"For the millionth time, Yasmin, I don't need anything and i'm perfectly fine."

"Okay okay. I'll get you more water."

"I don't need more i've got four full bottles sitting right here."

"Well, I'll get you some snacks."

"I'm not hungry."

Santiago stands behind her trying not to laugh and not helping me out at all in this painful situation.

"Well, you might be later."

"I'm so close to shouting the nurse and telling her i'm being harassed."

"I'm just trying to help." She punches my arm and it causes pain to erupt in my wounds, but I try not to show it.

"I know, but I don't need help. I feel awesome." That's a total lie. Even with this morphine I still feel pain every time I make a slight movement, and even if i'm laying still, I can still feel it.

"Mamá is getting out of her shift today to see you again," Santiago informs when Yasmin leaves the room to do whatever.

"She doesn't need to do that."

"I think you keep forgetting that you almost died. You didn't just get a paper cut, Alex."

"I ain't dead though, am I? Everything's good in the hood."

"Speaking of which. Caligari is dead, and the cops got all the other guys and found other people working for him."

"Not to be insensitive, but i'm so glad he's dead. He can't order someone to kill us from prison if he didn't even make it there."

"You can't say not to be insensitive before saying you're glad someone's dead and expect it not to seem insensitive. But yeah, same."

"Stop being such a snob." He screws up his face and I change the subject. "Have you seen Amelia?"

"No."

"Of course you haven't. Why would she come see me after the shit i've done?"

"I'm sure she will, dude." I hope so. I need to tell her i'm sorry and make things right now that there's no death threats being thrown around. There's still the risk of someone friends with Cal to come looking for revenge though.

But fuck it, I feel bad for the sucker that comes to my family looking for trouble.

+++

The nurses will have a meltdown if they see me out of bed, but I can't stand lying here doing nothing any longer. It's been four fucking days since shit happened. Isn't that enough time to heal?

Apparently not, says the pain stretching through my body when I stand up. Jesus shit, that hurts.

Out in the corridor I find Val stretched out across seats, fast asleep. I shake him until his eyes shoot open and he sits up.

"Don't eat my nuts!" He realises his surroundings and meets my eye. "Oh, hey Alex."

"What was that about?" I laugh.

"I was jus' dreamin' about squirrels. Yah know, the usual," he waves it off, sitting properly in the chair.

"You should go home and sleep."

"No way, dude. Have you seen how hot the nurses are here?"

"Well, don't be expecting any of them to be eating your nuts. Seriously, just go home."

"Fine, I don't want to be here anyway when Yasmin gets back and starts stressing over you. That girl could break the world record of giving someone a headache in the fastest time, sheesh."

"Hasta luego," I call to him as he walks away, then go back into my room. I sit on the edge of the bed, looking around at the get well soon cards some of my relatives have sent me. They are cousins and uncles and aunts that I haven't spoken to in years, yet they send these like they actually think twice about me being in hospital.

"Should you be out of bed?" I freeze.

It can't be him. He can't be here. How would he even know? I'm afraid to look in case he's not even here and I just imagined that.

My eyes move slowly across the room until I meet his blue ones, my heart racing. He's skinnier then I remember, and his eyes are surrounded by dark circles; his skin grey. He is actually here. My father is here.

I stand up, forgetting all about the pain. What am I supposed to say? Am I supposed to be happy? Angry? I can't figure out why i'd be happy or angry.

"Hola, mi'jo."

A lump forms in my throat, and I fear if I speak my voice will break. He steps closer, his expression sad as he looks down at my crumpling body.

"I'm so sorry."

And that's it. I break, tears falling down my cheeks. "Don't. You caused all of this."

"I know, and I don't know how I can ever make this up to you, but-" he frowns, "I wish you had told me."

"What's the point? You couldn't do anything."

"But i'm still tu padre."

I look away from him and wipe away the wetness under my eyes. "Just go away."

His sad eyes get even sadder. "I'm not leaving yet. This is the first i've seen you in months."

"Who's fault is that?"

He steps closer. "I'm sorry!" Checking behind him, he lowers his voice. "I'm sorry."

"That won't take this all back. That won't get you out of prison. Marco, Carlos, Ray – they don't have a Dad anymore."

His face screws up in pain, and he looks down to redeem himself, before locking eyes with me again. "Thanks to you getting Cal to basically admit to forcing me to kill that guy, i'm going to court about limiting my prison sentence."

I can't help the flow of relief that takes over me when he says this. That'd mean i'd be going to court too though, and i'm already going about my work with Cal. "You still killed a guy though."

"Even if I never got involved with Cal in the first place, that guy would still be dead."

"That doesn't make it okay-"

"I know it doesn't, Alex." He sighs, "It still drives me crazy thinking about it."

"Well, good."

"You're harder to get forgiveness from than judges are."

"I was the one who was there, maybe that's why. And I was the one who had to get the backlash of it all."

