Now Then Never

lunastellar16

Romance, Teen Fiction, Drama, Amnesia

LOVE IT. I like the use of the lighting to symbolize head lights. The saying!!!! My HEART!!!

Sweet and straight to the point. States the topic and states the problem.

Some few problems. If you want this to be in the present you can't use past tense words. (found closer to the end of chap one) I left you some comments on things you should fix/ suggestions.

I was very confused when he started yelling and he splatted about his dad. We never heard anything about his dad before. I suggest you take that line about his dad out or add some where before the yelling, about his dad. What did his dad do that he'll bring it up.

When you say "I obviously can't tell her that I was at a bar." I would change this to something else. Like 'I obviously can't tell her I'm losing hope, I can't get a drink and now I can't get my smokes.' I used the word smokes, but weed would be the correct term since smokes is mostly signified as cigarettes.

Watch your sentence flow. You seem to one moment go from telling a story to short-stab-by-sen-ten-ces; see what I did there?

3 💙💙💙

I see potential with this story. At first when I was reading the summary I was scared this was going to be like a John Green book, but it's not. Which I like. No story will ever be prefect, but a few touch ups and I think it will be good. I really like how at the end of the chapter you stated how you feel about the topic. I actually might read on (if I find the time 😭). I'm a hopeless romantic.

Rate from 1-5

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1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing

2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice

3: Good/Needs a little editing

4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on

5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on