"Choose your words

'Cause there's no antidote

For this curse,

What's it waiting for?

Must this hurt you, just before you go?

Oh, tell me something I don't already know."

— "Ever Since New York" // Harry Styles

ɤɤɤɤɤɤɤɤ

"Suicide note? Are you fucking serious Nishant? A bloody suicide note?"

Abir shouts. He can feel his head spinning. Nishant is back from his Canada visit and what he has brought back with him is a disaster.

"Yes, Abir. That's what I'm screaming. A bloody suicide note. Yeah. Oh wait, not exactly that."

"So what does it mean? The note cops found years back was a manipulated one?"

"Isn't it so obvious? That had to be a false note. Why else would I find this piece of paper kept so secretly in my father's locker?"

Abir doesn't know what to say. And the hardest part is to read it. He knows it's Mishti's right to read it first but he can't give it to her just like that, especially after understanding to what length Mishti can go for someone she dearly admires. As unfortunate as it is, Mishti was the one who made Kuhu walk out of his life just because her father was upset and this is about her mother - the dead mother for whom she has left everything behind.

Abir sighs, what a dramatic situation it is! Neither he can hate her nor can he love. Only thing he knows is to help her, without letting her know.

"Are you fucking kidding me Abir? You're not planning to keep this hidden from Mish, are you?"

Abir doesn't say anything.

"Oh My God." Nishant holds his head with both his hands. "You better not be serious Abir Rajvansh, she's gonna kill you if she finds out. You've no idea --"

"I've every freaking idea Nishant. I know what she can do. I very well know that, you don't need to keep reminding me what she can do." Abir shouts. He really doesn't want to get reminded of Mishti's deeds every second. As much as it boils his blood it hurts like hell.

The unfortunate point is he can't see her in pain.

"I won't hide this from her. How can I? But I'm gonna make sure she isn't doing anything stupid. I have to make sure."

Nishant nods in agreement. Especially after the other day when Mishti nearly got herself behind the bars for drinking and driving after meeting Vishambhar, Nishant understands Abir's concern. But what is Abir up to?

"Wait, are you planning to go to see her Abir?"

"You know her as much as I know Nishant. We just need to distract her for some time. If she stays sensible for like only two hours then you can trust her to not do anything undesirable."

"Okay, but --"

"Two hours. I just have to make sure she's not planning anything wrong, this might get much overwhelming for her. I need to make sure she doesn't go after Yash Singhaniya with a gun."

"What will you do?"

