31st December 2021

Today is New Years. I came back from England just yesterday. We organized a party at Evan's house and we decided we'll have the time of our lives there. I was told to bring a plus one. So I invited Colin. He and I met during one of many of my times on SNL. We started talking right after my birthday and we are getting pretty close.

I'd be lying if I said he isn't an amazing distraction from Lena. He makes me feel loved and appreciated and I think I'm slowly but surely falling for him. He's pretty funny and can make my mood better by just being close to me. Everyone likes him. They taunt him a lot since he is a literal comedian. I told them to stop but now they want to do it even more. Especially Robert. He teases everyone, but loves to tease Colin. Thankfully Robert isn't showing up for Chris's party so I don't have to worry about Colin.

I volunteered to help set everything up with Chris so I am on my way to his place. He told me he already bought everything we just need to make it come to life. I brought my outfit and makeup with me so I don't ruin the dress. I put everything in Chris's room and joined him with setting up the tables. We're wiping the floors when all of a sudden he gets a call.

"It's Lena" he says excited.

"Go get it. I'll continue here."

"Alright. I'll be right back" He says running to his room

I finish with the floors and go to wipe all the dust. From the shelves and from the fireplace. After about 10 minutes Chris returns. His mood has shifted and he looks like he is about to spew fire.

"hey hey, are you okay?" I ask him

"No" he says and sits down

"Why? What happened all of a sudden?" I ask him sitting down on the coffee table in front of him.

"Lena.. she won't be coming tomorrow morning." he says

"Why? Did something happen to her?"

"No she refuses to say. She told me she is alright and that she wishes to stay there longer. She said she's needed there." He says getting up, he starts to pace the room

"Maybe the project had some setbacks, she'll fix that in no time and she'll be back in a week or so." I say trying to comfort him.

"Don't you get it. She won't return for a while. She told me she doesn't even know when she'll come back."

"Well that doesn't mean a while." I say

"I know Lena. She'll try to stay there for as long as she can." he says

"I miss her Scarlett. I miss seeing in person and not worrying if she is safe because she wanted to be the hero and wanted to go to a fucking war zone. A fucking. War. Zone. Who does that?" He starts yelling.

"Chris you'll spiral into a panic attack, try to calm yourself down for me." I say calmly

"Everything will be alright. She's strong. She can handle anything." I say with my hands on his shoulders.

"Do you really think that?" He asks

"I know that. She's been though so much and yet she is fighting like hell every day. I know she can do anything." I tell him. He hugs me and I hold him for a few moments until he relaxes again.

"Thanks for that"

"No problem" I say

The party starts and Colin finally arrives. We talk and it feels like a date. Like he truly wants to be here with me and he wants to talk to me. We drank and it was truly fun. When it came to the countdown we were in the yard waiting for the fireworks. After one he took me by surprise and kissed me. I kissed back obviously but I was glad. I was glad he chose to be here with me. Knowing that his SNL family had a party and yet he came to mine that I threw with Chris on his property was really sweet.

15th January 2022

Today was an interesting day. I filmed the entirety of it and I was so excited about tomorrow. But then my phone rang and it was Colin. I answered and then we talked on FaceTime. Even though I was tired and I wanted to just sleep it off, I couldn't say no. So we chatted as we usually do and he asked me if we could be official. And I said yes. A lot of people were asking about us so he wanted to know what he should say. I liked him very much so of course I'll say yes. I'm not getting married for god sakes.

It went well, I told everyone and they all supported me, especially Chris. I stopped nagging him about Lena at this point. I used to ask him how she was doing. Ever since I found out I wanted to be aware of her situation. But since I've made it official with Colin I thought it was wrong of me. I want to start fresh. Without any attachments to Lena who won't ever even be attached to me. I know she doesn't like me in that way so it is better for me to just say goodbye in a way. Of course we'll see each other eventually but I don't think it will be anything other than friendly.

I miss her like crazy. I can't bring myself to wear her shirt. It just sits in my closet. I separated it from everything because it represents that wonderful day I had with her. I remember feeling extremely cared for and secure. She was extremely beautiful that day. If someone asked me what my favourite part about 2021 was I'd probably first think of meeting her. She's truly a gift from God. But unfortunately it seems, not a gift that was meant for me.

