'Slipped Away' by Avril Lavigne Listening to song helps :) I cried. Did you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Louis's POV

I miss you.

Do you know how bleak and lifeless everything is right now? It's so cold all the time, or maybe it's just me. Your smile was the only thing that brightened up my life. My light in this never ending darkness. Now that it's gone, everything is dark. I'm walking around in the dark, not knowing where I'm going, where I'm headed in life.

Call me melodramatic, crazy, love-sick, call me whatever you will. But it's the truth. I can't seem to find a reason to live anymore. But I know you don't want me to be up there with you. Not yet anyways.

You always loved white doves. Remember? Every time you saw one, you would jump up and squeal pointing at the bird. It was adorable the way your baby blue eyes would light up, your smile becoming bigger. You adored them.

I tried to visit you once, did you know that? I had the knife ready in my hand, by the beach. I was about to make that fist cut, when a flock of them surrounded me. I dropped the knife, and the doves covered it. I tried to get it back, but they pecked at my hand not letting me get it. I finally gave up, and left. That's when I knew; you didn't want me to be with you.

You would've been doing me a favor. You could've rescued me from this darkness and pain. But you didn't. But that's ok, because now I know that you're watching over me. The light is there, dim but visible. Making things bearable. For now.

I remember when you left me. How could I not? It was the day Heaven got its angel back. All you needed was wings and a halo. Like when you dressed up as an angel when we were kids. You were whining because you didn't want to be the angel. Remember what I told you?

"Angels make people happy. They put smiles on people's faces and make them laugh. Do you want to do that Niall?"

You stopped crying, a smile forming on that sweet face of yours. You nodded and said "Yes! I want to make people happy. I want to be an angel."

You looked so cute in that costume. All dressed in white, fluffy wings on your back and a golden halo atop your little head. The parents at the show aww'ed at how adorable you were. But the thing that brought a smile to their faces, was the way you laughed. So innocent and carefree. A true angel.

But that was then, and this is now. I'm sure you're up in Heaven brighting up everyone's life up there. While I'm down here waiting for the day when I can finally see you again.

That day, that day was the worst day of my life. Not only did I lose my best friend but I also lost my world. It wasn't until you took your last breath that I realized; I loved you. And still do. Things aren't the same without you.

Sometimes, as impossible as this sounds, I wake up hoping that it was all just a dream. I'll wake up and you'll still be here with me. But I know you won't. It happened.

You left. Somewhere you're not coming back. Where I can't bring you back. Where I can't see you. Taking my heart with you. I never got to tell you how I felt. Or even find out if you felt the same. Maybe if things had been different, you would be here in my arms. You wouldn't have been in the hospital dying because of terminal brain cancer. You didn't deserve that. You deserved to live your life to the fullest. But you didn't.

You left. Closed your beautiful blue eyes. Took one last breath. And slipped away.

I miss you Niall.

My baby blue eyed angel.