"Dad?" Yasmin stands at the door to my room and my Dad turns around. She runs to him, jumping up with her arms around his neck and her feet off the ground. She begins to cry uncontrollably, and I take a mental note that the only times Yasmin will cry in front of people is either over Jace or my Dad. They haven't seen each other or spoke in months – it's probably all too overwhelming for her.

"Don't cry, Yasy."

"I missed you so much," she says, her voice strangled.

"I've missed you too. You gotta tell me everything i've missed." When he puts her down, she just buries her face in his chest.

"Why did you have to go? I can't cope without you."

I turn away, my chest hurting from seeing how upset she is. I didn't know it affected her this much. Dad hugs her tight and looks over at me and I can see he has some things left to say.

"I'm here for now." He lifts her head to see her tear stained face. "Can you call your brothers for me?" She nods, stepping out into the hall and going on her phone. Dad looks at me again, putting his hands in his pocket. "Does anyone know what happened other than 'Ti'?"

"Ray, Val and Enrico."

"Ray's gonna be a tough one. He's a lot like you."

Considering Ray said he kinda hates him... I think he'll be more than tough.

All of my siblings except Ray show up at the hospital since my Dad's not allowed to go home. They talk for a couple of hours while I stay quiet and listen, still feeling weird about him being here. Santiago seems happier than he's been in a long time, and Marco too. The kid can't stop smiling.

"Alex fell in love," Val smirks.

"Shut up," I speak for the first time in ages.

"What's her name?" Dad asks. "Or his name?" He laughs, knowing fine well how many girls I used to bring home.

"Amelia," Yasmin says and the sound of her name gives me chills. I wish she was here. I wish that every second of the day.

"Why isn't she here? I'd love to meet her."

"They broke up 'cause Alex is a moron." Val brings out his phone. "Look how hot she is-"

"Cut it out, Val," I reach over and grab his phone, the action causing me an immense amount of pain from the way I bent. "Ah," I wince, putting my hand over my stomach as the pain doesn't go away.

Dad puts his hand on my shoulder. "Take it easy."

"Nice of you to join, Ray," Max says, and we all look at the door. Ray stands with an unreadable expression, looking at Dad's hand on me.

Dad stands up and walks to him. "You okay?"

"Fine," his jaw is tensed. "No thanks to you." God, Ray.

"How about we talk in private?"

"Why? So I won't tell them what you did?"

Yasmin furrows her eyebrows in confusion, making me mad at Ray. They don't need to know. I stand up as carefully as I can, going to Ray and trying to push him out of the room. He just shoves me back like he always does when I try to stop him from doing something stupid.

"Don't touch me. You know, I don't know how you can sit here with him and act like everything's okay."

"If you're gonna do this then just get the fuck out." He doesn't move so I try to push him back again, feeling angry that he's come in here and started shit. He doesn't seem too happy about it though, so he pushes me back harder, his hand dangerously close to my wound.

"Ray! Stop it," Santiago stands in between us both while Dad stares at Ray in shock, probably wondering what the fuck happened to the nice guy he used to be. Tiago takes him out and Dad looks down at my stomach.

"You alright?"

I nod. "I'll be right back." When I leave, I follow Ray and Santiago down the corridor as they argue and Ray stops to kicks a chair. "You got anger issues or something?"

He seems to calm down when he sees me this time, and he takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Alex. I didn't mean to-" He takes another breath.

"It's cool. But seriously, what are you thinking? You think Yasmin and Marco and Carlos need to hear that their Dad killed someone? None of them do."

"They can't just sit there thinking he's a saint."

"They know he's not or he wouldn't have been locked up." My mind gets completely taken away from this conversation when I see a blonde girl in the background. For a split second I allow myself to believe it's Amelia, and that she's come to see me despite the shitty things I said to her, but the girl turns around and I see she looks nothing like Amelia.

"Hello?" Ray waves his hand in front of my face and I snap out of my thoughts.

"Are you back on earth now?" Santiago looks behind him to where I was staring.

"What was that about?" I hear Yasmin say from behind me. "What did Dad do?"

I give Ray a look, warning him not to say anything. "Nada, Yasmin. Go back."

"No, i'm sick of the secrets. I'm not twelve years old."

"Yes you are."

"Shut up," she glares. "Santiago, tell me."

"It's really nothing. Ray was just talking about his old job." Yasmin seems to believe him so she lets it go.

Later when everyone leaves, Dad and I don't have any time to talk because he has to go back to prison. I'm glad. I would rather put it out of my mind like i've been trying to do this whole time instead of talking about it and listening to him apologise over and over again. When I fall asleep, my dreams are filled with Amelia Miller. She's here, in the hospital. Everything is how it used to be and she's smiling and laughing, telling me about a cute dog she saw and tearing up over how she'll never see it again.

I wake up feeling happy for once, but that happiness is short lived when I see my empty room and remember the way I hurt Amelia.

+++

teaser: alex is back at school and approaches amelia

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