LUCY

I stay home from work today, knowing that there are some things I need to take care of.

First, my Mom.

Then, maybe, if I build up enough courage, Elias.

Jeanie and Travis are the perfect hostesses. I spent all night last night with them, playing games, eating snacks, and talking. I was glad I finally got a chance to spend some time with them especially from the day I had yesterday.

It didn't seem so bad after last night.

Travis went to look for a job, or to hopefully get his old one back, so I spent the whole morning with Jeanie, who also took the day off from work.

I shift in my seat, munching on my cereal from the bowl in front of me, watching as Jeanie takes her own seat and eats her own bowl of cereal. She smiles at me as she takes the first bite.

"I'm so hungry," she mutters through a mouth full of food.

I smile, agreeing

"Are you gonna talk to your mom?" She asks in a quiet voice, and I nod, setting my spoon in the bowl.

"Yeah, I figured I've given her some time to think about what I said, and hopefully she's ready to respond. I don't really know what I'm hoping for her to say, I just hope I still have a mom after this," my stomach churns at the idea of mom rejecting me.

Mothers are always supposed to be there for you, right?

Mine always was.

Jeanie nods. "You will." Her tone is confident, but it doesn't help how I feel like I thought it would.

I sigh. "I hope you're right."

She grins. "She's been with you the entire time, and even though we didn't spend as much time in my house as we did yours, my Mom was there too, even if it didn't feel like it. Your mom is a wonderful woman, who has survived so much more than any other woman I have ever met, besides you. She's not gonna shy away from something you did. She can't. It's not in her. Think about it, she hasn't even pushed away your dad."

I think about her words, not even thinking about Dad. It is true, Mom is still fighting for Dad even after he sent me to the hospital. She still wants him to be part of the family.

This is what gives me courage to speak to her.

"Thank you," I say to Jeanie, smiling. She smiles back.

"Eat up," she orders. "It's only cereal, but it gets me through the day."

I swallow another bite. "I might need two bowls if this day goes the opposite way that I want it to go."

Jeanie gives me a sly smile. "Okay. Two bowls. For good measure."

I shake my head, dipping it as I smile.

Oh, how I missed her.

I finish my food, and say goodbye to Jeanie. I grab my purse and keys and head out to my car. I go straight to my Mom's house, and even knock on the front door, unsure if I should just walk in.

She might not want me to.

Mom answers the door.

Her face doesn't move when she sees me.

I suck in a breath. "Hey," I greet, smiling at her. She doesn't return it, but holds the door open wider so I take a step in. It feels as if I am entering into a stranger's house and not my Mother's house.

She walks into the living room and I follow her.

We both sit at the same time on different couches that are facing each other.

I swallow. "What are you thinking about?" I ask her, figuring it was a good question to start us off with.

Her eyes meet mine. "What you said," she admits and I nod slowly.

This may be a lot harder than I thought. I was all confident as I left Jeanie's house, but it's been slowly dwindling since I walked into the door and now I don't even know if it's there anymore. I don't know what to expect from this conversation, all I know is that there are words that need to be said between us.

"I didn't say it last time, but I'm really sorry I never told you. I don't know if you're more hurt over what I did or that I didn't tell you. But I am sorry for all of it. For lying, and especially for what I did." I look down, willing myself not to cry.

Mom clears her throat, which makes me look up.

Her face still has no emotion on it. "Lucy, I'm not upset. I don't really know why I acted that way yesterday, I guess I was just in shock. I knew you were in love with Travis, I just didn't think you'd go to such drastic measures."

I nod. "Yeah, me neither. I regret it everyday."

"Which is why," she pauses. "I can't be mad. You're already punishing yourself for it so much, I can't do that to you also. It's not fair."

I am holding my breath. "Okay."

It is exactly what I wanted, but it doesn't feel right. I don't feel like it's finally over, like I can finally stop worrying about what she thinks of me.

But she is only not punishing me because I have already done that to myself.

It's not exactly comforting.

