La Dispute - The Last Lost Continent

I actually felt something similar to happiness, in a small way, the smallest of ways, when I walked out into the snow. I hated winter, hated the cold and the wind, but I almost remembered what a true smile felt like as I stood in the middle of the swirling white, free from Jevin, free from my prison, free to do whatever I wanted.

I wanted to run through the grey streets filled with dirty snow and find a forest with a trail. I wanted to lay under an evergreen, my feet at its trunk, my head peeking from under the branches, staring up at the sky, watching the little white flakes settle on the dark green above me. I wanted to breathe in the cold, clean air. I wanted to daydream with my eyes shut and my mind open, my emotions, my past ignored. But I couldn't, I knew I had to be smart, safe, hidden, and most importantly, warm. I couldn't do any of the things I wanted if I froze to death first.

I stood outside, my arms outstretched, head thrown back, and watched the perfectly new, clean snow fall for only a minute or two, watching it as it floated down to me from the black night sky broken up by puffs of clouds. I got cold quickly, I always had, and regardless of my new found enjoyment of the winter, I still hated being cold.

Back inside the Clan was pretending to be busy, cooking or reading, except Horn who was snoring softly on one of the cots in the main room, adjacent to the small room I had lived in for the past two and a half weeks. It was almost impressive how quickly the twin had fallen asleep. I could tell those of the Clan that were conscious were watching me every chance they got, when they thought I wouldn't notice. At first I watched them too, keeping my Gift open, listening to their thoughts, but I was surprised by how quickly that bored me.

I wonder if she'll kill us in our sleep? Maybe she'll eat us, do Halflings do that? They probably do.

Why is she alone? Shouldn't she be the leader of a Clan? And what was she talking to Syn about? How was she talking to him? He can't talk...can she read minds? Oh damn, I hope she can't read minds.

Where did she come from? How does no one know who she is? How can she control herself? How can she hide herself? She said she didn't even know her percentage until just before Jevin, but how can a Half not know? Who are her parents? Her allies? She has to have someone, somewhere. No one can survive on their own for long. Well, she isn't joining me an' my brothers. Three days, that's all she gets. We don't get involved in things like this. Lie low, that's how we survive.

I wonder what her name is?

She'll probably kill us in our sleep. I'm not sleeping tonight. I won't let Horn either.

Each mind had a distinct flavor, something I had never noticed before, but sitting in the corner, staring out at the room before me and comparing each of their minds showed me there was certainly a different taste to each, a different aura almost, a hue. Regardless of my discovery, I was uninterested within five minutes.

Halo seemed convinced I was a murderous cannibal who wanted nothing more than to eat him and his twin. Spade seemed intent on no longer thinking anything even remotely interesting after he caught me smirking at him when he thought about the very real possibility of me being a mind-reader. Chimarah simply seemed curious about me, a little guarded, but she wasn't thinking of nearly as far-fetched of scenarios as her brothers. Syn's mind was oddly quiet, just occasionally wondering small things about me, my name, my age, my life before the memories he had seen, my human life.

Instead of wading through their broken-record thoughts I focused on myself. If I only had a few days of sanctuary I needed to learn to handle my emotions, and handle them quickly. The temporary walls I had built were good enough for now, but I still felt crushed, though it was tolerable. The work I had done the past few days and sporadically in the past weeks when I had had the time and strength made my pain bearable, but I didn't want just bearable, I wanted strength, mental strength, something I still didn't have. I needed to be able to manage my emotions, my anger and hurt, harness them. If I couldn't get rid of them, I hoped I could at least put them to good use.

I already decided I would return to Jevin as soon as I left Chimarah and her Clan. But I wouldn't return as his pet, I would kill him for what he had done to me. It wouldn't be hard, I knew I could do it, even with whatever hybrid strengths he had. Then I would continue my work in the city, I would continue my tally, this time making my own blacklist. Eventually I would go to another city, and another, I would have no boundaries. Nothing would stop me until I was killed, or until I killed myself. I knew I needed a place to stay, but I figured if I had survived months with the Clan, barely sleeping and training eighteen hours a day, I could survive on the streets.

