"I don't wanna be alone,

When it ends, don't wanna let you know.

But I can feel it take a hold,

I can feel you take control,

Of who I am and all I've ever known;

Loving you is the antidote!"

— "Golden" // Harry Styles

ɤɤɤɤɤɤɤɤ

"We are humans; the only thing that differentiates us from the animals is our reasoning. We use our logic and make decisions. So we keep playing with our lives until destiny knocks us down. Then why do we dream? Why do we hope for a new day? Because we humans do possess a heart too, though we tend to forget how to care for it but I believe this heart is what keeps us going through this hell. Or else we'd be just fighting each other. As they say, survival of the fittest and we already see the consequences. I just want to say that no matter what, don't forget to listen to your heart. It might sound silly, the heart is often the fool, but trust me when I say this, in the long run you won't regret.

So here we go again. Last year was a roller-coaster, the highs were too high and lows were too low. Yet we made it through and here we are, standing strong. I'd like to thank everyone who's got my back throughout my life. It's a privilege to accept this award today after surviving through a time when I was questioning my existence. But thanks to everyone who gave me a solid reason to live, cheers to the life we had and to the life we'll be having."

The crowd cheer, clap and congratulate the "Businessman of the Year" as he completes his speech and accepts the award. After a brief meet and greet with a few invitees Abir finally leaves the venue and drives to the nearest bar. He needs this relaxation after a day full of stardom or else fame might get over his head!

"Whoa! Isn't that the Businessman of the Year here? Long time no see, Mr. Rajvansh? Where have you been?" The voice of a lady comes from behind.

"Ah, just a bit of chilling. I'm sorry I can't recall you ma'am?" Abir says, turning his head to get a proper look at the owner of the voice.

"Oh you better don't remember me. Meeting you never ends on a good note, anyways. Especially tonight, I'm not in a mood to be wrecked all night and find myself alone in bed when the sun rises. No hard feelings though. Have a good time, sweetheart." The lady laughs, frankly a bitter laugh, and leaves.

Abir gets it. She must be one of those he had hooked up with sometimes. Well, honestly every time he is in this bar, he's bound to meet someone with that sort of history. Good part is neither he remembers the names nor does those people try coming back to him.

One night stands, precisely.

Abir laughs as he sips in the wine. The Casanova they say, well not wrong though. It's been so long since he has entered any bar, especially after Mishti happened to him. Oh Mishti - what a hell of a ride she had given him - came out of nowhere and suddenly disappeared like it was all a dream. Abir lets out a sigh. Drinking and reminiscing about Mishti Agarwal - the night looks promising.

"Hey bud, what's you doing here?"

Well, Abir takes the assumption back, the night is more than promising.

"Nishant, wasn't expecting you here. What brings you --"

"Hey, that's something I'm gonna ask. Don't you steal my question."

Abir sighs. All he needs is a bit of solitude right now and here comes Nishant Singhaniya. Well blame Abir only for choosing a crowded bar to find peace.

"So tell me, what brings you here right after receiving a big fat award?"

Nishant makes himself comfortable on the sofa Abir is sitting on. So he is here to stay.

"Oh come on, Abir, speak up mate. You know how hard it was to find you? I bloody pleaded in front of that Kunal, the guy who fucking punched me on my face."

Abir lets Nishant vent out his frustration.

"Just for you I had to be nice to that boy. Uh I can't even believe this is me, doing all these. I mean I'm Nishant Singhaniya, the only heir of Yash Singhaniya --"

"Disowned."

"Yeah whatever. But can you believe I'm doing all these good man's jobs?"

"Unfortunately I can believe that, Nishant."

"Of course you can, aren't you the one behind all these? I hate you man, you know that right? I fucking hate you."

"I know Nishant, and I hate you too. But thanks, mate."

"Yeah whatever."

Abir is definitely a bit tipsy now. He can feel the weight of the world shaking off from his shoulders. Maybe having a company is not a bad idea at all. Nishant's presence reminds him of his sanity.

Well, honestly his sanity is long gone with Mishti and her mysterious disappearance. But people like Nishant Singhaniya here are like a reminder to Abir that Abir Rajvansh - the man actually exists. A reminder that he's not a damsel in distress because the one he loves has left him.

A reminder that there's a world out there waiting for him, looking up to him. And he needs to be constantly reminded of his existence. Or else the whirlwind of the pain of lost love and constant throbbing of broken hopes is constantly chasing him to gobble up all his strength. Like one second of overthinking might demolish his worth and Abir doesn't have the strength to recover anymore.

At least not yet.

What he doesn't want to remember though is the fact that somehow it all comes back to that one name. All he is right now and all he will ever be - somehow everything comes back to that one name.

Mishti Agarwal.

