[Skylar]

*~*~*

Family is like a magnet to steel.

It's not the magnet, nor is it the steel;

It's the invisible force between them.

A force that attracts two or more people in need,

It doesn't matter the blood relation.

Because family is who you choose to love,

And love is plastic.

*~*~*

"Up, up and awake!" I stumble my way into Ryland's room. Or Ryland and Felix's room since they sleep together now. They make a good couple. And they better not break up because I'm not looking forward to the trouble it will take to tend to the two of them equally. "Wake up! It's Christmas!"

They don't move, instead just snuggle tighter. I slide under the blanket, wiggling myself in between the two. As if it's a visceral response Felix opens his arms and hug me. Well this didn't go as planned. I guess if you can't beat them, join them. "You're being loud." Ryland grumbles.

"It's 7 in the morning, and I don't have work. Let me sleep for like two seconds." Ryland continues sulking after taking a glance at the clock, it's a super cool one too, it projects the time onto the ceiling so you can just look up and read the time. Felix on the other hand, is brushing the sleep from his eyes, his lips graze over my onesie covered shoulder. Felix knows how much Christmas means to me, and I love him for that.

"Alright, I'll make you two breakfast." My best friend says. Leaning over to smack Ryland across the head, he groans. When his lips come close to me I push him away.

"No no no, I'm not going to be the reason you two have a fight." If it means both of them are happy then I will give up morning kisses. That's what I'm here for right? Captain Cookie rescuing frowning souls one at a time.

Felix ruffles my hair and puts on some clothes. At least he's not naked with his thing hanging out... Small victories Skylar.

"Better get up in 5 minutes Chef. Or Skylar will whip out his megaphone."

"Why the fuck do you have a megaphone Bambi?" His groggy voice comes as he tucks me into his chest like I'm a body pillow. It feels kind of nice.

"That's a dollar. And I have it because... I don't know really."

"Pfft. Right, forgot you're my brother for a second." His legs tense and stretches out. Suddenly the air shifts, becoming rather serious. "Hey Bambi... why does Felix have all those scars?"

My heart lurches at the memories of him being violent but I make no move to panic, I'm with my brother, everything is safe. "H-he used to get into fights and stuff." And he did drugs and he stole from innocent people... But I still love him very much.

"Oh." He slides into a charmander onesie. He said Charizard is the coolest. I like Squirtle more. "He looks kind of badass with them."

"I know right?!" I jump up, almost slipping because my feet are covered in fabric. "He used to hate them, but I think he's like one of those marine guys that fight in wars and stuff." I'm suddenly very excited, I feel very proud of Felix. He overcame his family and his past, choosing to be a completely different person altogether. A caring, empathetic, father-figure.

The three of us make conversation over breakfast which is over very quickly since I am very excited about the presents under the tree. I'd like to say that all three of us are equally excited but I'm on a whole new level of anticipation.

Just when I am about to start the gift exchange, the home phone rings. I know, weird how Ryland has a home phone, but he says it's less distracting than his mobile phone and allows people to reach him if necessary, but no one really calls the phone. I run to pick it up. "Merry Christmas! How may I help you?"

"Ryland?" I recognise the voice, that soft breathy voice that wakes me up in the morning, prepares breakfast for me and drives me to school. "Ryland? You aren't home for Christmas this year. Are you alright sweetie?"

I feel the battle in my head escalate. She's your mother too, you love her...

She never cared for you. Neither of them did.

They must be worried.

Your parents never called or tried to look for you once.

Both sides agree on one thing. I'm pathetic.

"M-mom?" I haven't heard myself this panicked and shaky for a long time.

"Ryland? What's wrong?" Her voice laced with genuine worry.

"I-i-it's S-Skylar..." I hear her inhale sharply, I hold my breath, not really sure what to say now. "You and dad changed your numbers..."

"Mom, I'm moving o-" She fixed Ryland's tie, flattening the lapels of his suit as we prepare for graduation.

"Alright. You go and make us proud son. Make yourself proud." Dad comes out of the bathroom.

Ryland looks over their shoulder at me, I give him a thumbs up so and he smiles. "Skylar had something to say just now."

