《The Curious Case of Danielle Parker》twenty five
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This was a bad idea, I thought, as I pulled up the Levi and Estelle's house for the third time. I'd already gotten half way up the driveway twice, then turned around, and I was determined to actually make it to the front door this time.
I told myself I was only going to apologise for being so confrontational, and not listening to his side, but I knew deep down that it was going to be hard to stop there.
Pull yourself together woman. I took a deep breath, swallowed my pride and got out the car. Somehow I made it to the front door and my shaky hand pushed the doorbell. No going back now.
I instantly wished I hadn't. Maybe I could make it to the car and out the driveway before anyone answered the door. Surely in a house this big, it would take a while for them to - oh.
Too late.
The door swung open and I inhaled, only to be greeted by a smiling ten year old.
"Danielle," Georgia sung my name cheerfully. She bounced on the balls of her feet excitedly.
"Hey Georgia," I smiled back, my smile feeling weak and watery. "How's it going?"
Her eyes sparkled in the same way her older sister's did. "Really good. Well mostly good. Do you want to come in? Who are you here to see, Estie or Levi? Estelle's not home so if it's to see her you can stay till she gets back if you want." She chattered happily as she led me into the house. My heart was pounding and I felt sick.
"So do you want to wait here?"
I swallowed. "Uh, I'm actually here to see Levi."
Georgia's grin got even wider. "Oh! Cool! I think he'll be glad to see you. He hasn't left his study in like two days."
I looked at Georgia, wondering if she was like them. Can kids change? Like from the moment they're born, or do they go through some kind of wolf-puberty phase? There was so much I didn't know. I felt sick at the thought of committing to this.
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But it was beyond too late now. Georgia was already skipping up the stairs, looking back to check if I was following her. She led me down twisted corridors, right to the very end and stopped in front of two large oak double doors. She knocked on them confidently, and gave me a huge smile. I stayed a few steps back, trying not to hyperventilate.
A few moments later, one of the doors swung open and Levi appeared. He looked like shit. Not that I was one to talk - I was a mess. We actually looked quite similar - pale and veiny, half dead looking. I winced, wondering if that was my fault.
"Georgia, you're meant to be in bed. It's late," he said, pushing messy hair off his forehead and looking down at his little sister.
"I know I know, but the doorbell rang and you have a visitor."
His head snapped up and we made eye contact. I inhaled sharply. He looked at me in shock, as if he was uncertain I was actually there at all.
"Go to bed, Georgia," he trailed in a distracted voice, pulling his eyes away from me and back to his sister.
"Goodnight Levi," she rolled her eyes and walked towards me, "goodnight Danni," then she left, squeezing my hand. It was just the two of us, staring at each other down a hallway. I didn't know what I was expecting, but this wasn't it. Usually seeing him made me happy, nervous but happy, but now it pained me.
"Sorry to disturb you," I said in a shaky voice, breaking the silence. "I just...." I trailed, not sure what to even say.
He snapped out of his shock, and shook his head. "No, it's fine. Do you want to come in?"
"Sure," I said, my voice too high pitched and too fast. I winced, but stepped forward and followed him into the room. It was a huge study, lined with bookshelves and huge windows looking out onto the estate. It was beautiful of course, but I had other things occupying my mind.
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Being inside the room wasn't any easier. My heart tugged, looking at Levi and how pained he looked. I was used to seeing his so strong and powerful, so this was upsetting.
He was looking at me expectantly. I guess I did need to speak first, considering I had barged into his house at midnight.
"I'm... sorry, for reacting the way I did. I was overwhelmed and confused, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you without thinking about how you were feeling." I couldn't look him in the eye, and my voice was shaky. I could tell he wasn't expecting an apology though.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who should be apologising, I could have handled it all so much better."
I risked looking up at him, into those big, beautiful eyes. I held his gaze for a moment.
"I guess we both could have done things differently. But it's not like we had any rulebook to go off or anything."
The mood in the room shifted slightly, almost becoming lighter. I shuffled uncomfortably, looking around the room as I felt the familiar magnetism slowly return.
"Danielle, what you said the other night, do you really think I don't care about you?"
I looked at him again, surprised, remembering what I'd yelled in the forest. "I mean, I don't, I don't know," I spluttered, feeling heat rise to my cheeks.
He took a cautious step forward, leaving only inches between us. "I know it's overwhelming and I know it sounds crazy to you, but you are the most important thing to me. I didn't think it was possible for anyone to care so much about another person, and I hate that I hurt you."
I felt tears prick my eyes, and I was lost for words. I couldn't breathe or move or think.
"But despite that, I only want you to be happy and if you truly don't want any of this, I won't stop you from finishing the rejection."
"Wait, what?" I managed to say, shocked into words. Rejection? What did he think this was? I was going through enough hell being away from him, and now he thought I was making that final?
"You can reject me, you know. It's completely your choice, you still have your freedom," he said softly, like he was coaxing a small child.
"I don't want to reject you," I said, shaking my head. "Why do you think I'm here?"
He looked confused.
"I feel the worst I've felt in my entire life right now, and the past few weeks have been hell. Yes you hurt me but honestly, I don't think I can stay away much longer. It's like you're a magnet, like you're some kind of drug. You just make things better."
Then, as if it had never been there, the pain inside of me disappeared. I stumbled slightly in the relief, feeling light as a feather. I looked at Levi, too shocked to be shy about my small declaration, and practically watched the colour return to his face. Woah, weird.
He stared at me, allowing hope to fill his features. "Are you sure?"
I nodded, unable to hold back a smile. "But - I want to take everything slow, your world is all so overwhelming."
Slowly, the dead look on his face was replaced with a earth shattering, massive grin, lighting up all his features, and I felt my entire insides flip. I laughed, feeling pure happiness fill me from my toes to my head.
Caught up in the moment, I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around his waist, feeling immediately at home. He held me tight, resting his chin on my head and exhaling contently.
"You have no idea how happy I am right now," he whispered, kissing my forehead.
I closed my eyes. "I think I might."
Despite freaking out over how much more of him I wanted, how a simple hug wasn't close enough, I simply enjoyed, for a few moments, not being in any state of pain, anguish or mental torment.
I felt at peace, for the first time in months.
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