Sorry I didn't upload this chapter last week, I needed a break from writing. I had some writers block and wanted some time to think (:

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I thought heaven would be full of pale pink clouds and everything you loved in life, full of amazing people and everything would be perfect, in my silly fantasy.

Apparently it's not like that, instead I feel pain, aching, headache, tummy ache, this is the worst I've ever felt.

I wish my fantasy had of been true, I would of opened my eyes to a pretty sky and clouds but instead my eyes gently flicker open to blazing ceiling lights.

"Darcy? She's awake! Call someone" I hear a voice. My body aches so much I don't think I can move my head but the video sounds unfamiliar but familiar at the same time. It makes me tingly, raising my arm hairs.

I hear shuffling, my eyes are stuck to the ceiling. I shouldn't be here, I'm alive, why am I still alive?

Tears brim to my eyes at the thought of having to live with the mental pain everyday, I wanted to escape but I've been pulled back.

"Darc, don't cry" The unfamiliar/familiar voice says slowly brushing it away, I flinch, the hand is rough against my skin.

"Why am I still here?" My voice is croaky, my throat is burning with pain making me shut my mouth immediately after my sentence. I hear crying burst out, mom.

"Darc, sweetie, look at me" The familiar voice speaks gently, fingers hook under my chin turning my head to the left.

Dad?

"Dad?" My eyes widen, I sit up in my bed abruptly but regret it with a whine of pain. He gently takes me down but puffs my pillows so I'm sitting up slightly. His scent is the exact warm smell that used to get me to sleep at night, "W-Why are you here?" My brain can't process that he's here. After years and years, he's here.

His eyes are a rich brown with a green spec in the right eye, his hair has gone slightly grey but he still has his dark locks, he looks exactly the same just slightly older. "I came to see you, the hospital called me as well as your mom" He frowns, reaching out to cup my hands, "Darc, I came as soon as I heard, everyone did"

I look around to see everyone, I hadn't noticed them since all my focus went to dad. Mom stands with Ezra and Joesph who all have red faces and puffy cheeks but mom is still crying. Issac stands on his own at the end of the bed, why is he here?

I want to see him but i'm just surprised the last I saw him he was with Ellie, he'd slept with Ellie. I look away feeling that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach like before.

"Issac was the one who found you" Joesph says, they all take a seat next to my bed. I can't manage to get out words, after the few mumbles of words I gave to dad my throat was burning.

The nurse comes into the room, "Hi Darcy, how are you feeling?" She smiles down at me, I just nod not exactly feeling the best. She takes it as an answer anyways, smiling sadly down at me but checks the tube I'm connected to, "Some people are going to come and talk to you but for now I think you should get some rest"

I nod and lye down as she adjusts my pillows, I didn't wanna see anyone I feel horrible, my whole body in pain. The nurse ushers everyone out but Issac stays, no one says anything they just let him sit there when they leave. I want my dad to come back into the room but he doesn't.

After a few minutes he moves to the chair closest to me, its a battle to keep my eyes open.

"I understand if you hate me" My words are above a whisper, I can't manage anymore then just a few words at a time, "I don't hate you" He takes my cold hands in his large ones, "What you did hurt me but I'll never hate you" His words are just as quiet as mine.

His face is red and sounds like hes been crying which breaks my heart, "You really scared me" He closes his eyes, leaning his elbows on his thighs, "I can't loose you Darc" He leans down and kisses the back of my hand, I feel something wet drip onto my hand.

This must be painful for him, he'd already experienced this with Andrew and now me.

"Don't" I whisper slowly wiping away his tear. He moves his head closer to the bed so our faces are close and he leans his head down on my pillow our foreheads touching.

"Get some sleep" He weakly smiles, he pulls the sheets over me more then gently strokes my hair, I begin to relax slowly falling to sleep under his touch.

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I wake up to the sound of mumbling voices, female voices. I slowly sit up with less pain then before thankfully.

Issac isn't here he must of gone, I frown, "Hello Darcy" a woman with wild ringlets of curls smiles at me, "We're the crisis team, this is my colleague Emma and my name is Hope" I make myself comfortable sitting up.

"H-Hi" I smile, the other woman has long blonde straight hair, she looks friendly.

"We're here today to have a little talk with you, can you tell us why you overdosed?" Her voice is gentle but I flinch at how fast she gets to the point.

"I- Urm-" My voice is shaky, talking to strangers has always been a struggle for me, I don't trust many people I'm scared if I tell someone they'll share it with other people and I hate people knowing my business.

"It's okay" She smiles, "Try closing your eyes, pretend we're not here and start from the beginning" The other woman Emma speaks.

I take a few deep breaths and close my eyes, there's a pause of silence for a few minutes whilst I build up the confidence.

