《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: The Mourir Conflict
Advertisement
The Mourir Conflict
AnonEMauss
Mystery, Love
(I think you already know) *Covers eyes*
The first paragraph I really like. The second paragraph though pushed me away. Maybe try to find another way to interpret the second paragraph to fit better.
: First off. Choose between which Point of View you want. There was 3rd and 1st. I do like the words.
Good start. I did have to reread the first few paragraphs over and over to fully understand (I might just be me though). I feel like there is something missing in this chapter. Try reading it over and over and even out loud.
2 💙💙
1st the cover; Ouch
2nd I like the title, but maybe in the summary add what Mourir means. Do you mean memoir? Google says ' Mourir is French for 'Die'. 🤔
3rd Read over your 1st chapter
4th 1st person or 3rd for the Prologue
I can tell this story does have potential. I do love Romance. I'm a sucker for it, so I might read on.
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
Advertisement
- In Serial20 Chapters
The Sorcerer
This is a fanfiction based on Harry Potter, written by JK Rowling. BEFORE YOU LEAVE, as fan fiction isn't what royal road is known for unless your book is called Borne of Caution, hear me out. This is based 200 years into the future. Hogwarts will be very different, and besides some references, we will follow no characters from the book. In my opinion, this is more of a new, mature, and more realistic version of that universe. If we want to put an analogy to it, I'm borrowing the house, but it's my furniture and things on the inside. Synopsis - 200 years since the battle of Hogwarts. The muggles know - magic is no longer a secret. Wizards and witches show their magical traits much later in life now, their powers weaker than previous generations... and to make matters worse, there is a steady decline in the wizarding population. Follow along as Lux, a muggle-born, shows the world what one determined young wizard can do. Cover credit - https://br.pinterest.com/pin/480688960218579620/ ***Release schedule once a week, Sunday or Monday.***
8 66 - In Serial85 Chapters
A Path to Magic
Book 1 Synopsis The world of science ended at the whim of a stranger. Life and death were beyond Humanity's control yet this stranger offered them a chance. Make your own way in the new world. Carve out a path to a magic that fits you. And if you pave that path far enough you can mold the growing new earth in your own image. Book 2 Synopsis Having survived the early years Humanity, or at least the small chunk of it that Timothy feels responsible for, is now pushing out their borders and stepping out of their shells in search of new resources and adventure. But the world they know is but a tiny fraction of all that is and what lurks in the dark may be far more than they are prepared to deal with. Hello again all, I am finally starting to release my hoarded chapters of Book 2. I have a substantial amount written already and plan to release 1 chapter a week. I will be taking down all these new chapters for an edit once I reach the end of the book. if you don't mind reading the rough drafts and helping me to shape the tale I would appreciate it. If you would rather wait until it's done, I understand and hope you will wait for it. Edited chapters usually get batch released with a (2.0) next to the title. PS. I am no artist, if you find a picture, free use, that fits my story please bring it to my attention!
8 135 - In Serial7 Chapters
Free Flight
A man dies a heroic death to save a stranger and gets reincarnated into the body of a small bird. After discovering magic in this new world he is in, he desires to live his new life to the fullest.
8 66 - In Serial10 Chapters
The Digital Dungon
Hiatus for September. A new dungeon has awoken in the lands of Meknamor. Adventures far and wide will travel to it for riches and fame. To be the first to fight its bosses and discover any loot only it would contain. What they won't expect is that the monsters inside are more intelligent than usual, for they are Digital Monster of the Digitial world. Welcome to the Digital Dungeon. I don't own Digimon or anything affiliated to it. I don't own the cover, that is from Digimon Next manga.
8 60 - In Serial15 Chapters
The Picture Of
Moving to live on a remote island, the President high-school debut was marked by a strange phenomenon of rotting smell that only he could sense. Determined to uncover the cause of this supernatural occurence, the President found two others like him to form the Paranormal Activity club (unofficial). However, their routine interrupted by a seemingly innocent outsider, heralding a rotting storm to come. * Completed.
8 82 - In Serial94 Chapters
If It Was Caleb--Divergent alternative ending
David shoots Caleb and Tris is devastated. She lost her whole family and blames herself. What will she do?
8 151
Prev Chap
Next Chap
Chap List
Boy
Girl
