This chapter will contain a suicide attempt, if this will upset or effect you please don't read.

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My whole body freezes, they slept together?

My heart scatters into a million pieces just thinking about it, beacuse of me being stupid me and pushing him away ive lost him, lost him to Ellie.

I do the first thing I think of, pull on the happiest smile I can muster which doesn't look over the top and take her hands, "I'm so happy for you, glad its finally working out" I push out my words.

She squeals, "I've wanted this for so long, if it wasn't for you setting us up on a date this wouldn't of happened" She looks so happy, she really does. Issac deserves someone like that but my heart still aches and I have to keep it together because if I don't i'm going to break down here and now.

"It's no problem, I'm glad you're happy" I smile giving her hands a last squeeze before standing up, I need to get out of here fast, "Do you know where Amelia is? She's gonna be late for class" I force out another polite smile.

"Oh she went down there somewhere, the ILC building" She smiles, I nod and thank her.

I straighten my back quickly, pull on a brave face and shine a small quick smile at Issac who looks confused and walk past him as fast as my legs can take me. My body feels like its bounding, my head fuzzy.

Once I turn around the corner out of sight, I break out into a run, crashing my way outside. I'm not going to see Amelia, I just need air.

Fresh tears spill over my cheeks, this is all my fault why did I have to push him away? Why do I have to be scared of everything.

"Darcy?" I feel warm hands on my forearms.

I look up and see her green eyes, "What's the matter?" Amelia tilts her head.

"Issac and Ellie, they slept together" More and more tears, "It's okay" She tucks my hair behind my ear, holding my face. "Do you remember last night?" She whispers.

"N-Not really, I remember getting to the party but that's about it" I shrug, she looks upset, "Why?" I frown my eyebrows, tears still spilling.

"You don't remember what I told you?" Her eyes look sad, "Amelia I'm sorry, I don't remember you'll have to tell me again" I feel selfish with my harsh tone but I'm not in the mood, I'm hurt, angry.

"W-Well I told you that, that, you're amazing and that, well, I have, I feel-" Her words aren't coming out, her sentences aren't finishing, "Amelia" I snap irritated.

"I have feelings for you!" She blurts out, "We kissed" She sounds nervous and on edge.

My words are stuck now, "Darcy please say something" She fidgets with her necklace not looking at me, "Amelia-"

"You must have felt something because you kissed back, you must of felt the spark that I felt" She starts to ramble pacing up and down, "You must have known how I felt about you" She looks at me.

I'm so confused, I feel trapped, I always feel confused and trapped and I don't know what to do anymore, so I do what I know best, "I'm sorry" I run back towards the main entrance.

coward.

I breath heavily when I get back inside, looking around everyone is having there own conversations but the noise is so loud it invades my head, I check the time my watch is blurry and fuzzy but I'm late to class so I walk as quick as I can towards the class room.

I wipe my eyes and approach the class room, the rooms and corridors feel like there closing in on me and I start to feel sweaty. "Darcy? are you coming in?" Kate looks at me and I realise I've been standing in the door frame.

Everyone turns to look at me and I feel like im shrinking, my breathing becomes faster and faster like I'm out of breath, My eyes scan the room so many looming stares, the sound crashes my ears and my head is swimming around with so many things.

Amelia.

Issac and Ellie.

Ezra's new girlfriend.

Dad.

Mom.

Joseph.

You're pathetic.

My hands cover my head but I can still hear the voice there, laughing, laughing fills the room. everyone laughing at me. Fresh tears bubble up.

I run out the classroom and out of college.

Why does this always happen? Why am I always running away? I feel like I'm always running from my own head but I can't get away, I can never get away It's always there. However much I try.

I slam my feet down as I run along the road, last night keeps floating back to me in little chunks making me panic even more.

College isn't a short distance away from my house I'd never walk it but I feel like I've just ran the whole distance in 2 seconds.

I enter my street confused, mom isn't home, no ones at home, I'll be home alone. Being alone haunts me, I'm terrified of what I'll do but I slam the door behind me and run upstairs.

No one understands this feeling inside me, this constant battle, where am I even going in life? My dad left, even if he wanted to take me with him he still left and it's crushed me for years.

Just when Issac comes along, a blessing that I didn't appreciate I push him into Ellie's arms because I'm scared, scared of being broken.

The truth is, I can't be broken anymore then I already am. I've suffered with this for years and I've found my own little ways to deal with it but I can't anymore, it's to much, my whole world is to much for me to handle.

I feel pointless, it's my fault that I'm all alone because I'm so stupid.

I run into the bathroom, lock it and sink down the door, I hate the way I feel all the time, I'm not even the same person anymore, I'm weak, useless, worthless.

I wish I could talk to dad, he'd smile and say, "You'll be okay, I'm here, I'll always be here" in his soft gentle voice, but he lied, he left.

Why couldn't anyone tell me he wanted to take me with him? Maybe life would of been different, away from everyone.

He's got a new life, new family, possibly children.

New children that aren't disappointments like you.

Tears string down my cheeks, I take my bottle of tablets and look at them, I don't want to be here anymore, why was I put here to feel like this? It's not fair.

All I wish for is a bit of happiness, I felt that with Issac, with dad. I want to be the old Darcy, I used to be funny, go out, have fun. I don't do any of that stuff anymore.

I cry, loud sobs, no ones home, no one can hear me.

Do it.

No one wants you here.

You'll be doing everyone a favour.

I unscrew the lid and tip the tablets into my palm, staring at them.

No one cares about you.

Everyone will be happy when they have you out of their life.

Tears spill out my eyes faster and faster.

No ones coming to save you, no one is here, you're alone.

Pathetic.

Worthless.

No wonder your dad left, he hates you.

My sobs fill the room, I scream to get rid of the voice, "Leave me alone!" Slamming my hand of the floor repeatedly.

Not until you do what's right.

I don't think, this is what I want, it's right, it's for the best.

I'm no good here, I'll be happy when I'm gone so will everyone else, I'm just empty space I'm not a person anymore I've let myself become someone I don't recognise.

I tip the tablets into my mouth and swallow with some water.

This is it, I sit back and wait.

Sinking, I lye on the floor, I don't know whose gonna find me but I just hope it's not mom. I once wrote a letter to say goodbye but no one will find it now, I hope no one will find me.

I feel my head go fuzzy, like I'm floating, drifting like a cloud, my tears are silent.

I feel happy, I read online that can happen when it hits your brain. This is the right thing to do, everyone will be so much better off.

I didn't want this to be slow, I wanted it to be fast so I didn't have to think about it but the more time goes, the more I cry.

I feel so pathetic.

you are.

I have no fight left in me to scream at it to go away, my breathing becomes slow and I'm finding it hard to breath in and out, my struggle is taking all my energy.

My body feels heavy as I bring my hand up to clamp it around my necklace that I wear everyday, dad brought it me.

I wonder if he'll care? I wonder if he'll even find out I've gone.

He won't care, I'm pointless. Stupid Darcy. No one can hear my loud sobs, letting it all poor out my body trying to remember when it all turned bad.

My heart feels slow, I can hear the pound of every heartbeat but it slows, my breathing hardly coming out.

It's happening, I'm finally going to become happier in a better place. I start to feel tired letting it wash over me, tears still prick out my eyes but I don't wipe or stop them because soon I close my eyes.

And everything becomes dark.

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Sorry if this effected anyone ):

Comment some thoughts.

So glad it's the weekend!! Have 4 days off college yasssss.

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