"Oh did he? Let's go first, we can talk in the car." They push Ryland out the door while I trail behind, trying to fix my tie but failing because my fingers are really short. And who actually knows how to do a tie anyway.

"Cookie? Are you alright there?" I stand still as stone, not knowing how to speak all of a sudden. I chuckle humourlessly inside. I'm so stupid I can't even speak properly. I'm really, really stupid. "Skylar?" I see a blurred figure in front of me. All of a sudden, I don't feel so fine.

My feet lift off the ground. I feel something supporting my behind, hoisting me into a warm body. There are worried murmurs that don't make sense. The intense urge to feel pain rises. I just need something to make me numb, it's worse than a flood gate opening.

It's the Big Bang happening in my head.

"Mom, Dad. Felix and I a-" The ceremony was over, it was great, Ryland gave a perfect speech. I just love my brother, he's so cool.

I tug on my best friend's hand, his fists were twitching, something that tells me he wants to hurt someone. "Oh my, I can't believe you're all grown up! Going to Yale! I'm sorry, I don't mean to cry." My mom breaks down, holding onto Ryland and her husband.

For the first time, I all of a sudden don't feel so fine.

My tears are gathering at my lash line. I walk up to Ryland, gave him a hug while my tears are being held back. "C-congratulations Ryland." His hands find my back, patting me in what I thought was comfort. It did nothing, there was a void in my chest.

My parents continue to tear up as they speak to Ryland. Completely omitting me.

They always have.

Maybe I don't exist to them.

"I'm not coming home." I say to my mom. She turns around, flabbergasted.

"It's your brother's celebratory dinner!" Her eyes wide with shock, "How could you not support him?"

I've never been important enough.

"I'm never coming home again."

They never needed you.

My fingers lace into Felix's, his thumb caressing the back of my hand. Shielding me from the embarrassing stares of people, I've always been the dumb kid. Being able to graduate is a miracle to them.

What hurt most isn't walking away.

It's walking away without anyone holding you back.

They never needed me.

But I need them.

"Don't worry Cookie. Everything is fine." My nails are digging into my forearms, clasped around Felix's neck as he rocks me side to side as he carries me to the bedroom. "I love you alright? I love you so much. Please don't cry..."

From the other side of the apartment I can hear Ryland yelling. "Did you just fucking call him retarded?! How uncultured are you to stoop to degrading someone's intelligence!" The next couple lines are muffled, "- I don't fucking want you to see him! I told you not to call anymore! I'm not your puppet mom, I studied business, honoured 3 of my 6 fucking book stores after you and now you're telling me to marry my damn boss!"

I choke up. Everything is falling apart, and it's because of me. I'm not strong enough to stand up to that.

"Cookie, Cookie. Breathe for me." I can see Felix has been crying, I'm supposed to be opening presents and having a fun time on Christmas morning. But I had to mess it all up.

For a minute everything goes silent, not even my sobbing is loud enough to be considered noise. "Cookie, have you taken your medicine?"

I nod, I have. I wouldn't disappoint Felix by not taking it and hurting myself.

1 pill every morning right before breakfast of every day for 6 years.

"I just want to open presents." I whimper, hugging Felix tighter than ever. He stands up with me in his arms, Ryland following close behind with a sad smile on his face.

I sit next to my brother as Felix sorts the presents under the tree, making jokes that make me laugh. "Hey Bambi?"

"Yah?"

"Dad and Mom are getting a divorce."

Just when I am about to say something Felix turns with a thin sheet of something decorated with green and red foil wrapping paper. "It says from Sabastian Cook." Flipping it over he looks for other words. "To my sons."

"This is meant to be a surprise for you. I brought that here." Ryland says sadly, "Dad moved away from Mom recently. She told me to get together with Aaron. Because he's rich and all that. Dad blew up and left her." I can see doubt circling him just as his thumb is caressing my knee. "Dad's been very upset since you left. He regret never having time for you."

What about mom?

"He's meant to come here tonight, to spend Christmas with you, but I guess you're still not ready to meet him." Felix chips in. I really want to meet dad. I really, really want to.

I don't want to believe that my mother is a heartless, selfish woman. But denying it won't do any good, Felix knows, Ryland knows. I, unfortunately, know too. All those years of neglect and isolation, it's just not right for a child. Which is why I am a teacher.

