LUCY

I get into work a little late, but manage for Elias not to see me in his office. I take my seat at my desk and settle in. By the time ten minutes roll around I expect Elias to ask for his coffee, but he's probably doing his best to annoy me.

This morning I had the full expectation to be fired. When I received nothing about being fired, I came in, but I also expected to have a talk with Elias, but it seems as if he is not here or something.

I stand and walk over to his office to ask if he wants his coffee.

His office is dark, and there is no one inside.

I peek my head inside to see if I was starting to lose it, but he's not there. He never takes days off, so I have a horrible feeling this has something to do with me.

"Elaine?" I walk over to her desk, standing next to her. She looks up at me. "Is he not here?" I ask, motioning to Elias' office.

She shakes her head at me. "He called a little while ago to say he's not coming in. I think he said he just needed a day off to... clear his head, that's what he said. I hope he's not sick or anything," she mumbles the last sentence to herself.

I had already walked away by that time and reclaim my seat at my desk.

He must be mulling over whether to decide if he wants to fire me or to not fire me. I wasn't sure which one would be worse, searching for a job, or having to go to a job where my boss practically hates me.

I hate job searching, but this may be my best option for now.

Besides, if I quit or got fired, then I would have no shot at fighting for Elias. I would never have an excuse to see him since I'm sure he wants to kick me out of his house. Why would he want me there anymore?

What Jeanie said stuck with me more than she'll know. I poured my time and energy over our conversation yesterday and I just couldn't stop thinking about it. I ended up coming to the realization that I couldn't quite let go of Elias just yet. Through Travis, I learned when I need to let go, but I don't want to do that to Elias just yet. I can't.

It was weird, I thought that when I realized I love Elias, it would be like Travis. He would be the constant person I would think of, and who I would want to spend my time with.

I slowly came to realize that I don't think like that anymore.

It's maturity. With Travis, I was more obsessed with him than in love with him. I was so in love with the idea that I could finally have a great guy in my life, who actually loved me, and that was all I wanted.

But when Travis rejected me, my obsession became worse because I couldn't let go, I couldn't not have a guy I loved. So I kept fighting for him, more inwardly than outwardly, because I knew once he proposed to Jeanie the first time it was done. I was done. There was nothing I could do, even though she rejected him.

He loves her.

How could I expect him to get over her because she rejected him? I didn't.

So I let him.

Maybe that's when I matured, but I know that can't be true. I lived my life for almost four years still very much in love with a man I couldn't have, and then when he was finally available, it was like I was just so desperate that I did it without a second thought.

I am now paying the price for that desperate moment in my life. I thought I would have paid for it with Jeanie and Travis hating me for the rest of my life, but it turns out the man I love hates me.

It's worse. It's so much worse.

The moment I may have matured could have been when I talked to Travis.

Which was only two days ago.

Better late than never, I guess.

I went home for my lunch break, and Mom surprisingly looks as if she just woke up. She sat at the kitchen table, still in her robe, sipping on her coffee while reading a book.

She looks up when I walk in.

Her face lights up with a smile. "Hi," she greets me, standing. She sets her book down and walks over to me, embracing me in a tight hug. I squeeze her back, laying my head on her shoulder, glad I decided to come for lunch.

"Hey, Mom." I smile as she pulls away.

"You hungry?" She asks as she grabs my hand and leads me to take a seat at the table next to her. I nod for my answer and she immediately pulls some containers out of the fridge and begins to heat all of them up.

After a few minutes, she sets a bunch of containers on the table, the food steaming inside of them. I scoop a few of each on my plate, and cover the containers with some lids so they don't get cold. Mom takes her seat, scoots up to the table, and watches as I take a few bites of food.

I frown. "What?"

"I thought you'd be eating lunch at Jude's," she states.

I set down my fork, placing my hands on my lap. "I don't think I'll be eating with Elias any time soon." I look down to my lap.

When I look up, Mom has a big frown on her face, as if disturbed by the idea I just presented. "Why ever not? He likes you, and I can tell you like him."

