My feedbacks mean no offense to the story, and author. These are all solely intended for the betterment of your work. If you have concerns regarding this critique, feel free to message me. Everything stated here is based on my own perspectives, and opinion.

This contains spoilers.

Errors and typos ahead as well.

*I couldn't load / put the image, sorry 'bout that.*

▪ I wasn't affected by the title at all. For me, it didn't much hook me to really read the story. But the good thing is, may relevance ito sa story. It is mainly focusing on the seven guardians, kaya ayos lang din kung ganiyan ang title, pero hindi lang gaanong catchy pakinggan. Questions also arose in my mind; sino-sino ang seven guardians? Anong mayroon sa kanila? Bakit kailangan sila sa story?

▪ Maayos naman ang cover, bagay talaga siya sa genre ng story mo. At napansin ko rin na na-emphasize talaga sa cover ang word na 'seven'.

▪ And the way you've put the symbols of each guardians was also pretty, and nice. Though bakit anim lang ang nakikita ko? Aren't they seven?

▪ I also noticed that you've put some badges in the cover, and I congratulate you for winning those. Though my only concern is, can you not put the stickers/badges on the cover? They are not part of the story, and cover. So why put it there? Removing it would be nice, para mas magmukhang malinis at appreciated ang Cover. You could put a special chapter naman wherein you'll put all the stickers and certificates you've won instead in the cover. At first glace, I thought those stickers were also part of the cover since may mga circular objects din sa gilid.

Honestly, out of thousands of stories here in Wattpad, your blurb is quite cliche and simple. But you've delivered of what the story is about, which is a great thing. Medyo kulang nga lang, kasi sa sinabi mong 'brat princess' mapapatanong na lang kami (ako) na sino ba ang tinutukoy mong brat?

▪ I just encountered some grammars, as such, so I would gladly revise it for you, and it's up to you if you'll use my revision.

Aerglo, a spoiled brat of Enchancia was chosen to be their next Queen, but how can she be queen if she doesn't even know how to rule her own kingdom?

But something traumatizing occurred, her parents got killed, and her kingdom is in great danger. Every citizen of Enchancia became slaves, and the whole kingdom was covered with black magic, as if it lost all of it's colors. And the only way to save her people and kingdom from the depth of the curse is to find the six guardians.

Can she be able to find them in time? Are the six guardians enough to defeat their enemies?

Put on your cloaks, and we'll have our magical journey across the world of... Belfalas!

The plot was okay, though it was kinda cliche for me since it's about Good vs. Evil na karamihang ginagamit sa mga fantasy.

▪ Sa blurb pa lang, makikita mo na ang conflict ng story, mamamatay ang mga magulang ni Aerglo, and she'll face struggles on how to rule a kingdom effectively and properly, which is great.

》 Spoiled brat princess ba talaga si Aerglo?

▪ Sinabi mo na blurb na isa siyang spoiled brat princess. Pero bakit hindi gaanong napanindigan? First of all, ang isang spoiled brat ay laging nagrerebelde. Parents always give in to what they want, and they do not oppose the child's desire. Hindi gaanonh naipakita, o napanindigan ang pagka-spoiled brat ni Aerglo which is a big difficiency in the story. Bakit ang bilis niyang mag- give in sa fact na siya ang magiging reyna kahit na ayae naman niya?

▪ You could've put a scene wherein you'll show that Aerglo really is a spoiled brat princess. Kasi para sa akin, para siyang typical princess na pumapayag sa desisyon ng mga magulang niya with no disagreements. Which is the total opposite of your character, Aerglo.

》 Paano nalaman ni Aerglo na hindi pula ang paboritong kulay ni Sarina, gayong ngayon pa lamang sila nagkakilala?

▪ Sinabi mo rito na hindi favorite color ni Sarina ang red. So paano nalaman ni Aerglo na hindi nga? Do they have a past relationship? If so, you could put in Aerglo's pov, para hindi maging loophole ang ganito.

▪ Kung ngayon lang naman sila nagkakilala, at isa pa, hindi gaanong maayos ang relasyon nila, paano nga ba nalaman ni Aerglo na hindi paborito ni Sarina ang pula?

Hindi gaanong na-describe ang setting. Gaya na lamang noong koronasyon ni Aerglo, basta mo na lang sinabi na blue and white (?) ang theme, pero hindi sapat 'yon para ma-imagine ng mga mambabasa ang tunay na itsura ng area. Use the five senses in making the settings; sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste.

▪ May mga dialogue rin na walang setting, kaya hindi ko alam kung nasaan ba sila habang nagaganap ang pag-uusap.

▪ The environment of the story was nice, hindi lang siya sa iisang place nangyayari. Though hindi ko alam kung saan nangyayari ang plot. Saan ba ito nagaganap? Sa modern era? Or medieval era?

