I lay there in Yoongi's bed still wide awake. I toss and turn, I know this may sound weird but the bed smells like him. I like it, I feel safe. I roll over onto my back and check my phone. It's 3:47am and I cannot sleep. I usually have trouble sleeping, my mind just never stops.

I sit up and walk over to the window trying to be as quiet as I can, I don't want to wake the boys up. Moonlight peaks through the window blinds, it's really pretty. I lift the blinds up and look at the moon. Large buildings almost hide it but I'm glad they don't.

*sigh* "I wish I was the moon. Something that watches over people, lighting the night up"

The door creaks open.

"That's strange, don't you think?"

I get startled. It's Yoongi.

"Sorry did I wake you?"

"No you didn't, I just thought I would check on you"

I blush.

"Oh thank you". My voice sounds low and tired.

"Do you prefer the night? I do, I'd rather stay up all night and sleep all day. I seem to do better when It's night time, weird isn't it?"

"No, I don't think it's weird. I'm the same" I hold my face up with my hand and place my elbow on the window sill and smile gently. The brightness coming from outside illuminating our faces ever so softly.

I shiver a little bit. It's still really chilly.

"Are you cold?"

"Only a little bit"

Yoongi stands up and gets me a blanket. He wraps it around my body like a mother would do to her child.

"There you go" He has satisfied look on his face.

I laugh a little. "Thank you Yoongi"

"You know, tonight's been the happiest I've been in a long time" I blurt out of nowhere.

"Why's that?"

"All of you boy's made me smile so much today, no one has done that to me in a long time"

"What about your friends and family?"

"My family doesn't really visit me to often. When I was younger my parents fought a lot, endless nights of them just yelling at each other. This went on for years and eventually they went their separate ways. Honestly it was the best possible outcome but It still left me a little broken. At school everyone would talk about their perfect families and how they went on holidays and celebrated everything together. It hurt a lot because that was something that I never had but always wanted. I never really had friends either. In school I was quite a shy and timid girl and it often came across as though I didn't care about people but in reality I was just too nervous to approach anyone. Even at work my colleagues are quite nice to me but I wouldn't really consider any of them a friend so I just learnt how to cope alone"

"That must really hurt y/n, I'm sorry"

"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault"

"I know it isn't my fault but to grow up alone, that must of been.....tough."

"Being alone isn't all that bad I guess"

"Well, you're not alone anymore, you have me now"

He gives me a soft smile, I feel warm inside, I feel happy.

~Time Skip~

I wake the next morning slumped up against the wall, the blanket still wrapped around me. I don't even remember falling asleep. My eyes fully adjust and that is when I realise that my head is resting on Yoongi's shoulder. I quickly lift my head up. As I do so Yoongi starts to move.

"Ah y/n, did we sleep on the floor?" his voice is husky and low. Is it weird that I found that attractive?

"S-sorry, did I wake you?"

"I think so yeah, but don't worry we should probably get up anyway"

Yoongi lifts himself off the floor completly ignoring the fact I was just asleep on him. He put's his hand out to grab mine. I take it. His hand is much bigger than mine, it basically disappears.

"Come on lets have breakfast"

I follow Yoongi down the hall and into the kitchen. All the boys are seated at the table eating pancakes. I enter the kitchen with Yoongi and all of the boy's head shoot up like a dog that's seen food. They look so cute in their P'js and crazy bed hair, so different to what we get to see on social media. I like seeing this side if them, it makes them seem I guess normal, like everyone else in the world.

"Yoongi did you sleep with y/n?" Jimin questions.

"Yeah so what" he says so bluntly back.

They all smile and laugh amongst themselves, it makes me embarrassed.

"Have some pancakes y/n! Jin hyung made them"

"Hoseok stop being so loud, it's too early for this" Namjoon says downing another cup of coffee.

"Ah thank you everyone" I say sitting down next to Yoongi.

"Y/n I washed your clothes so you don't have to go home wearing Yoongi's"

"Thank you Jin, sorry to be such a bother"

"It's not an issue. After breakfast go and get changed and I'll take you home"

"Can I come and take y/n home as well Jin hyung?"

"Ask y/n Hoseok, it's her home we're going to"

"Of course you can come" I say happily.

~Time Skip~

I stand at the door and thank the boys for letting me stay. They all say their goodbyes but I feel as though we will being seeing each other again soon. Before I walk out the door Yoongi gives me the biggest smile and a wave, I smile back. He makes me heart flutter and my stomach feel funny. Could I have a crush on Min Yoongi?

"Come on let's go you two" Jin says pushing Hoseok and I out the door.

After 15 minutes or so we are back at my apartment. I open the door and as I assumed it's a complete mess.

"Ah sorry, I don't have many visitors so I only clean when it's necessary"

Hoseok laughs. "It's fine Jin and I will help you clean up before we leave"

Jin walks into my kitchen and examines my cupboards and fridge.