I nod. "Yeah, I guess I do," I admit, twiddling with my fork.

Mom cheers, "I knew it!"

I try for a smile, but I know it doesn't reach my eyes. Mom notices.

"What's wrong? It's perfect! You've gotten past Travis, and now you can move on with Elias." She sips her coffee, and I can tell she's very caffeinated at the moment.

I shake my head. "I don't think he wants to."

"Why?"

I can't bring myself to say the words. I don't want to tell her it was my fault again that yet another man I love rejects me. I want to say that it was his fault, that he's to blame this time, but I can't lie to her again. I've already lied so much about my life to her, this can't be another thing.

She is the only family I've got. I can't push her away anymore.

I lift my eyes to hers. "It's my fault."

She rubs my arm. "What happened?"

I am tempted to lie again, just for the sake of protecting her. But I realize that this whole time, I've just been trying to protect myself from the fact that people might hate me for what I've done by not telling them the truth.

But if Mom can't forgive me for what I've done, how can Elias?

"I didn't tell him something I should have. Then when he found out, through someone else, he was so angry at me, and I haven't seen him since. He took off of work today because of me."

She doesn't pry and I wish she would. That way it'd be easier for me to share.

"I'm sure he'll come around. If he likes you..."

I shake my head. "I don't think he will."

"It couldn't have been that bad."

I meet her gaze with tears in my eyes, and her expression softens. Her eyes are full of concern, but her mouth is in a deep frown and I can tell she wants to know what happened, but is too polite to ask me.

"I haven't even told you."

Her brows furrow.

I try to calm my beating heart, but nothing works. I try to take deep breaths, but nothing is going to prepare me for her reaction or what may happen to our relationship once the words have been spoken.

But they need to be said.

She, of all people, deserves to know.

"I hypnotized Travis," I blurt out.

There was no way that was coming out gently.

Mom's expression is still confused.

"You remember when I taught myself that, hypnosis. I got really good. I am probably still good. John, Jeanie's stepdad, approached me after Jeanie and Travis got divorced. He offered me money to hypnotize Travis, to forget Jeanie and their relationship entirely. I did it."

Her face is full of fear.

I continue, "So after a year of being together with Travis, Jeanie found out. She saw him at the festival, and found out that I hypnotized him. Then Travis found out what I did, and I undid all my work. Travis tried to get back together with Jeanie, but apparently the only reason they divorced was because there was a threat over Jeanie's head, her death, and he had to leave her to protect her."

I can't look in her eyes right now. The overwhelming fear in her eyes scare me to the point where I believe I just lost my mother.

I can't hold back the tears.

"When he came back, he received another letter, telling him the threat over Jeanie's head is still there. But he didn't leave fast enough, and Jeanie got shot. Travis left after Jeanie basically rejected him, and he disappeared for a year."

That's the end of my story. She knows the rest. She knows Travis and Jeanie just got married yesterday, and she now knows why I quit my job and moved back here with her because I couldn't stand living in the same environment I was in when I was with Travis.

I was too overwhelmed with guilt to stay there.

Mom stays quiet. She's taking all I have said into her system and processing it. I'm a lot like her that way.

But when she doesn't speak at all, that's when she starts to worry me.

I feel like I need to explain, to let her see that it was all done in love, what I did, but I know that's not true. It was done out of desperation.

"Mom?" My voice breaks as I ask the question.

She makes no move to comfort me, which is how I know I've just lost her.

Now she'll never look at me the same way. I'll forever be branded in her eyes as a traitor, and as a horrible person and daughter. I wouldn't be surprised if she would kick me out right now.

Finally, she speaks. "You and Jeanie talked, right?" She asks.

I nod.

"She forgave you, right?"

I nod again.

Where is she going with this?

"Is that why you came home? Guilt? Because of what you did?"

I nod again, wiping away the tears that were still falling from my eyes. I want to smile and tell her what I was feeling and how I felt during that time and maybe, maybe she'd take pity on me, but I don't want pity.