The one to give him hope and break it.

The one to let him go and take a hold on him.

The one to set him free and cage his soul.

The one who inadvertently is controlling Abir's entire being.

When did she get so much power over him?

When did he become so weak?

When did his heart start this wild run?

When did he dive so deep?

Abir wonders and wonders and wonders. Everything comes back to that one name and the only word he can associate with it.

Love.

L-O-V-E.

And he hates it.

"What's next?'

"I don't know. Let's see what happens next."

"What do you mean you don't know, Abir Rajvansh? I'm tired of all these already. There your lady is doing shit and here you are - let's see what happens - is this how you both planned these? Oh wait, Miss Mishti here doesn't even know who is planning her revenge for her. What a dramatic love story."

Abir lets Nishant keep rambling. Oh boy! He definitely has the right to do so. After all, Abir never really expected him to take this deal positively but here he is - although selfish yet being selfless.

"Thank you, Nishant."

Nishant stops and rolls his eyes. Of course he's drunk but has not lost his stability yet. And Abir Rajvansh just said "Thank You" - to him!

"You can continue, Nishant."

"Okay, I mean, it's alright Abir. Not that I'm being an absolute saint here, so yeah. Okay honestly, I should be thanking you everyday after what you did to me and doing that hurts my ego, so let's not go back to that. I'm not good at these melodramatic expressions, you know. But yes, I just hope you'll plan something good because I'm not risking my life again and again."

"Cheers to your life then."

"Cheers to your love."

They silently go back to drinking sessions. Of course, Abir has helped Nishant. He had to.

Yash Singhaniya disowning Nishant was not as surprising as the reason behind it.

====

"So Mishti just disappeared?"

"Precisely."

"You're not going to track her down?"

"No."

"Are you fucking serious Abir? How can you not?"

"I guess that shouldn't come as any surprise to you. Practically you've no terms with her. So how does it bother you, Mr. Nishant? You've played with her enough, haven't you?"

"I don't give a damn to what she does or where she is. That's none of my business. But --"

"Again, precisely."

"YOU FUCKING LOVE HER, DON'T YOU? Why would you let her go?"

"Nishant --"

"No, Abir. I thought she loved you too. So what went wrong? I know I'm no one to speak in this but I've seen you both. And it's not making sense."

"Wait Nishant, my question remains the same. How does it bother YOU anyways?"

Nishant doesn't reply at first. He is staring at the ground and the way he looks, Abir knows it's something serious. Recently the news of Nishant being disowned was surfacing all over the news. But it has no relation with Mishti or Abir. So what is it? Wait, in fact why is he disowned?

"Nishant, is there anything I can help you with?" Abir asks politely.

"Don't act as if you care, Abir." Nishant is evidently sad.

"I don't honestly, but I'm a counselor you see. It's my duty to help people with their problems. So if you've anything to discuss, I can be a friend for some time."

"Oh please. I know what people are like. No one offers free help until it benefits them in some manner. Especially how can I trust you?"

"I've nothing to say here. But I'm sure you've known me enough to know that I won't use your problems against you."

"Hm."

Nishant takes his time and then he spills it all. He tells Abir how he was feeling guilty after the confrontation with Mishti the other day, how he always felt wrong about his father, how he was ordered to follow his father's words because he was an adopted son. And most importantly how he was disowned after he found his true love. Abir listens to Nishant's story of love - how he unexpectedly found someone for whom he wanted to be better.

Love should never be a punishment but it became. The love that has started to change Nishant's heart became the reason for his father's wrath. And what was his fault?

Nishant is in love with a guy.

=====

Looking at a drunk Nishant sleeping on the sofa, Abir sighs. Love does wonder and it turns your whole world upside down. Who else can understand this better than Abir? Abir remembers the day he witnessed Nishant breaking down in front of him. It was too shocking to handle, honestly. The image Abir had about Nishant was collapsing and Abir listened to him the whole day. No wonder you can never judge people by their outer appearance. They were right to say that everyone has their own story to tell.

Long story short, Nishant Singhaniya is disowned primarily because of his protests against his father's deeds, because of his sexuality, his will to fall in love with someone and because of him choosing love over business. His homophobic father doesn't accept him and only God knows if his mother ever uses her own brains. Nishant Singhaniya was robbed of everything until one day he cried his heart out in front of Abir and that was it. He's now in team Abir although Mishti thinks he's in team Mishti.

Given the situation Nishant was in, it was no surprise that he had a change of heart. Abir still remembers how Nishant, despite being broken himself, was continuously asking if Abir was alright. That's what love does to you, it makes you cross oceans and it makes you befriending those you considered enemies once.

And with all honesty, Nishant too is a victim of the foolish actions of two business rivals.

