a few days had passed since changbin held felix's hand during lunch, and since then, there had been undeniable tension between the boys.

changbin was walking on eggshells around felix, afraid of making the boy attached to him all over again when all he knew how to do was hurt him.

felix on the other hand was being destroyed whether changbin intended for it or not. felix was losing himself more and more each day and there was nothing to blame really... just a bad state of mind.

felix's grandmother had noticed something off about her grandson and figured a nice breakfast accompanied by felix's best friend could do no harm.

chan came over early before school on friday and felix's grandmother woke felix up bright and early.

"whyyyyyy?" felix groaned as his grandmother forced him out of bed and down the stairs.

"because i made you breakfast." she stated simply.

"you know i don't eat breakfast." felix sighed at her, but she didn't care.

"you don't eat a lot of anything lately it seems, and don't use your anxiety as an excuse! i know what it's like to have anxiety yongbok, but starving yourself will get you nowhere." she scolded him.

"it's not like i try to starve myself, i just don't really get hungry." felix shrugged, being honest in his answer.

"well figure out a way to get hungry because chan is here to eat with us." felix's grandmother smiled happily as she walked into the dining area where chan was waiting.

"good morning sunshine," chan smiled, "you have to eat a little something... your grandmother and i cannot eat all this food by ourselves."

"ugh... i'll try." felix let out a loud groan as he then sat down at the head of the table, chan and his grandmother on either side of him.

"here, at least start with some fruit." chan placed a spoonful of fruit salad onto felix's plate before the other boy could protest.

"fine, i guess some fruit won't hurt." felix shrugged as he place a strawberry into his mouth happily.

"thank you." felix's grandmother mouthed to chan who just sent back a nod and a smile.

chan knew something was up with felix and felix's grandmother worrying about him only proved chan to be right. he figured it had something to do with changbin, but at the same time, it seemed to be more than that.

chan wanted figure out whatever it was that felix was going through, but he knew better than to pry at someone else's life. he hoped that felix at least knew that whenever he needed, he could go to chan.

after the boys finished eating, felix got ready for school, and the two of them began to head out for the day.

the car ride was filled with an unsettling silence, one that had to be broken.

"so are you going to tell me why you've been so anxious lately?" chan tried to ask in a light hearted manner so he didn't come off too strong.

"it's just me, you know how i am." felix shrugged it off with a slight laugh and a smile.

"i hate that you go through that." chan shook his head, knowing that felix does suffer from terrible anxiety.

what chan doesn't know is how small of a fraction felix's anxiety is when it comes to making up who the boy is. he may be felix's best friend, but the only person who knows felix inside and out is changbin.

chan doesn't know that felix used to self harm... and well... has started up again, he doesn't know what actually happened to felix's father, he doesn't know the real reason felix lives in korea...

chan doesn't know that felix likes cats more because his father always wanted one, he doesn't know that felix looks up at the stars every night because his mother used to be really into astrology, he doesn't know that felix's favorite color is yellow because the color to him represents happiness...

he doesn't know all that is going on in felix's mind to make him sad, he doesn't know all of felix's little quirks and all that makes up the beautiful personality he used to show the world.

chan has hardly even noticed the change in felix from their first year of high school to now. he has not noticed that the old felix is practically gone because he never really knew felix at all.

the only person that knows it all is changbin.

maybe that's why it hurt so much when changbin left felix. changbin was the one person felix felt comfortable enough around to share his innermost thoughts, and then he was able to leave him like it was nothing.

however, it wasn't nothing.

it was the hardest decision changbin ever had to make, but simultaneously the easiest one.

he is used to being called selfish, an idiot, disrespectful... he's heard it all from his friends, but changbin was trying to do what was best for felix.

changbin knew his allure to hyunjin was not right, yet he still felt it.

he knew felix saw it which hurt him deeply, and changbin wanted to stop that pain. he thought he was setting felix free... that was the easiest thing to blame it on.

in reality though, it was so much more than that.

a.n.

this is the last chapter i have prewritten and i have so much work to do fuck—