《Idiosyncrasies of a Shadow // (ManxMan)》~Chapter 18~
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[Felix]
*~*~*
Parallels.
Lines that never meet, but yet;
They converge.
Having a parallel means having a connection.
But how can one person connect with another;
When they never touch.
No matter the past, the present, the future.
The lines just don't touch.
*~*~*
"Hello, Sebastien?"
"Hey son." My heart flutters at the sound of that, it really does feel amazing. He knows all about my past or my records, but he treats me like his own child. "The kids coaxed me into walking all the way from home to the bookstore."
"So... you want me to come pick you up?"
"Well I have a coffee thing with Skylar's friend, Aaron Solomon, they said you should know him." I can hear sounds of agreement from the twins. Indeed I do know Aaron. Might still be slightly stuck up in my head, but he's a nice person at heart, I know that much. And he's good for my boss, I can't really say no to a less sarcastic and passive aggressive Roman. "He's coming over to the bookstore for a coffee with me, and the kids say they are tired don't want to walk home after the whole ordeal so we need your car after the meeting."
I chuckle, an almost 50 year old man, living his dream with his kids while thinking about hot guys. He surely is something special, just like his offspring. One of which I am dating, the other I raised like a true mama hen. That does not sound appealing in the least. "I'll be there soon, just need to walk off the alcohol."
"Been drinking?" He asks concerned, I tell him it was with my boss, and I didn't drink much. Truth is, I used to drink excessively and underage, I abstained from it for years until Skylar's professor offered dinner with a bottle of wine and I had a glass or two, that's when I started to get back into it. Alcohol is more of a relief for me than a tool for stress and anxiety. I have boxing for that. "You be careful alright? I don't want you hurting yourself. If anything we can grab a cab."
"I'm fine, dad." I say mockingly, but smiling as it comes from my mouth, it sounded so nice. Maybe I'm a little obsessed over the father thing. My dad is a feral man, he favors what interests him in the mechanic business and never bats an eye at his children unless it's something that makes him happy, like a present or a school diploma.
"I like the sound of that." He chuckles, "Stay safe."
I had just parted with Roman, he said he's walking home since it's not far, while I was going to take the bus home. That's foiled since I have to walk off all the alcohol. It's only two beer's worth because Roman said he's not up for getting drunk. Neither am I to be honest, I know Skylar hates when I'm drunk. I made him upset a couple times in the past.
With what happened last time Ryland was drunk, I doubt he wants a recap of that either. I'll just stick to sobriety for a little while.
The freezing winter air and physical activity is enough for me get rid of the beer in my system, I hope at least, it's not a long drive but maneuvering a truck is serious business, especially when the roads are freezing over. I don't want to leave the Cooks waiting so I drive off the moment I reach the parking lot. Now that I think about it, I need to know where Sebastien lives. He's been staying with us for the past couple of days, but I don't think he's looking for a permanent stay. Even though I desperately hope for it, but I guess visits will have to do.
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~
With the car parked, crookedly, off the side of the street I walk to my boyfriend's bookstore. My boyfriend, it just sounds so superfluous to say outright but then again, I'm not ashamed of stressing that point, he's a boyfriend, and that's all there is to it. I get what Roman was saying early though, the fact that this all seems so perfect... it feels like an illusion of perfection. Like puppy love.
Granted my boss is a cynical bastard who hardly believes in anything told by mouth or even on the most esteemed scholar papers, I still think he has a point. Perfection in a moment can be blinding in the end. Got to give credit where credit is due.
I push open the door, a wave of dread flooding my system, washing out any sensory sensitivity present. I just feel numb. "I was... ra-"
The kid is cut off when Roman stands up, the same kid, implying he was raped started crying. Roman blasts him with questions and he returns them with nods and shakes of his head, barely breathing as he is panicking.
I don't know the kid, but I know for a fact that my violence tendencies are resurfacing. I just want to smash a wall or break someone's car. The kid looks about the same age as Ryland, he's just so innocent looking. Everything freezes when I see the Cooks making their way down the second floor, rounding the corner to the café.
