This might have been the longest and most frustrating ride i have ever been in.

Due to my pleas of sitting alone in the front with the boys manager the girls had to sit at the back with the two men.

Jimin was sitting between Yoongi and Joy while Seulgi, Yeri and Irene were peacefully sitting at the back of the van, but that didn't stop Jimin from talking to them.

"So Joy, i heard that you are going to be in We Got married, is it true?" Jimin asked as Joy smiled.

"It's a secret oppa" she said in her cute voice as Jimin whined. "Just tell me, i promise i won't tell anyone. Not even the members, please!" He said as Joy just shook her head.

"Don't trust him Joy. I'm sure he'll tell the maknaes." Yoongi said which made me shiver.

How long has it been since i heard his voice this up close?

He was sitting right behind me and i could easily see him, Irene and Seulgi from the the rear mirrors attached to the side of the van.

I kept staring at him, without him knowing. He had changed so much and i still can't get used to his visuals. How can a man be this flawless?

Just looking at him made me feel insecure about myself. He really has worked hard to where he is now. But i just wish he worked on our relationship that hard.

What are you saying Seungwan? There was no relationship between us, It was all for money....

No matter now many times i say it, it still hurts like a damn truck and i so very wish that it would stop. Why am i still so hung up on the past? Why can't i just move on? He looked like he had forgotten me, so why can't i do the same? Why does it still hurt so much?

"Oh! I just remembered Suga oppa. There were rumors going around that you were going to be on some dating show or something" Yeri said which made me snap my head in her direction through the mirror.

"What? Where did you hear that?" He said, he looked concerned, like he just might get caught for something.

"I don't know. Boa unnie asked me if you were on some dating show and i didn't know. I just remebered it" She replied.

So he is gonna be on a dating show huh? I swear to god why did i like this man? What did i see in him? He is just a jerk who is heartless and plays with womens hearts.

I looked at him through the mirror and he turned around and suddenly our eyes met through the reflection.

We gazed into each others eyes for awhile before a got my senses back and looked away, pretending i didn't see him.

"Ummm, yeah i got an offer but i don't know if i should accept it" he said in a nervous tone.

"I say do it. Being an idol it's hard to find someone to love and care about. Also hyung How long has it been since you had a girlfriend? 4 years? 5 maybe?" Jimin said and my heart shattered.

Of course he would accept it, it's not like he cares for me anymore. We were never meant to be and maybe this will help him find the one he truly loves and should be with.

Our story was over 3 years ago and soon a new one will start for both us. May it be now or later in the future we'll soon find someone who we are worthy of.

Though i do feel bad for the one who'll end up with him, all he ever had were looks, no heart, no brain.

He is a good acter though. He made a fool of me for a year and broke me, and due to my dismay i'm still here broken because of what he did to me 3 years ago.

I thought i healed, i thought that i was fine, i thought i was strong and didn't need someone like him in my life, but maybe i was wrong.

I hate myself for letting me seem si vulnerable to a man like him, he doesn't deserve me, he doesn't deserve anyone. He should think back on those moments and feel guilty for all the bad things he had done.

I hope he lives his life in pain and regret, unable to find true love. May he feel the pain i felt when he left me. Not once in these 3 years had he tried to find me and explain.

I even waited an extra few hours to delay my train to Busan to see if he would come and give me an explanation for our break up earlier but no.

He didn't come....

He left me....

He never looked for me...

And even when we both were stuck in a room together with our members he never apologized.... or even talked for that matter.

He didn't have to love me, just an apology would have been fine but no he didn't even do that.

He left me in the dust to think about what had gone wrong, he left me all alone to think back to our memories and cry, feel regret to trust such a man like him.

And even before i knew some tears silently escaped my eyes, I wiped them off quickly and took in a few deep breaths to calm myself down.

Good think i was in the front with no one except their manager - who was focused on the road - to see me properly.

~~~~~~

"Oh! I just remembered Suga oppa" Yeri said getting my full attention. "There rumors going around that you were going to be on some dating show or something" She said which concerned me.

How did she find out? Oh god Seungwan just heard that, what do i do? Okay Yoongi calm down, just relax and answer the question like you would do normally, no pressure.

'What? Where did you hear that?" I can't get caught, i have to pretend like i don't know what shes talking about.

Geez, why am i even so worried. I wasn't like that when Namjoon asked me, why am i so stressed now?

'I don't know. Boa unnie asked me if you were on some dating show and i didn't know. I just remembered it" She said as i turned my head back to the front only to meet Seungwan's eyes through the rear.

We shared a stare for a while before she looked away in pain. Is she hurt? No way, she doesn't even remember me, well then why did she have a look of sadness in her eyes.

Is she sad because i might be with some other girl?

I wanted to make sure if she remembered me so i played along.

"Ummm, yeah i got an offer but i don't know if i should accept it" i said looking at her through the the vans mirror rears.

"I say do it. Being an idol, it's hard to find someone to love and care about. Also hyung how long has it been since you had a girlfriend? 4 years? 5 maybe?" Jimin said i noticed tears in her eyes.

Shit! Is she really affected by this? Oh god, what do i do now?

"But i don't wanna be in a relationship, our careers just hit the point of fame and i don't wanna ruin it. I'll find love when the time is right" I said, looking at her for some reaction but it looked like she hadn't even listened to me, but her wiping her tears didn't get quite pass through me.

I shouldn't have done that.

'Ummm, i agree with Suga, he'll find the one he loves at the right moment and time. No need to rush things" Irene said, finally speaking after keeping quite for so long.

You know what? Maybe i should take Jin hyungs advice and talk to Seungwan. Maybe things can still be alright, I mean it's worth a try, right?

And if she doesn't want to straighten things out then so be it, I don't want to force her. She can the make her own decisions and if i ever want to look good in her eyes then i should just accept it and try to move on.

But you have been trying to move on for 3 years, how much longer will yiu last?

"Okay ladies, we are here please put on your masks and carefully get out the van. The boys can assist you to your dorms" Our manager said as everyone started to put on there masks and hats and get out of the van.

This is the perfect time, while everyone walks ahead i'll pull Seungwan and me to the back where no one can hear us. I mean it's now or never right.

If i don't do this now i might never get the chance again, so it's best to do it right now.

Getting out of the van, we realized it was already late in the evening and the sky was already a dark shade of blue.

Jimin i got out first and then helped the girls get down with ease as they were wearing skirts and heels.

Heading inside the building i went as close as i possible could to Seungwan and pulled her gently by the arm.

At first she was surprised but then she froze in her spot making me stop. Uh oh, did i do something wrong? Should i have not done this? Maybe this was a bad idea. God what to do?

"Wan-ah! Come here i need to tell you something!" Someone said as both our eyes snapped to the owner of the voice only to find Irene walking back towards us as she pulls Seungwan by the arm and bows to me.

"Thank you sunbae for dropping us to our dorm, we really appreciate it. We will go alone inside the elevator so this don't raise suspicion. Get home safe sunbae, annyeong!" she said and left with Seungwan as Jimin came in my direction.

"You good hyung?" he asked as he stood in front of me. I tilted my head to the side and saw her in the elevator as the door started to close. Our eyes met again but the door closed soon after that and i cursed.

I missed my chance!

'Hyung, everything okay?" Jimin asked again eith worry as i looked at him and said "Lets just get out of here" and walked away as he came strolling behind.

She definalty remembers me and i'm sure that she wants to stay away from me, but right now i want to talk to her, so i'm not giving up until i get to talk to her alone.

Just you wait Seungwan, I'm not giving up....