it's been a week since my last visit at the misfits manor, and to be honest it's been quite boring. nothing ever happens here... other than the occasional deathly spider making its way into our home, it was almost as if i was trapped alone. i suppose i could stream, but i feel bad for leaving them for so long so it would be awkward for me.

like always, i would get multiple messages from swagger asking if i was bored or if i wanna go get some edibles with him. i kindly would decline, so i technically out myself in this situation. it wasn't that i didn't like swagger, he was one person i actually connected with pretty well, other than him playing anime games, we tend to do things we both enjoy.

my eyes rolled and i threw my phone on the bed. mason doesn't know what happened, and neither does swagger, so i'm glad the boys were able to keep their mouths shut. not everyone needs to know something like that... not now at least.

walking to my closet, i once again stripped from my pajamas and into something more presentable. which just so happened to be an orange misfits hoodie and white ripped jeans, along with my white vans. skipping over doing whatever to my hair, i just let my natural curls to hand out and be knotted.

-

slamming on the door, my head spun with anxiety. i soooo did not want to be here. the door swung open and swagger stood there, his bare face containing a smile as he saw me. swooping me in a hug, his warm greeting made me feel blissful. "how is my favorite misfit doing?" he chuckled and pushed me inside of the house.

"fine?" i state, a little questionable of his actions. "where the cunt who insisted i came over?" swagger shrugged and plopped onto the couch.

"i don't know. matt and mason are out getting some magical substance and cam's upstairs being weird. he comes down here when matt isn't here, and tries to avoid him at all cost. it's strange... we think that maybe it's not purposeful, but we can't help but think he's a dick." my body fell beside him as i stole his beer he had laying on the coffee table.

"hmm. you guys talk to him? is he acting like himself?"

"yeah, he just seems more distant. like he makes his dark jokes and makes fun of me and mason a lot, but he just seems so-

"far away." we say in unison. "i know what you mean." standing from the cushioned seating, i make my way up the stairs to knock on cam's door.

"come in." he announced. pushing open the barrier, i saw him lying on his bed with his usual white shirt and blue jeans on. "oh." his voice was so faint i could barely hear him.

"what's up you dork?" i query, resting against his wall. his eyes swelled with anger, frustrated with whatever i did. i knew him walking in on me and matt might have been embarrassing, but never did i think it would cause him to be upset. "why are you mad with me?"

"dammit audrey." he cursed and threw his head into his shaking hands. i knew i shouldn't be around him, but i also knew i had to be here. "you're so..." he was trying so hard to get out his words as he gritted his teeth. "why do you make me feel like this!?" he pointed to his face as if reddened. "why you? why now?" he was trying to hold back, but he just couldn't conceal his thoughts any more.

"cam... i-i-i don't- i don't understand?" he stood from his bed and threw off his black cap.

"of course you don't, you're oblivious! your completely clueless, audrey! you have never understood what i meant!" my heart raced and i felt my own hands now start to vibrate. "i have tried so hard to be whatever it is you desire so badly. i have tried to give you my full attention and to make sure you always feel safe or happy, but it doesn't matter does it? because matt will always be number one, he will always come first between us. and all he does is beg you for your body. i want to make you feel good when you're around me, i want to make you laugh. i want.. dammit audrey i want you!" the room spun around me as cam wiped away the tears that streamed down from his icy blue eyes like a waterfall. "i don't want to make you sad, audrey. never have i ever wanted to cause you grief. your happiness radiates my life and-and-and i just don't know what more you want from me." his tone was almost helpless.

he fell into me as his knees fell to the ground, his head coming to my midriff. my hands wrapped around his head and pulled him closer to me, my own tears fogging my vision as i felt the enmity and envy that he shared. "i'm sorry, cam." i mumble against him as i fell to meet his position. "but you'll realize i can't provide what ever it is you want. i'm not... i'm not the same person i was three years ago. my heart has been shattered so many times that i-i just am not that type of material. no matter how many people i want to be with, i know that i will only tear them apart and cause them to have horrid memories." he shook his head against me, dismissing my last words.

"audrey, my desire to be with you is stronger than anything... you have caused tears to come out of my eyes and stream down into a pool of envy. i think i'm prepared for anything you throw at me." his words sunk my heart. "audrey, you are the person that people write love poems about. you're the one whose eyes eyes shine like galaxies and you're the one with enchanting smiles. you are an actual work of art. you are a warm soul lost in this cold world and i am so sorry that not many people understand your beauty." my eyes poured out water profusely, spilling enough out to fill an oceans worth.

"my biggest fear isn't that you'll lie to me one day or that you'll cheat on me. my biggest fear is that you'll wake up one tuesday morning and instead of leaning in and kissing me on the cheek, you'll look at my sleeping body and notice all my flaws. the shape of my face, my chapped lips, my stretch marks that covered my stomach and thighs like a road map. you'll think about m random spouts of jealousy and how i talk too much. you'll remember how annoying it is that no matter what i'm always right and just how selfish i can be sometimes. you'll walk into the kitchen, brew your morning coffee and stare out at the morning rays of sunlight entering the window frame, and come to the conclusion for no particular reason at all, that you don't love me anymore."

"i- audrey."

"because, cameron, i cant loose you. you have been there for me in ways i didn't know, and the thought of you leaving hurts me worse than anything."