"you didn't just break a promise, you broke me"

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I woke up to a text from Sterling, and since then I've had a smile permanently painted onto my face.

""

I won't lie, the last few days have been rough. I know three days isn't long, but god, it sure felt like it. I definitely wasn't prepared for how busy he'd be.

But he's home soon and everything will go back to normal.

Luckily, his flight was super early in the morning and I was asleep when he texted which means I only had to wait about an hour before I could get ready and drive over to his house.

Now, I'm sitting in his driveway bracing myself to leave the heat of my car and submit to the freezing Canadian cold. Technically, it's almost spring, but Canadian weather has a mind of its own.

I walk through the door, unlocking it with the key Sterling gave me, and I'm surprised at how quiet the house is.

I had assumed the rest of the boys would be here, but judging by the empty driveway and serenity of this room, I guess they're all out.

My heart squeezes when my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in what feels like forever, walks into the room. But, when I fully take in his appearance, the smile I've been sporting all day, is wiped away.

He looks bad.

His eyes are dark and it looks like he hasn't slept in days.

There's no sign of happiness on his face; he looks somber, bleak, sad.

And if I didn't know better I'd think his face was red from crying.

"Sterling?" I ask as I walk closer to him to examine his features.

"Delaney." His tone is almost a warning.

"Are you okay? What's wrong? Did something happen at the training camp? Did the meeting not go well? Are the boys okay? I noticed they weren't here and I didn't think much of it but didn't something happen to–"

"Delaney, we need to talk," he interrupts my nervous ramble.

"Ok," I start. "About what?"

He doesn't say anything, instead, he runs a hand through his hair and takes a deep breath.

"Sterling, what's wrong? You're scaring me." I'm panicking now.

Why the fuck is he acting like this?

"Fuck, I don't know how to do this," he mumbles, mostly to himself. "I– we're over. I'm breaking up with you."

I laugh.

My boyfriend just told me he's breaking up with me and I'm laughing.

Why? Because what he said is just so fucking dumb, I don't know how else to react.

But, when he doesn't laugh with me, his words sink in, and my heart drops.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You're 'breaking up with me.' Bull-fucking-shit."

"I mean we're done. You're not my girlfriend and I'm not your boyfriend."

"I'm lost right now. Did I do something?"

"No, you didn't."

I almost ask if he did something but I know Sterling. He wouldn't do something to jeopardize us. He wouldn't cheat.

"Okay, so then why are we breaking up?"

"Before I left, Coach talked with me. He told me this life, going pro, the NHL, it was going to be hard."

He looks at me to see if I'm following and I nod.

"He said I'd be busy, constantly traveling, and it would hurt my personal relationships."

"Alright,"

"I didn't think much of it, I mean I knew all of that before, but I thought I'd be fine."

I wait for him to go on.

"I wasn't fine. My schedule was fucking insane and before I knew it, I hadn't talked to you in three days."

"I know that but–"

"In three fucking days, I didn't have one second to text you back, to hear your voice, ask you about your day. I mean you and Charlotte had some huge news you needed to tell me and I was so wrapped up in my own shit, you guys didn't get the chance to."

My heart twists at the mention of Charlotte. The pieces start falling into place and I begin to understand what's happening right now.

"I grew up with an absent dad. I know that feeling. I know what it's like to not have the person you love be there for you. I can't count the times he missed something important for work. It fucking sucked growing up like that."

I look up at him and I can see the hurt on his face. His dad not being there for him has affected him more than he lets on. I can tell he genuinely thinks what he's doing is the right thing.

"Sterling, you're not your father," I remind him.

He doesn't believe me.

"You don't know that, you can't know that. And I don't want you to find out you're wrong about me when it's already too late."

"Sterling," I try again.

"No, Delaney!" He raises his voice slightly. "Don't try to make me feel better about this. I fucked up and I put you through the same shit I hate my dad for. I won't have u feel that way about me. I couldn't bear seeing you resent me. I couldn't handle having you not trust me; not believing me when I say I'll show up."

A tear runs down my cheek.

"You want kids. You want a family. You're going to need someone who's able to be there for you all the time. You deserve someone who's going to be there for you."

I know what's coming but I don't think I'm going to be able to handle it.

He does it anyways.

"I'm not that person, Delaney."

A sob escapes my throat and I clamp a hand over my mouth to stop another.

"I'm way too familiar with being let down, getting my hopes up, being on my own, knowing better than to rely on my dad to show up."

There's no way this is happening right now. It can't be. This can't be real.

But then I see a tear roll down his cheek and I realize that this is all too real.

"I won't do that to you."

A moment of silence falls over the two of us. I guess he's said all he needs to say and I'm still trying to process it.

But I force myself to snap out of the shock I'm under and fix this.

I won't let this happen.

Not without a fight.

"So what? You're going to leave me altogether? How is that going to make things better?" I ask.

He opens his mouth to speak but I interrupt whatever bullshit is about to come out of it.

