It had turned out to be a warm and sunny day, and with Rafe gone I decided to do something I hadn't done in a while. I meditated.

I wasn't expecting results, because I hadn't had any the past few times I'd tried getting in contact with the moon goddess. She'd answered me that one day, but had failed to make an appearance after.

I wandered through the pack until I came to a grassy space that was out of the way and provided shade. I sat at the base of a tree, folding my legs and sitting up straight. My hands resting lightly on my knees as I closed my eyes.

I inhaled deeply through my nose and out through my mouth. I gave myself over to my other senses, listening to the wind rustle through the trees and the birds chirping all around.

Moon goddess, please come back to me. I know you answered me before, but there's still so much I need to ask you.

I willed her to come back to me while I sat there for forty-five minutes. My brows furrowed as each passing minute resulted in the same silence filled only by the wind and living things that surrounded me.

I tried a different tack, calling deep within myself. I knew that my wolf had to be inside somewhere, it wasn't like she could up and leave. If there was a possibility of her coming back, that meant she was still inside. I just had to find her and figure out a way to pull her back to the surface.

I'd tried this a few times as well, and each time I'd come up empty.

I felt the grass under my bare legs and feet, the wind that swept up my hair, and the warmth of the sun touching everything around me.

I worked on reaching deep inside as I'd been instructed by Mrs. Greene, my nurse who also doubled as a yoga instructor and pretty much anything else you could possibly need. That woman was constantly busy, knowing just enough in any area.

She'd been helping me with stress among other things, such as meditating to explore what was going on within me.

I kept taking deep breaths, clearing my mind as I did. I felt my body relax. I tried looking inside, I knew where Kali's voice came from in me and that's where I immediately went. It was like running into a wall though, it was like there was nothing there, however it felt like something was keeping me out. That part of me was unreachable.

It was the same every time. That's the only thing that led me to believe that Kali was indeed in there somewhere, I was just blocked off. It was like a steel door that was keeping us separated, making it impossible for me to access any part of her. My healing, my hearing, my ability to shift, my bond to Rafe. That wall was keeping me away from it all.

I pushed against that wall with my mind but the harder I pushed the firmer the wall became. It was like whatever it was, didn't want me in there.

I tried relaxing myself further to see if it would help.

I felt my body start to drift as if my mind were separating from it. I could feel it, but it didn't feel like me. I could feel everything inside of me, the blood running through my veins the feel of the breath rushing in and out of my lungs. I could even feel the baby that was growing inside of me. It was like it was growing by the second and I could feel all of it.

It did nothing to that steel door in my way though, nothing but allow me to feel it blocking off that entire part of my mind, a part that led all the way into my soul.

"There you are! I was looking all over for you, Katarina!"

I jumped and my eyes flew open.

"Mrs. Green, you scared me!"

"I'm sorry dear, I didn't mean to frighten you. That's the last thing I want to do. And call me Maude, dear."

I just smiled slightly at her. Mrs. Greene had been following me around, and I guessed that Rafe may have given her orders to keep a special eye on me since he'd left.

"What are you doing all the way out here?"

"Meditating," I said quietly.

"Oh, honey." Mrs. Greene frowned slightly and I knew what she was thinking. She knew why I meditated. It wasn't for the reasons she'd initially introduced me to it. She'd planned me to use it to calm down when I got too stressed. She knew what I'd turned it into though.

"You can't force it," she said quietly.

"How do you know? This has never happened before! At least not as far as anyone knows. How do you know that forcing it isn't the right way?"

"Because you're harming yourself more than you're going to help yourself. Your wolf retreated because of trauma. Do you really think the way to bring it back is to use force? She'll come to you when you're both ready."

"I'm ready right now. I was ready a month ago. This pack is going to suffer if I don't get her back and you know it."

"I've no clue what you're talking about."

Mrs. Greene looked flustered and I knew that she did in fact know. She knew what was going on with Rafe and she knew the cause. It wasn't a lack of sleep as he claimed and she knew it. No one wanted to admit what was happening though. Whether that was because he demanded that they didn't acknowledge it or because they were afraid of what it might mean, I wasn't sure.

"Now, you should come back to the house with me. We have your medications for you and we need to test all your levels. Make sure you and the baby are both healthy."

