《SOLAR INSTAFAMOUS !》005 | live
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Bapak aku marah aku tadi sebab tak bagi semut makan.
Okey tibeh.
By the way, semalam an aku bantak masuk jelah bilik mana-mana abang aku. Aku pun tak pasti tu bilik ke tak sebab serupa macam zoo Negara. Tapi versi bersepah macam ada perlawanan gusti tiap pagi. Eh jap, perlawanan gusti waktu pagi ke?
Masuk punya masuk, aku terlanggar kucing Ais yang tengah mengeram anak-anaknya. Dia punya langgar tu bukannya swing macam tu je, sekali libas tergolek masuk longkang. Dia punya dahsyat tu tak main-main weh, sampai kucing tu pun tiba-tiba terbang atas drone. Rupanya aku langgar kucing yang Ais ikat atas drone bagi nampak kacak sikit dia punya drone tu and viralkan.
Waktu tu aku punyalah gelabah gila sampaikan nak tercirit dalam seluar, Alhamdulillah waktu tu masih boleh tahan. Aku tau korang geli bila baca buku ni tapi apa aku kisah.
''Weh kau buat apa tu?'' Aku tanya macam bedal aja, sambil melirik telefon Ais yang memaparkan beratus-ratus love terbang macam love kau kepada aku.
Ceh.
''Aku buat live.'' Sambil menggaru kuku kaki, Ais menjawab dengan senyuman meleret. Sukalah tu bila ramai like and join live dia.
''Live? Apa tu?''
''Live tu siaran langsung la adikku. Kau ni, ada otak tak nak pakai.''
Zup! Bagaikan panah penuh cahaya keinsafan, terus menyentap jiwa dan raga aku.
''Weh macam mana kau buat tu?'' Sekali lagi aku bertanya namun aku kena palau.
Sebab sakit hati, sebelum aku melangkahkan kaki keluar pintu, pintu bilik Ais. aku cabut astu aku ganti dengan pintu jamban yang dah rongak separuh. Like rongaknya gigi Hali hahaha.
Dalam perjalanan menuju ke bilik aku, aku terfikir sesuatu. Apa kata aku buat live macam Ais gak? Mungkin dari situ orang akan lebih mengenali aku. Mungkin.
Sebab aku tengok ramai sangat bagi love-love kat Ais tu. Sebenarnya aku pernah menyelit sekali tadi but no one notice me there. I'm sad.
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Sampai saja di dalam bilik, aku berfikir sendirian. Macam mana kalau rancangan aku gagal lagi? Haiya apa la, kalau gagal usahala lagi. Bak kata pepatah, kalau kau gagal hari ini tak bermakna kau berjaya esok.
Jap ek, sebelum aku buat live aku ada benda lain nak buat.
''Bang nak bayar.''
''Apa bayar? Haa baik-baik.'' Abang kaunter terus tak jadi buat lawak budu dia tu bila tengok aku dah angkat senapang.
Matanya jatuh memandang barang-barang yang aku beli sebelum pandang aku pelik.
''Ni semua beli apa buat?'' tanyanya sambil mencerlung memandang beberapa kamera asli yang tak berapa nak asli aku beli.
Aku tersenyum. ''Aku nak buat live malam ni.''
''Hah? Live?''
Rasa menyesal pulak bagitau dia niat aku. Kan kena beritahu panjang-panjang apa maksud live kat dia pulak.
''Live tu ertinya siaran langsunglah bang. Otak abang letak kat lutut ke?'' Haa lantak la. Aku ambik je ayat Ais walaupun aku tak pasti macam ni ke ayat dia tadi.
''Taklah otak abang letak kat kaki. Sori lawak tak jadi.'' Tersengih abang itu bila tengok muka aku dah rasa cam nak bagi penampar.
''Tau pun lawak tak jadi.'' Lepas scan semua barang, aku ambik beg plastik tu dari tangan abang kaunter tu.
''Nanti abang masuk live kamu. Bila buat?''
Soalan itu auto buat aku tak jadi melangkah. Aku pandang muka abang tu dengan terharu yang tak berapa nak terharu.
''Betul ke nanti nak join? Boleh percayakah ini?'' Mata aku bergenang dengan air mata palsu. Nak demo sikit lakonan aku. Haa jadi tak?
''In shaa Allah dik. Pukul berapa?'' Dengan tak berapa ikhlasnya abang tu jawab.
''Pukul 12 nanti. Abang jangan lupa masuk tau!'' Aku mengajaknya dengan bersungguh-sungguh. Siap tarik kolar dia lagi.
''Weh cekik kang.'' kata Abang itu dengan muka haru biru. Aip, aku terlajak ugut dia masuk ke apa?
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Aku lepaskan semula kolar baju Abang itu sebelum bersalaman dengannya. Sebelum ni aku jijik sangat nak salam dengan Abang ni sebab dia lap peluh guna mulut, tapi sekarang tak lagi.
''Abang kena janji tau? Masuk live aku! Jangan lupa!''
''Baik baik.''
Aku harap Abang tu tak mungkir janji. Kalau tak aku takkan beli barang kat kedai ni lagi.
____________________
''One.''
''Two.''
''Three.''
''Heyyo gais! Do you miss me? Of course I didn't miss you too!'' Dengan senyuman yang mampu mencairkan para Kaum Hawa, aku mula memulakan bicara. Gugupku terus hilang bila tiada sesiapa pun masuk live aku. Aku menghela nafas berat.
Mungkin beberapa minit lagi kot orang masuk.
Sebab nak lengahkan masa, aku pergi jamban jap. Lepas membuang hajat di sana, aku kembali lagi di hadapan telefon dan kamera aku. Dengan harapan akan ada seseorang at least masuk dalam live yang aku buat.
Tapi harapan tinggal harapan. Harapan yang menggunung terus punah. Macam kucing yang baru kena tembak oleh ayam goyeng.
Yahh... apa hal diorang ni tak masuk-masuk lagi dalam live aku? Tak tau ke nanti dorang sendiri rugi?
Aku tunggu lagi la.
Sementara tunggu, aku sempat melepas hajat dalam jamban.
Sementara tunggu, aku juga sempat solat Dhuha sementara hari masih malam ni.
Sementara tunggu, aku sempat menghabiskan tiga puluh Juzuk Al-Quran.
Dan akhirnya penantian aku hanya sia-sia. Masih tiada orang mahu pun abang kaunter masuk ke live aku.
Oh, inikah dinamakan janji melayu?
Melayu betul.
Malaih nak kata apa lagi tapi dah nampaknya... (sendu dalam freezer sampai beku)
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