I know, I didn't write for a long time, but I didn't know what to write about.

You know...

I told you about sadness and how she sometimes takes over my mind.

Just appears and makes me feel sad for no reason.

She makes me missing it and brings back the fascination of doing it.

I don't want to miss it.

I want to go about my day and not look on my arm or slightly touch them, because it feels satisfying.

And I want my life to be just normal.

I don't want people to talk shit about me behind my back, but still smiling at me as nothing happened.

I admit: I talk about people too, but I don't drag other - innocent - people into it and I don't spread rumors or insinuate something.

I won't say the person I'm specifically talking about, because I don't want to fight via WhatsApp, but I'm really pissed off, you sure could figure.

Okay, let's change the subject

This... Well... "story" has become really important to me.

It's like a hole, where I can throw all my sad and self-destructive thoughts in and never get them out again.

Sometimes I think, if I drag people down with it and I can tell you:

It is not my intention to make you feel sad, I swear!

I just don't want to destroy myself anymore. I'm done with it.

So, I hope you take care of yourself and find an anchor to hold on and not fall in a hole.

I'll try to update more often.