All of a sudden, I feel better.

If I can meet my dad, then I would have half my parents. 50% is better than 0%. That's what I teach in class anyway.

"I want to meet him. I want dad back." I smile, taking the thin sheet. Inside the wrapping, is a laminated A4 photo of my dad, Ryland and I at the graduation.

"I'm proud of you son. I'm so proud." He crouches behind us, my dad is a very tall man, broad shoulders, strong stature. He's amazing. "Both of you. No matter what you do, who you love, how far you are. Know that Papa is right there with you."

The waterworks come back all over again. I can go and blame my depression for being bias towards the negative at the time, but even though I know my dad is a quiet man. The one day I choose to leave him is finally the day that he chose to say the right things.

I guess it's the right thing to say at the wrong time. I've already made up my mind, so clouded by pessimism, there's only so much I can do when I'm 10 foot deep in a trench. I guess that's what I get for being young and naïve.

The photo means more than the surface value, I can see the bags under my eyes, how confident Ryland is, how genuinely proud my father is.

My head is messy, I want to meet my father, but I know I had disappointed him. He never spoke much, but I assumed he was just like my mom.

"Let's open everything else!" I cheer, wiping my cheeks while hugging Felix and Ryland.

All of a sudden, I feel great.

~

"Is it time yet?" I flip over on my beanbag, landing on the carpet floor. We have been watching movies, preparing dinner and playing video games. There's nothing left to do but wait for my dad to come. "When is he coming?"

"I already broke the big half of the surprise, if I blow the other part dad will strangle me alive." The last time I've seen my dad I have to admit that he's scary looking when he's not smiling. Considering this is a reconciliation moment for father and son plus a 'meet-the-boyfriend' Christmas dinner I can already foresee the tension.

Hopefully my dad knows how to crack jokes. But I wouldn't count on it.

Ding. Ding.

I fall over trying to get to the door while fixing my hair and straightening out my clothes. I have to break the onesie rule because I doubt dad would want to see me as a turtle with a squirrel tail. That's why it's called Squirtle, like a water squirting squirrel turtle. That is so smart! "I got it! I got it!" My sock covered feet slip slightly, causing me to pull open the door on accident when I reach for the handle.

Ain't this embarrassing?

Dad comes into the apartment quickly, and I just stare at him. He looks just like he did the day I left, he has a bit of a scruffy stubble and brushed back hair. Wearing a suit, I know my dad is a wealthy man, I guess it's part of the reason mom married him in the first place.

"My son? Silent?" He looks at Ryland, "What have you done to your brother Ryland?" He fake gasps as I jump up and wrap my legs and arms around him. His voice is so deep it almost sounds like the bass from a speaker. "Merry Christmas Skylar."

I start shouting and yelling apologies, greetings, random facts about beavers that I learnt just to show him I'm still Canadian. "Merry Christmas Mr. Cook." Felix comes over, extends his hand in greeting. He's nervous, I can tell from his flexing jaw.

"You too, Felix right? The puncher of faces, seducer of my older son, faux-parent of my younger son, jack of all trades?" My dad is just slightly taller than Felix, which is cool seeing as he's almost 50 and still hasn't shrunk into a garden gnome. I still laugh at his carefree attitude, despite the fall out of the family he's still holding me like I'm 6. "I have to say, you brought my son up better than anyone could." He added, bitterly, "including me."

Ryland slips his hand around Felix's waist, giving him a small pat on the side while dad sets me down. "We made dinner."

"Yeah! I helped and I remembered you are allergic to pumpkin so we made mushroom soup. And because Felix is sleeping with Ryland I cleared the bunk bed so you can sleep over, I gave you the lower one, don't want you breaking your back now. Oh, oh, and I framed the photo of us, it's in my room -"

"You're dating my son?" He looks at Felix. Raising an eyebrow, "Have you fu-"

"Alright, embarrassing father moment terminated! I'll go get the food." Ryland yells.

"No sir, we haven't fucked."

"That's a dollar from both of you." I whisper while sipping my juice.

"Just so you know, my son has a birthmark on his inner thigh."

"Gladly noted." Felix smirks.

Ryland returns with the food, my dad sits next to me, looking back at the bag that he had brought over with him. "So I've been told there's a onesie rule. I bought a Luigi one, the Mario one didn't fit. He's too chubby and short."

