Tears involuntarily escaped my face as I retold the story to Chan, who listened intently by my side. I felt a sense of comfort with him that I have never felt before, including feelings of trust. He waited patiently for me to finish and never interrupted or cut me off.

"And now... I'm here." I smiled sadly. "I'm sorry I made you stay here, Chan. You should go see your grandma."

"No Felix, you're important to me too. I can visit her another time." He replied.

"But you just met me yesterday. That's, uhm, not how friendship works?"

"That doesn't matter. What matters it that you're alive and you're okay. I'm happy I could be here."

"No, seriously, you should leave. I basically just ruined your day, and you're saying that's okay? I can handle myself... I have all this time. I'll be fine."

He went quiet. I couldn't help but stare at him, waiting for an answer, but also admiring his perfect visuals. His eyes crinkled when he smiled, and the dimple on his cheek popped out.

"Felix?" He suddenly broke the silence. Chan's brown eyes glowed from the light reflecting off the windows when he looked into mine. I hummed in response.

"Can.. Can I hug you? I know you don't like physical contact, but..."

I chuckled a little. "Since I've basically already told you my life story, I guess I have a small confession to make."

He nodded. "Go ahead, I'm listening."

"I-" I shook my head, blushing. "I don't know, actually. I guess I don't really dislike it. It's more like... I think I'm scared of it. Nah, I know I'm scared of it. It's stupid, haha."

"No no no, It's not stupid. May I ask why?"

"I'm sorry... I-I don't think I'm ready to tell you yet. I'm sorry, Chan. It's not that I don't trust you, I'm just being a coward."

"Stop criticizing yourself, what the heck? You're not stupid and you're definitely not a coward." He extended his hand instinctively, but instantly pulled back as he saw me flinch. His mouth made an O when he realized what he had done.

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, it was just an instinct I swear." I couldn't stand the look of panic on his face. Saying I felt guilty was an understatement.

No. I have to push myself or I'll never get better.

"Touch me." I stuck out my arm quickly before I could change my mind.

"What? Wh-"

"Hold my hand, Chan. Just do it." I bit my lip as I started to get agitated with myself again. Why must I be this way? Only three people can touch me. For some reason, my mind goes crazy if it isn't Changbin or my two sisters. Not even my dad. It wasn't like this before, but she's gone now.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to be afraid." He hesitated.

I was about to move closer, but instead I chickened out and pulled back before I could connect our fingers. Frustrated, I took that hand and swung it harshly against my face. It left a red mark on my already wet cheek. I groaned in agitation and clenched my fist as I felt my eyes pool with water once again.

"Why can't I stop crying? Argh!" I hastily used my sleeves to wipe my face, although it didn't stop not matter what I tried.

I was too embarrassed to even look at my friend. I never realized he was beginning to sniff as well.

stupid, I thought. What's wrong with me? Stop it, idiot! He has to watch someone break down right in front of him, and you won't even let him comfort you!

"Stop. I can tell you're thinking bad things about yourself again." Chan spoke up. "Felix-ssi, please stop. I don't know what to do to help you right now, I can't control your thoughts and I can't hold you either." He pleaded.

"D-Don't l-leave." I whispered.

"I'm never going to leave you. I'm gonna stay here until you get better, and after that I'll still be here. Don't be scared, I'm right here."

"Thank you, hyung."