I wake up with a jerk, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand harshly.

Again, with that atrocious nightmare.

It's the same damn vicious cycle,me being stuck in the room but this time no one came to save me. I sighed leaning back on my chair looking up at the ceiling. My neck and body, protesting against it. the whole night sitting in this damn chair and sleeping in an awkward position does it. My neck is stiff.

I have been trying not to sleep so I couldn't live in that nightmare. It's been six days since the last time I saw Nathan;he hasn't done anything till now. Five days since I last saw Jungkook I didn't go to college either.

So far it's good I don't need to deal with anything now. I am completing all the assignments submitting them online, its one privilege you get being a Committee member and attendance that's remarkable. My grades are not great but I try to maintain.

I asked Yoongi to tell Jungkook that he is going to cook for me so this way one less reason to see me. Yoongi comes everyday checking up on me, scowling everytime seeing my appearance. I am at my best in the past few days, I don't have an urge to do anything.

Yoongi talks about what I have missed, when he starts talking about Jungkook like a coward I change the topic. I don't want to hear about him. It makes it a lot more difficult when I am the one who shut him out.

I ignored his calls and messages even I have a reason that I am not feeling well, that's just a stupid excuse. That man still doesn't get it. He still messages me even when I don't reply. I was going to delete it without reading it. Something stopped me.

Slowly I got up and walked to the bathroom standing in front of the sink. Looking up at my reflection in the mirror, the one who is staring back at me is definitely not me. Her eyes are blank, lifeless. The light that was there once is not there, face pale, cheeks sunken in I lost so much Weight.

This me is exactly the one how I was back then. So helpless, given up on everything.

I splashed water on my face, calming my nerves.

Freshening up I took the coffee mug on the table along with my phone. The phone lit up with notifications, miss calls from Yoongi, messages from my friends, Jungkook too. I ignored all the messages dialing Yoongi.

After four rings he picked up.

"You awake?". His gruff voice said.

"Yeah just, why did you call?". I ask opening the cabinet to take out the coffee bottle.

"Do I need a reason to call my sister? He scowled"Especially when she is ill, I just wanted to check up.How are you feeling? He sighed.

" I am okay". I murmured

He was silent for a second "You think I believe your bullshit, did you eat?"

"Yeah I did". I lied but I know he saw through me.

"I am coming after sometime".

"No it's fine, I have some food I will heat it up later". I said.

"You need to take your meds too, so you need to eat something". He affirmed "And yes Jungkook asked me about you again, that boy is damn persistent".

I sighed "Leah stopped by yesterday she was pissed off".

He didn't point out that again I changed the subject " She punched me when I told her not to see you because you have an infectious cold. She just would do whatever I want saying how can we leave you alone no one to take care. Sorry I tried to stop her from seeing you many times but you know how she is".

I laughed "Yes and it's okay. I am sorry for putting you in this position thanks for handling Jungkook."

"Mia I don't want to pry much but something happened, did he do something? It's fine, misunderstandings and fights happen, you need to talk it out. He also isn't looking great, he looks miserable. Did you break up?.

I felt a painful jab in my chest" No he didn't do anything. "I said

" Then why the hell are you shutting him out? "I can see the frown on his face, figuring out what exactly is wrong with me.

The doorbell rang, I close my eyes in exasperation.

" It's him, isn't it? " Yoongi asked.

" I don't know " I bit my lip, I know it's him." I will call you later".

I hung up, holding the counter with my hands trying to stabilize my breathing. I was shaking in anxiety, I haven't seen him in a few days, I can't avoid him forever, I have to face him someday.

Taking a deep breath I walked up the door, opening it. My breath hitched seeing him, Yoongi was right he doesn't look great.

His eyes lit up slightly when he saw me, but died a little taking in my appearance. He scowled "What the hell Mia? Are you even taking care of yourself?".

I didn't answer, just opened the door wide open stepping aside, he took that as a sign and entered. I closed the door behind him.

I really love how he respects my privacy, he could have entered just like every time he does but he didn't.

" Did you eat?" Jungkook asked, leaning on the counter watching me make the coffee.