"Mom?" She looks at me when I call her name. "Why can't you be mad? Why aren't you furious with me? You just told me that you can't punish me because I have already done it to myself, but that still doesn't sound as if you are over it."

She nods. "I'm not. It'll take a while, sweetheart."

I feel my bottom lip quiver. "Am I so very different in your eyes now?"

She makes no move to comfort me still, which makes me so concerned now. It would be around the time when she would hug me, tell me she loved me, and that she forgives me. But she isn't doing any of that, or saying any of the words I want to hear.

All of my confidence is down the drain.

Right now I think she isn't saying the words I don't want to hear, but she's also not saying the words I do want to hear. It's something in between.

She still hasn't forgiven me.

"Do you forgive me?" I ask when she doesn't say anything.

Her head does not move to give me a nod.

I nod slowly, standing. "I understand. I am so very sorry you are so disappointed in me, and I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me."

She makes no move to stop me and let's me walk out of the door.

I lean against the front door, wiping away the tears that just fall.

How can I possibly speak with Elias when this just happened?

ELIAS

I stare at the wall in front of me.

But my mind isn't on the wall.

It is on Lu.

Elaine brought me my coffee a few minutes ago and that's when I realized that Lu is not coming in today. I'm not sure why that really surprised me, but I figured after taking all her stuff from my house yesterday, she would have had the confidence to come back into work.

I wasn't even going to come in today, but I slowly came to realize that I needed to come see Lu.

But she isn't here.

After she came to the house yesterday, I thought my anger and frustration would have been taken out on her in a pent up argument concerning how she didn't tell me how she hypnotized Travis and everything that happened, but instead, as soon as I saw her, all I could think about was how much I missed her.

It has only been one day.

I remember feeling afraid when Lu went to go speak to Travis, knowing that I could have lost her to him completely when they spoke. It was so different from how I felt after she came back from speaking with him.

But what completely boggled my mind was that everyone there, even Franny, seemed okay with it.

Have they forgiven her?

They must have. I wouldn't have let the person who took someone I loved from me into my house unless I had forgiven them.

It seems impossible.

Yet they were there, eating together with Lu there.

Even Jeanie looked happy to see her, and she was the one who suffered the most from what Lu put her through.

It makes me wonder how I could have fallen for someone like that.

Then I remember all the things she's said, she's done, how she's acted, how she speaks to other people, and how she makes me feel, and then I remember that that is why I fell in love with her.

If I think about her now, I think of her in love.

How is that possible?

It is a question I am still trying to figure out.

But I know that I do have to speak with her.

My lunch break seems to be taking forever to get here, but once eleven rolls around, I tell Elaine I'll be out and go straight to my car.

I go to her Mother's house.

Getting out of my car, I take off my tie and jacket and lay it on the passenger seat. I get hot all of a sudden, and roll up my sleeves. I stuff my hands in my pockets as I walk up to the door. I knock.

Her Mom opens the door.

A smile immediately lit up her face, and even though I can feel her joy radiating, I still see the physical weight she is carrying right now, and I wonder what from. Of course, I don't ask, but walk inside when she opens the door for me.

"How are you?" She asks, shutting the door.

I shrug. "I'm okay. How are you?"

Her smile is now stiff. "Not okay. What can I do for you?" She asks, clasping her hands together, resting them in front of me.

I swallow. "Is Lu here?"

She frowns. "No. I thought she was staying with you," she states, then I realize that Lu may not have talked to her at all, and she definitely doesn't know what Lu did to Travis.

"Oh, well, no, she's not. She left yesterday, got all her stuff and headed out. To be fair, I kind of helped kick her out, so I thought she would have been staying here."

She shakes her head. "No, she got all the rest of her stuff here too, and left."

I look down. Where is she staying?

"I hope she's alright."

I swallow. "I'm sure she is. She told me that she might be quitting, so I needed to talk with her."

She smiles at me. "I'm glad you're still here for her, Elias. I just got some disturbing news from her yesterday, and I'm not handling it well."