I pretend I'm on my own and open my mouth, starting from the beginning like they asked. It was first about my dad, how confused and lonely I was without him, then the distance I created between me and everyone else, to my time at school and not fitting in, me crying, screaming, non stop quietness that made everything in my head ten times louder, the dark nights, the scars, the voice, everything.

I gather after a while they probably only wanted to know the start as to why I overdosed not my whole life story but I can't stop the words now I've started, it feels good to get it out like it did when I told Issac.

I mention Issac, he has a big part in the whole story, I talk about Ezra and Joesph with how different our relationship was when Dad left they switched roles completely. Me and Ezra weren't close when Dad was around but me and Joesph were, we used to get on so well but when Dad left he pushed me away and Ezra stepped in and we grew close.

I spoke about mom and how she didn't tell me that dad wanted to take me along and all the things I thought I knew but I didn't.

I try to share and describe as much as I can about how I feel and how I react when I feel but some parts are big blurs.

"How do you cope with how you're feeling?" Hopes eyes narrow gathering the information, "I just tried to push myself through, try to act okay" I shrug, I've gotten good at acting like I'm okay.

"What made you stop pushing through?" She bends her elbow on her thigh, resting her chin in her palm.

"Exhaustion, everything felt like it was falling apart and I didn't know how to cope with it, I didn't think I could, tired of feeling like this" I start to well up with tears.

"Feeling like what?" Emma chips in, making sure she writes everything down, "Worthless, pointless, confused. I felt a disappointment and not good enough" I frown, no one ever really asks me these questions, no one ever really knows what to say to me when I tell them.

"What made you feel like that?" Hope is giving me all her attention, really focusing on what I'm saying.

"My dad leaving" I mumble, "He left us and I felt like a disappointment, like he didn't want me, I wasn't good enough for him to stay" A single tear rolls down my cheek, I try to blink them back but I feel like I want to cry a river.

"I've wanted to do this for years but never could" I sigh, "I thought I could handle everything and I would be okay but it just got worse" I wipe my puffy cheeks.

"What was stopping you?" Emma writes more down.

"Art" I smile.

They ask me a few more questions, Emma continues to write what I say down, "We're going to get you help Darcy, you're not on your own anymore. There's people out there that love you and we care about you also" Hope smiles bright, "We'll start you off with a councillor and also a workshop, you attend the workshop once every two weeks and it's about 3 hours long" She hands me a few leaflets.

"You also mentioned earlier that when things feel to much you start to heavy breath, panic, feel like walls are caving in on you, trapped all those things so I'm going to give you this booklet" She hands me a blue and purple coloured sheet, there's a few other sheets with it that are stapled.

"I want you to try some of these things when you start to heavy breath or any of the other signs when you start to have a breakdown and let all your built up emotions out" She looks down at the sheet I'm holding, "These things will distract you and help you calm down for example this one" She points to one with her pinky finger.

"Get an ice cube and put it into the palm of your hand and watch it melt, it will relax your body when watching the little bubbles and the way it melts will dominate your attention, also meditation is a good one there's a few app suggestions on there that you can download on your phone" She nods, tucking hair behind her ear.

"I will set you up with a councillor as soon as possible, all our councillors are great but we need to see which one you feel most comfortable and happy to share your thoughts to, so you can really get the help you need" She smiles.

"Can we talk to mom or anyone else?" Emma asks, she stayed quiet for most the time I thought she was mostly observing, "Y-Yeah sure, I don't know where they are, I've been sleeping" I say embarrassed.

I realise I've been sleeping most the day so I probably look a state but I'm past caring really, "I'll go find them" Hope gets up and exits.

"So tell me more about your friend, Amelia, you mentioned her" Emma smiles, she looks young early 20's.

"I met her on my first day of college and she was really nice. She made me feel welcome and apart of her other friends when she introduced me, she's Issac's sister" I smile, "But I had no idea she had feelings for me" I frown, I had brought up Amelia when I was talking.

"How does that make you feel?" She frowns her eyebrows slightly creating a gentle crease in her forehead, "I'm flattered but I've never seen her past a friend. At the time when she told me it was a bit to much and I ran away from her, I seem to do that with everything but it all got a bit crazy" I sigh.

"Just be honest with her, she'll understand" She smiles, "I know, I'm going to be I just don't want to ruin our friendship, it's special to me" I smile sadly.

"What about if you had feelings for her? Would you stop being her friend if she didn't return the feelings?" She tilts her head to one side, making me think about her words.

"No, it would be upsetting obviously but I'd prefer her to be honest with me and we could get through it" I nod, I see her smile.

"Think about what you said and channel that into the situation, Amelia will probably feel the exact same as that if the friendship is just as special to her" Emma makes good points.

Hope comes back in with Mom, Dad, Ezra and Joseph. They all look upset, tearful. Joseph to my surprise sits next to me and takes my hand in his, kissing the back of it.