I want her to still love me.

"Do you hate me?" I whisper the question.

Her eyebrows furrow and she shakes her head. "No, I don't."

But she makes no move to tell me she still loves me.

I let out a shaky breath. "I understand if you don't want me here anymore. I can leave. I can officially pack up and get out if that's what you want."

She looks incredulous. "Why would I want that?"

I scoff. "Because you look incredibly disappointed in me like I was in myself, and even I didn't forgive myself. You probably can't look at me anymore."

Mom swallows. "I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I still can't believe you did that."

I nod.

She's in shock, as was Elias.

I don't know why. Doesn't she know me more than this person she imagined me to be? Was I somehow perfect in her eyes, and the fact that I did this made her see me as a totally different person now?

Isn't this in my personality? How I really am?

Why is she so surprised?

"Mom, you don't see me as perfect, right?"

"Of course not. We're all imperfect, there's not one perfect person among us."

I swallow. "Why does this shock you so much?" I ask.

She sniffles. "Because Lucy, that isn't you. The person I know, would never have done that. I know that we all make mistakes, and that money can tempt people into doing things that they never would have done."

My bottom lip shakes as I utter the words, "I didn't even take the money."

Her expression changes. "Oh," she says, looking down.

I'm pretty sure I just shocked her again.

She stands suddenly and leaves the room. She goes into her bedroom and shuts the door behind her.

I look down at my lap to my hands and see that they are trembling.

I suck in a breath and continue to eat my food even though I can barely taste it. I'm not even hungry anymore, but I don't know what else to do.

Pushing my plate away from me after a few bites were taken, I go to my room and close the door. I find another suitcase and stuff all my clothes inside, along with all the rest of my shoes and anything else that was mine that I brought to this house a year ago.

With everything packed, I stuff the suitcase into my car and don't even say goodbye to Mom. I just leave, and head off to Elias' house, needing to get the rest of my stuff.

As I drive to Elias' house, I can't stop crying.

My whole life as I know it is falling apart and there is nothing I can do to fix it.

There have been two low points in my life I can remember. I've been incredibly low anytime with my father, but the lowest I've ever been was when I found out Jeanie and Travis got married.

And right now. This is the second lowest point I've ever had.

I don't know how I got over the first low point.

But since I did, and I now have to face this point in my life now, by myself, I can't help but think how am I going to get past this one?

I have no one. My mom rejected me as well as Elias.

The only people who come to mind when I think of who else there could be on earth who actually cares for me are Jeanie and Travis.

Maybe they'll take me in.

I arrive at Elias' house, and I can feel my anxiety rising. If he is here, and I know he is here, this might be an interesting conversation I am going to have with him.

Oh, I hope he's still sleeping.

I park and walk to the side door. I don't bother knocking and walk inside. The door wasn't locked. I head straight to my room and shut the door. I begin to pack all of my clothes and shoes inside, and grab all my toiletries.

Once everything is packed, as well as my pillow and blanket, I open the door to the bedroom.

There stands Elias, shirtless, his hair all wet, a mug of coffee in his hand, as well as a pair of comfy pajama pants on. He looks clean and refreshed, but as soon as he sees me, his face is a mix of confusion and unsteadiness.

I swallow, gripping the handle on my suitcase tightly.

"What are you doing?" He asks, trying to look relaxed.

I love you.

But I obviously can't voice the words.

I clear my throat. "Getting my stuff." I walk past him, my suitcase lagging behind. He follows me outside as I struggle to get my huge suitcase to my car. It's a lot heavier than I remember.

"Do you need help?" He asks curtly.

I shake my head.

Why is he doing this to himself? I already know he hates me, so he may as well act like it instead of pretending to be nice. He just needs to leave me alone as I try to get out of his life.

He walks behind me to my car. After a few minutes of attempting to get my suitcase in the backseat of my car, it finally works, and I close the door. That'll be killer to try to get out later, but I'm glad I won't have Elias as an audience.