Gaya ng sinabi ko, hindi niya gaanong napanindigan ang pagiging spoiled brat niya based on the first five chapters. Also, hindi ba't parang ang lakas naman ng mental health ni Aerglo gayong namatayan siya, 'di lang isa, kundi dalawang magulang. Kailangan kasi maramdaman din ng mga mambabasa ang hinagpis ni Aerglo, hindi iyong simpleng iyak lang. Pero naipakita naman siya sa chapter 4, or 5 yata, which is good.

▪ Okay so, I'm guessing Zael and Aerglo are best of friends ever since they were kids (?). Noong unang encounter ko sa kaniya as a reader, medyo vague, at biglaang salpak lang sa eksena. But on the other chapters, he was sort of introduced. Pero dapat sa first encounter pa lamang ng mga readers ay na-introduce na siya; kung anong ugali mayroon siya, at kung anong itsura niya.

▪ Bagama't side characters lamang sila, importante pa rin ang maipakilala sila nang maayos para hindi vague.

▪ For me, biglaang sulpot lang din ang lolo, at ang kapatid ni Aerglo, at vague rin. Kagaya lang din ni Aerglo, ang lakas naman din yata ng mental health ni Yunalesca? Ganoon na lang ba 'yon? Hanggang iyak lang ang mental breakdown niya?

▪ Use rin, raw, and rito if the letter before it ends in a vowel, and w, y, u. While din, daw, and dito if consonants.

▪ There's also this rule, that letters ending in "ra, re, ri, ro, and ru" should not be in "rin", but in "din".

Examples:

> Mukha ka rin namang baliw kakatitig kay Dok.

> Mukha raw'ng baliw si Summer kakatitig kay Dok.

> Saan ba rito ang sinasabi niyang doktor na guwapo?

> Mahilig din sa poutine si Lucas.

> Mahilig daw sa poutine si Lucas.

> Ilalagay rin dito ang pangalan mo.

▪ Wastong paggamit ng NANG & NG:

▪ There were some grammatical errors such as the right use of past, present, and future tenses.

▪ Singular and plural nouns:

- a singular noun refers to only one person, thing, place.

- a plural noun refers to more than one person, thing, and place.

▪ Know the right use of the following:

1. is, and are:

2. have and has:

3. there is, and there are:

All I could say is, 90% tell, and 10% of show. Kulang sa showing, and describing. On writing a story, we must balance Showing between Telling.

▪ But what is the difference of showing and telling?

- Telling uses exposition, summary, and blunt description to convey the plot of a story. uses actions, dialogue, interior monologues, body language, characterization, setting and other subtle writing tactics to pull readers into your story.

- showing is about using description and action to help the reader experience the story. Telling is when the author summarizes or uses exposition to simply tell the reader what is happening.

Example:

[Telling]

- Nagalit si Bhie.

- Giniginaw si Aerglo kaya binigay ni Zael ang kapa niya.

- Pinahinto niya ako. (This is from one of your chapters.)

Also this one:

[Showing]

- Naikuyom ni Bhie ang kaniyang mga kamao, at kasabay niyon ay ang pagsalubong ng kaniyang mga kilay at pag-usok ng kaniyang ilong.

- Nanginginig ang mga kamay ni Aerglo kung kaya't niyakap niya ang kaniyang sarili dahil sa lamig ng simoy ng hangin. Napansin iyon ni Zael kung kaya't binigay niya ang kaniyang kapa kay Aerglo.

- Napatigil ako sa paglalakad nang hawakan ni Yunalesca ang mga braso ko, at pinahinto ako sa harap niya.

- "Hi, papa." I formally went towards papa and gave him a sweet, and tight hug. He chuckled and hugged me tight as well.

▪ Use a comma if it's indicating a dialogue tag. While period in action tags.

Examples of Dialogue tags:

- "Mahal kita," aniya.

- "They killed my parents," I yelled in frustration.

Examples of Action Tags:

- "Mahal kita." He hugged me tight and kissed my forehead.

- "They killed my parents." I walked towards him and held his neck tight.

▪ Hangga't maaari, himay-himayin ang bawat detalye ng mga karakter, at mga lugar na pinangyayarihan ng kuwento. Also, sa chapter 3 yata, may naulit na part, so take time to edit that kasi medyo nalito ako roon, at maaaring gayon din sa ibang readers.

▪ Overall, the story needs more improvement of the characters, because they lack emotions and feelings. Also the grammars, especially in English.

ken'nichiwa! Sorry natagalan hahaha. Sabi sa'yo tamad talaga ako e.

Anyways, thank you for letting me criticize your story. I hope you learned something from this, and take this as a motivation to do better.

Kindly comment of what you think about this critique.

Soar high and don't let the negativities and insecurities drag you down. Continue to write, and aspire, beloved.

Thank u!