I could name a million ways I felt after Rian stepped off the bus. Millions. But my brain couldn't seem to pull the words together to come out of my mouth. I couldn't even cry. All I did was sit there in silence, staring out the window.

A break from the tour.

What in God's name made him think that this was okay? He knew damn right that it wasn't. This tour and the fans were basically my life. They gave me a purpose. And to take that away? I don't know how I'll make it.

I got up so I could get myself in control, but the second I did my legs gave out and I ended up on the ground. Pain erupted throughout my leg after it hit the metal of the couch side, and i knew it was probably broken. I didn't care though, i just continued to get back up, still in my dizzy state. I made my way slowly out the door, making sure to keep pressure off of my leg, and braced myself for seeing the fans.

-

It was an odd site to see me limping through the parking lot, i could tell you that. Fans quieted down after they saw that I was in pain, and kept asking if I was okay. I couldn't speak without choking so I continued on my way to the hotel that we were staying at. When i got inside, I spotted Zack and waved frantically at him.

"Yeah bud?" He asked once he reached me. I swallowed hard, getting ready for the pain that I knew would come once I spoke.

"I think I broke my leg." My voice came out as a croak.

"You- what?"

"Just help me get to a chair."

Zack lifted my arm over his shoulders and wrapped his arm around my waist. He was smaller than me, but with his muscles he was basically lifting me off the ground from him holding me protectively.

We got to the room where Alex and Rian were, and I was immediately surrounded by faces. A blur of questions were asked in a hurry, but I wouldn't answer any of them. I was getting a headache, so i yelled out,

"WILL YOU ALL BE QUIET FOR JUST ONE SECOND?"

All three of them stopped abruptly and stared blankly at me.

"Just check my leg out please."

Zack lifted up my pant leg, struggling might I add since I had on skinny jeans and I refused to take off my pants, and we saw a huge bruise on my leg.

"What did you do?" Alex asked, his eyebrows lifted almost all the way up to his hairline. That made me want to laugh a little bit but I knew if I did it would hurt.

"I-er-fell." I cringed at the stupidity. Alex and Rian laughed.

"You fell? Must have been a mighty fall." Rian grinned at me. I scowled at him. It's barley been twenty minutes and he thinks I'm okay with him? No, I'm far from that.

"I don't need your sarcasm," I snapped. "it hurts like hell okay." Rian put his hands up and backed away.

"Okay let's get you to an emergency room. It doesn't look broken, but then again I'm not a doctor. We might need to cancel tonight." Zack said, and i felt a bad feeling in my stomach.

I would be the reason why my fans wouldn't get to see the band live.

"NO." I blurted out. " I'll get someone else to take me, you guys don't need to cancel."

"Jack, you're more important than the show." Alex said. I shook my head.

"I don't want you guys to cancel the show because me, that's all."

"Jack."

"Alex."

"Jack, we're canceling the show."

"If you do then I'm quitting the band."

"That's stupid! You were already kicked off the tour, so why do you care if we cancel or not? It's just one show. We have like, fifteen more."

"Fine, go ahead and cancel. You'll just be making all the fans upset," I looked at Zack. "c'mon let's go."

-

"Well son, it looks like you sprained your leg and have a loose cartilage somewhere in between your two connective bones." Dr. Garfield said after examining the x-ray he took of my leg. I cringed, because I knew that was bad.

"There are some pills you'll need to stop the pain," he scribbled something down, "take this to your nearby pharmacy." He smiled. "Hope you heal soon."

I got some crutches from the nurse, and they put a metal thing around my knee, and then I was ready to go out again. It took a few minutes to get used to walking with them, but I got it after the three times of falling on my face.

Zack got me back to the venue in one piece, and through the crowd of fans who are soon to realize we won't be performing tonight.

-

I sat down on my bed and felt a few tears roll down my cheeks. I don't know what came over me, I just began crying. I saw Alex and Lisa and I felt my insides turn into putty. Then I started reading the tweets fans were sending us and I felt so bad I couldn't handle it.

I wanted to end it all. I really did. All this pain, all the time, I didn't want it anymore. I had a chance to do it, now, but I don't know what's stopping me.

A knock on my door made me jump. I hurriedly wiped away my tears and went to the door. When I opened it, Alex stood there with a movie in his hand.

"Hey dude." He said quietly. I didn't say anything, just let him in. "I brought Home Alone, if you wanted to watch it with me?"

"Yeah, sure." I said, taking a seat on my bed. He stood there for a moment, looking at me.

"Something's wrong." He stated.

"No there isn't." I wasn't a very good liar so I knew I wouldn't be able to hold out this conversation very long without the truth slipping out.

"Yeah there is because you're usually excited whenever we watch the home alone movies." He sat down next to me. "What's wrong?"

I closed my eyes and sighed. Could anything get worse with me telling him? Totally not. Its worth risking everything, just for him.

"You. And Lisa. And Rian. Everything."

"What?"

"You don't get it Alex. You think that you aren't hurting anyone with anything you do, but you're hurting me. You marrying Lisa is tearing me apart." I was standing now. I didn't even know I had gotten up.

"Jack, you and me-"

"I KNOW." He looked like he was going to cry. "I know. That's what's making this worse. I still love you Alex, but you love someone else."

"I'm sorry." He whispered while the tears poured down his face. He stood up and pulled me into a hug.

"I'm sorry too." I said quietly.