《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: The Mourir Conflict
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The Mourir Conflict
AnonEMauss
Mystery, Love
(I think you already know) *Covers eyes*
The first paragraph I really like. The second paragraph though pushed me away. Maybe try to find another way to interpret the second paragraph to fit better.
: First off. Choose between which Point of View you want. There was 3rd and 1st. I do like the words.
Good start. I did have to reread the first few paragraphs over and over to fully understand (I might just be me though). I feel like there is something missing in this chapter. Try reading it over and over and even out loud.
2 💙💙
1st the cover; Ouch
2nd I like the title, but maybe in the summary add what Mourir means. Do you mean memoir? Google says ' Mourir is French for 'Die'. 🤔
3rd Read over your 1st chapter
4th 1st person or 3rd for the Prologue
I can tell this story does have potential. I do love Romance. I'm a sucker for it, so I might read on.
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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8 78Chronicles of the Wanderer, Siúlóir
Awakening lost and confused a man finds himself in an unknown forest.He moves towards the only clue that presents itself, a loud sound.His first encounter with the residents of the world ends in violence. En route to the source of the sound, he encounters a humanoid fox gil and a large werewolf like creature attacking her.Using skills ingrained in his body by unknown training, he saves the girl. Her village had been attacked by these were-dogs and some of her people taken prisoner.Promised a chance at answers, he agrees to help free the captives. Not knowing his own name, he is given a new one, Siúliór, the Wanderer.Joined by the sister of the girl he saved and a humanoid spider, he tracks the were-dogs through these foreign lands, learning new skills, finding potent artifacts, meeting new allies and making powerful enemies.During his journey he experiences strange flashes of a different world. A world without magic but with far more advanced technology. But that is not the only memory that haunts his dreams. Images of a giant being of light haunt the halls of his mind.Unsure of the world in his memories as well as the identity of the light being, he continues his journey to find the missing captives. Left with only few clues, he wanders the world with the few comrades he managed to make, searching for answers.Often torn between what he feels is the right thing to do, and what this new world requires of him, he continues to wander these foreign lands, searching for answers.Searching for clues to his identity.Searching for the reasons he was sent there.Searching for the people who had summoned him.And searching for a way back to the world that haunts the corners of his mind._________________________________________________________________________Please leave your impressions in the comments, it would interest me what you think. I implore you to use the extended rating options, as they can help me, the author, to narrow in on weak areas.A big shout out of 'Thank You' at the User unice5656 for editing the already uploaded chapters.After awhile I just can't see the errors anymore, and I do tend to post rather quickly.
8 88IGNARIS RAY by swey
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8 128through the screen - kim namjoon
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8 143Eddie Kaspbrak - Don't let go (sequel to YSM)
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8 129Kidnapped by the Alpha
This is back up! I never got around to editing it because I didn't have the time like I thought I would. Enjoy this and the sequel.Isabelle was jolted awake out of her nightmare quite suddenly. Dazed, she tried to look around but found that her head was held firmly to the pillow under her. Cloth covered her mouth and nose, a sickly sweet smell enveloping her senses. Her mind began getting hazy. Chloroform, her mind whispered almost silently. Her vision began tunneling, and she weakly looked up into a pair of icy blue eyes. She stared into those eyes as she was pulled deeply and forcefully into oblivion. Isabelle is a smart girl and not really the girly type unless going out. You would usually see her wearing sweats around the house or outside in her backyard on the beach since she lives on the ocean. So when she suddenly gets kidnapped one day, she wonders what she had ever done to deserve this. She hadn't done anything wrong, at least she didn't think she did. But she learns that there is something about her that is special and that she is not only human. Meet Jared Gray, the person that kidnapped Isabelle because of her being his mate. He's been waiting since he was 16 to find his mate and now he's 22, about to give up on ever finding his mate. But when he smells her in a mall one day, he follows her home and decides to take what's his. Isabelle's life will never be the same again. Will she be able to escape or will she fall in love with her hot and charming kidnapper that she wants nothing to do with? Or will she stay with him and eventually fall in love? --- THIS IS A DRAFT. And I was 15 when I first started writing it so there are many mistakes. Please don't judge too harshly. WARNING: CONTAINS SOME SCENES OF SEXUAL AND MATURE CONTENTALSO, MANY MISTAKES! SOME THINGS I'VE WRITTEN I FORGOT TO PUT BACK IN THE STORY SO THIS NEEDS TO BE HEAVILY EDITED. Sequel is called Unwinding Fate
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