"I get it, you're doing this because you don't want to put me through what your dad put you through. You don't want me to be alone, you don't want me to live a life of disappointments when you're traveling for a game or you miss a call because of a meeting." The more I talk, the less this all makes sense. "Don't you realize if we break up I won't have you at all? In what world is that fixing the problem? How is that a solution?"

"Because you'll find someone else. You'll love someone else. Someone else who will be there for you the way I can't," he chokes out. I can tell how hard it was for him to say those words. He looks physically ill.

I feel the same fucking way.

"Stop that, Sterling." I'm beyond frustrated with him. "Are you that dumb? That stupid to think I'd love someone else? I love you, damn it. And I can't stop. Don't do this."

"Delaney," he tries to get a word in.

"You're being a fucking idiot right now," I cut him off once more.

"I'm not ignorant, I know this isn't going to be a piece of cake. But we're stronger than this. You're stronger than this; stronger than running from your problems and breaking my heart in the process."

"The only other thing I can think to do is not get drafted, are you telling me you'd let me do that? Because if so, It's done. In a fucking heartbeat."

His words are so tempting, but I know it's selfish. I love him so much and the idea of losing him crushes me. But I also love him enough to want the best for him. He's meant for the NHL, he's worked his whole life to get there; it's his dream. Being the thing to keep him from that, I couldn't live with myself.

"No, you're not doing that. You're getting drafted like you planned and you're going to live out your dreams."

I try to get through to him, to knock some sense into his brain, but I can tell I've already lost him. His face is void of any emotion now.

"See? I'm not good for you. We're over."

I still can't wrap my head around this. It was only a few days ago the two of us were cuddled together, discussing our future, and promising a lifetime. Now I'm standing here, in tears, listening to him talk about us breaking up.

"But what do you mean we're were over? We're happy. We're so fucking happy. I love you. You love me."

"Right?" I ask, desperate to hear it right now.

"Right?" My voice breaks this time.

Sterling stays silent.

I break down.

I start sobbing uncontrollably.

I stretch my arm out, ball it into a fist, and slam it into his chest.

Not hard, but enough to express my emotions, to release the anger.

I hit him again, the same spot but with my other arm.

In a matter of seconds, I'm crying my eyes out and drilling into his chest.

The hits themselves don't hurt him, I'm not using enough force to even leave a mark.

I'm weak.

But I know seeing me like this is breaking him.

And a twisted part of me likes it.

Likes seeing him hurt for what he's doing to me. It makes the pain he's putting me through equal in a way.

He catches my wrists before I have the chance to make contact with him again, and he wraps his large hands around my own, holding them to his chest.

My first instinct is to rip myself from his grasp, but I don't try to fight him. It's no use.

Sterling would do absolutely anything to protect me, even if it means putting himself in jeopardy. And right now, no matter how false it may be, he's come to the conclusion that I need to be protected from him. There's no changing his mind, at least not right now, so I give up.

I just look up at him, ignoring the fact that his eyes are on the floor and not me, and stare at the unrecognizable man in front of me.

Someone who promised to be there for me.

Someone who promised to love me forever.

To build a future together.

To grow old together.

He looks so different.

I can't read him right now.

Usually, he's an open book to me. I know his thoughts, his feelings.

He let me. He let me read him, he showed me his feelings, he told me his thoughts.

Now? Not at all.

"Fine then. Look me in the eyes, tell me you're breaking up with me."

He does as I asked.

Sterling looks me in the eye, for the first time in three days, and tells me what I asked him to say.

"I'm breaking up with you. We're over, Delaney."

And with that, he rips my heart into a million tiny pieces.

I pull the promise ring off my finger and drop it into his hand.

With eyes blurry from tears, I take a step away from him and make my way to the door.

Right before I close it behind me, I force myself to turn around, to see him once more.

"I don't know why you're doing this. I don't know why you're hurting me. Hurting yourself. Because I know you don't really want to do this. What I do know is that you, Sterling Blake, are a goddamned coward."

⋆✧⋆✧⋆

I don't know how I manage to walk to my car, but I do. Despite the fact that I can't see through my tears, my head is spinning, and my entire body feels powerless.

I pull out of the driveway and start driving down the road.

I'm relying solely on muscle memory to get home because I'm incapable of getting myself together long enough to navigate my way.

I break at a stop sign and try to collect myself. Tears pool in my eyes and my heart breaks each time I replay our conversation in my head.

Then, quicker than a blink, I see a car heading straight at me and hear a horn blast.

I feel the impact of the crash but it's okay because I don't feel any pain.

A warm liquid drips down my forehead and I want to wipe it away but I can't seem to get my arm to move.

I'm sure I'm fine.

I'm a little tired though.

Maybe I'll just shut my eyes.

Or take a quick nap.

Yeah, I think I'll do that.

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This one hurt to write.

Question of the chapter: Do you listen to music when you read? If so, what song did you listen to while you read this?

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Stay safe and healthy <3