18th March 2022

I was eating breakfast when Chris sent over the time we'll arrive to his house. Today is the day Lena is arriving back home. He told me he wanted to throw her a welcome back party so he invited a lot of people. Including Colin and I. I'm going to be honest, the concept of having both Colin and Lena in the same room terrifies me. Immensely. I haven't seen her in months. Maybe she changed. Maybe she got thinner, who knows? I picked up Colin on our way there and I could tell we were late by a lot. And it was all Colin's fault. He didn't cancel a meeting at work so I had to wait for him to finish so we could head to Chris's place. I packed Lena's gift. I remember ordering her a star shape necklace with her months birthstone in it. I ordered it after the premiere but we fell out and then I completely forgot about even ordering the gift so I was surprised too when it arrived.

Colin was the first one to go inside. I fixed my makeup and I slowly but surely walked in. I walked into the living room and I saw Colin outside with Robert. I walked up to them and said hello to Robert. He and I hugged and he joined Mackie on the couch.

Colin and I walked up to Chris, as he is the host. He was cleaning the grill. We talked with him for a bit and then said hello to everyone. We sat down and it was all good. I caught Lena near the pool, standing with Susan and Selena. She had short hair now. She looked a little slimmer as well. Not that I payed that much attention. She didn't even react when I walked in, as if I was never there. Then all of a sudden she decided to head inside. She walked past me and looked straight forward. She didn't even pretend to ignore me.

I walked up to Susan now. I haven't seen her since my birthday. She and Selena were very nice company.

"How about we get something to drink?" Susan suggests

"Sure, let's head inside."

We walked back to the living room and there she was. Sitting on the couch all alone. Why was she out here? It seems Susan was asking the same question.

"Areyou okay darling?" I hear Susan ask. She didn't even react. She was still staring at her hands

"Lena? You alright?" She asks standing up and walking towards her

"Oh, I'm fine. Don't worry." she says.

"Here is the strongest shit I've got. Let me get you some water." Chris says carrying a bottle of painkillers.

"Thank you, you're a life saver." Lena says

"I'll get you some water." Chris says and goes up to the bar where the two of us were seated. Colin was behind the bar making margaritas.

Robert came in too. He sat next to Lena on the couch and they talked about something. Then Robert spoke up to Colin.

"Hey pretty boy can you get me a scotch with ice and a capri sun for my kid" Robert says to Colin.

"You know I'm not a bartender, right?" Colin says smiling at him

"Fine I'll get it myself. What flavour do you want young lady?"

"Mystic Dragon?" Lena replies to him

"Good choice." he says and walks over.

"How are you two doing ladies?" Robert asks opening a beer and getting a Capri Sun out of the fridge.

"We're good, is Lena okay?" Susan asks Robert

"You know how she is. Even when she isn't she won't really tell. Besides I heard Chris gave her some meds that are surely going to work." He says opening the Capri sun and leaving back to the couch with Lena and Colin?

"I find it sweet how he treats Lena. Those two really hit it off with each other." Susan says looking at them with me

"Yeah, it looks that way."

"Have you talked with her at all?" She asks me

"No, I haven't really." I say

"Well I hope you do. She's still the same girl she was before." She says sipping on her drink.

Soon it started raining and everyone filled into the living room. We talked and Robert started talking about Lena's new tattoo. She stood up and showed it to everyone and I gulped when I saw her stomach. It looked different than before. Not that that is a bad thing. She looks jacked under those baggy clothes.

We played charades and I've noticed Lena didn't even try to win any rounds. She just sat there and laughed. Of course Robert won, as per usual. So it was now turn to play never have I ever. Oh boy.

"Let's play never have I ever!"

And so we did. Since Robert won charades he is saying what everyone has on hasn't done. Colin brings me a new drink just for this game.

"Never have I ever.. kissed an authority figure." Robert says and looks around.

"Are you not playing or are you just pure?" he asks

"It's not fun if I don't get drunk." Lena says

"Well you can still play." Chris says

"fine, dads"

"Never have I ever..been in love with two people at the same time." I have so I drink to that.

"Never have I ever..been suspended in high school" I see Lena drink her juice.