I run into my room, stripping off my jacket and getting into my comfortable Squirtle outfit. "Come, come!" Taking my dad's hand as I show him the options, my personal favourite is the unicorn one, but he wouldn't fit in that.

"I'm glad you haven't changed Skylar." He ruffles my hair lovingly, "Still the same old exploding bean."

"It was one time I spilled my jelly beans everywhere!" I point at Felix, "And Felix got me those jelly beans!"

Dad changed into his own onesie, he's a very funny man, much more entertaining than before. I've never seen my father speak this much in my life, then again. I spent a third of my life away from him. Terrible to say, but now that I see him again, I can confirm that I don't regret it at all.

~

"Family meeting!" Dad says, sitting on the couch with a glass of champagne. Felix gives Ryland a pat on the back before turning away. "Get the fuck over here Felix." My best friend quickly scurries over, and sets himself next to Ryland. "You're family too."

The one thing I know Felix wants is love, now that he has Ryland, I've never seen him happier, but seeing him hear my father say those words really warms my heart. Next thing I know, I might be seeing Felix hug my dad and cry. But I know he won't cry, he's a stubborn person. "Yes sir." he says quietly.

"Obviously, your mom and I are getting a divorce." His words are very short and blunt, "I just want to take the opportunity to formally apologise for all the years that I didn't speak up for you Skylar. I was a god awful father." He chuckles humourlessly, "I never went to your charity events, I never supported your sport competitions, I never made the effort of visiting you after you have left."

I inhale sharply, not knowing how to take this in. Am I supposed to forgive him? Am I supposed to love him again?

Who am I kidding? I'm Skylar Cook, I don't hold grudges.

This moment right now, I feel so confident and strong, it's as if nothing can shake my stance. And I didn't try to be my signature innocent sounding Skylar.

I'm me, channelling the maturity that made me decide why I am optimistic.

"I want to apologise to you two as well." Dad frowns, guilt washing over his features. "I never thought I put so much pressure on you indirectly Ryland, I'm too fucking dense to acknowledge the fact that both my sons are suffering. I'm so sorry."

"Dense? That makes the two of us." Ryland smiles warmly. A token of forgiveness.

Dad sniffles and I move next to him, placing my head on his shoulder and nuzzling his bicep with my cheek. For a 47 year old man he is very fit. I'm glad he's healthy.

"And you Felix. Honestly, you are the most inspiring person I've ever met." His eyes shine with pride, as if he's looking at his own son. "I don't know your past. But I know for sure that you made Skylar into a strong man, doing what I couldn't do." Dad places his arm around me, running his hand up and down my side as I relish in the feeling of a parent. "And to see you now, with Ryland. It makes me so happy."

Tears land on my head and I hug dad tight. "Do you two remember what I said when we took the photo in you hung up in your room?" He looks at me, scratching at his stubble. I nod faintly. "Love who you want, all three of you."

My brother and I stand to hug my dad, a gesture to show that I accept his apology. Felix stands as well, "Get your ass over here... son." Felix chokes up and crushes us, crying harder than I have ever seen. All he wanted was family, now he has a dad.

Oh look at that. Felix is hugging my dad and crying. I'm a prophet!

"Seriously, you three. Love whoever you want. I don't care about the superficial. Don't fuck up like I did."

"I love you dad." I whimper into his chest, feeling all three of them hug tighter.

"Your mother is just... something else." He whistles mockingly, making me laugh. It sounds terrible but now that I think about it, he's right. She wasn't a good mother. "I should've dated a man back then..." He grumbles.

I choke on something, my tears, air, dust, my dad's sexuality, whatever it was, I choked. I didn't know my dad was gay. "You're gay, dad!?" Ryland asks out of shock.

"What son asks their father that?"

"You just implied that I, your son, is taking a dick up his ass over dinner." Ryland snorts.

I should really charge them all for swearing.

"Sir, is that why you said 'love who you want'?" Felix said.

The hug has long since been broken, but my dad places a hand on Felix's shoulder, "Felix, Felix, Felix. I just called you my son, you either call me dad or Sebastien. Or else I'll feel really rejected."

"Sorry Sebastien."