Faded

IEscapist

Romance, Adult, Mature

I'm not sure how to feel about it. I get a punk rock vibe and someone is a mess. If this is not how the character is/feels like than yeah...Also the cover doesn't look like a cover for adults, more for teens.

I actually really like it. After I read the summary though the top part made sense.

If this story is going to be in third person, put what the character is saying (I, me, my) in Italic. There is also some run on sentences with the use of too many commas.

When a character is talking to them selves use (') since (") symbolizes they are talking to someone. Because your book is Adult/Mature don't skip over little details. As I said above there are some run on sentences. I didn't understand the part about a speech?

Since you are in Third Person you can switch between POV's without saying, NAME pov. You only need to use that when the whole story is going to be in first person. You are missing a lot of 'the's. You might want to read this over by saying it out loud. Also if the machine gun a metaphor? Since you know someone wouldn't have a machine gun on campus in America...Unless it's a different country...But...oh wait Paskisten......hmm.... I just googled guns aren't allowed on educational institutions.

Hold the phone. When she goes to the speech comp. is that the present or past. Also is Musa the girl from the prologue and chapter one?

I do like how you ended this chapter.

Is the speech a really big thing in this school or country?If so you should state that. Missing 'the's. It dose feel rushed try adding some descriptive details.

As before you're missing a lot of 'the's. Also I was confused who was talking through most of the dialogue. With the first paragraph you dont have to say every little thing she does.

2 💙💙

Most is said above. I gave a two mostly due to sentence flow and it's not smooth. My main concern though is choose between third or first person. I really like first person when you switched to first. I see potential. Keep writing.

Rate from 1-5

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1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing

2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice

3: Good/Needs a little editing

4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on

5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on