why was it so difficult for me to let her go? why couldn't i just let the fact that she will always want matt even if he isn't good to her go? why do i constantly push myself toward her even if her heart is content in its current position? people always say, maybe it's just because you're envious of him, but i can't say that's it. i'm not envious of him for having her, i'm angered with the thought that she isn't the happiest she could be. i'm agitated with the thought that she isn't getting the whole universe like she deserves, she's getting a star that is only considered to be a tiny speck.

"cam?" once again i was pulled out of my dream state by the reason i was so far away in space. "you okay? you seem so far away?" she query, her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes holding some sort of gentleness.

"oh believe me, i am far from okay. everything is crumbling around us, but at least we can reminisce about the past." she eyes me as i let the words slip out like waterfalls. "sorry, that was too touchy, damn." her head shook as she sipped in her drink, deciding to take reassurance in alcohol.

"at this point, hearing you speak is what's keeping me sane, so, if you don't mind, care to share your deep thoughts?"

"only if you share yours too. don't think i didn't see you daydreaming as well." we both slid down the cabinets and poured more alcohol in each other's cups. "so, what part of my mind are you most interested in?"

"i don't know... i mean what do you think of— like all the time? what's constantly on your mind?" we sat there for a couple minutes while i try to conjure up something that isn't about her. that isn't about the galaxy or the halo that mysteriously found itself floating above her head.

"what do you think of poetry?" her eyes blinked and found her eyes wondering around as she searched for her response. of course we've all heard of the writing style but there are few people i know who can say they adore it.

"i think it's a beautiful way to express yourself. a nice and peaceful way to extract all of those hateful things that build up inside that you can't express otherwise." her words hit me harder than i thought they would. i didn't think she would find glory in it since the delay in response.

"for sure. believe it or not, poetry is something i invest my time in. even if i do not glow in that area, i enjoy reading it." i confessed, averting my eyes away from her, embarrassment flowing through my veins as she gave a light laugh.

"really? what is it you write about?"

"you.".

even if every part of my body wanted me to push out the one three letter word i couldn't, not even the mightiest of strength could push it out of me. "mostly i read about love and how others feel when they can't see why people would rather be given the smallest portions of love when they deserve the whole buffet." her eyes glimmered, reading into the thoughts i spilt. "or often depressed ones find my eyes."

"wow, fitz." she sighed, realizing that even if i don't always say how indulged i get with emotions that i feel them and notice them deeper than any other guy here.

"so, tell me what you think? what is it that you dwell on?" i query, taking my time to get invested into her thoughts. before this, i thought i knew her more than any other but i knew matt had seen every emotion that poured out and every inch of her skin.

"well, i think of how we have only seen 5% of the ocean." she giggled, brushing through her hair. "i think about how my life has been down spiraling for years now. how- well never mind that. i think of how i deserve far more than i'm gifted with. i think on how our earth is only one speck in the middle of a galaxy." her thoughts were clouded with many different topics, yet it seems she dwells on bigger things she doesn't wanna speak about.

"deeeeep." i chuckled, downing my drink in one sip. "well, i reckon we should get some sleep. even if your thoughts of the ocean will be swirling in your mind, sleep is needed to refresh our thoughts if we actually want to get out of here." losing stability, she attempts to stand but seems to be more phased by the booze than she thought she was. "you alright, mate?"

"yeah, i just need to lay down." nodding, i follow her over to where the rest laid, their eyes closed and their breath heavier than regular. "seems everyone already fell asleep."

"no, i'm still up." swagger groaned, turning on his side as he glared up to us. "y'all were louder than you thought." audrey and i connected eyesight and pretended like we weren't dying of laughter on the inside.

we both said our farewells and went off to find somewhere to lay, even if it was only floor space. "matt, scoot over." audrey sighed, laying beside him and tucking her head under his arm. "it's freezing.." she tried getting closer to him and gripping his sweatshirt.

"well damn audrey, i cant control the weather." rolling my eyes, i pulled mine off and yanked down my under shirt. walking over, i set it in her hands and watch as her eyes trail up my arms.

"thank you." she sighed, pulling my hoodie over her and laying back down. she knew that matt wasn't what she needed, but it's what she got. i could just see inside of her fragile mind as she drifted off to sleep, the thoughts of the ocean now peeking inside of my head as well. what a piece of art she truly is.