《SOLAR INSTAFAMOUS !》001 | follow
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Seperti biasa, aku akan terus tekan butang aplikasi 'instagram' dan terpampanglah isi perut app tu yang penuh dengan usus besar dan usus kecil. Buat pengetahuan korang, usus besar merupakan bahagian hujung dari saluran pencernaan. Kerana itulah, usus besar berperanan penting dalam sistem pencernaan kerana ia mengeluarkan zat sisa dari makanan yang dicerna. Fungsinya juga adalah mencakup penyerapan air dan vitamin sehingga memproduksi antibodi dan mencegah infeksi.
Wei jap. Bila masa aku pandai biologi ni-
Waktu aku tengah bingung maca mana usus besar tiba-tiba lekat kat screen phone, aku terjumpa satu simbol ni. Lain maceam simbol tu. So aku tekanlah.
Oh rupanya aku tertekan explorer. Ingat Dora the Explorer ke?
Maka terpampang besarlah banyak gambar yang pelik-pelik dan minta kaki. Ada muka minah saleh celup air milo dengan rambut karatnya mengerbang-ngerbang. Sekali tengok macam baru berendam dalam tangki milo.
Pastu aku nampak ada seorang lelaki yang memakai kacamata hitam sambil tersenyum penuh tawaduk. Aku rasa waktu dia tengah bergambar dia tahan berak.
Penat aku scroll ke bawah, mata aku terus jadi sedakkk sting aku yahoo. Sebab aku terjumpa seekor gambar yang bagi aku macam pernah kenal.
Bukan ke muka tu yang selalu kena lempang Gempa?
Gambar tu terpampang muka siapa? Muka siapa eh? Orang tu pakai topi ke depan, baju warna merah hitam, muka cemberut macam asam jeruk...cer korang teka, siapa dia ni?
Bi...
Bi...
Bila masa si Hali ni dah ada instagram?! Panday betul! Kenapa tak pernah kenalkan app ni kat aku?
Cis, ini semua mesti teori konspirasi!
Well, alang-alang aku dah jumpa akaun si Hali ni, apa salah kalau kita jadi stalker kejap. Mana tahu muka buruk dia boleh dibuat stiker whatsapp.
Aku terus tekan account dia. Wah... wah... wah... hodohnya username awak.
@hali_com_ill
Hali com ill? Hali comel? Wtf.
Aku tak mencarut okeh, aku kata 'what the Fasihah'.
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Posts 3 Followers 14 m Following 5
~pika! (>°^°Eh tibe. Ko pahal.
Hehe, terasa ke?
Kalau terasa, tekan
link ni.
See Translation
www.adakukesah.com.my
Following ^ Message ^
Wow... post hanya ada 3, lepastu following pulak just ada 5, jadi.....
AMENDA FOLLOWERS DIA JADI 14 MILLION PULAK? SIKITNYA!
Sebenarnya aku jelly tapi takpe la.
Semua benda kat akaun ni semua macam sampah. Takde apa yang menarik. Tau tak, post dia ada tiga je? Satu gambar ada meme pikachu yang diedit kepala Hali menggantikan kepala pikachu sambil buat gaya peace. Gambar satu ni pulak gambar dia tengah terapung kat Laut Mati sambil main telefon. Yang last tu pun hanya ada sepasang hidung tengah mengembang dan mengempis.
Jadi... apalah yang istimewanya sangat kat sini?
Hmm..tak berguna aku berteriak tak jelas kat sini. Dari aku buang masa jeles tengok popularity dia, baik aku check akaun siapalah yang malang sangat kena follow dia.
Hmmm... bak kata pepatah, indah khabar dari rupa. Dalam insta ni muka dia cam Jungkook, in real life macam tenuk.
Okey, sekarang kita kena check akaun siapalah yang malang sangat kena follow dia. ( Sebenarnya aku nak minta Followback tapi hm... )
Eh ha ha ha. Kenapa username mereka try hard sangat ni?
Sian...
Tapi lagi kesian kat aku, diorang awal-awal lagi dah kenal app ni. Tapi kedekut tahi hidung manis tak kenalkan kat aku. Bak kata pepatah, kalau kucing boleh bertelur, kenapa ayam tidak?
Aku pun tanpa lengah, tekan user yang nama dia 'gempabuburayam' sebab aku yakin yang akaun itu milik Gempa.
Kalau milik fans dia, tak mungkinlah si Hali Comill gi follow dia kan? Tak gitu?
Aku terus messegelah si bubur ni.
'Gempaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!'
Gempa is typing baybayh. Maknanya dia masih active akaun ni.
'G: Wa'alaikumussalam. Kau siapa? Anak Mak Yah ke? Kenapa tak hantar bubur pagi tadi? Dah tengah malam ni. Aku nak tido pun kau kacau. Dah la tak hantar bubur.'
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Tengah malam buta apa? Baru je lepas Asar.
'Since when Solar the swaggest ni anak Mak Yah yang jual bubur dekat parit tu? No class okayh!'
Aww gediknya aku.
'G: Oh camtu. Oh.'
'Apa kau kata?'
