felix and chan practically had identical schedules. which, for a lot of reasons, felix was grateful for. however, often times felix wished he didn't know a single person in his classes.

it got tiring holding in all his emotions, he wanted to be able to show how he was feelings, but in front of his friends he just couldn't.

he knew he could trust his friends, that was never the problem, but instead, he feared upsetting them. felix hates worrying others and making them take care of him, so he takes care of himself.

felix was finding his day to be particularly difficult, partly because of his lack of sleep, but partly because his mind was on fire.

even if he wanted to fall asleep in class right in that moment, he knew as soon as he shut his eyes, the nightmares would haunt him and sleep would be a thought of the past.

that was the only thing about felix that no one knew, not even changbin. felix kept his nightmares a secret from everyone. he feared what people would think of him if they knew what he dreamt about.

among the multitude of nightmares felix has, one prominent nightmare that is reoccurring has to do with his father. it's the most tormenting of all nightmares.

it's not as simple as just what happened to his father, it is so much more than that, which is why felix refusing to discuss it.

he sat in class, zoning out, unintentionally allowing his nightmare to come into his daydreams. felix felt his anxiety start to set in as the images flashed through his mind, he couldn't take it anymore.

felix raised his hand and politely asked to be excused. he felt chan's worrying eyes on him, he knew his voice was shaking when he spoke.

he didn't care though. felix walked out of the room, seeming calm on the outside. once he escaped the classroom, he beelined for the bathroom.

felix stumbled into an empty stall as he finally allowed his emotions to crash like waves breaking on the sand. they took over him entirely, coming in all at once, but he knew once he got it out, they would begin to subside once more.

he sat in the bathroom, shaking violently, not knowing what else to do. tears were streaming down his face at an alarming rate and his mind was swarmed with guilt.

he thought about his nightmare over and over again. he thought while he was awake he could be free from it, but his luck seemed to run out.

his exhaustion made his thoughts harder to control and his daydreaming become a more occurrent thing. felix's dream demons find a way into his awakened state and now would be more relentless than ever.

when felix thought he was alone, he allowed soft sobs to escape him. he began to dry heave from the overwhelming anxiety that was eating away at him, and that grew some worries from the boy he didn't know was in there.

"hello," the boy knocked on the stall door, "is everything okay in there?"

the voice sounded familiar to felix, yet he couldn't recognize it in his current state. the only person he wanted was not there for him and that was his only thought in that moment.

"felix, is that you?" the voice asked once more, recognizing felix's shoes.

"it's hyunjin." the boy stated.

felix heard the name like knives cutting into his ear drums. felix couldn't help but think, why does hearing his name hurt me? felix didn't want to admit it, but he resented hyunjin.

hyunjin was everything felix wasn't.

he was what changbin wanted.

"felix?" hyunjin questioned once more.

"y-yeah?" felix responded wearily.

"are you okay?" hyunjin asked as his concerns continued to grow.

"i'm f-fine." felix stuttered out, mentally cursing himself for this in the process.

"you don't sound fine."

"i ate some bad fruit this morning, that's all." felix explained.

"oh, would you like me to take you to the nurse then?" hyunjin offered, trying to be kind towards the latter.

"uh-- um... yeah, that would be nice." felix came out of the stall and allowed hyunjin to walk him to the nurse's office.

the entire way, he stared at hyunjin in awe of the boy. felix understood why changbin was so enthralled by hyunjin.

hyunjin was gorgeous. he had plump lips, clear and soft skin, with eyes that glistened when you spoke to him.

hyunjin was happy and filled with hope. he was a beacon in the darkness that would lead you to your way out.

felix wished he could be like that.

that's why he faked his happiness so much. he would do anything to be that light at the end of the tunnel for changbin. he knows changbin is hurting whether the boys admits it or not, and for that reason, felix blames his mental illness as the reason he and changbin split up in the first place.

a.n.

i wrote 3 chapters of this last night so daily updates are still going strong hehe