《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: Maiden Heart Zwei
Advertisement
Maiden Heart Zwei
Canislupus54
Fantasy, Magic, Adventure, Swords, (Fanfiction)
Needs a cover....
It's simple, but not enough. Also you should probably mention more for people who don't know the anime, Maiden Heart Zwei Tri.
I really liked this. The imaginary was on point and you didn't have unnecessary information. I do suggest though you put for the break 'Years later' or 'in the far city of {Blank}' I got a little confused when it switched over.
Good, Good. I really enjoyed this chapter. I can see potential with this story. I have a feeling you enjoy this story. I notice your writing is a bit different in this one compared to 'The Elf Princess'. You should maybe say sooner that she is a squire and explain what a squire is.
3.5 💙💙💙
I really wanted to give a 4 so 3.5 . You need a cover. Your summary needs some fixing. Your prologue was good except for the break, explain why the view changed from Lucia to Ellie. Chapter 1 was amazing. This is actually the first story that is in third person that I can understand. I have a hard time understanding Third Person. If I have the time I might read on. Keep Writing.
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
Advertisement
- In Serial47 Chapters
Aeterna Saga, Volume 1: Walking With Giants
A man in his twenties gets "reborn" in a fantasy world, seemingly with no special abilities. Read on as he and his family go through events that will change the world they live in, for better or worse. Also found in Fantasy-Books, and NovelUpdates.
8 434 - In Serial11 Chapters
A Good Bargain [HIATUS]
Warren, A 34 - year old stock market trader, lived a life of riches until he's coerced into doing actions that would look good even in a 'Wolf of Wall Street' movie. As the market crashes on a faithful day in 2008, his action comes to light. His superiors make him take the fall using their financial powers. He finds himself with little to no money, disgraced and hated by the populace. He dies saving a young woman from being hit by a freight truck, pushing her out of the way whilst leaping thinking at least he'd saved a single life after everything that has befallen him.Yaksa is a god of a different world and is in dire need of souls to balance the yin and yang on his planet. His search for souls with extreme yang brings him to ask other gods for cooperation. This is how he finds our MC. He takes pity on the poor man and gives him a single cheat! In the world, he has reincarnated people develop 'gifts' that come from their desires and experiences. The cheat he gains is a 'gift' that will develop from his first life on earth! As a former stockbroker that learned how much money means in life, he gets the gift of Appraisal! Follow Warren as he starts his life in search of wealth and status in this world of power and magic! Here starts the story of the King of Wealth! "A good bargain!" - Warren
8 203 - In Serial20 Chapters
Pitch Black
Exiled from the surface world, a young elf must find a way to prosper in the darkest depths of the earth.
8 134 - In Serial20 Chapters
AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER FANFICTION: RETURN TO THE EARTH
This is avatar the last airbender fanfiction. I do not own any character except my original characters. The story starts about 6-years before the iceberg breaking. The main character is an earth bender how will not use lava or metal bending at all. No other elements will be learned by him. I am using Grammarly with this work. I am at least planning to write the book earth fully. It will take time. Rest you can find by reading. Even harsh comments are welcome. It is nothing new to me. I hope you will find at least something interesting here. As you can see, I can not draw. If someone is willing to draw, then I am more than happy to receive it.
8 200 - In Serial26 Chapters
9001: A Dungeon Ship Odyssey
Leah Binoli is a recent graduate of the Magic Academy of her world. Living in one of the hundreds of colonized worlds of the Galactic empire, this young human girl dreams of being the greatest space traveling adventure, named Space Cadets. To her luck, or by fates intervention, she finds a winning lottery ticket for a prize of 25,000 which is enough for a ship. In the world, like in all the galaxy, dungeons also exist and as time went by the were capable of being tamed. With her new found wealth she purchases a newborn core which instead of bringing her takes her to heaven, it annoys her to hell.
8 159 - In Serial5 Chapters
Jack Avery - Falling for my stepbrother
y/n is just a normal 19 year old living with her mother. what will happen when she and her mother move in with her step dad and his family....
8 173
Prev Chap
Next Chap
Chap List
Boy
Girl
