I groan as I fall on to my bed to dwell in my thoughts. Of course mom knew he was listening, why else we she have said all those things about how hot Aiden was!? I have to admit that he was extremely attractive but I would never go for someone like him, he was a bad boy player, the kind of guy your mom would tell you to stay away from.

My thoughts about what I felt like love was are short-lived because before I know it, Elijah jumps onto my bed followed closely by Nala.

I turn around to smile at my 14-year-old brother. Unlike most siblings with our age difference, Elijah and I were extremely close. I guess that's what happens when you go through everything we did together.

"Hey Lij, how was school, meet any new friends?" I smile at him.

Everyone had called Elijah 'Eli' but I had always called him Lij because he had always called me Lee. No one else had called us those names, it was like our sibling thing.

"Good, and yeah, they're kinda weird though" he replies, making a face when he mentions his 'weird' friends.

"Perfect for you then aye?" I giggle and wiggle my eyebrows as he rolls his eyes and sticks his tongue out at me.

We fall into a comfortable silence, consumed with our own thoughts but happy to have each other's company. We were both facing one another, but Nala was in between us so we couldn't really see each other.

"Hey Lee?" Lij begins quietly, barely a whisper. "What do you think Maddi would say if she knew what our father did?" he continues after a minute, still in a whisper.

My heart pounds erratically in my chest and his extremely random and sudden question. I don't know whether I should tell him, I hadn't even told mom.

I calm myself down slightly before deciding to tell him, it was time he knew the whole story.

I sit up so I can face him properly and he copies my action, obviously understanding that what I was about to tell him was important.

"Lij, what I'm about to tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone, that means mom and Robert as well" I warn in a quiet voice.

He nods in obvious confusion.

After a minute of physical silence, but a mental war going on with myself about how much exactly I should tell him I sigh.

"Maddi, she knew," I tell Elijah the secret I had kept to myself for 3 years.

Lij looks at me in shock, "she, wait, how?" he manages to say.

"Maddi and I were always extremely close, we were 2 years apart and would tell each other everything, just before she had died she told me that she had known that dad had cheated on mom in the past. Just before Maddi was diagnosed when she was newly 15, she had been home sick one day from school and caught our father with another woman. She had acted as if nothing had happened to our father but told mom as soon as she had gotten home. Mom had told her that she knew that he had cheated before quite a bit, but never confronted him about it and always pretended she didn't know. He had never been serious, or so she thought, it was just small flings and mom had always thought they were harmless and she stayed with him for our sake. Maddi practically begged mom to leave him when she found out but mom refused and made Maddi promise not to tell us, or act any different to dad" I begin, Lij doesn't say anything and I know he is taking it all in.

"Just before Maddi died, she had heard an argument between mom and dad, dad had cheated again but this time he was serious enough about the other women to tell mom. Mom still never told him that she had known about all his other women and was only upset with him because he had prioritized Candice and her family over you and I whilst Maddi was dying. He had met this young, beautiful, blonde barbie at work and decided he would run off with her. Mom thought Maddi was asleep during this argument so Maddi had never told mom that she had known. But mom begged him not to leave us or her when he wanted to, we all needed him in her mind. She told him that he could keep seeing her and run off with her once Maddi had died and the family was a little put back together, so maybe we could handle the divorce as well as losing our sister." Lij was speechless, I didn't blame him. He had heard about the alleged 'Candice', and knew that she was the woman and family that my father had left us for just before Maddi had died, but he didn't know everything.

"She begged him to stay just for a couple of years and then he could do whatever he wanted with Candice, he could even be with her in the meantime as long as we didn't know. He refused, mom was sobbing and he just walked out. He told her that she wasn't what he wanted anymore, that he didn't want us anymore. I think Maddi knew that she would die soon because the day before she died she had cried to me. Not about the fact that she was dying so young and beautiful but for mom, because she deserved so much better than our biological father. As much as Maddi detested our father, and she did, she didn't want to die with him knowing how much she actually despised him, so she acted the same as always with him." I looked at Lij shortly before continuing, he had tears in his eyes and I knew he was finding it so hard not to cry. Candice was a young and extremely high maintenance blonde, almost half our father's age who had 2 young children. Our father chose a young woman and her family over his family.

"She told me that mom would find someone amazing, someone who would love her as much as she deserved, and loved us also. She made me promise that when that man finally came into our lives, that I would support mom and him and treat him the way someone would treat their father if he were a good, and loving, and honest father. She also told me that although she couldn't show our father her true feelings for him for his own sake, that I could. That although he was my father he didn't have to be my dad for the time being, that it was okay to hate the way he had treated this family. She said that I could be as mad at him for however long I needed but she advised me to not let either of us die without forgiving him that way Madi had wished she could." By now the tears were streaming down Elijah's face freely.

She said that I had a whole lifetime to forgive him, and I could take all the time I needed, because I had so long she said that I could show him how angry and upset I was at him. She didn't have much longer, she knew that she wouldn't be able to forgive him in the time she had left and she had told me that was why she had pretended she didn't know, because no one deserved their child to die, and no one deserved to think their child's last feeling toward them was hatred," I finish, Elijah was still crying and I had known that I too had tears running down my face. I had never told anyone that. I felt as though Elijah needed to know though, I wasn't sure how much of the story I would end up telling him but I had told him everything before I had thought about stopping myself.