'G: Lah, aku tak kata pun. Kan aku taip ni?'
'Weh dah la. Btw, nak tanya ni hihiw :3'
'G: Sebelum kau tanya, boleh aku tanya dahulu? Kau dah jadi pondan ya bila masuk instagram?'
'Bengkang ah kau. Transgender kan berdosa?'
'G: Tau pun dosa. Semalam kau seluk saku Hali, tak dosa?'
'Shhhh Hali tak tau.'
'G: :p tak tau apa? Pagi tadi dia pecah masuk bilik kau sebab nak curi hospot kau tau. Kaffarah, katanya.'
'Astaghfirullah :D patutlah telefon aku tiba-tiba hilang.'
'G: Bak kata pepatah, terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak mencuri, haaa masakan.'
'G: Btw kau nak tanya apa?'
'Kenapa followers Hali 14 m?'
'G: Entah. Followers aku pun tak kurang banyaknya jugak UwU'
Haaa.... followers si Gempa pun banyak ke? Terus aku tekan akaun dia dan sekali lagi aku ternganga besar and alamatnya, lalat masuk mulut aku.
Tuih! Masin!
Eh aku tertelan lalat tu la.
Posts 89 Followers 11 m Following 5
-Gempasurirumahversilelaki-
Aku suka makan bubur
ayam kat kedai yang
berdekatan dengan
rumah Mak Yah.
See Translation
www.whythisbubursoyummy.com.my
Following ^ Message ^
Ini beneran karut. Nama dahlah macam bubur, tapi followers dia... tak sanggup aku katakan. Terlalu sakit bagiku ;-;.
Hmm..mungkin aku patut follow semua orang dulu, baru diorang follow aku balik.
Okay! Jum follow user IG ni banyak banyak!
Setelah berabad-abad menunggu dan menekan butang 'follow'...
'Following 999k'
Okay, stoplah follow orang balik. Nanti aku check berapa banyak orang akan follow aku
Esok paginya....
Krokk krokk krokkkk..! ( bunyi ayam Blaze kena sembelih )
Aku pun teruslah check akaun aku semula. Semalam, aku nak check pada malamnya tapi telefon aku sekali lagi dicuri oleh satu spesies babun ni. That's why waktu pukul 12 malam baru aku jumpa semula telefon tu dalam freezer dan tak sempat check noti sebab Gempa terus arahkan untuk semua masuk tidur. Dengan berbumbungkan atap yang rongak separuh, hujan akhirnya memenuhi bilik kami dan terjadilah telefon ini dibawa arus dan sekali lagi menghilangkan diri.
Pukul empat pagi, Alhamdulillah jumpa semula walaupun screen handphone dah retak seribu.
Usai check akaun aku, air mata terasa bergelen mengalir di pipi. Tanpa ku sedar, aku terpijak tahi kucing jiran sebelah.
'Followers 999k'
Akhirnya...! Aku dah femes gais! Kau ada? Kau takde!
Tapi tak bestlahh... aku pun nak jadi Hali dan Gempa yang following mereka sedikit, tapi followers mereka dah cecah berjuta-juta!
Jadi, apa lagi? Unfollowlah~
Selesai unfollow semua orang....
'Following 0'
Uuuu sekarang aku dah jadi orang paling femes di dunia! Followers 999k, tapi following kosong saja! Aku memang femes! Aku memang bagus!
Ya Allah, gembiranya aku...!
Tapi kegembiraan itu tidak bertahan lama.
Ia hanya kekal selama 20 minit saja.
'Follower 0'
Aik.
Mereka perasan ke aku unfollow mereka?
Haih, nampaknya rancangan 'followorang lepastu unfollow balik' tak berjaya.
Lain kali tak nak aku buat camtu lagi. Bagi malu keturunan aku je.
Rancangan pertama nampaknya sah lagi sahih... GAGAL WEH! GAGAL!