I turn to him, and he's still here.

Why? I groan to myself.

"So, uh, thanks for letting me stay here for a little while. You don't need to continue to work with me on getting my dad back in prison, I can handle it. I hope you have good luck with getting Rich out of prison," I say my farewells, and get into the car.

What happened to fight for him?

He needs to give me at least something, anything to tell me he's forgiven me.

That's not what fighting for someone is about...

I don't know what to do. I already lost my Mom, and even though I can't stand to totally lose Elias, I need to focus on her.

Ugh, but I love Elias.

I love both of them a lot.

I even think of deciding between them.

"I'll see you at work," he mutters.

I nod. "Maybe." I turn away, not really understanding what I mean, but I hop into my car and turn on the engine. Elias comes over to my open window.

"What do you mean?" He asks, and I do my best not to look at his shirtless chest.

Oh boy, he's really close.

I now know what he meant when he really wanted to kiss me when we were so close.

"I mean..." I trail off, thinking of my answer. "I'm thinking of quitting."

His mouth falls open in shock.

I try to think over the benefits of doing this. I can't possibly think of quitting my job, knowing I would have no way of supporting myself, and I don't even have a place to sleep for tonight. I have no plans, except to somehow heal what hurts and try to move on with my life.

Fight...

But I may have already lost.

There is no more spark or interest anymore in Elias' eyes. It's as if he's changed.

But I like him the way he is.

"Don't change because of this," I mutter, looking into his eyes. "Don't let my mistake ruin your chances with anyone else. Because you deserve someone so much better."

He swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing.

I don't expect him to say anything, and he doesn't. I pull out of his driveway and onto the street without another word said between us. I don't look back at him even though I very much want to.

I call Jeanie on the way to her house.

She picks up. "Hello?"

"Hey, Jeanie, it's Lucy."

"Hey!" She greets enthusiastically, and I don't know why, but I burst into more tears as soon as I hear her voice.

Once I calm myself, I hear her voice again.

"Are you okay?"

I shake my head, even though I know she can't see me. "No," I whimper into the phone, already pulling into Jeanie's driveway. I put the car in park and cover my face with my hands, trying to calm down my sobs.

"Do you want to come over?"

I laugh into the phone. "I'm already here," I say, looking at the house. I see the blind get pulled back in one window, and I see Jeanie looking straight at me. I don't hear her again through the phone, and I guess she hung up, but she is already coming out of the house, straight toward me.

She knocks on the passenger window, and I wind it down.

"Come inside. I'll make some tea and you can tell me all about it."

I smile and nod. I take the keys and my purse, and hop out of my car. I go inside, following Jeanie. She holds the front door open for me, but I don't even walk through. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her into a hug, just needing an embrace.

She wraps her arms around me as well, hugging me tightly. I don't let myself think about anything else except the fact that I am so glad I have a friend in Jeanie.

We walk inside after we let go.

As soon as we sit in her living room, I spill all of it, my talk with my Mom, my packing up and moving out, my encounter at Elias' house trying to get my stuff. It all comes out without any thought of how I may sound or how I word.

I just need some comfort right now.

I try to calm myself down after I explain everything.

Jeanie sits calmly next to me. "Lucy, I think your mom will forgive you. Give her time, this is big for her. It's not everyday her only daughter tells her something like this. Mothers will love you no matter what. I had to learn that. As for Elias... I don't know him like you do, but I believe he loves you. I'd have to be blind to not see it."

I sniffle. "He acted completely different to me today."

She nods. "Are you still gonna fight?"

I shrug.

She stays silent. "Where are you gonna stay?" She asks.

I swallow. "I was hoping here, but if you can't, that's fine. I'll find a cheap hotel around here," I say, almost standing.

Jeanie places her hand on my arm. "Of course you can stay here. I have an extra bedroom downstairs, and that way you'd have your own space. You can stay here for as long as you need."