"I don't know."

~~~

Mishti is anxious. Nishant has told her nothing except to come to this restaurant. He didn't mention anything else but his voice sounded unusual. She knows she is to face something grave. Unfortunately the scariest part is she has to face it alone.

"Hey Nishant."

"Mishti, there you are. Come, have a seat. Make yourself comfortable."

"Aren't you being too polite?"

"Never mind. Mish, see don't get hyper okay? Listen and stay calm."

Mishti gasps, this is indeed something grave - maybe even more than that.

"Fuck. I don't even know what to say. That bastard! He could have done this himself."

Nishant swears, curses and rambles for some time and Mishti just sits there just trying to get hints.

"Okay, I better not say anything. You gotta read this."

Nishant hands over a piece of paper. It looks really old but as if someone has kept it carefully. As she eyes the paper, her first reaction is horror.

This is her mom's handwriting!

Mishti Beta,

Probably I'll never get to see your reaction to this but I just hope you'll understand every bit of it. I don't know how long I'm going to endure this but if someday I find the courage to speak up I want you to know that I expect you to make the right decision.

This might take you a while to accept but I had to burst your bubble someday; you know Vishambhar is your step-dad. You've never asked me about your real father nor did I was interested in telling you those stories. You respected my choice and to an extent you didn't even bother to ask me. But Mishti you need to know who you are. I can see you're losing yourself amidst these selfish rivals and before I lose my daughter completely I need to make you see the truth. I'm writing this to you hoping you'll read and understand because talking to you seems impossible these days.

Mishti, my love, you are the daughter of Rajshree Agarwal and Yash Singhaniya. Yes. Please don't react already. I know how shocking this is to you, I know this is unbelievable, I know this is going to shake your very existence but this is true and that's what matters the most right now. And I know your biological father very well, he'll cross every limit to hurt you because you're like a black spot to his seemingly crystal clear reputation. That was the deal, you were to never know who your father is. But I'm breaking my promise because you need to know.

Save yourself Mishti, don't step in the dirt. Please.

Your step-dad is a good man. But his lust for power often overpowers goodness, he cannot see the limits. I know you worship him, but Mishti, it's not always necessary that the one you think to be right is always right. Right and wrong may have different definitions for different people. But in the end the meaning of good and bad is universal - what is bad is bad, no matter what. As you told me the other day, you're a grown up now and you know what's good for you. But remember your knowledge is limited to what you've seen. This world is greater than your father and his ego.

Your duty is not to satisfy his ego, remember this very well.

I couldn't stop your marriage, I tried so hard but you didn't listen to me. You never listened to me Mishti and that reminds me how a bad mother I've been. At this moment I'm disgusted with myself because it's not entirely your fault. But Mishti, do you mom a favour - come back. Come back to the innocent girl you were, come back to the girl who knew what's truly good for everyone, come back to the girl who cared for others. Question you father, question me before it's too late.

Question yourself before you start losing even the answers.

Your marriage is nothing but a business deal. You'll know this very soon. I always felt it was a bad idea but I was late to uncover the truth. It pains me to break this to you, but the father you worship ultimately betrayed you. It pains me to know that I put my trust in the wrong man again. It breaks me to see that I couldn't save my only daughter, my Gudiya Rani from these demons. I'm sorry Mishti, please forgive your mom if you can.

But now please save yourself and go.

Now read this carefully, I want you to be strong and fight. Don't give up because I won't be here. You've to fight, you've to survive. And remember that I love you always, my sweetheart.

Maybe this was to end this way only. This circle has to end where it started. 20 years ago it was a deal between Yash Singhaniya and Vishambahr Maheshwari and I was tossed like a toy with you. The same thing is happening again. I was helpless, I was naive, I surrendered. But Mishti, you're strong. Don't get played.

Yash fears I might tell you the truth and then you'll protest, his plans would backfire. He knows you're not someone he can control. But he knows what your weakness is. He knows you'll do anything for your family. But Mishti, I'm asking you not to step back because of me or your father.

Yash has already worked on his plans. He thinks I don't know. Call it his misfortune that I know what he's up to. I've been warning Vishambhar but he won't listen to me, save your father Mishti. He's going to be robbed of everything. Yash is plotting against him with those investors, the new project they're working on is something wrong - I don't know what it is but they're planning to trap Vishaambhar in these and when I tried to confront Yash, it's in vain.

I won't live longer enough to do anything, Mishti. He's giving me slow poison and I can feel my end is near.