____________________
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- In Serial9 Chapters
A Titan's Crusade
Erik Thayne spent most of his life being brutally ridiculed and tormented for his weight and physical appearance, among other things. A social pariah and diagnosed with an eating disorder no one has an explanation or treatment for, Erik spent years trying to overcome his issues with his personal image and escape the ridicule and vicious torment of his peers. After years of dedicated effort, and a fresh start in a town away from his childhood and adolescent tormentors, he had finally begun to truly realize what he'd been striving for all along. Only, fate apparently has other plans because in the blink of an eye, Erik found himself snatched from Earth and taken to another universe, another world, where he is offered the chance to be more than he'd ever imagined. Now, he has to fight to restore the Balance between Chaos and Order on a world of swords and magic, in a universe governed by the System's laws, which resemble those of RPGs from Earth. Erik learned to embrace the things about himself that others taught him to hate, using them to reforge his physical identity into something more removed from his old self-loathing. But can he learn to embrace the darkest parts of his mind just as he did the reviled aspects of his body and become who he needs to be to succeed in the task set before him? It might just prove easier to stalk in the dark as a monster than to walk in the light as a man... *This is my first time publishing anything I've written to a public audience. Due to formatting issues, I forwent traditional stat-screens for something a little less problematic, delineating stat screens by separating them from regular text with horizontal lines in a lighter-grey coloration. Let me know if you like them or not. Criticism is entirely welcome, but please don't hate on my work after only reading 1 chapter. This is a writing project I intend to complete but I have committment problems so we'll see how long this goes on. Also, fair warning, as the description implies, the main protagonist is intended to be someone who has been treated cruelly, developed antisocial tendencies, and ultimately has to question his own humanity--or lack thereof. This story is not intended to be brutally dark but I will definitely be trying to follow a darker theme. It is intended to be violent and some scenes later in the story might be...alarming. There will likely also be some light, non-graphic (think more implied with crude jokes and conversation than actual details, there will be no full-blown sex scenes)relationship scenes planned later and if you're opposed to either a bisexual or gay main character, stay away. I haven't yet decided which way he's going to swing but the odds on him being straight are relatively miniscule, and I've always wanted to write a story about a gay man who basically looks like a lumberjack because who doesn't like giving conventional stereo-types the middle finger? This will NOT be a harem story, and I have no intention to focus on romance over action--it's a consequence of character development where I'm concerned, not the be-all-end-all of the story. The cover-art does not, in any way, belong to me. It was an image titled the Druid King (by duskanmarkovic according to the file name) which I found on Google Images. Until I can get something commissioned, this is the best stand-in image I could find.
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The FPD (Fart Police Department)
The FPD (Fart Police Department) The world’s norms and ethics have drastically shifted for the worse after an uncontrollable flatus outbreak absorbed the world’s inhabitant, causing major depopulation on a global scale. Conversely, to remedy the spread of this vulgar contagion, the Societal Gods who were partially indirectly responsible for causing the outbreak, implemented certain strict measures for the servile humans to follow. These strict policies were commonly known to the general public as Fart Commandments. Thou shall not relieve themselves in public without following the proper guided measures; thou shall not relieve themselves in private without adhering to the strict guidelines; each new-born and younglings should be taken to the nearest medical facility regularly for inoculation; loose bottoms shall not be tolerated at any governing venues and face-masks should always be worn appropriately. Failure to adhere to the above commandments would result in a mandatory life sentence without a court appeal or probation unless they are of influential births and have authoritative backers. In this twisted society which had been established today a model young female who adhered to the strict policies all of her life without questioning, accidentally broke one of the Fart Commandments and found herself entangled with a rebellious group of uncouth individuals who opposed the Societal Gods. To regain her innocence and social standing among the civil society, this young lady dared challenge the Societal God’s ruling by utilizing the absolute thing that they detested the most which were the destructive vapours of her flatus. Certainly, she will suffer the excruciating consequences of defying her lords’ commandments. (Link to Discord) https://discord.gg/XqY4JAfhcd (Author’s Notes)You can offer your support for Mia Aim’s creativity if you visit the following links below. I’m currently in the process of working on my new LitRPG-Fantasy novel, Word Fu! The latest chapters are published on Patreon along with character artwork. Please offer your support. https://www.patreon.com/MiaAim_Creative_Force https://ko-fi.com/miaaim https://www.amazon.com/author/miaaim https://www.amazon.com/author/manga-god
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Heroes are the embodiment of good. And villains, the opposite. So, good must always win. That's the rule of this world. However, one day when an alien sword 「The Sword of Unreality」 falls upon this world, the rules change. For once, the villains stood atop and won. But what will become of this hero-less world?
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Cover & Illustrations by: Kokishi …the old world, neigh, the true Earth, returned with a proud roar across the ages… Club, a simple cavegirl, finds herself caught in a grudge match between ancient science and the dawn of new magic! Make your stand in the arena that coexists before birth and beyond ruin! -------- ~Like, Comment, and Subscribe along with this illustrated adventure~ Follow me on Instagram (@triple_s_on_ig_official) and Twitter (@triple_account) for any series updates, and other goodies! Support me on Ko-fi!!!! All Rights Reserved.
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This is a story about trust. A story about a girl with many names, none of which were hers, and a single second that wasn't really a second at all. It's a story about a friendship that shouldn't have been trusted but was, and a friendship that should have been trusted but wasn't. And most of all, this is a story of warning. Of a path that was taken when no other was seen, through a forest that can grow in an instant and may never fully be cleared. No two paths are the same. Nor are any two forests. But this is Io's path. And this is where it goes. (Also published on Quotev)
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Continuation of the first book.This is for comedic purposes only.None of these quotes belong to meNone of the characters belong to me.Ships are going to include -- GhostMyers (Ghostface x Michael Myers)- Frason (Freddy Krueger x Jason Voorhees)- LeatherWarden (Leatherface x Harry Warden)- Cangela (Carrie White x Angela Baker)- Kayadako (Kayako Saeki x Sadako YamamuraPlease respect this ships. I have the right to ship them.I might add more ships later.Those aren't the only slashers included. There will be others.Feel free to submit a quote in the comments! I'll credit you.You can draw these quotes, too. Just be sure to send it to me so I can see it! I'll also post those here as well.
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