did i murder alex fuentes? *_*

I'm woken from my sleep by a nightmare. It was about people I love getting hurt. My parents... My old friends from other states... Alex. They all died.

"It was just a dream," I whisper to myself like I do after all my nightmares that feel a little too real. "They're okay." I reach over in my bed, expecting to find someone there to hug and feel safe, but there's no one. I'm still not used to sleeping on my own, and every time i'm reminded I am alone it's like the first time without him all over again.

After that I can't sleep again. It's already hard enough to sleep at night because i'm always thinking about Alex and getting myself upset over him; replaying the things he said to me over and over in my head. And now it's the middle of the night and there's no way i'm getting back to sleep after that.

Sometimes when i'm so upset over Alex, it's really hard to get out of bed in the morning and the thought of going to school and continuing on with my normal life without him in it makes me want to cry for sixteen hours straight. Today is one of those days, but I go anyway. Classes are good I guess because I can force myself to focus on the work and not Alex, even though that's pretty hard.

To make things harder, everyone is talking about the Fuentes family today. None of them are at school, so rumours are flying that they all caught some disease, or they're just away on a trip. Some people have even gone to the extremes of saying Alex is dead.

Alex Fuentes is not dead. I know it sounds weird, but I feel like if he was dead, i'd feel it somewhere inside of me. Now that I think about it, I have had this weird feeling, and I had that creepy dream last night...

Nah, there's no way Alex is dead. People and their stupid rumours.

I spot Jace in the halls while on my way to class. When I get close to him, I notice he has a black eye. "Hey, Jace. What happened to your eye?"

"It doesn't matter ," he looks down at the floor. Something's off with him.

"Is everything okay?"

"Well, I wouldn't use okay as a way of describing things right now, so I guess not."

"Why? What's wrong?" I begin to get worried.

"You don't know?"

"What?"

"Alex got stabbed."

I feel my heart drop, the whole world around me becoming fuzzy. Alex... Stabbed. Are the rumours true? Is he... Dead? Who did that to him? Why? When? I want to ask Jace a million questions but he turns around and leaves before I can, and I stand there frozen in the corridor for what feels like hours.

+++

What am I doing? Why am I crying my eyes out on the way to the hospital to see a boy who doesn't give two shits about me?

Because I fucking love him, that's why. Because no matter how much he can make me cry and tell me he doesn't care about me, and say he doesn't want to talk to me again; I'll still love him. And he's hurt, and I need to see him. I need to at least have a glance at him to make sure he's alright. Of course he's not alright though. He got fucking stabbed.

"Can you tell me where Alex Fuentes is?"

The woman at the desk looks up from her computer, startled by my eagerness. "Down the hall, second room on the right."

"Thank you," I speed walk through the hospital corridor, the smell of bleach and rubber gloves blocking my nose. As soon as I reach his room, I look through the window.

He lays there in his hospital bed, surrounded by tubes and machines. A large white bandage covers his stomach area where the knife must have went in, and his eyes are shut.

"Amelia."

I spin around to see Yasmin standing in the corridor. I panic. "Why is he like that? Is he okay- W-why isn't he awake?"

"Calm down," she moves closer to me, sitting her coffee down on a chair. "He's just sleeping."

I let out a large breath, closing my eyes and feeling relief flood through my body. Alex is okay. "I thought he-" I sigh.

"So did I at first."

I give her a pitying look. "Wow... That must have been so scary. Are you okay? Is everyone okay? Obviously Alex isn't but are you guys-"

"It's fine, Amelia." She gives me a languid smile and I notice the bags under her eyes. "He's alive, so it's fine." She looks into the window. "Doctors say he was really lucky. I guess the knife hit something important, and they didn't expect him to survive."

"But he did." I look in too. His eyelids begin to flutter, and he turns slightly until he opens his eyes. I move away from the window so he can't see me. He'd probably tell me to get to fuck if he did. I'm just a nobody from school who he had a little thing with, and he's probably stressed enough and won't want to deal with stupid girls coming to visit him in hospital. I convince myself of this, causing myself pain. It's all i've been doing since when he told me I was being used for sex.