"Hell yeah Adams up top" Mackie says high fiving me

"Never have I ever..went skinny dipping." Yes I have. Looks like I'm going to lose here.

"Never have I ever..gotten expelled from high school" Robert says and looks towards Renner.

"Oh come on man! You know I'm the only one in the room." He says drinking

"Don't worry you're not alone." Lena says

"Oh my god she is just like daddy" Robert says laughing at me

"Never have I ever.. done time in prison" he says looking at just Lena now

"I'm a mix between my mum and my dad" She says smiling at him.

"How about we just do karaoke like every time. You are boring people!" Robert says getting up.

"Everyone put your name on a piece of paper and toss it into this hat" Chris says handing out paper and pens.

I write mine down and toss it in. Everyone does the same and Chris goes to the front to reveal the first duo.

"First one out..RDJ!" everyone cheers

"Joining him is..Lena"

They are winning this one. For sure. Those two are a duo made in heaven or something. She gets up and takes out her hair out of her ponytail. She raises her jeans and they decide on Hamilton.Interesting choice. Robert and Lena seem to be lost in their own little world when they sing or well rap. It is just incredible to watch. Besides, they nail it every time.

We cheer and Chris pulls out other names. One after the other. I look around the room and I can't seem to find her anywhere. When did she sneak off?

The game finishes and all of a sudden Colin and Lena walk into the living room.

"Where were you two?" Mark asks

"Just out front" Lena says

"You missed Evans singing the Mamma mia soundtrack" I hear Renner say as she sits down.

"Too bad. Guess I'm going to have to wait until next time." Lena sakd

"I'm about to leave, about that autograph.." Colin says approaching Chris and Lena

"What autograph?" Chris asks

"Colin asked if I could give him my autograph." She says to him

"I have the perfect thing for you to sign." Chris says and goes to his room. He comes back carrying a book. But not just any book. A book from none other than William Adams. Gotcha. I figured it out. Wow I am proud of myself. Colin goes to say goodbye to the two of them and thanks her for the book. Does he know who she is?

Colin hugs Lena and she hugs back?? What is going on over there? Colin walk over to me hugging me and giving me a kiss. He says Michael picked him uo and that he's waiting for him in the driveway. I say goodbye to him and return back inside. Soon after a lot of them pile out and the number is down just to a few of us.

Mark made us hot chocolate and we talked for a long time.We all changed into pijama's and she was the only one left. She went out and I followed her.

"Do you need any help with that." I ask her nicely.

"No" She says and heads straight inside. I follow behind her.

"Where is your sleeping bag Lena?" Mackie asks as she come back in pj's

"Lena won't be sleeping on the floor." Chris says

"No exceptions man! That's not tradition." Mackie says

"Lena was in a surgery three weeks ago. She needs to rest in a proper bed." Chris says

She was in a what? A surgery? I feel my heart smash at that. That is horrible. That also explains the pain meds and how she didn't drink anything beside juice and water. We were all obviously shocked so we all observed her as she spoke.

"How did you even get there?" Renner asks

"It's my family's organization. I volunteered." she say

"So you wore a bulletproof vest with your name on it?" Mackie asks. Is that what he got from all of that??

"And my country's flag." She says smiling at him.

"Bullshit. I call bullshit." he says

"Are you just saying that so she shows you the vest?" Marks asks

"Maybe, only if she still has it" Mackie says batting his eyelashes at me.

"Chris, go get my black bag out of the car." She says and Chris jumps to his feet to retrieve it.

"Ooooh I am ready for this. You know my dad was in the military. I loved wearing his shit." Mackie says all excited.

"Here show the kid some toys" Chris says tossing her tha bag a few minutes after.

She opens the bag and takes out what looks like a vest. She tosses it to Mackie who looks like a huge kid. She puts it on him and adjusts the straps on the side so it fits him. He reaches into pocket and takes out a folded picture. She panics and takes it out of his hand.

"Don't worry Lena I won't look at it. What's that?" Mackie asks pointing to the picture in her hand

"A picture of my family." she blurts out.

I doubt that she would hold a picture of her family in her vest. What if that was a picture of me? No, stop thinking that Scarlett. You're just making it even harder for yourself. She doesn't like you. She made that crystal clear.