"Y/n I'll make you some lunch and snacks for later, you've barley got any food"

"You don't have to do that Jin, I can just make some instant noodles later"

"Nope! You need a healthy and balanced diet if you want to live a long life"

A long life, I haven't really considered it.

Hoseok and I clean for what feels like forever. I pick up empty coke cans and chip packets and throw them in the bin while Hoseok vacuums the floor. Quietly behind us Jin seems to be making something that has a lot of meat vegetables, what it is I do not know. I think he's also making cookies and that excites me a lot. After all the rubbish has been picked up I open the blinds to try and let some light in and instantly the whole apartment is lit up.

"Ah that's better, it was so gloomy in here before. How's the cooking going Jin hyung?"

"Just 10 more minutes, I'm just waiting for the cookies to bake"

"While Jin's hyung doing that I'll go clean the bathroom for you"

"Thank you Hoseok" I say but then realise that I left all my blades out from the last time I used them. Before I can say anything he's already in there. I quickly rush over but of course he's already picked one up that was sitting in the sink. Dried blood was long the blade and in the sink. I felt sick as though I was going to faint.

"What's this y/n?" His voice is quiet, he's confused and unsure but not so unsure that he doesn't know what iv'e been doing in here.

"Um ah t-thats um, I just cut myself while shaving the other night. I guess I just forgot to clean it up" My voice cracks and I can feel the sweat dripping from my head.

"Oh okay...... be more care from now on". He doesn't believe me, I can tell. From the way he's speaking and standing, of course he doesn't believe me.

"Y/n! Hoseok! I finished cooking"

I quickly rush out of the bathroom trying to get out of the situation I was just in.

"Thank you Jin, I really appreciate it." Hoseok walks out of the bathroom, his face low and pale, this isn't the same Hobi that was present a few moments ago. "You to Hoseok, thank you for helping me clean" His facial expression doesn't change.

"It's no problem y/n, call me anytime you like and I'll be over in a second"

"We had better get going now y/n. They boys and I have a training session this afternoon"

"Thank you for the help and food also thank the boys again for letting me stay"

I walk the two of them to the door. Jin waves me goodbye and Hoseok gives me a sad smile. I quickly close and lock the door and instantly break down crying.

"Hobi why are you acting so down"

"Jin hyung I need to tell you something....."

I run into the bathroom, tears streaming down my face. Y/n they think your sick. Y/n you're disgusting. Y/n you deserve no one. Y/n you made Hoseok sad. Y/n Yoongi think you're crazy. All these thoughts flood your head, consuming you, breaking you. I grab the blade Hoseok was just holding tightly. One cut, two cut, three cut, four cut, cut, cut, cut. I look down and all I can see is red. My wrist is dripping with blood and the sink is no longer a pearly white colour. I go into a state of panic, the last few seconds become a blur. I quickly run my wrist under the water, it stings, my breathing is so heavy that I feel as though I'm going to collapse. I wrap my arm in a thick bandage avoiding anymore blood loss.

Y/n you really are a broken girl

Jin and Hoseok run through the door. "Yoongi! Yoongi! Jungkook where is Yoongi?!"

"Whoa whoa calm down Jin, he's in his room, probably writing lyrics or something"

The two boys run off.

"Wow, whats up with them" Jungkook quietly whispers to himself.

Jin bust through Yoongi's door.

"Ya Jin hyung what's your issue, you know I don't like people just waltzing into my room whenever they....." Hoseok interrupts him. "Yoongi it's about y/n...."

Yoongi lifts himself up and his eye widen. "What!? Did something happen to her?"

"No not exactly, Hoseok he... he found something in her bathroom"

"Yoongi... I-I think y/n is cutting herself. I found a number of blades, one of which was in the sink stained with dried blood" The two boy's go silent waiting for his response.

"Y-yeah I know"

"You know? What do you mean you know? She told you?" Jin blurts out.

"Not exactly. I noticed it, her wrists that is when we were in the car when we first met and once again when she was doing the dishes with you last night. That's why I took her to my room, I wanted to ask about it and to my surprise she told me. I want to help but I don't want to force her into anything. I know how overwhelming it can be when a number of people constantly ask and nag you about your problems so that isn't something I want to do. I want her to trust me and come to me when she needs it, eventually I know she will"

The two boy's are shocked to hear Yoongi's response.

"Okay Yoongi, I think your right. Until then we won't bother her a whole lot, she seems closest to you, please look after her until she feels safe enough to accept all of our help"

"Hoseoks right, we will all do our best so y/n is happy"

Yoongi nods his head and the two boy's leave still worried and unsure on what to do next.

Ma boys are going to the Grammy's and I wont be able to watch the entire thing because I'll be at school. Rip me.