I don't want to contradict her, since I have no clue if I am still here for her, but I guess now she may know what Lu did to Travis.

"Did she tell you?" I ask.

"What?"

"Travis? What she did?"

Her mouth opens slightly. "She told you?"

"No, Jeanie and Franny did. They didn't mean to, but I overheard. Lu tried to explain but I wouldn't let her. To be honest, I don't know if I'll let her explain now."

Mary sighs. "She came an hour ago, wanting to know how I felt about it. How I felt about her. I told her... well, I really told her I still very much disapprove of what she did, but I didn't exactly tell her I forgive her. She knew and she walked out."

"Well, I don't know if I have either," I comment.

She meets my eyes. "How is it that the two people she didn't even hurt by doing this are the two most offended people out of the other two who actually suffered from it?"

I swallow.

She has a point.

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know."

Mary shakes her head. "I have forgiven her. I guess I was just so shocked still that I couldn't get over the fact that she was asking for forgiveness. I didn't give it to her," she looks as if she's going to burst into tears.

"I barely talked to her," I admit.

"It's stupid. The only thing she did wrong to me was that she hid it from me. She told me she was so ashamed by what she did, that she hid it from me." She looks me dead in the eyes. "And Jude, Lucy tells me everything."

She looks so heartbroken.

I now have to examine why I am so upset too. I understand why she did it, and how she must have been so desperate, but I guess I am more angry at her not being the one to tell me. I already love her, and for her just to tell me her mistake, I might have understood easier.

It shouldn't be that different now, but it is.

"I think that just shows us, Jude, that we are just as messed up," Mary says into the silence, patting my arm. I look at her expression.

She looks stricken.

I take her hand and squeeze it. "I forgive her, Mary. I really do. You should know that I love your daughter with all my heart."

Her smile quickly replaces her wounded expression and she embraces me. "Really?"

I nod, pulling away. "I do. I have. I told her."

"What did she say?"

"That she was still in love with Travis."

Her eyes tear away from mine, and she lets out a deep breath. "It's been years. I hoped she would have gotten over him by now. I don't understand why," she mutters more to herself than to me.

I shake my head. "It's okay. It takes time to heal a wound."

She smiles, patting my cheek. "I'm glad you're in her life, Jude. You're a better person than I ever will be."

I shake my head. "You're her mother. There's no one better to be in her life than you."

"Thank you."

I give her a hug before leaving.

As I walk over to the door, she follows me. "Are you going to go find her, and talk with her?"

I nod. "Yes."

"Good."

We say our goodbyes, and I walk to my car.

Now all I have to do is find her.

LUCY

Jeanie doesn't say anything, but lets me be. She doesn't ask any questions, but I'm sure the expression on my face says enough.

I go down to the basement, to the guest bedroom and shut the door. I lay on the bed, willing myself not to cry, but it feels as if I have just lost a part of myself that I don't know if I'll ever get back.

So the tears flow.

But I can't stay here in this small room. I have to go and do something else to keep my mind off of things. I think of going to speak with Elias, but I can't possibly take the rejection I know is coming. I need at least a day to recover.

It could happen at work if he's back. That way it would have to be more professional instead of a full out argument.

I don't bother explaining to Jeanie where I am going, I just grab my keys and purse again and head out the door. I don't know exactly where to go, but I just get into my car and drive with the windows down.

I feel as if I am driving for an hour, but I finally decide to go back. I've wasted enough time driving and crying, so now I need to go speak to Jeanie so that she can give me her advice on how to speak with Elias.

Because, more than ever, I need to fight for him. If I have to let him go... I can't even fathom it. That can't happen.

Please Elias, don't hate me.

Just as I pull onto Jeanie's street, there's a car pulling out of her driveway. The car almost hits mine, and I have to pound on the break. I honk at the car in front of me, half scared half furious.

