Well...

The summer holidays came and I knew it would kill me not to see them. But I plan to distract myself with nice things, because this summer I was on a youth trip in Croatia.

In the beginning everything was fine and it was just great, it was my first trip abroad.

But then came messages from C and her sister, who broke everything again and I was not strong enough to ignore it ...

I kept writing and torturing myself until I could not stand it anymore and hurt myself again.

But what would you do if you were told that you did not have any serious problems but an attention disorder? Or that your best friend doesn't care about you anymore.

I was just tired and could not stand it anymore.

I was lucky that there were a few people who caught me

So when the holidays just ended, I was so fu***** afraid of the first day. I didn't even knew why I was terrified. Maybe I thought that they would talk to me or they would tell everyone lies or they would look at me like...like...something. They would look at me just to stare me down, just to tell me that they have destroyed me.

Well...they did.

They just looked at me.

No talking.

No explanation.

The were just staring.

It wasn't very nice and I got more and more depressed.

My best friend A. just talked to them, because she didn't have a problem with them, but it hurted me.

I didn't told her, because on the other hand I was just glad that she could talk to them.

(Bby I'm not mad at you, believe me Well, for a while I lived with that.

I just accepted it.

But I was not okay...