"Don't tell him I was here."

Yasmin frowns. "But Amelia-"

"Please, Yasmin. Don't. I just had to see he was okay."

"Don't you want to talk to him?"

"He doesn't want to talk to me."

"You have no idea how wrong you are-"

"Please, just don't tell him. I need to go." I back down the corridor even though I can't think of anything better than staying with Alex. I wish he was the same as he used to be, and I'd stay with him as long as I could. We could watch movies and eat popcorn and talk about random things and it would just feel amazing. I want to know everything that's going on in his life like I used to, but now i'm just completely cut off. And he doesn't want me in his life. I feel pathetic for being so in love with a guy who doesn't feel the same way at all. When will I get a grip and realise that I deserve better?

+++

"Who gave you that?" I point at Jace's eye.

He lets out an over exaggerated sigh. "Alex."

I raise my eyebrows and put my sandwich down. It's an excuse to talk about him. "Why?"

"It's a long story."

"Tell me about it."

His eyes narrow. "You seem pretty interested in a guy who treats you like a bag of sand."

"I know. Pathetic right?"

"That or it's love," he teases, smirking.

"It can be both."

"Guess so. I feel the same way sometimes."

"Are we talking about Yasmin?"

He runs his hand through his hair, smiling. "I didn't say that."

"That's who it is though, isn't it? You feel pathetic for loving her when she doesn't love you back." Yasmin already admitted to me that she loves Jace. I thought with how open she was, he'd already know.

"Love is a strong word."

"So you don't love her?"

He shakes his head and chuckles. "Would you stop putting words in my mouth?"

"So you do love her?"

"Amelia, god. I don't know why Alex likes you," he jokes but it just makes my smile fall.

"Well now we know why he doesn't. Am I that annoying?"

"Yes."

"Thanks for your honesty."

"Anytime," he winks.

"So why did you get with another girl straight after Yasmin? You obviously knew it would hurt her."

He sighs, playing with a plastic fork and snapping little bits off. "It's complicated."

"Do you just say things like, it's complicated and it's a long story whenever someone asks you a question you don't feel like answering?"

"It's a long story."

I roll my eyes. "Tell me why. No one can be that much of a jerk without having reasons."

"Fine. I guess it scared me... You know, how I felt about her. I figured it would go away by screwing other girls."

"But you knew she'd be hurt? Didn't you care?"

"She wasn't supposed to find out." There's a beat. "I know I fucked it all up."

"You guys tend to do that."

"Are we still talking about me and Yasmin?"

"I didn't say that."

He smiles. "I hope you and Alex work it out, you know."

"I wouldn't bet on it."

"Actually, I think I might place my bets," he sits back. "Twenty bucks says you get back together in a month."

I shrug. It's easy money. "You're on."

"Hi, Amelia," a boy says, standing in front of the table Jace and I are sitting at. He has dark hair and long eyelashes, a little like Alex.

"Hey," I smile, not knowing who this guy is.

"So, I know we don't talk, but I was wondering if you wanted to hang out or something?"

I bite my lip, my eyes down casting. I'm really not ready for another relationship or anything close to it. "Well um, i'm pretty busy right now... But i'll tell you if I can sometime." I don't want to lead him on because there's no way i'm going out with him, but I'll tell him i'm not interested when we're alone and he's not standing in front of Jace.

"Alright," he smiles before walking away and Jace gives me a weird look.

"How many guys do you turn down in a day?"

"Not any really. He's like the third guy to ask me out."

"Oh, makes sense. They're probably all too scared of Alex to ask. They know you're his."

"I'm no ones," I scowl, defensively.

"Whatever," he waves me off, starting to eat again.

"That's like me saying Yasmin is yours when she's not."

"Please. She is mine."

"Tell that to her."

"God no. She'd end my fucking existence. Have you met her?"

I smile as he goes onto talk about the ways she'd make him suffer. His eyes light up when he talks about her – it's kind of perfect. Everyone wants a guy like that, and Yasmin has one and she doesn't even realise.

+++

teaser: alex gets an unexpected visitor

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