Please don't feel weak, my daughter. I've accepted my fate. I'm a weak woman who couldn;t protect herself. I'm dying and it's okay. My life is not worth living. I couldn't save my only jewel, I couldn't save you. And now when I see you getting harassed at the Singhaniya's it's already killing me. It's already killing me to see how indifferent Vishambhar is. I always regret that I trusted Yash once. I'm the one to be blamed for all these and I can't live with this guilt anymore.

Death will give me peace and that's the only best thing Yash has done to me. I'm counting my days, I'm retreating to death because I can't fight. I accept my destiny. But Mishti, you've to be strong. Vishambhar is not a bad man, save him, save yourself. Maybe by the time you read this letter, I won't be breathing anymore but you've to stay strong, my beautiful princess. Show them who you really are.

This poison is eating me slowly, I was too late to know that. But I can't be late to make you see the truth. You'll find your way, I know. Don't be the second Rajshree Agarwal.

Be Mishti. Not a daughter, not a wife and not a toy to be played with.

Be who you truly are.

You're Mishti - if they take your sweetness for granted it'll be poisonous to them.

Be Mishti - never lose yourself in this bitter world. Because only you can overpower the bitterness.

There's nothing above true love, my dear, for it is the greatest of all strengths. Know that I'll always be with you, in the form of love.

Mom.

Mishti sits there without saying anything. Her brain has lost the idea of her surroundings, only the face of her mom is running in front of eyes. She clearly recalls the day Rajshree's hanged body was found in the mansion. It was a suicide, everyone believed so except Mishti. She couldn't accept the idea of a lady like Rajshree succumbing to death by hanging herself. She knew the truth was something else.

Only if she knew how nasty the truth was!

Mishti can feel her heart pounding inside her body, she can feel the heat and there is a sudden urge, an urge she can't comprehend. "Stop Mishti", she hears Nishant calling from behind. Truth is she doesn't even know when she starts walking and where she is heading to until there is a crash.

No, she bumps into someone.

"A- Abir?"

There he is, standing with his ever warming smile, radiating all the love in the world. Her body voluntarily pulles him into a hug and Abir reciprocates, she needs this - she needs someone to hold her tight, she needs those arms to feel safer. She needs Abir.

Until she doesn't need him.

So she pulls away.

"Abir? Good to see you."

Mishti settles herself. Abir stares at her with amusement - how can she change her whole appearance in a second? How easily she can fool anyone, even herself!

"Did you actually say that Mishti? "Good" to see me? I doubt so."

Mishti simply smiles. And for the first time her smile breaks Abir all over again, why doesn't she open up? How long is she planning to do this? Why?

"I've to leave Abir, it was really nice seeing you after --"

"After?"

"After-- I-- I shall make a move Abir. Kindly excuse me."

Abir knows she won't say it. That's the issue, she would never say it until it becomes too heavy for her to even breathe. She'd stay shut till it's an emergency.

But Abir needs to speak. This is an emergency.

"Why would you leave Mishti?"

Abir feels Mishti's footsteps stopping and she turns to him.

"I asked you something, Mishti. Why did you leave as if it was nothing? Speak up before it's too late. You owe me an explanation, don't you?"

"I do Abir but this isn't the right time. Thi --"

"Do you even have a right time Mishti? You're running away, do you think I don't notice? Do you think I don't realize that you're not coming back? Do you want me to believe that I was wrong all along? You know what? Forget about me, do you want to make yourself believe that you'll pass through this just like that?"

"Calm down Abir. I know you must be heartbroken and all but I really don't care. Please excuse me. I need to leave now and we'll have this talk someday if we meet again."

I really don't care.

I. Really. Don't. Care.

She doesn't.

Did she ever care?

Was it all his illusion, again and again?

Abir knew this was going to happen but something so cold and harsh in Mishti's voice tears him apart. He knows he has chosen this bitter drink for himself.

"I'm so sorry, Abir." Mishti whispers before turning away and Abir's heart breaks all over again.

This time for both of them.

He can feel the crack in his heart at the sight of Mishti, her teary eyes and her futile attempts to act like she's not bothered.

Why was this love so cursed?

Why was he running after a shadow?

Why was it so wrong?

But he can't back off.

He can't because he never left.

Because he has always been there.

Even when Mishti couldn't see him.

She was the one to walk out.

Not him.

He is the one to stay, to wait and wait and wait until she finally comes around.

"I love you Mishti, for God's sake, at least talk to me."

Mishti stops for a moment and looks at Abir.

"I really love you." Abir mutters.

"I know, Abir."

Mishti says so silently that Abir nearly misses it. But she just gives a weak smile and turns around.

Once again, she walks out on him without saying anything.

Abir hates that Mishti means so much to his stupid heart.