I didn't need a true roof over my head to go back to being the assassin I had been, I just needed something that would keep me dry and from freezing to death. There were plenty of abandoned buildings in my monster city, any one of them would do. My bag of belongings from the night I was captured was next to me where I sat in the corner, my back to the wall, watching the room. It had all the weapons I would need, along with extra clothes. I still had the coat I left Jevin's house with. I had the will, and now I had the plan.

I smiled as I pictured the ways I could kill him, but then stopped myself, realizing I would only be feeding my nature more, strengthening it to take me over that much sooner if I let myself enjoy my kills. I had to continue as I had under him, efficiency and no fun at all. A shot to the heart, a slit throat, a blade of air, nothing more. Nothing slow and bloody and delicious. Nothing I craved. Even for Jevin, even though he deserved the worst I could dream up. I felt my Shift roll in me just thinking of him, his face, his cold skin, his teeth. I squeezed my eyes shut to block out the memory.

I sighed, put out that I would have to kill Jev humanely, unlike the dog he was. I felt Syn's eyes on me a moment later, one eyebrow raised in silent question.

Are we boring you?

I attempted to smile at him, but all I got was a slight twitch at the corner of my lips. He surprised me by getting up from his spot on his cot where he had been polishing what looked to be an extensive set of glass throwing daggers, and came to sit next to me. He sat close, close enough that he thought I would be able to answer his thoughts without the others hearing. Closer than most would get to a Half.

I found it a little strange how quiet the warehouse was, six people yet you could hear the muted sound of the snow slide off the roof and fall to the ground outside the windows. My Clan had constantly been training, or talking, fighting, laughing, cooking. Even Nevaeh and Kael's bickering seemed better than the eerie silence of Chi and her brothers. Maybe it was my presence, they obviously weren't at ease with me there, but somehow it felt like more than that, like they really didn't talk much, like they weren't like my Clan had been at all. They seemed close, I could tell that much, but it was almost like coworkers, where mine had been a family. I scoffed at the thought. We hadn't been a family, just a brittle fraud.

I didn't want to admit I was missing the social obligations of my Clan, but I was. I could remember so many times while I was adjusting to my new life thinking of how difficult it was to constantly be surrounded by others, 'on' for others, but now, sitting silently, even with Syn next to me, I felt alone. I felt lonely. A moment later, the loneliness changed to anger, to the bitter betrayal I knew so well. I shouldn't feel lonely, I shouldn't feel loss, I had been left, deserted, thrown away. My so-called family had abandoned me for something that wasn't even my fault, wasn't within my control. I hated them, all of them. I didn't miss them, there was nothing to miss, just a lie of the loyalty, of the family I thought I had found in them.

I tried to still my mind, realizing my anger was making my hands ball at my sides, my nails biting into my palms. Syn seemed to not notice as he sat quietly next to me, polishing his knives until they shone like ice. I tried to focus my attention on watching him, to keep my mind off my past, to keep my Shift from straining against its cage. The small knives seemed impossibly sharp, the points so thin I couldn't understand how they didn't break off. Syn saw me looking and handed one to me, along with a length of soft cloth. He placed a small bottle of dark liquid between us, and then demonstrated how I should put a little of the inky polish on the cloth and rub the top and bottom of the knife until the solution soaked in and looked clear, making the blade shine like a diamond. He made sure to show me how to avoid the point and edges as I polished the rest of the dagger.

I found the work relaxing. Soon I noticed my emotions weren't crashing against me as I polished. In fact, I had spent the better part of a quarter hour without once cringing or feeling my muscles involuntarily tense as a ripple of pain ran down my back or through my chest, even the constant ache in my mind was less. I set the little knife down and glanced to Syn, whose mind had been as quiet as mine as he worked on his own glass blade.

"Thank you."