"That's why you had tried so hard to get me to like Robert when we had first met him" Elijah realizes after a couple of minutes. I nod in reply.

"I was so mean to him, I didn't want mom to be with anyone but our father but now I know how stupid I was" He continues angrily.

"No Lij, that was before mom had even told us the reason our father had left, you did nothing wrong, you were protecting our mom, and eventually you warmed up to him" I smile sadly.

"Yeah, I only warmed up to him because of you, I had always wondered why you had supported him and mom so much and now I know," Elijah whispers.

I don't say anything and pull my younger brother in for a hug, Nala even joins.

Once we had both calmed down and were just lying on my bed in silence, drowning in the oceans of our own minds when we hear Roberts voice.

"Eli, time to get ready for bed" He smiles, completely oblivious to what had just happened.

Almost instantly after hearing Roberts's voice, Lij jumps up and runs over to Robert pulling him into a hug and very obviously surprising him. Elijah and Robert had a relationship similar to me and Robert now, but it took a long time and Elijah wasn't really someone to just hug someone like that.

Robert wraps his arm around Eli instantly but looks at me with a questioning look. Instead of replying I stand up and run over to Robert and Lij, joining myself forcibly into their hug.

Elijah moves over to give me room and Robert wraps one of his arms around me as well, no doubt extremely confused.

Sooner than I would like I hear my mom's soft voice, interrupting our hugs and making us all turn to look at her.

"What's going on here" she smiles warmly, "are you guys having a family hug without me" she pouts making us all laugh.

"Our kids are weird" Robert laughs at my mom who joins almost instantly and nods.

Elijah looks at me smiling and I know exactly why...

Our.

***

It was now about 10:30 and I couldn't sleep, in fact I couldn't do anything but lie on my bed, overwhelming myself with thoughts.

There was no chance I would be able to sleep now, with one last sigh I stand up and make my way to my window. I open it to see Aiden's window closed, but his blinds open and his room light on. I was glad that he wasn't in sight because it made climbing up the tree to the roof a lot easier.

The wind was chilly on the roof, and my wet hair wasn't helping the situation. Luckily I had gotten changed after my shower into grey sweatpants and a maroon, loose shirt. I had also grabbed my oversized jumper, it was Luke's and I had always worn it, he had let me borrow it once when we were at the river near his house and although I had meant to, I had never given it back. He had known I had it and didn't care, I had always worn his clothes.

Looking at the stars I wonder what Maddi would be doing if she were here right now. While I had always loved the day, she had always thought there was just something amazing about the night sky and all the secrets it held. She would often be up late looking at stars, as a kid, I never understood why, I found it boring. But eventually, I saw the beauty of the stars and moon, we had spent hours looking at stars together. Lij was always with us during the day, we all were extremely close, but the stars were my and Maddi's thing. He found it as boring as I did as a kid.

It was a beautiful night tonight, the sky was clear and the half moon was up high, stars danced around the moon, like the sky was a stage and the moon an untouchable, but beautiful sculpture. It was almost like the stars were only there to make the moon shine brighter.

My admiration of the beautiful sky is cut short when I hear branches rustling, before I know it Aiden's head pops up and comes into my line of view.

"Aiden?" I ask stunned, he couldn't come here. This was my spot.

"Collins? What the fuck are you doing up here?" Aiden replies just as stunned.

"I don't know, thinking?" I question.

"Yeah, I usually sit up on the roof to think as well" he admits sheepishly, "but I'll leave so you can have some time to think for yourself," Aiden smiles genuinely, but kind of sadly.

"No, come join me" I smile back. I wasn't entirely sure why I said that, the words kind of just slipped out of my mouth way before my brain could catch up. I had hoped he said no, but instead he grins and climbs onto my roof to sit beside me.

Why did he have to be so damn attractive, it made it so hard to think clearly around him. We sat in silence for a while, just admiring the beautiful sky. The wind picks up a little and I shiver, holding myself to keep warm but not yet being ready to leave this new found spot.

"Cold?" Aiden asks quietly, I had never heard him say anything in a tone even remotely similar to the one he used, he seemed sad. For once he wasn't his cocky self, he actually seemed thoughtful.

"A little" I admit smiling, I had to admit, I liked this vulnerable side of him.

"Wait here" he replies quickly, before I can say anything he is already up and quickly descending down the tree. It was obvious that he had done this multiple times and I had even felt a little guilty that I had stolen what was obviously his spot.

He remerges once again but this time with a blanket in his arms. He passes it to me which I graciously accept. He sits beside me once again and I throw the blanket over the both of us. He was my friend right? Friends shared blankets? I knew that Luke and I had millions of times. Whenever we were at each other's house we would often sleep together, he was a pretty good cuddle buddy.

"What are you thinking about?" Aiden asks me gently while he looked at me in curiosity.

I shake my head, making it obvious I didn't want to share. "What are you thinking about?" I reply smiling a little, using his own question against him.

"Touché" Aiden replies chuckling, "okay how about I answer one of your questions and then you answer one of mine" he suggests smiling.

I think about it for a while, this would be a prefect time to get to know my friend.

"Okay, you start, but some passes are allowed" I counter offer.

Aiden grins in reply before he looks at me like he was trying to figure me out; "favourite colour?"

"Purple" I reply instantly.