Because I slept all morning, I wasn't tired when it was nap time. I laid on the cot for a good half hour before I gave up and went to Ms. Diane's desk. She cleared a space in my usual spot and set a coloring book on the desk.

I didn't hear mom when she walked in. I had my chin rested on my hand as I colored, my mind focused on the task I was doing. I was trying to stop thinking about what was waiting at home.

It wasn't until she walked over to me and touched my shoulder that I realized she was there to pick me up.

"Hi, sweetheart. What are you coloring?"

I moved my arm so she could see the pictures I had colored. I usually started with the page on the right as it was easier for me to do. Then I moved onto the left picture, my arm holding the spine down so the book didn't close on me.

She smiled. The pictures weren't anything special. They were childish coloring books, the print large enough that big crayons could fit in the space. The right picture was a butterfly I'd colored blue. The left one was a flower I was coloring pink. I still had the stem to do yet. "They're beautiful, sweetie."

I put the crayon back in the box then shut the book. I left it where it was on the desk, knowing Ms. Diane would put it away for me. I wasn't allowed in her desk, anyway.

"Do you need your diaper changed?"

I nodded, remembering that I still had the pacifier in my mouth. I wasn't sure why I had put it in since I was already in trouble for not using it the night before. I was still under the impression that I was going to be punished so why did it matter using it during the day? But maybe I did want to follow the rules, after all.

I walked behind mom as she grabbed my diaper bag and went to the bathroom. I laid down on the mat on the floor and watched her pull things from the bag.

"Did you have a good day today?"

I nodded. It didn't really matter if my day was good but rather if I was good. I knew my punishment was waiting and didn't want to make it worse.

"I'm sorry I got so upset with you this morning. That wasn't fair to you. You've done so well adjusting to everything and I just didn't see it."

I met her gaze as she slid the clean diaper under me and began taping the sides to the front. I said nothing but hoped my expression was enough to convince her that I wasn't mad at her.

She pulled my dress over my diaper then took my hands, pulling me into a sitting position. "Come here, sweetie."

I crawled closer to her and dropped my hands into my lap.

She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight against her. "I love you, Lyla."

I tucked my head under her jaw and closed my eyes. Her skin was warm and I could smell her perfume. It reminded me of our old life. When things were normal.

After a few seconds of silence, she pulled back. "Are you ready to head home?"

I nodded and helped her put my things away in the backpack. She helped me put it on then led me from the small room.

She held my hand as we left the classroom and headed for the car. Mom always parked in the same spot, as if it were reserved for us.

She helped me into my car seat and buckled me in.

I pulled the pacifier from my mouth as she clasped the latch at my waist. "Can I play outside when we get home?"

Mom smiled and took a step back. "Sure, sweetie."

I relaxed into the seat and stayed silent the rest of the drive home. I quickly grabbed the stuffed rabbit from my room before going outside and hiding at the mouth of one of the slides.

After a few minutes, I heard a noise around the corner of the swing set and I sat up to see dad making his way to me.

I lowered my gaze and sat back, clutching the rabbit against my chest.

"Lyla, baby, it's just me." He said as he walked up to me.

I moved over so he'd have room to sit beside me. I wasn't mad at him and I didn't want to be when it wasn't his fault that I had been in trouble all day. He was only following mom's rules, as he should have.

"Mom said you came out here as soon as you got home from school." He sat down beside me and rested his arms on his knees.

I nodded, not knowing what to say to him.

He brushed the hair from my face before pulling the pacifier out of my mouth. "Lyla, what's wrong?"

"I got in trouble today. It feels like I'm always getting in trouble."

"That's not true, sweetie."

"It is, dad. I'm trying to get used to everything changing and it feels like it's not enough. I can never make you and mom happy."

He put his arm around me and hugged me close to his side. "I'm sorry if we've been hard on you. This is new for us too. I'll talk to mom and try to meet you halfway from now on."

I nodded.

He nodded at the slide across from us. "Go down the slide and we'll swing on the swing-set. Like we used to, remember?"

It felt dumb but I liked the father-daughter moments. It was familiar and I needed that when things were so different now.

I crawled away from him and pushed myself down the slide, not enjoying it quite as much as I thought I would. Then again, it wasn't the good slide.

As I slid down, I felt my diaper fill and get warm and my eyes widened. I put my hand between my legs, feeling so embarrassed. I couldn't believe I'd peed without forcing it out. I just filled the diaper like it was nothing, not having to push it out. I hated that my body was getting used to being a baby. It was insulting, really.

I stood and tried to hide my embarrassment as I walked to the swings and sat on one, the warm and squishy diaper adding more padding than I wanted.

To get out of talking, I put the pacifier back in my mouth. Dad and I didn't talk any more then and I liked it that way.