Wow, 21 chapters?

Really?

It felt like much less.

And you people are really reading it?

That's... Quite surprising.

I would've never thought...

Well, why I am writing again is that

1. I told you about that person, that I wrote secretly to, via Tellonym, right?

Ehhmm... I might have told her, that it was me.

Okay, so I was pretty nervous for.. like a week or two, because that's for how long I made trys to tell her.

Of course I had thought about it, for months, but that two weeks, I actually searched for a moment to do so.

So, everytime I was alone with her, my heart started beating out of my chest.

I was so nervous, that I couldn't do it.

And then there was one time, when we went to fill our bottles up and I tried again, but the words wouldn't come out.

But I knew, I had to.

So, when we were on our way back to the others and she was walking in font of me, I said:

“That person from Tellonym, right?

That's me.“

She just froze for two seconds. XD

And she didn't quite believe me either XD

“No... Really now?“

I nodded and said:

“You want me to prove it?“

We went back to our stuff and I showed her the messages, I sent.

Well, she didn't say much, we just hugged and sat down, thinking about what happened.

And then we had a long talk and we agreed to let the past behind and to start over.

We didn't want to be best friends right away, but to do it slowly.

And, that's where we are now.

I can really say, that I'm happy, we did it and that my heart is a little less heavy that before.

The second thing I want to write about, is my therapist.

Because, I'll get a new one.

And I'm scared.

My therapist is pregnant and she will go around the start of march.

I don't want her to go, I told her everything.

If you ask me, I think it is the worst, to just switch a therapist.

I mean, building trust is a process, that takes time and you can't trust anyone, just because they are your therapists.

I did that before.

Getting another therapist, I mean.

It didn't end very well.

I was eight, maybe nine and it hit me.

I had my therapist for two or three years and I loved her

She understood me and she let me talk.

She was the best.

And then she was gone.

I got a new one, but that didn't do me well.

If anything, it made me feel bad again.

I don't want to tell my life again or having to get to know someone new.

And even if that person reads the stuff my therapist wrote down, I would feel strange, knowing someone just read something about me.

I'm really scared and I'm afraid, that...

I don't even know what exactly I'm afraid of.

Well, it's the things that I mentioned, I guess.

I hope, everything will be okay.

And that I'll get “healed“, so that I'm not sick anymore.