《When We Crashed》Feelings

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Ella's pov:

For the thousandth time in the last five minutes, I bang my head against the steering wheel of my car.

Stupid traffic

Stupid cars

Stupid.. people who have license.

I could almost see the exit I have to turn off of and then it was just another 10 minutes away.

But just sitting in this car made me think, what IF my parents found out I snuck out?

Or what if Ally told them?

Or the security guard?

Maybe a maid?

The gardener?

This was so not a good idea.

I mean, yes, it was probably the best hour or so of my life, but I don't feel like spending the rest of my existence locked up in my room grounded.

Julie.

That girl, she seemed nice.

I mean, we only talked for a minute or so but I could tell she wasn't one of those stuck up girls like from those chick flick movies.

But I know there is probably almost an impossible chance I will ever get to see her again.

I always wondered what life would be like if my parents weren't so full of money.

What would they be like?

What would I be like?

I hope I would have had a decent amount of friends.

A boyfriend?

Wait..

HAH

Love life and me aren't even allowed to be part of the same sentence.

I mean, I am so not ready for a boyfriend.

I want to turn eighteen and finally leave my parents house and enjoy freedom before that ever happens.

I'm tired of being tied down.

Plus, how would I even talk to him?

Living in the mansion all the time, the only other person I pretty much talked to who was around my age was Ally.

I hear a loud beep and I signal an apologize to the car behind me and start pulling up.

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Thankfully, the traffic didn't slowly stop again and I was able to exit.

I knew my way back to the house because I have this route memorized or even planted into my brain.

Flashback

"Mommy, why is our house so far away from everybody?" I asked while tugging on the sleeve of her dress.

She doesn't take a second to glance up at me as she keeps her eyes glued to her phone. "Because Ella, this way we can stay away from all of those bad people who would want to break into our house."

But I only let out a giggle, "That doesn't make sense, not everyone is bad."

"That's because you're only a little girl Ella, you don't understand." She says rolling her eyes.

I make eye contact with Ally who was playing with her purple skirt in the opposite seat away from me.

She had pigtails in and she was swinging her legs back and forth, she nods her head at mom to me.

I shrug my shoulders at her asking what she is trying to say so she starts to act like she was eat something.

My eyes go wide as I smile brightly.

"Can we go out for icecream again like we did last time as a family?" I mention excitedly to her again pulling the sleeve of her dress, almost in a begging manner.

"Ella, that's enough."

"But don't you think that we should do things as a family-.."

"Ella I said stop." She looks overs at me while raising her voice at the same time.

I only nod before staring outside my window.

I should have known.

It's no.

And it will always be no.

End of flash back

I try to blink back my tears as I try to keep my eyes on the road.

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I don't know why I was even thinking of this.

Everything has always led to a disappointment.

The only thing that has kept me from really wanting to run away for good was hope.

That maybe, just once, I could have that ice cream moment one last time.

It was just a little treat, celebrating Dad's promotion that made him the boss of his own company in the first place.

I didn't know that would change everything.

That would change us.

Sadly, we always had money.

It was inherited from my grandfather, aka my dad's father.

Before my dad was handed the business, we had the mansion, but what was different was we had time.

Time.

Dad used to spend time with me and Ally in any way he could.

Whether that be a trip to the park, maybe a swim in the pool, he truly did the best to make us have the greatest childhood that we could have.

And then, there was a shooting.

My grandfather originally owned the company, but he was shot.

It was by four men.

They wanted to take down the business for their own, but their plan didn't work.

They were later caught and sentenced the rest of their lives in jail.

As for my father, he never really wanted to become the boss of the company.

Meaning, he liked being the co-boss, because he was granted more time with us, but my mother somehow convinced him to do it.

I have always been upset with her for making him take on the job because ever since that day, he's been taking his job seriously and with that... is why we almost never get to see him.

I curse at myself as I wipe up more tears that were taking up my vision.

I need to stop crying.

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself.

But I couldn't help it.

I wasn't just sad... I was angry.

Angry that I couldn't just have a normal life.

Without knowing it, I push the gas a little faster.

What did I do to deserve this?

Alone.

Is this what loneliness feels like?

Or maybe it was always like that.

I tried.

I really tried to live the life I was put into.

But somehow that wasn't enough for my family.

The family who I just can't longer stand to be a part of.

What family is a family without a heart?

A heart to bring us all together.

I grip the steering wheel..

I'm tired of being someone I'm not.

I'm tired of trying to be someone else.

I'm tired of...

But it was too late.

I was too caught up in feeling bad for myself that I didn't hear it.

I didn't hear the car.

I didn't pay attention to the car.

I didn't see the car.

But it was too late.

Glass.

Glass was everywhere.

I could barely see, as the air bag came in like a punch to the face.

I felt a wet substance on the side of my head..

Blood.

Dark, red, trickling down my face and onto the leather of the car seat.

Blur.

I tried to see ahead and climb out, but it was as if I was pulling pulled back down into my seat.

Like gravity was holding me hostage against my own free will.

Sirens.

Stinging, thumping through my ears as the sound blared.

It hurt to listen.

It hurt to see.

It hurt to feel.

I didn't stop myself, I followed the hole of blackness in my mind as it pulled me under and under..

Until there was complete darkness.

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