Upon hearing the same conversation, Ryland starts crying, I run forward, not caring what my boss thinks and hold Ryland. What is happening?
The whole bookstore is empty now, thank god for that. But with emptiness comes deafening silence. Save for sobbing of the two boys, Skylar tending to the kid while Sebastien holds Ryland tightly, I have my arm around Ryland's back. This is such a tender moment that could escalate out of control really quickly.
Ryland's shaky hands land on my chest, he presses a kiss to my collar bone before pushing himself off of his dad and I. Sebastien's arm is around my shoulder, gripping me tightly. He's scared, I'm scared, everyone is. Except Skylar, he looks beyond shaken and worried. But he isn't scared.
I see the way he's holding the kid, soothing him out of his choking sobs. It's amazing how under these conditions, he can still function like he always does, even more so when he pulls Ryland next to him and hugs him just as tightly. He just doesn't fear, and that is a very scary quality to have when you act like a child, carefree and random. Bad things happen to good people. It's unfair. When the two of them calm down, I wait patiently for the development for whatever is to come.
"Y-you too?" The kid asks.
Ryland looks over his shoulder at the three of us, Roman included, standing in a line, tense as rubber bands, while Skylar is off grabbing water for them. "Y-yeah... Umm... High school."
"University."
There's some kind of unspoken link between the two. Ryland motions us to sit, we do, but the next table over. I'm breathing strange now, the need to hurt someone or smash something is growing, from the words and implications I can tell it's something that has to do with rape. And I can't stand whatever that means to Ryland, whether it is to him or to someone around him. I don't care, I just need to know and release the pressure inside me.
For me, stress isn't particularly easy to handle, I've grown up in an environment where I am anxious of getting caught every day, stress inducing things that cause me to engage 'fight or flight', of course, I choose the former. I hit things, people, I'm not proud of it, but it in a way, perhaps sadistically, I find relief. From the motion of releasing through a physical tantrum. Cookie gave me the opportunity to do so in a controlled environment, and I am glad. If it weren't for boxing, I'd be in jail and the last thing I want is for Cookie to be alone out in the world.
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"I should probably tell you all now..." Ryland chuckles, eyeing his dad and Skylar before looking at Roman but never at me. It kind of hurt. "When um... When I was in my last year of high school, I uh... I used to be that one smart kid, valedictorian and school captain or whatever. None of that matters now."
"Ryland..." Sebastien whispers.
"No, let me finish. I'm never talking about it again after this." He glances at the kid beside him, who's staring at Ryland with an open mouth, stunned beyond belief. "I was a really stupid kid in reality. I didn't realize I'm fucking my brother's life up, and all I wanted was for my parents to be happy, or more specifically mom. So before I was school captain I decided to apply for the student council, you know, make mom proud right? Anyway, everything was fine until I caught two teachers fucking in the supply closet."
"Turns out not only kids fuck in those. With my luck, the male teacher ends up being the supervising staff. He raped me once, and after that, he manipulated me, telling me that I'd never please my parents if they knew about what happened. And if I didn't let him shove his dick up my ass he would tell everyone ho- how much... of a s-slut I am."
Everyone is crying, huddling around Ryland. This is why he's so shy about sex. I'm not worried about having sex with him, I don't have a high libido but when it comes to being horny I can't help it. The things he said on the morning of the 24th, the way he blamed himself for everything. It's painful. "There's that." He says with a small shaky voice.
I contemplate my importance in this situation, I'm not his family, at least not yet. Am I entitled to comforting him? Or should his father and brother do it? I don't know, so I stand where I am, looking at him with tears in my eyes.
"If anyone could make you cry, it would be one of the Cooks... or three of them."
Roman got it down pat, I've never felt so strongly towards anyone. Now I have a best friend, a boyfriend and a father. All from the same family. I'm really lucky, aren't I? I had a person to steer me out of trouble early, and all at once I have a loving family and a stable (ish) relationship.
Some people don't have that.