I whispered over to him, before reaching for another of the daggers. He laid a big hand on mine, fully engulfing it before moving it back to my lap, a smile on his lips as he leaned back against the wall and took a deep breath. A moment later, the knife I had just finished cleaning quivered slightly where it lay and then slowly rose, floating in front of us, then another joined it, and a third. Syn's smile grew when he saw the wonder on my face.

"Chi wasn't lying when she said you had many Gifts."

I bumped his shoulder, trying to allow the seedlings of amusement to grow in me, something I hadn't felt for months.

I do have many Gifts, but this is my Sign. I'm an Earthmin, meaning I'm not the healing kind, I have no connection to nature and I can't do many of the things full Earths can...but I can control soil, dirt, the Earth in its most literal form.

These are glass, tempered to be strong as steel and I can control them like an extension of myself. We don't fight often, but these come in handy on occasion. For stealth especially.

My smile grew as he continued to play with his Sign, letting the knives hover and dance before us. Spade and Chi were watching, one with a guarded look, the other with obvious interest at how I was reacting, while Halo studiously ignored us and his brother continued snoring.

After a few more minutes of theatrical knife-dances I had an idea for my own Sign. I pulled it around myself, feeling my hair lift slightly about my shoulders. Syn had the hint of worry on his face, but I couldn't blame him, he had seen the devastation my Sign could bring when I wanted. Instead of a wall or blade of air, I made a small shelf, a little ledge for the knife closest to me to sit on. It was easy to mold the air into a little holder, keeping the knife level, keeping it able to pierce whoever I sent the shelf out towards. I felt the resistance of Syn's Sign against mine for only a moment before the knife floated up higher, my Sign controlling it instead of his.

I looked over at him and smiled, he still looked nervous, but he smiled back. The rest of the Clan didn't seem so amused.

"Okay, maybe we put the flying death away now."

Halo's voice broke the monotonous quiet drone of Horn's snore and I lost my focus, the knife falling to the ground with a quiet clink. Syn gave me a quick, apologetic smile before placing his knives back into the woven bag they had come from and standing, returning to his cot and tucking the bag away.

"You know I could kill you with my Sign easily, right? I wouldn't need Syn's flying daggers."

I smirked over at Halo, letting his annoying thoughts get under my skin despite my best efforts.

"You think I'd be so easily killed? I'm almost insulted."

"Well then, I almost apologize."

"You-"

Halo made a move to stand but froze when he heard Chi clear her throat daintily from where she sat with Spade, her eyes little dark brown slivers as she glared at him.

"I'm not planning to eat you either. I'm a Half, not a cannibal. I don't even eat meat anymore."

I couldn't help but goad him a little bit, he was just so easy to dislike, even his face somehow had a look about it that made me want to kick it in. I smiled sweetly at Chi after Halo declined to reply. I pulled out some of my own weapons from my bag, studiously cleaning them and trying to ignore the room as it watched me. Apparently in my addiction I hadn't cared much for my weapons, but now I was embarrassed for the reprehensible condition they were in.

Kael had always taught me to take care of the things that could potentially save my life, so I spent the next hour chipping dried blood and buffing the various weapons I had with me to within an inch of their lives. I left the curved and serrated blades for last, knowing they would be difficult. The last thing I wanted to do was look clumsy in front of the Clan and cut myself as I tried to clean their edges. Luckily a memory tickled my mind as I cleaned the last easy blade, something my Pair had done once, a dulling word he had used.

I didn't want to think of him, but it seemed like I might as well try to continue learning from my past, especially since I no longer had any of the Clan's books to study from, or Jevin's library. I sighed and closed my eyes as I tried to picture the memory.

Standing in front of him, he had a strange look on his face. He held a small knife out to me, barely bigger than a pen. I was about to take it from him, when he said something, something under his breath, just barely whispered, and the edges of the knife seemed to melt, until they were no longer sharp at all, but rounded like an old letter opener. He reached forward, his eyes locked on mine as he slid the dulled blade between...

But what had the word been?

"Siv-te, shik-te..."

