《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: The Mourir Conflict
Advertisement
The Mourir Conflict
AnonEMauss
Mystery, Love
(I think you already know) *Covers eyes*
The first paragraph I really like. The second paragraph though pushed me away. Maybe try to find another way to interpret the second paragraph to fit better.
: First off. Choose between which Point of View you want. There was 3rd and 1st. I do like the words.
Good start. I did have to reread the first few paragraphs over and over to fully understand (I might just be me though). I feel like there is something missing in this chapter. Try reading it over and over and even out loud.
2 💙💙
1st the cover; Ouch
2nd I like the title, but maybe in the summary add what Mourir means. Do you mean memoir? Google says ' Mourir is French for 'Die'. 🤔
3rd Read over your 1st chapter
4th 1st person or 3rd for the Prologue
I can tell this story does have potential. I do love Romance. I'm a sucker for it, so I might read on.
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
Advertisement
- In Serial37 Chapters
Embrace the Blade
Born crippled, it was no surprise when James Ransom died young, but he was offered an opportunity - a mission: to go to a new world and become strong enough to kill the hidden boss behind the final boss. Now in a new world he must research and study the system to take advantage of it, find his strengths; form alliances and find party members to become strong enough to face the end. This story does use Multiple perspectives and tells stories that add to the MC's. I've been given this feedback enough that I feel the need to mention that growth (levels, skills, classes, etc.) is slow, intentionally so, but constant. Credit for the cover goes to a commission for KemptBones from DeviantArt for the cover. This book is a rewrite of the original Embrace the Blade. The timeline for this one is completely separate and you do not need to read the original to understand what is going on. If you want to check out the original you can find it here (just a warning that they are NOT good): ETB Drafts 1&2 If you came here from the original EtB, WELCOME!!
8 201 - In Serial51 Chapters
A Girl and Her Fate
Avien Shepard heralded change with his arrival. Not only was he born on the dawn a solar eclipse, three meteors lit up the sky on the day of his birth. Seven sages visited across seven years to gift him with knowledge of the seven legal schools of magic, and a deceased outlaw fought his way up from the hells to grant knowledge of the tabooed eighth on the next. On his eleventh birthday, a sword fell from the sky and landed in a very important chair. Soldiers from far and wide traveled to attempt to extract the sword from the queen’s throne, but none could shift the blade, until Avien. When he was fourteen, Avien learned of a prophecy that foretold of his decade long battle with the Demon Prince of Invea. But this isn't his story. Avien is kind of a chump. This is the story of Amber Jewel, a girl who has only been Chosen as another Chosen one’s wife. Updates Thursday, & Sunday.
8 202 - In Serial23 Chapters
Gemma Go Home
It was just meant to be a favor to a friend. Gemma would babysit Nellie, and Mia would go to her appointment, issue solved. But on a walk to the park, Gemma and Nellie are transported to Travalar. Travalar is a world with a different set of rules and inhabitants. Babysitting has been taken to a whole new level, and it is so not worth the pay. Sometimes you have to go above and beyond for friends, but this is really pushing it! This is a story I've had in mind for a while... ~Hiatus
8 153 - In Serial62 Chapters
Nights of Sambria: And the Wish of Light
“I discovered a secret. One I desperately wish could have stayed hidden. It was locked away, concealed in a fantastical world on the doorstep of 7 billion people who stayed utterly oblivious to it. If they will be spared the terror that is coming, I can’t begin to imagine. Know that a forgotten heritage of a dwindling people whispered, unknowingly sending a call to the ancient mysteries of the world. Something listened. And now events are set in motion that could force the earth on a course of terrible change. I am being hunted and have run out of time. There were no stories about it. No legends. Not even scribbles. Yet, the threat of it is real and that’s why I’m writing this warning with shaking hands. So pay attention those who read this, be careful of what lies waiting cloaked in the darkness. That which made their home the lost places of this world.” She folded the letter with a shuddering breath and stared back in the direction from where the noise reverberated through the halls. It was of stone doors shattering one by one. The chances of getting out safely were all but gone. The letter in her hand was all warning they would have. It dropped into one of the Wells and all that could be done now was hope it was found in time, if at all. -- This was my very first large story. ;) I started writing it years ago. Was fun, was difficult, but in the end, it is a story I hope that will inspire. The prologue is in first person perspective and the rest of the story in 3d. Just a little heads-up :P It is a fantasy epic with a contemporary twist for the start. The first arc of the novel is set inside our modern world, but as the mysterious events around Calin intensifies, the hidden secrets in the world start to become more fantastical. The story follows Calin, a young orphan in search of answers. But, the answers he seeks will change his life and that of his friends forever, for the secrets that caused his situation have far greater ramifications than the small village of Lamb's Crest could have known. Remember to leave ratings and reviews. I'm quite interested in hearing your thoughts on the story. ;) Enjoy reading, Omri Hope
8 201 - In Serial45 Chapters
Klaroline: Capable of Love
When Caroline goes to New Orleans to get Klaus to turn his humanity on, she ends up staying longer than she expected~Just as Klaus thinks he has lost everything, his favorite baby vampire turns up at his door~I do not own The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, or any of the characters!~I didn't really do a specific time period, but these are some things you should know about my story: 1. Caroline's mom died of cancer2. Bonnie died saving Jeremy3. Kol is alive4. Silas is still around5. Katherine never got the cure shoved down her throat6. Elena isn't in a coffinI just took parts that I think would work the best for this story so please enjoy!~I typically update every few days unless something comes up.
8 132 - In Serial24 Chapters
Fuck you Fred (a Fred Weasley love story)
And then she fell. Miranda fell right on top of Fred Weasley. He looked up at her directly in the eyes, "I'm sure you wanted to see me and ask you how my summer was but Benny this is a little forward." Miranda rolled her eyes and let out a smirk, feeling bold she dared to look back into his eyes. "Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me, Freddie?" Miranda Benson is a 16-year-old Gryffindor starting her 6th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She starts to fall for the infamous prankster (and not to mention player) Fred Weasley, trying to avoid her feeling proves to be a difficult task when she is all that Freddie wants...{Set in GOF era- Yule Ball and all that greatness}I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS STORY AND I HOPE YOU DO TOO. PLEASE VOTE IF YOU LIKE IT!!All rights to jk rowling except my characters (Miranda, Frankie and Noah)i always support equal RIGHTS! this is a safe space.Rankings: (1) #16yearsold [27.03.2021](1) #fredweasleylove [11.07.2021]
8 151
Prev Chap
Next Chap
Chap List
Boy
Girl