"Everything's fine," I snapped. I felt bad about it immediately. I knew Mrs. Greene was only doing her job but my patience had been slim to none lately.

She looked at me sternly hiding the flash of surprise as soon as it appeared.

I sighed and stood up following her back to the pack house.

I'd noticed how she'd avoided saying anything about making sure everything was normal with the baby. They'd avoided that word like the plague. How could anything be normal with me or the baby? I didn't have a wolf and this baby was growing faster than any of us could judge.

We went back to the bedroom, it was where all our appointments had taken place. I hated going into the hospital for these checks and we wanted as much privacy as we could get. I'd settled for the bedroom any day over going into that hospital again.

Mrs. Green bustled around. She took a blood sample, my blood pressure, heart rate, weight, everything that would be entailed in a regular check and then some. They'd been monitoring me closely due to both the baby's and my condition.

Mrs. Green hummed, frowned, and marked in her note pad. She worked quietly for the most part. I'd stopped asking questions a while ago. I just waited patiently, doing whatever she asked. I knew she would tell me something if she needed to.

Finally when she was done she looked up to me from the note pad.

"You both appear to be perfectly healthy," she said with a smile. I didn't want to correct her because honestly, how healthy could I really be while Kali was missing. "However I and those I work with continue to be perplexed with the baby. It's as if you're nearly through the first trimester already. The baby is showing signs that it's nearly through the first three months of gestation."

I hid my frown. I was a month and a half pregnant and yet the baby appeared to be three months along. I absentmindedly rubbed the slight bump in my stomach.

"At this rate, if it continues to grow as it is now, it's looking like the baby will be delivered around five and half months."

I gulped down my panic. Five months. I was going to have a baby in just three and a half months. I felt like I was going to pass out.

"I want you to be taking these for the remainder of your pregnancy, it will all help the baby with development. We want it to be as healthy as possible."

I nodded numbly. I was going to have a baby in just under four months.

I had no idea how to take care of another human being. I could barely take care of myself as the past two months had indicated...as really my entire life had indicated.

"I want you to be taking it easy as well. No more stress and I mean that. Stay away from stressful situations."

"My life is a stressful situation," I said with a bitter laugh. "I have a child that's growing at an abnormal rate within me, my fiancé just went to another realm to track down the person who betrayed us. Oh and have I mentioned that my wolf is freaking missing?"

"You have mentioned, multiple times, but there's nothing you can do about that right now."

"I can damn well try."

"You can try as you've been trying. You use the same methods and yet you've made no headway. Concentrate on your health and the health of your baby. Worrying about your wolf right now isn't good for the baby. That child growing inside of you should be your main concern."

Her tone was clipped. She was clearly frustrated with me, and I was just plain frustrated. I knew that she was right but I wasn't going to admit it out loud. There had to be some middle ground.

"I'm ordering you to bed rest for the remainder of the day," she said finally as she started packing up her stuff.

"But you said that I'm perfectly fine! That the baby is healthy."

"The baby is perfectly healthy and I want to keep it that way. Stay in this house and off your feet as much as possible. I will be around if you need anything."

"Let me guess, you're new job is to be my nanny."

"Something like that," she said with an amused smile.

I just rolled my eyes. Just as I'd figured.

"Now lay back."

"Can I at least go out to the entertainment room. There's a TV and people out there. If you're going to confine me to one place the least you could do is keep me from isolation."

I didn't want to be alone, I wanted to have something to take my mind off everything and being around people and being able to watch TV would have to suffice.

"Very well. But you will stay put once you're there."

"I get it. I won't go wandering off again," I grumbled.

"And take the pills."

Mrs. Greene shoved the pills into one hand and a glass of water in another. I rolled my eyes again and popped the pills in my mouth washing them down with a big gulp of water.

I made my way out to the entertainment room and saw a small group of people gathered around the TV already. They were playing some sort of game.

I sat on the couch pulling my feet under me. They looked my way as I did, their eyes constantly moving to me before going back to their game. I watched them as the people ran around the screen. Gun shots constantly sounding from the speakers. Sounds of people screaming and dying following the shots.

It was a mindless game and I fell into the hypnotic rhythm of it all. My eyelids began to feel heavier as I watched and before I knew it, my eyes were closing and I just didn't have the strength to open them back up.

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