The bell on the front entrance rings, in walks Aaron. Professional looking until he saw what is happening. He immediate rushes towards Roman, asking what's going on. Of course, Roman doesn't speak much, he's so stunned. Whoever that kid might be, he must mean a great deal to him.
By this time, Sebastien and Skylar have backed off, leaving Ryland and the kid to whisper among themselves. Again, I hate using the word, but rape victims seem to connect better and instantaneously. Seeing the two of them speak with empathy etched on their expression is heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time.
Within the hushed conversation from Aaron and Roman, I catch that the kid's name is Owen, they apparently went to university together but broke up because of alleged cheating. But now that story is cleared up. Whoever those bastards were, they swiped away a healthy relationship and planted toxic ideas in Owen's head. I see the scars on his wrist, he's not just upset. He's depressed. Self-destructive.
My breath hitches in my throat. Skylar... After all these years, Skylar still takes the medication he's prescribed, he never went to the extent of hurting himself, so there is a clear discrepancy between Owen and Skylar. I personally never went through that trough, thanks to Skylar, but now that everyone is standing, crouching and sitting around this whole situation. I'm drawing parallels between us.
I never had a family, much like Roman.
Aaron and Ryland both have shit parents that push them to be who they aren't.
Skylar and Owen were both depressed, I wouldn't put it past Ryland as well.
Owen and Ryland had been raped.
I'm sure there are more similarities but here we are, all congregating in the most untimely union. Is it fate? I certainly hope not, if it is, life has a twisted way of making people meet. But I don't regret it one bit. People with problems stick together, and they stick together hard.
~
[x]
"I'm so sorry we had to meet under these conditions." Sebastien raises a hand for Aaron to shake, both have unspeakable amounts of respect for each other. "Definitely not the most professional, but I wouldn't trade business for my family in a million years. Not again."
"Of course not. Neither would I." Aaron shakes the older man's hand, thinking about his parents and how neglecting they were, or are. He's envious of the twins, knowing that they, at least, had a father on their side, willing to stuck it out with them. Willing to apologize. While he, had merely himself. "And please don't mention professionalism. It's after hours, and we are all friends here."
Sebastien smiles warmly, very impressed with Aaron's manners, he has no doubts that the Solomon's have raised a phenomenal children, academic wise. But never once, have the two met, Aaron was always huddled away in his studies, honing his business knowledge while their parents have friendly reunions. Parents, it might even be something more trivial than that.
To Aaron, the two older figures that shared the same blood line are merely his obligation to take care of after he was able to find a living on his own, and now at age 28 they mean even less. There is no connection. And the only life line still making them contact is money. It always comes back to that; wealth.
On the other side of the café, sat a trio of sorts. Ryland, Owen and of course, Skylar. Skylar, would love to be able to tend to all his friends and family, that is his specialty after all, but alas, he is only one person, he wouldn't have been able to keep a level head after the news he found out just minutes ago, let alone speaking to 6 other people.
He himself has his own demons to fight and his light can only do so much.
"You alright there Owen?" Skylar asks, no longer feeling pity for his new friend. For a second after finding out, his objectivity shattered, he couldn't put it past himself to not feel upset that someone has forced sexual relations with this young soul. Saying young, Owen is actually a year older at 24. But he doesn't know that. He doesn't need to know that, because Skylar is Skylar. And objectivity, love and guidance is his purpose.
"I'm fine. I'm feeling way better now, thank you." A slight British twinge to his words, the twins know not his origin, his story or his history. But from the scars on his wrist and the story implied, they know he, too, has fallen victim to the cruel grasp of fate. And of course, it's up to Skylar to pull him out. Everyone else in the book store? They support Skylar, because they are all being saved, have been saved or will be saved. "What you did back there. It was very brave, thank you." Owen looks at Ryland with grateful eyes.
Ryland is slightly taken aback from the gratitude his new found friend had for him. His hand gently sets on top of Owen's, "It's only fair. I have all these amazing people around me, the least I can do is be honest for once, and be strong for someone else." They now look at each other, full of admiration and understanding. Owen's been on his journey alone since Roman ended what they had, and for 5 years, he's been a lone wolf, internalizing the pain in his heart. He was merely a first year vet student when it started, they could've been so much more. But that would be too easy on them wouldn't it?