I whispered the words one by one as I sat, holding the knife out in front of me, peeking an eye open after each one to see if it had worked.

"Siv-ti, siv-ta, shiv-ta..."

I opened my eyes just in time to see the edges of the blade melt downwards, like a candle's wax as it burns, running down in rounded drips. I smiled a little, amazed I had remembered a word I hadn't even thought I'd heard. Any that it had listened to me. But then there was something more, I could feel it just out of my grasp, like something at the corner of your eye you can't quite focus on. I rubbed my fingers lightly along the edge of the now harmless knife as it curved.

"Ta-vish,"

The word came from my mouth without me even thinking it and the blade immediately became razor thin again. I pulled my hand back a second too late, a small cut on the tip of my finger. I swore under my breath as I sucked on it. When I looked back to the blade I could see a pair of curious eyes in the background, staring at me widely. Chi was watching, but I had been too caught up in my memories to notice.

"What was that? Do you...do you know their - your - language?"

By now the rest of the Clan was watching me too, and I suddenly felt like I used to, back in my old life, when I would get unwanted attention for being some kind of freak or somehow different from all the other normal people around me.

"No, it's just...it's just something I heard before, from someone like me. That's all."

I knew that wasn't entirely true, I hadn't actually heard him ever say the word, and I had certainly never heard him say the reverse. But I knew it, it had come to me.

Chimarah seemed to be making a pros and cons list in her head, but I wasn't interested in eavesdropping. A moment later my decision proved to be advantageous since she voiced her thoughts anyway.

"Will you teach us the...rarer Spoken you've heard? Not all of us have the advantage of, of knowin' other's like you, of learnin' from those with such direct, uh, lines ta the originators of Spoken. We don't have a Book of Dust here."

Halo snorted from the corner cot he had been laying in, but said nothing. Spade actually looked interested, though maybe a little wary as well. Syn simply looked delighted that someone was acknowledging my presence, his gold-brown eyes squinting slightly from his smile. Horn continued to snore peacefully from his cot.

"I really don't know much. I've only been trained a couple of months, I didn't even know-"

I stopped myself before I let slip too much about me, snapping my mouth shut on the words I had been about to say.

"A couple months?" Good Chi sounded genuinely shocked, but I was saved from answering by a sneering voice from Halo's cot.

"Why would I want to learn from some smug Halfling? She didn't even know she was a Half until Jevin got her, what, nine weeks ago? Come on Chich, she wouldn't tell us anything useful even if she did know. She's a damn Half-breed."

"Kalma re'eh."

The words flew from my mouth without a conscious thought, again, as if simply wishing Halo would be quiet somehow morphed into a Spoken command on my lips. I snapped my mouth shut again as soon as I heard the words leave me.

Halo's mouth closed as abruptly as mine, his eyes confused for a second before they changed to furious. He glared at me from across the room but I hardly noticed. Instead, my mind was racing with new words, words I had never heard before yet somehow knew. I knew their meaning, their power.

"What was that? Is he okay?"

Chi stood now, seeming unsure of if I had just injured one of her Clan, or merely made him shut up.

"It means silence, it's a command; kalma re'eh. You-I can either say it like I just did, and have nothing happen, or I can direct it at someone and they are...temporarily unable to make a sound."

I couldn't believe the words I was saying, but I knew them, I knew they were true, as if Kael was right there with me, teaching me, as if...as if Gabriel were whispering the words he knew so well into my ear. I had never gotten very far in my Spoken training, especially since Kael mainly only focused on heals and I had proved to be an abhorrent healer. Gabriel had been the one who knew the most words, maybe all of them if his boasts had been true, but he had never spent much time teaching them to me.

More and more I began to realize how I had wasted so much of my time with the Clan, so much of the time I could have spent learning all the things I now wished I knew. Instead, I had focused so heavily on the physical aspects of my training, fighting and weaponry, that I had missed the opportunity to learn the things I no longer had any means to. I could practice fighting anytime I wanted, what I really wished I had was my own Book of Dust to study from, but it was too late for that now.