I'd once again woken up before Rafe and I decided to take a shower. I let the hot water wash away the nightmares from the night before.

I had been told that the dreams were just a construct of my anxious mind reflecting all my fears in my unconscious state. The fears that my wolf would never come back, fears of what happened out in the woods, fears of what I'd become. I couldn't really argue with the doctor who'd said it, I mean they should know what they were talking about after all, right?

I got out of the shower and wrapped a large towel around my body, adding another one to my head after using it to dry my hair to a certain extent.

I walked out of the bathroom quietly entering the bedroom but the point was moot. Rafe was awake. He watched me walk around.

I could tell from his eyes that he wanted to talk about the previous night, about the nightmares. He wanted to make sure that I was alright, but he also knew that I didn't want to talk about it.

He and many doctors had talked to me about stress, and how it was bad for the baby. They said that I needed to talk through what was going on, talk through what was on my mind. They believed that talking through it would help ease some of the stress and tension.

I'd tried talking at first but it hadn't really helped, so I'd decided on keeping quiet.

Rafe got out of bed, his bare feet padding across the floor toward me. His pajama pants hanging low on his hips and his messy bed head was incredibly sexy. He stopped right in front of me, his hand reaching out for my cheek.

I craved his touch but I also feared it because I knew what would be missing.

His hand lightly caressed my cheek and he leaned in kissing my lips.

"Good morning, Katarina," he said slowly.

"Good morning," I breathed.

He spun me around, pulling me close to his chest. His arms wrapped around me and his hands rested on my stomach.

"How's he doing in there?" Rafe whispered in my ear.

"We don't know if the baby's going to be a he," I pointed out. "But the baby is doing just fine."

I could feel him smile slightly against my neck as he left small kisses up to my ear.

"I've gotten some news on Nolan and the group of rogues," he said quietly.

I went stiff in his arms. If stress wasn't a good thing, then I was fairly sure Rafe shouldn't be mentioning the person who started all of this. The person who betrayed me and set me up to lose my wolf, and attempted to kill my mate.

"He's used a witch to escape to another world. We're working with our own witch to track him over there. I was going to take Ty with me. I can have someone stay here with you, make sure you have everything you need, stay out of trouble-" his words died off as I stayed silent.

"Katarina?"

"What?"

"Are you going to be okay with me leaving?"

I wasn't entirely sure about that. I needed him, but seeing him was also painful. Being with him was painful. Maybe some time apart would be just what I needed, some time to reflect on us and everything going on.

"I'll be fine."

"As long as you're sure. And remember, no working." Rafe's voice was firm. His same stance that he'd had since we found out about the stress.

"Rafe, I'm perfectly capable of doing my job here in the pack. And if you're not going to be here to run things, then what am I supposed to do?"

Truth was, I wasn't as effective at my role without my wolf I could still do the technical stuff, paper work and all that, but the rest was now beyond me. That didn't mean that I wanted to stop working though, and what else was I supposed to do all day while he was gone? I'd pretty much exhausted all my options. I'd taken walks around the pack, met people that wandered into the pack house, I'd done anything and everything to keep the boredome at bay. There was nothing left for me to do.

"No working, I mean it. I don't want you adding more stress onto yourself."

"Rafe, I'm already constantly stressed. Being bored is adding stress ontop of everything else. Stress just isn't something that I can avoid."

"Maybe I need to talk to the doctor and see what he can do," he mumbled.

I pulled away and turned to face him.

"You are not going to try to drug me up on stuff so that I'm compliant and out of commission. Rafe, I'm sorry that I can't be perfect, that I can't just sit out of the way, that I can't be the person you need me to be, or that you want me to be. I'm a stressed out Luna without her wolf who's freaking pregnant with a baby that's growing gods knows how much faster than it should be!" I threw my hands around in the air to emphasize just how frustrated I was at the moment. Frustrated and stressed out. "And I'm a raging hormonal bitch," I added.

Rafe's eyes went wide. "Whoa, Katarina. You are exactly what I want and what I need. I love you dearly, everything about you, I wouldn't lie to you about something like this. I was just suggesting maybe there could be something to help relax you, to help with your stress levels."

Rafe placed his hands on my shoulders.

"I'm just worried about you. I hate the way you feel about yourself. You're so caught up on the fact that you can't feel the pull between us anymore and that your wolf is gone but that isn't everything."

"You're weakening," I said quietly.