"Welcome to the group!" Skylar cheers quietly, he, for once, gets the memo for keeping it down, the three little groups scatter the café, and Skylar isn't about to destroy this tender moment for all of them. It's going to be a very fragile experience and each and every one of them respects it. "Roman, Felix, Aaron, Ryland and I are very nice people! Dad too, dad is great!"
Owen's lips twitch into a faint smile, one that's barely there, but even with the heaviest of hearts, Owen can feel the love. "Thank you."
"I'm a real fucking dense piece of shit, aren't I?" Roman digs his palms into his temples, not really caring that his hair is half falling out of the bun he had tied up. He's feeling one too many emotions to deal with trivial tasks such as his hair. He usually doesn't deal with a single emotion, let alone the astronomical amount swimming in his head. "Actually don't answer that, I can't handle another blow to the gut."
"I'm not much better, I barely know anything about Ryland." Felix feels exhausted, he is tense from the lack of externalized violence, his muscles are aching and he needs to hurt or be hurt in some way so his nerves come back to sense.
"At least you didn't fucking break up with him." Roman scratches at his head, "Now what? Aaron is over there talking to your father-in-law, my ex is over there with your boyfriend and his brother. And I'm stuck with more people that I give a shit about than I have ever in my life."
Upon hearing his frustrations, perhaps sadistically, Felix feels a smile building. Roman cares about Felix, Aaron, Owen, Skylar, Ryland and probably Sebastien, though, he wouldn't have a reason to. "Well, if you give a shit about them, they give a shit about you too. I'm more than certain that whatever happens between this cluster fuck of humans, we will have each other's backs." Felix gives Roman a good pat on the back, physically reassuring the point made.
"I fucking hope so, or else I'm going to blow up." Roman sighs, and when Aaron finishes his conversation with Sebastien, he takes a seat next to Roman and gives him a good pat on the shoulder. Sebastien takes the time to cool himself down.
"I'm not going to torture you and leave you with an awkward ex boyfriend situation." Aaron stands to stretch in his suit, fixing the collar and tie a little. "But I do want to speak to Owen. Even though that's taboo, I think he deserves a new friend. No?"
Roman smiles at Aaron's maturity, Felix on the other hand, has never seen Aaron in such a... comforting light. Perhaps tonight is a night of changing perspectives. Felix definitely sees Aaron in a different way, one that's slightly better. A way closer to the same light he sees Skylar, that self employed hero persona. The one that saves everyone but himself, he can see it in his work ethic, and he can see it in his interpersonal skills.
Felix is a lot more perceptive than he lets on.
"I'm so sorry for what happened. I know it's not my place to say this, especially to you Owen, but I hope you two are doing fine." Aaron sits next to Skylar, looking at Owen and Ryland with sad eyes. A difference between Aaron and Skylar's selfless hero persona is subjectivity, Skylar sees everyone as equals, while Aaron puts a little more emotion into those he intends to 'save'.
"I'm doing fine now... thanks to you all." Owen looks at Skylar and Ryland, they get the message and so they leave the two alone. The lover of Roman and ex lover of Roman sit silently, not knowing the right words to say. They both don't hold any grudges towards the other but they have no way of showing that they come form a good place.
"You know even though we don't know each other, I genuinely care for you." Aaron says softly, he's telling everything but a lie. He truly believes that Owen can be a friend. "And I definitely am not here to undermine whatever you had with Roman."
Owen chuckles a little. "Whatever we had is over... He said it himself."
"Roman can be a right dick sometimes." A louder chuckle and a series of head nods. "But I trust if he had known, he would do everything to maintain your relationship. He must have loved you, did he not?"
"That's the past now. I can't do much about what happened 5 years back in California now, can I?" Most of the group only just noticed Petra's existence, she has been waiting patiently in the corner.
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