《Unkillable Loser》Chapter 12: Gods are a Pain

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May Sullivan POV:

When I woke up there was chaos. There was a crack going through the air and it made a loud sound like cracking glass as the air around us shattered.

To be frank, this is definitely a dream. I remember nodding off while idiot 1 and idiot 2 were working on their piece of the project which they should have finished forever ago. I would never team up with them if I didn’t know that they always pulled through in the end.

But anyways, I knew I was sleeping, so the air shattering just looked interesting to me as I looked to the side with my head still laid down on the table. I enjoyed this dream that was so clear and interesting.

But then it got darker and only a faint light shined down at me from above. I slowly lifted my head up and stroked my cheek which was sore from lying on the hard table top. That was when I realized.

I FELT my cheek, the soreness and my hand touching it. Not a dream then.

Ah. Then someone is fucking with me. That makes sense. Tony would definitely be pissed off watching me sleep soundly while he was working so hard. I bet this is his doing. Great effects with the air shatter thing, wonder how he pulled that off?

I looked at Tony at that moment and saw him full force slap himself in the face. Jesus, why?

“It's not a dream.”

Ah. I see. He’s pretending to be in shock too. Good actor, but the full force slap was a little overkill. Now I feel more certain this is his doing.

Then from the side I heard another smack and heard Julian yelling profanities. Idiots of a feather. Is it really worth the pain just to screw with me?

As I slowly looked around and saw more and more of the room we were in I finally had a doubt.

Where are we?

There's no way those idiots actually moved me somewhere else right? They know that could easily be considered a crime right?

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Wait, there are others here too. Everyone seems confused or dazed. No way this many people bought in just for one prank right? Might as well ask.

“Hey Tony. Am I being pranked?”

Tony laughed at me. This punk actually laughed at my face.

"Don't laugh at meeee. Are you the one who moved me here while I was napping Tony? You shouldn't joke like this with your teammates."

"No May I didn't move you here, didn't you see the air... crack?"

Tony is not that good of a liar. I actually believe him. But that means…

"That wasn't my imagination? Or a dream?"

"No, I'm pretty sure we all saw that. You saw it too, right Julian?"

Tony’s calm voice was keeping my anxiety from spiking for a moment but then something started to buzz in my ear. It started as nothing more than static but quickly became clear. It was an energetic voice. A voice… in my head.

It said:

“Oh my gods, you’re PERFECT!”

So loud.

“I’ve never seen anyone so compatable with holy power! You even have the attitude I like in my followers! So sweet and innocent but with a nice dash of viciousness hidden down deep. Oh, you are easily my new favorite!”

This voice, it’s so loud, and annoying, and it’s breaking my calm. Tony and the others were still talking but I couldn’t even hear them over this stupid voice.

“Awwww, so mean to someone who was complimenting you. I like you! You get my protection. I’ll smite the people who touch you! PURIFICATION BABY!”

Ah fuck I’m going crazy, I can’t even process our situation right now this voice is driving me nuts. And it sounds like it is reading my thoughts.

“I am indeed reading your thoughts, you’re smart too!”

If you can read my thoughts then shut…

The

FUCK

UPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!

“...”

Finally, I can breathe. I can think. I don’t think anyone has annoyed me that much in my entire life. I hate it, whatever it is. If I’m turning insane and this is now my life I’m jumping off a bridge now to save myself the headache.

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The voice spoke in a much softer (and blessedly quieter) tone.

“I’m sorry… I was just excited is all. I’ve never had someone so in tune with me that they can actually hear me. Please don’t jump off a bridge!”

Oh, can the voice in my head be reasoned with? Is the volume controllable? Thank fuck.

Tony was looking at me, I think he asked me a question so I just noncommittally nodded my head. He started walking off so I followed behind. Let him deal with the mess, he’s good at that at least. I have my own problems.

‘So, am I going insane Mr. Voice in my head?’

“No! You are not insane! And I am not Mr. Voice, I am known as the God of Light!”

Oh good, split personality and a god complex. I’m a real crazy person.

“No, I'm serious! I’m a god! You just got here so you might not know but you hearing my voice isn’t insane, it is amazing!”

Amazing my foot, annoying more like. What is so amazing about having you chattering in my skull?

“Well since you are so compatible with holy powers you can borrow my strength! I can even protect you by using my powers through you as a medium!”

I need an explanation about our situation here before I decide if I’m crazy or not. I started to tune out the voice of the supposed god. Turns out if I focus I can do that. He’s still there whining about me blocking him out but his voice is tiny and pushed to the back of my head. I can finally register what is going on.

The door that was in front of me this whole time, but that I hadn’t noticed due to the chatter in my head, started to open.

It became apparent to me after they opened that one of the 3 situations I thought I might be in was not correct. I mentally checked “prank” off my list. All that was left was that I had gone crazy or that I was in a situation I couldn’t comprehend.

The scene beyond the door was too real for a prank. The outfits they wore were amazingly detailed and the armor and weapons they held shined in the light. Those were real, I could tell, and not some cosplay level crap either.

As I was sorting out my thoughts Bobby Grant, the oaf, did something to antagonize the largest of the new group of people and ended up on his ass.

The way the large man moved was inhuman when he grabben Bobby. It was scary. I heard the small voice push through for a second.

“Do you want me to get rid of that big guy? He’s scaring you right so it would be fine to make him go ‘poof’ right?”

I felt a cold shiver up my spine. I realized at some point I had grabbed Tony’s sleeve to stay close to him and he had looked at me while the god, no the stupid voice was still annoying me with a concerned expression. I hope he didn’t know I was going insane yet.

The supposed prince and the clean cut man began to ask Tony some questions. There was some crap about a tutorial, killing some incompetent mages, and some questions about games of all things. But one thing this “Black” had said I needed answered most pressingly.

“Our… purpose?”

The voice in my head came back in force.

“You can’t give her a purpose! She is my future Holy Maiden! I’ll purify you all!”

Meanwhile Black said; “You are all here to help us against the onslaught of the demons."

“Oh. that's fine then I hate the demons too, lets purify them first.”

It was around this time I considered that both of my suspicions were correct. I am both in a situation I can’t comprehend AND I’m going insane.

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