It was the one thing we never dared discuss. Well, one of the things we didn't dare discuss, the one thing about him. I wasn't sure if it was constantly on his mind, but if he was anything like me, it was. It was probably haunting him. There was no way he could escape it. I could see it, he had to feel it. The pack was going to start feeling it soon as well.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said stiffly.

"I can see it wearing you down. We may still be mates on some level, but you don't have an actual Luna to compliment you. You look tired constantly, the dark circles around your eyes are becoming more apparent."

"I haven't gotten much sleep with your nightmares," he said gently.

I frowned. I know he didn't mean anything against me. He knew I couldn't help my nightmares and he never once complained about staying up with me until I fell back asleep. But it was ridiculous for him to blame his weakening state on a lack of sleep.

"You know that's not true, you just don't want to admit it."

"I am not weakening, I have my mate and my Luna right here with me. She compliments me just fine." His jaw was set in that determined, sexy way. He wanted to believe what he was saying was true, maybe he did truly believe it. However, I knew that it wasn't the case.

"I'm going to get dressed. You should as well if you're going with Ty to that other world," I said quietly.

He kissed me again, deeper this time. He threw everything into that one kiss and it left me dizzy. I could feel his love and determination in that one act and it made my heart swell. No matter my feelings, no matter if I believed this would be good for me to have some separation, I knew on some level it was going to be difficult.

We would be completely disconnected from each other, no way to reach one another. It was a scary thought, but one that we both needed to go through. Rafe wanted to follow up on Nolan, to put a stop to him, and I needed some time to figure out what was going on with myself. I needed some time alone to see if I could find my wolf again.

We both got dressed and went to have breakfast together. I was glad that the sickness decided to stay at bay this morning.

When we were finishing up, Ty made his way into the kitchen.

"Sir, the witch has agreed. She would like us to meet with her in a half hour. She has the plans in place for getting us there as well as getting us back."

Rafe nodded and squeezed my hand. Ty gave me a smile.

"Katarina," he said.

"Hi Ty. How are you doing?"

"Well, and yourself?"

"As good as can be expected I suppose. You take care of this one, okay?"

"Will do," he said with a grin.

Rafe stood up and I turned in my chair as I watched him. He stopped beside me and leaned over. His lips brushed lightly against mine before taking them over. His teeth gently bit my bottom lip as he deepened the kiss.

I was slightly embarrassed to be kissing Rafe like this in front of Ty. When he pulled back I could tell my face was red. Even though the pull wasn't there, I did still enjoy kissing Rafe. It was just that the fact that the pull was missing was constantly at the back of my mind.

I decided that while he was off I was going to use the time to jump futher into why I couldn't reach my wolf. Rafe had been sending me to doctors, asking others, but no one seemed to have any answers. I'd told him the moon goddess had said it was up to me to find my wolf.

I wasn't really sure where to begin but there wasn't really anyone else who could help me. I'd tried getting in contact with the moon goddess several times since that day but each time I'd fallen short. She wasn't going to supply me with any more information. That, or I'd just imagined everything. Maybe I'd never actually talked to the moon goddess and it had all been inside my head. Maybe it had just been some product of what I'd been on in the hospital. Maybe it had been a hallucination brought on by all the revelations I'd had.

These were all thoughts I'd had. Either way though, I was going to have to do something. Otherwise I would have to accept the fact that I would never see my wolf again.

The thought angered me because I would fail so many people.

I would fail Rafe. He wouldn't have the Luna he needed. He said I was all he needed, but I knew that wasn't not true, he needed a real Luna. In failing him, I would be failing this entire pack. The pack grew weak right along side its Alpha. If Rafe allowed himself to weaken because of me, then he would be letting Nolan win.

I would be failing my baby.

I wouldn't be the strong mother my baby would need. I wouldn't be able to protect it from the dangers of this world. I could barely protect myself. I foolishly ran into danger, trusted someone who'd turned his back on me. Even with my wolf would I really be a good mother?

I'd learned from those mistakes, but who was to say that I wouldn't make others along the way?

I had a brief moment of panic. I couldn't do this. I couldn't be a mother or a Luna. I couldn't be any of this. Especially when I wasn't even whole.

I took deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth. Slowly. Each breath working to relax me again. Stress was a bad thing and panic led to stress.

Just take this one step at a time, Katarina, I said to myself. That's all I needed to do, take it one step at a time.

Focus on what I need to focus on. Getting my wolf back.

I needed to focus on finding my Luna.

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