I put the car in park and hop out, on fire. I don't usually get angry, but right now all I want to do is speak to Jeanie and get some sort of closure for my messed up life.

I walk up to the front of the car to give the driver a piece of my mind, but I stop once I see the person in the side mirror.

Elias.

I start running, back to my car. I thought I wanted to speak with him, but I'm too afraid to be rejected by him. I'm not ready for this conversation, and I need to speak with Jeanie in order to go forward.

Elias almost jumps from his car in order to get to me.

"Lu, wait!"

I slam on the brakes as he comes right up to me. He is panting as he stares at me, looking bewildered and excited at the same time. I don't like the look he has on his face right now. I hold back my shuddered breaths and try to breathe like a normal human being.

"What?" I ask, looking into his eyes.

I hope he can see the fear in them so that he will go gentle.

"Get out of the car, Lu, I need to talk to you," he demands, opening the door for me. I put the car in park, and cautiously get down. He backs away, letting me get down, but once my feet are on the ground, he walks toward me.

I don't know why, but as soon as he starts coming closer, I book it, and run around my car, away from him. He stops moving, surprised at my actions.

"Lu!" He exclaims, looking frustrated.

I want to cry. I can practically play out the conversation in my head for the next few minutes, which will end in me crying and him walking away.

I want to cry out and tell him to go easy, but that won't do anything.

"What?" I ask, talking loudly so he can hear me. I am on the other side of the car.

"Can you come over here?" He asks softly.

I bite the inside of my cheek.

But I listen and slowly walk to the other side of the car where Elias is waiting for me. He has his hands on his hips, his head tilted to one side. I copy his stance, waiting for the next words to come out of his mouth to be hurtful.

He opens his mouth to speak and I cringe.

"I had to think a lot about what you said."

I don't meet his eyes, but pretend something else has taken my attention as I stare off anywhere but where he is.

"I was really upset when I heard about what happened." He pauses, as if waiting for my reaction. "Especially since it didn't come from you. I was so angry at you and so hurt by what you did."

I finally look him in the eyes.

He sees my expression and frowns.

I whisper, "Please... don't hurt me too much." I hug myself, trying to brace myself for his next sentence, his next phrase that completely wrecks me.

His expression is a mixture of confusion as he looks at me.

"I'd never hurt you," he whispers, taking a step closer.

He's at arms length now.

I meet his eyes, trying to search them. What did that mean, that he'd never hurt me? Does he not know that him rejecting me would hurt?

Oh... he doesn't know I love him.

"Lu, I talked with your mom. We both found out that we both knew, and we talked about it."

And I'm sure she convinced him I'm not worth it.

"She was upset," I murmur, butting into the conversation. I feel as if I have to prolong the inevitable, and I don't know why it's taking him so long to reject me, but I'm not exactly complaining. "She basically told me she couldn't forgive me."

He is now silent.

I glance around my surroundings, and I didn't think I'd be here when I spoke to Elias. The quiet afternoon, coming soon into evening, the birds flying over our heads as a cool wind passed through, and I was glad that for the next few peaceful minutes of my life that aren't torn apart are beautiful and in a beautiful place.

Elias takes my hand. "Lu, I love you."

My eyes widen.

He closes his eyes a second. "I know that even after you spoke with Travis, your feelings for me haven't changed, but you have to know that mine haven't either. I'm still so in love with you as ever, and not what you did in your past, or what you could do in your future could change that."

His thumb strokes my hand.

I have a hard time finding air to breathe.

"You do?" I ask, swallowing.

He smiles. "Yeah, I do. I'm not dismissing what you did, it was horrible, but you asked for forgiveness from the ones you hurt, and I know you were so ashamed by what you did. You aren't that person anymore."

I begin to laugh. And cry. And jump up and down. I am so filled with joy that my body cannot contain it.

Elias looks confused, but his smile is still there.

Since I've jumped, I had to take a few steps back from Elias, but as soon as I am done laughing and crying and jumping, I basically run back to him, and place my hands over his cheeks, pulling him close.