physical pain, but nothing compared to this. It was like an emotional drain, as if the blood pumping through my veins was toxic, as if something inside me was sucking the life force out of me.

I was disoriented when I sat up, lying in my own bed. Memories from the night before hit me like a tsunami, so hard that I almost fell back down. I moaned, tears pricking the edge of my eyes. It was too much to even think about.

Humans that turned into wolves, 400 of them, a whole pack that I was somehow meant to lead, and explanation to why I'd been experiencing so many strange things, a fucking soulmate that I was meant to be destined to. No matter what I thought of, my mind kept returning to Levi.

Levi.

What the actual hell. I knew there was some kind of magnetic attraction there, but I thought it was just my crazy hormones amping up at the sight of a beautiful, mysterious guy. Designed for each other. But then the broken look on his face filled my mind, the way I'd thrown hateful words at him and how he'd basically crumpled.

I couldn't decide if I'd overreacted. I knew I wasn't being overdramatic, because damn that was a lot to take in. But how, why, had I hurt him so much? And why was I in so much pain today too?

I groaned, pleading with my brain to just stop thinking.

Where do I go from here? I couldn't face school, face all those people who knew, who were from the pack, who had carried around this knowledge of me and observed my numerous breakdowns. What would happen? I can't lead them! How the hell am I meant to do that?!

I picked up my phone, ignoring the multiple missed calls. I contemplated calling my mom, but decided against it. My fingers scrolled over Estelle's number, but I had too much pride to call her. She kept the secret too, I should be mad at her.

The one person I truly, deep down wanted to talk to, I couldn't even bear to face. How could I look him in the eye again, knowing all that I know and seeing all that I've seen?

I threw my phone on the ground and rolled out of bed. Waves of dark emotions rolled over me. I felt like complete shit, and I had no idea why.

Maybe I needed to eat something. I dragged myself into the kitchen and poured a bowl of cereal. Two mouthfuls in, and my stomach turned. I got to the toilet just in time to heave the contents of my stomach into the bowl. When I was done, I slumped on the floor next to the toilet, tears rolling down my cheeks and a lot of self pity swirling through my mind.

Exhausted, I crawled back into bed and fell into a restless sleep.

I woke early the next morning, at about 4am, not feeling any different. If I didn't know any better, I would have said my heart was broken. Literally broken, torn in half.

I was torn from my misery by a knock at the door, and Alex sticking his head in, giving me a tight smile.

"So they told you, huh?"

My jaw dropped. "What."

He shrugged, walking in and sitting on the edge of my bed. "I mean, I was never told. I just kind of figured it out. I do a lot of work for them - I don't ask questions, they involve me and give me work."

I stared at my brother in horrified disbelief. "I don't even know what to say... How could you keep this from me? You of all people?!"

He looked down and took a breath. "I didn't know how... involved... you were until a little while ago. Levi came over and explained what you are, who you are. I still can't really believe it."

"Do you know what it's been like, not knowing? You've watched me closer than anyone since I got here, you're my brother! You're meant to protect me," I cried, feeling betrayed.

Alex looked at me and shook his head. "Danni, there's no rulebook for this. This isn't a common situation. No one knew how to handle it, and to be honest, I think they've done a damn good job at it, all things considering."

"But-"

"How do you think it felt for them, Danni? For Levi? Yes it's been hard on you, but it's been hard on him too." Alex said softly, grabbing my hand.

I ducked my head. Of course it has.

"All I'm saying is that every decision you make doesn't just affect you. Levi is, well he's tied to you," he said with a funny look on his face. "God, this feels so weird, encouraging my little sister to go after a guy."

I laughed between my tears. This whole situation was insane. And he was right - there was no preset way of handling things. Maybe Levi had thought keeping me in the dark was the right thing... I mean, how would I have reacted if his friends had let him come up to me that first day at school and told me everything then and there? Probably not very well.

"I'm just so hurt. And embarrassed. And overwhelmed," I said in a small voice.

"Of course you are, and you have reason to be. But don't let this destroy your future. Levi is a good man, Danni. I've seen it, the whole town knows it. I don't understand the whole thing, but if he's who you're meant to be with, that isn't something you should throw away so easily."

He stood up, gave me a small smile and left the room.

Well crap. Now I felt guilty. And also kind of weirded out that my brother came in to play cupid's advocate. But mainly guilty. And really, really shitty.

I spent the rest of the day moping around the house, battling between my pride and the overwhelming desired to get in the car and run to Levi. My pride was putting up a strong fight, but I feared it was getting tired.

I still couldn't keep any food down, and was feeling worse by the hour. Despite the huge amount of sleep I'd had, exhaustion was coming at me in strong waves, each one stronger and stronger. But I couldn't sleep anymore. Not with my brain so alert.

By the time midnight came around, I was one step away from going insane, and in a pain and exhaustion fueled haze, I crept out the door, got in Alex's car and sped down the driveway.