I woke up suddenly, a scream stuck in my throat and sweat plastered to my body.

Another nightmare.

They'd been constant since Rafe and I had been back. 

I laid back down my hand absentmindedly rubbing the slight bump in my belly as I stared through the darkness in the room and up at the ceiling. 

I knew Rafe was awake beside me. He always woke up when I did from my nightmares. He'd just finally learned to stay quiet and not ask questions. I wasn't going to tell him what the nightmare was because there was nothing he could do to get rid of them. Nothing short of a miracle would do that. 

I'd been warned about the nightmares causing stress, and stress being bad for the baby, but this was something I had no control over. It wasn't like I went to bed thinking 'you know what? It would be a great night to have a nightmare.'

I reached over with my other hand and squeezed Rafe's. He rolled me so I was facing him, his eyes burning into mine. One hand reached out to stroke my cheek and I closed my eyes lightly, relaxing into his touch. 

It was just a touch, nothing special. Just like what I'd feel if I were to bump into some stranger and that part killed me. It was like there was nothing special between us anymore. I knew that was a lie, because our love for each other was special, and Rafe tried to assure me that just because the feeling wasn't there didn't mean we weren't mates anymore. That it didn't mean he loved me any less, but I still had my doubts. 

That pull had been the only thing to keep me alive in the beginning and now, the lack of it was slowly killing me inside. 

"My Katarina," Rafe breathed out. He pressed his lips to my forehead and then lightly kissed the tip of my nose. He pulled me into him, wrapping his arm around me and keeping me close. 

The heat from his body radiated off him and straight into me. 

It had been a month without my wolf. I was starting to fear that she was gone forever, that the goddess had lied to me and getting her back would be impossible. I found myself constantly worrying about what would happen to the baby. Would it be okay even though I didn't have my wolf any longer? Would something go wrong with the baby since there was something wrong with me?

These questions were what plagued my mind, they participated in my nightmares. Though they were only half of it. 

The one that had woken me tonight had been myself. The me that had awoken when I'd gone up against the rogues. It was the me that I tried to keep down, the one that I did everything in my power to keep locked away. While she had been extremely useful in that situation, she had brought my fears back to the surface. 

With her reemergance I was afraid that my control would be weak again. Though I didn't have much to fear, since I didn't even have my wolf and she had been the source of that part of me. The majority of the power that fueled that part of me was gone, the batteries drained just like the connection Rafe and I had. 

Silent tears started to slip from my eyes. Rafe's hand moved up to my face, gently brushing them away. 

"It's going to be okay, baby. I promise."

They were the same words he said every night, and yet they still brought me no comfort. How could he promise such a thing? He had no idea what it felt like to be without his wolf. I feel completely helpless. I had no clue what I was without my wolf. 

While no one would speak out against their Alpha, I knew that members of the pack were starting to doubt my abilities to be their Luna. I didn't have my wolf, I didn't have my abilties. I couldn't fulfill all the needs of the people. 

And while Rafe didn't want to admit it, he felt the effects as well. It had hit him just as it had when he didn't have a Luna before, only this time it was hitting him stronger. The effect of having one, and then essentially having her ripped away. He was weakening as he had when I'd left him. It had been happening gradually, but I could tell. It was wearing him down. 

I couldn't help but think it was my fault, and I cried for him, for my Alpha, my soon to be husband. I cried for the unanswered questions. I cried for the baby growing inside of me, and the thought that because of what happened that something could be wrong with it. 

I had been monitored closely every step of the way. Going in for check ups twice every week. The doctors claimed everything was fine but I couldn't help the sinking feeling that something would go terribly wrong. 

No one knew what to expect with this pregnancy. It was going much quicker than normal. I found myself rubbing my stomach again. 

Rafe nuzzled me, his heat nearly suffocating. I felt his lips press to my neck and his arms wrapped protectively around me. 

I surrendered to his attempts at settling me back down and sleep slowly started to wash back over me. I was once again washed into my nightmares, the new one, like I was watching myself from the outside. 

************

The woman looked like me and that's what was most frightening. She looked like me, moved like me, and talked like me. However that look in her eyes was something darker, something that sent a shiver down my spine. 

She stormed through the house, searching for something, someone. 

I prayed to the gods that she didn't find whatever or whoever she was looking for, because I was worried what may happen when she did. 

She found him though...I found him. A boy about the same age as myself. Though this version of me looked younger, like when I was still withmy old pack. 

The boy's face turned to one of horror and I watched as she-I-swung down and toward his cringing figure. 

The image flashed and morphed until I was standing in a familiar wooded area. I saw Ty and the others. The people who had come to get me. I saw Rafe's motionless body laying off to the side. 

Then I saw her. It's Ria. I saw that me that was weakened. I saw her stand and when Ria tried to go after Rafe, I saw me get in her way. 

I saw the version of me battling with Ria. It was something that I wanted to look away from, and yet I couldn't. It was too captivating. I watched as the other me that I had no control over plunged a hand into the woman's chest and retracted it, a heart clutched firmly in her grasp. 

I watched as that me took in the site of the blood driping, relished in the site it. I felt my own heart speed up at the look in the eyes of that version of me. 

It was the me that I tried to keep under lock and key. The me that made it's way out during a weak moment. The only me that was strong enough to save Rafe, my Rafe. The Rafe that may never be fully complete again because of those people, because of the stupid choices I'd made on our way back. 

I'd burnt myself out. I'd let the other me get control, she'd used all my strength when I was weak and now I couldn't reach the most important part of me. Now I was no longer complete. 

Everything faded to gray and then to black and I felt myself falling. Falling down a bottomless pit. I would never reach the bottom. I'd never have the relief of going splat, of letting it all end. I was sentenced to falling through the darkness with no end in sight.

*********