"Hey Abir, Mishti feels for you, you know that?"

The voice of a drunk Nishant brings Abir back to the moment.

"Mishti, uh.. Maybe. Yea- Yeah."

"Aww, you're blushing like a teen, aren't you?"

"Well it means nothing when she couldn't even trust me."

Abir hears Nishant's chuckle.

What was so funny? Or did he sound confused? Not his fault though. Mishti left Abir in such a mess that he started questioning all his beliefs. He was almost certain that she feels for him too, if not love exactly. But right now he's not sure. Maybe she liked him, but love - probably not. Because honestly, she never said it.

Yet just the mention of her name gives butterflies in his stomach. It's actually like falling in love like a teenager who gets excited just by hearing the name of his crush, who starts blushing just by the thought. Abir didn't realize how deeply he was in love until she left. Maybe her walking away made him realize the intensity of this stupid feeling.

Wait, Abir takes his words back. Love is not stupid. It's weird, it's unhealthy but it's true for sure.

"Hey, did she ever talk about me or anything else for that matter?"

"Who? Mishti? Nah, she doesn't. You're in love with the wrong girl, mate. I'm sure she's amazing for you but trust me, I know her. It's no surprise that she didn't choose you."

Abir turns his head to the other side.

"Not to discourage you mate but you see that's what happened. But yeah, I get a feeling, this time she's really guilty for ditching someone. At least she avoids talking about you, that means, she is guilty. You're her only ex to have that privilege though. Haha --"

"I am not her ex. In fact, I was never anything to her."

"Aww, poor Abir." Nishant hugs Abir and ruffles his hair. He's definitely drunk as hell now.

"It'll be alright. Maybe she'll see you someday beyond her logic. You know she's just too skeptical to see things in a different light. Like love, for example, she may not consider it as a waste of time but it makes little sense to her. Now look at you, you literally devote yourself but she's a bit choosy, should I say? I don't know. Only she knows what she thinks but when she decides on something, no one can ever stop her. And I really feel she has not given up on you totally. Like you're not out of her head. So you've a chance mate, I mean --"

"Shut up Nishant. You get too philosophical when you're drunk."

"Maybe, but drunk Nishant is true Nishant. He speaks no lies. He speaks the truth. Always the truth."

Abir laughs.

"How's your man doing by the way?"

"Oh Rehan." Nishant blushes. "He's good, you know it was tough for some time, but I've you mate, you saved us. He says we'll sort this out together. You know Abir, I don't want to lose him. Really --"

Nishant keeps talking as Abir's mind starts wandering around his "Mishti-land". No doubt he's drunk too.

The moment he thought he had lost Mishti for good, Nishnat arrived with a hope. Mishti blocked Abir's every way to contact her and he was heartbroken. He just wanted one last conversation with her - he needed an explanation and unlike he did with Kuhu, he tried to reach out. But Mishti had decided otherwise.

Did she think he won't forgive her? How can she be so wrong to judge him?

But maybe this was not the end. It was Nishant who informed Abir that Mishti is planning on something because he contacted her a few weeks back. Shocked will be a little word to describe what Abir felt when he finally understood what Mishti's intentions were. It still hurts him that Mishti cannot believe him with her personal beliefs and choices. Had she told him once what's going on in her mind, he would have readily agreed to support her. But she chose otherwise and it pained Abir. How could she think that he won't let her avenge her mother's death? Why would she think that her being with Abir will hamper whatever she wants to do?

At the end of the day, Mishti didn't believe Abir.

Abir refills his glass of wine and gulps it all in one go. This is the night to celebrate his success. Today he is at the height of his career. He won't let the thought of the girl who left him midway ruin his celebration. Though he wishes she will come back, he isn't going to drown himself in her thoughts tonight. Though he'll be helping and protecting her without her knowledge, he won't come in front of her. Though he's dying just to see her once, he won't ask Nishant her address and visit her.

And though Nishant says she doesn't talk about Abir anymore, he won't stop caring. Though she wants to ride on this journey alone, Abir will always stick to her like a shadow. She will never know, but he won't leave until she's done. Abir made a promise to protect her always and he'll do it at any cost. His love is way bigger than getting her, way stronger than her sudden disappearance, way truer than her disagreements. She may have chosen other things above him but it was never a matter of choice for Abir. Never.

It comes as no surprise to Abir that he cannot hate Mishti for a second even after all that happened. Instead he witnesses a sudden overwhelming feeling that screams only her name.

Mishti Mishti Mishti !

She's all over him and that's bad. It's killing him, it hurts.

He can't figure out a "Mature" and "Adult" way of handling these emotions.

A part of him has already started to hate all these. But Abir has finally accepted that he won't get over this love.

Not anytime soon.