"I did".

"How are you feeling now? You look awful, are you even eating? You lost so much weight". He frowned at me.

"Why are you here?". I asked. He sighed in frustration ruffling his hair. I am not answering his question even if I did, I kept answers short. It's annoying him.

When I said Jungkook doesn't deserve it, what I meant was the mess I am in shouldn't concern him. I am not sure if I am ready to take one step toward him, so why lead him on? I need to sort the shit I am in first before I end up dragging him in. I need to face my past before continuing my future.

It's my baggage to carry, I don't want him to deal with it. I am ashamed and disgusted. I can't assume he will be too, but it's my mess to deal with. I don't want to include him, if I can't let go of my past which will only haunt our future. Now is not the time that I can deal with Jungkook, when I don't know where we stand.

"Why aren't you answering my calls and messages?".

I annoyedly turned to him" Do I have a reason to? ".

His eyes snapped at me looking at me in disbelief." What? "

" Yeah it's not like we have to work together, the committee work is over for us. Also I don't see a reason why you are here? ".

I felt like a bitch as I saw hurt and sadness pool in his eyes. I was the cause of that. He shut his eyes "I-I was worried".

The stutter had my heart thudding painfully. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat.

"It's not like we are friends, we were just forced to work together. No wait you forced me too, so I was being civil so we can get it down as early as we can".

His eyes pleaded me to stop, "Jungkook, don't tell me you believed we had something". I laughed "Is it about the kiss?".

I am such a bitch, it feels like I hit the nerve not only mine but his. His eyes flashed so many emotions, in seconds he was in front of me. Taking the cup from me, setting it aside, he took my hands in his. I ignored the warmth his body bought me. The touch I carved for.

He stood so close, looking at him so closely for the first time. I realised how badly I missed him. How badly, I want to hug him.

"What did you say?". He said anger was visible in his voice.

I jutted my chin "It's just a kiss, we kissed a couple of times. You do that all the time, I do too. It was fun, it was good now I don't see the reason we should talk". I confidently said.

He stared into my eyes" Tell me you didn't feel anything when we kissed? Look me in my eyes and say that ".

My confidence wavered a little, I couldn't do that. He looks so determined.

I gave him a small smile" I am Sorry, you lose Jungkook" He looked confused then it was like a truck hit him, his hands left mine. He backed away looking everywhere but me.

He roughly rubbed his face, he looked like he wanted to punch someone.

"I won, how was the game? Not good enough, I didn't think you would let your guard down so easily. Pranks are one thing but let me tell you this was more fun".

"Shut up". He yelled I flinched a little but recovered "Please don't say it".

"Why? Weren't you the one who said I never lose. How did I feel seeing everything crumbling, I meant your ego".

He looked at me suddenly, striding at me. I wanted to take a step back but restrained myself from doing so.

"If for a minute you think I believe the bullshit you are wrong". He took my cheeks in his hands glaring at me but his touch was gentle, so gentle.

His eyes blazed in anger but softness still there"You are behaving like this since the Dance, something happened there what it is Mia".

"Nothing happened". I defended

A knowing look passed on his face"So something happened, who hurt you? ". He said with a cold voice.

Gritting my teeth" Nothing. Happened. Can't you understand that".

"You think I didn't saw how you kept flinching when I touched you, the nightmares you are so dumb".

"Stop it just stop". I breaked free from his grip, my eyes stinging.

"Who is it? If you don't tell me I am going to find it on my own and you won't like it."

My breathing quickened, I was hyperventilating. Sweat trickling down my forehead I hold my chest trying to ease the pain.

"Hey hey, it's okay I am here". I heard Jungkook's voice in the distance embracing me. Holding me tight, rubbing my back, caressing my hair. "I am here no one can hurt you".

I cried harder in his chest clutching his shirt in fist. He cradled me in his arms pulling me out of my darkness.

"I am sorry". He said kissing my hair. I am so tired this is not the way I imagined this conversation to end. I thought he would just walk away from me. He didn't when I kept shutting him out.

He really doesn't deserve me, I am such a disaster.