Dad sits at the back by the window on some chairs, mom and Ezra by my bed. I've been inching to see dad ever since he left the room before but he sits far away.

Dad doesn't comment much during the questions, it's mostly just the same stuff I've told them just from another persons point of view, "She used to be so giggly, bubbly, happy but then it got lost and she became distant" Mom wipes a tear away.

"Sometimes she just looses it, everything that she feels, that she's bottled up explodes. She just screams and cries and if you try to hold her back it makes her worse, I try to help her but I can't, I don't know what's going on in her head" Ezra frowns.

"For ages she hated herself because she felt unloved I used to hear her cry through the walls and talk to someone or something but I don't know what" Joseph makes a comment.

They all take turns answering different questions.

"I had to move away but I couldn't separate Debra from all her kids" My dad finally speaks out after a while, Hope had asked him a question, "I love all three of them to pieces, but I had to leave, me and Debra met young and we were in an intense love, we were happy together, crazy about eachother but after time we just grew into different people and wanted different things with our futures even though we'd had three beautiful children we just grew apart" Dad frowns, "I wanted to take her with me I really did, Ezra and Joseph hated me for leaving there mom but Darcy was to young to understand, a part of me didn't want to separate them but the other half wanted to take her with me so I could look after her and watch her grow, I know it wasn't fair on the other two"

Hope and Emma get all there information. They've been here for a long time now talking to everyone individually. Hearing what everyone had to say was surprising, it broke my heart to watch mom cry.

I felt so close to all of them, we've never been honest with each other. Mom and dad break out into an argument after Emma asks them to speak about their breakup, "I didn't want to leave you all but we couldn't carry on like nothing happened, it would have been hard!" Dad hisses at mom, "We could of made it work!" Moms tears run down her cheeks.

"If you hadn't of left she wouldn't be here!" Mom shouts angrily.

Dad looks taken back, hurt by moms words, "If you'd had let me take her she wouldn't be here" He snarls back.

"Okay, everyone needs to calm down, no one should be trying to blame anyone" Emma frowns.

They both nod and sit down.

Everyone seems to get everything out of their system, I stay silent taking everyone in. Everyone is blaming themselves and it's no ones fault, it was me, I was the one who did this because I wanted to escape. I love these people so much and they're kicking themselves with blame.

"Darcy, don't cry" Joseph strokes my hair lightly, "It's no ones fault, please don't blame yourself" I mumble wiping away the tears, "I love you all so much I can't stand seeing you thinking it's your fault"

They all come and crowd around me on the bed, mom sits next to me putting her arm around me, dad and Joseph at the end of the bed and Ezra the other side of me.

"Hello Darcy" The doctor walks in, his smile is warm and I hope he's got good news, "How are you feeling after your sleep?" He stands at the end of my bed.

"I'm feeling better, thank you" I nod wiping my wet cheeks, "Good to hear" He smiles.

"We're going to keep you in over night to see how you are, you're lucky you survived Darcy, you were in a bad state" He frowns.

I nod, I didn't want to stay but I can't go against the doctor's orders, "Theres a young boy outside that said he'll stay with you for a bit if you like" He smiles.

"Issac?" I say surprised, I didn't think he'd still be here.

"Yes that's him, he did mention his name" He smiles, "But it's up to you if he stays"

I nod, "Yeah, okay" it would be nice to have Issac's company, everyone has to get home anyways they've been here all day.

I'm in a sided off private room, I'm not sure why I'm in a private room and not a hospital ward but I guess they needed a private room so Hope and Emma could see me.

Soon after they leave I'm left with mom, dad, Ezra and Joseph, "Are sure you don't want us to stay?" Mom holds my hand, "Yes, you go home and relax" I smile, I didn't want mom to sleep here and be uncomfortable after the day she must of had, I'm sure she's in good need of relaxation.

"Okay, but if you need anything just call us" She stands up hesitantly, "I will don't worry, I'll have Issac here for a bit" I smile.

"Yes, he's a nice boy" She squeezes my hand, "He really cares for you Darcy" She smiles sadly.

Dad kisses me on the forehead telling me he loves me before he pulls away. Ezra hugs me giving me a little squeeze, so does Joseph.

The sadness in all their eyes crushes me, "I love you so much" Mom whispers as she kisses my cheek, "I'll be back tomorrow"

I give her a hug before they all leave, I close my eyes letting out a sigh I didn't know I was holding.

I hear the door creak slightly and shoot my eyes open, "It's only me, c'mon, they've assigned you to a ward, the doctors outside" Issac smiles kindly holding out his hand for me.

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Think this is the biggest chapter I've ever wrote for this book!

What did you think about Darcy's dad being back?

Hope you enjoyed! They'll be another chapter next Friday (:

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