You walked into Jesus's apartment. I don't know what you expected, but it definitely wasn't what you saw. As soon as you walked into this man's apartment, your eyes were bombarded with anime titties. You must have expected for Jesus to be a very holy man, but that is NOT what happened. Actually, it does kind of make sense; he was reborn as a millennial. Just when you thought things couldn't get any weirder, I middle aged man walked out of one of the bedrooms wearing only a robe. "Hi," he said joyfully. He was almost twice as tall as a normal man and at least five times as wide. He looked simply too big to be allowed, and so wild - long tangles of bushy black hair. He had eyelids the size of dustbin lids and his feet in their leather boots were like baby dolphins.

"Umm, Lil Jeezy, who is this?"

"Oh yeah, this is my friend Hagrid. We became friends through this magical app called Grindr." He chuckled a bit. "That's also where I met my four sugar daddies!"

"Excuse me, would you mind if I step outside for a moment?" you asked. Everything was so incredibly overwhelming. Not only did Jesus have his apartment covered in anime titties, he also had a Grindr account and FOUR sugar daddies. What a day. You stepped outside and dialed the number of your best friend, God. They weren't actually God, but when you give a chaotic non-binary person the liberty to choose their own name, you better BET they're gonna choose something crazy.

"Oh my god, God, I just met Jesus-"

They interrupted you, saying, "Is that another crazy enby?"

"No." you continued, "I met the ACTUAL Jesus and he is crazy. He is friends with Hagrid, like the one from Harry Potter and he has anime titties all around his room, and four sugar daddies-"

'WAIT JESUS IS GAY?!?!"

"I DON'T KNOW, OKAY?!?" The line went silent for a moment. "Sorry for yelling, this is just really overwhelming."

"It's fine. Also I'm right outside the building, so get in the car."

"First, how do you know where he lives, and second, where are we going?"

"You have your location turned on, and I want ice cream but don't have my wallet, so get in the car or I'll come in there and get you.

I was a bit scared, so I left the apartment building, and got in God's car."