Jade is restless as she approaches the stage with the three girls by her side. According to her plan, after this performance and Q&A, she is going to take a walk with Perrie, just the two of them. It cannot be long since they are flying to Denmark today, and luckily, there is no more than a single question she needs to ask. Jade keeps telling herself that it will be alright, that no matter what, she is going to have Perrie as a friend, but it is not helpful. She wants more than just a friendship.

Jade had stayed up for most of the night, struggling to fall asleep because of her worries. She could not decide if asking Perrie to become official is the right decision; so many things will make this potential relationship hard. She considered the disadvantages countless times by midnight, and eventually got to the advantages every time. It was all very confusing and Jade felt like she cannot contain everything that is happening in her head. So she did what she does whenever she is faced with a big decision - she made a list.

Around three AM, Jade left the bed she shared with Perrie at Perrie’s hotel room, and quietly went to her own room. She took out her notebook, which she always brings in her suitcase, found a pen on the nightstand, and began writing. The list is divided into two parts. One is everything about the group and this potential relationship which scares Jade. It details every risk Jade could think of, from the damage that will be caused if the fans found out to the future of Little Mix's friendship. Next to every risk, are written ways to avoid it; most of them which were suggested by Leigh-Anne yesterday.

The second part of the list is about Jade's personal fears about this relationship. It is very honest and raw, and she does not ever want anyone else to read it. It is about how she does not see a real future to it, how scared she is to end up broken, and how intimidating it would be to completely lose Perrie at the end. Unlike the first part of the list, Jade does not have a way to cancel out these worries. She left this part blank. All she can do is hold onto the fact that it might all be worth it if she is going to get to call Perrie her girlfriend. She keeps this list, folded into a tiny square, in her pocket for the rest of the day so she can look at it whenever she is having doubts again.

During the Q&A, Jade tries to focus on the questions and on the fans, though she is distracted every time she senses Perrie looking at her. She cannot help but get excited about these looks and their maybe hidden meaning, then tells herself that the girls look at each other all the time and that it is nothing special. She catches a few glimpses of Perrie as well, hoping to meet the blonde's gaze as she is unable to look anywhere else for too long.

After they perform Black Magic and leave the stage, Jade approaches Perrie with a slightly nervous smile. She is not used to being nervous around Perrie, so this is an uncharted territory for her.

"Pez?" Jade asks and taps on her bandmate's shoulder, making Perrie turn around.

"Yeah?" Perrie replies, and the smile on her face eases Jade's tenseness.

"We have some time before we need to get to the airport, so I was wondering if maybe you and I could take a walk? Just the two of us," Jade replies, already preparing in her head what she is going to say in case Perrie does not think it is a good idea.

"Yeah, of course," Perrie says and pulls Jade into a short hug. "You're so cute, but why do I feel like you're nervous?" Jade does not reply, not wanting to lie nor to tell the truth. Instead, she sends Perrie a smile and they both say their goodbye to Jesy and Leigh-Anne for the next few hours.

When Perrie and her exit the venue to the street through the back door, Jade puts on her beloved Parka coat, hoping not to be recognized by anyone. She wants right now to be a shared moment between no one but Perrie and her. Jade grows more and more anxious by the minute. While Perrie talks about a creative sign she saw at the audience today, Jade searches for the right words to ask Perrie what she has been wanting to ask since yesterday. She finally decides to not be completely direct, to do it subtly.

Just when she is about to speak, though, camera clicks are heard behind her and so is a girl calling Perrie and her. They both turn around to find a pap and a fan, who probably saw them exit the venue and followed them from there. After taking pictures with the fan, Jade understands that her idea of taking a quiet walk, only Perrie and her, is not going to work.

They enter the first shop Jade spots, a café. It being early in the day on a regular weekday, the place is empty except for a few occupied tables. Jade and Perrie sit in a small table close to the exit, not wanting to draw any attention to themselves. Jade prepares her words once again as they are waiting to be approached by a waiter. She takes advantage of the silence to turn the conversation to the topic she wants it to.

"Theoretically speaking," Jade starts, hoping her voice sounds confident despite how insecure she currently feels. "What would you think of us being in a relationship?" Jade's heart is racing and her palms are sweating. She almost feels dizzy, because there is so much going on. Whatever Perrie says is going to change their friendship forever.

"I mean, it could be great," Perrie finally replies and smiles. Unlike Jade, she does not seem stressed at all. "In theory. But in reality? Meh, not so much." Jade is almost unable to understand Perrie’s words. She cannot believe this is real. She never should have thought of Perrie that way, they are close friends and that is it. Whatever they have been doing this past month or so - it did not mean as much to Perrie. Jade looks away from Perrie’s eyes, thankful when a waiter stops by their table to take their order and distracts them both from the discussion. She mumbles a short reply to him, then while Perrie orders some kind of pastry, Jade decides not to give up just yet. She needs to know at least the reason why Perrie does not think a relationship would be a good idea in reality.

"Why not?" Jade asks, forcing a smile to hide her disappointment. If Perrie does not feel the same, then she cannot know about Jade's feelings towards her; it would become even more complicated and hurtful.

"A relationship is a serious deal," Perrie replies. She shrugs her shoulders, as if her words fully answer Jade's question and this is nothing but a regular conversation.

"Yeah, I know," Jade says. She knows that if Perrie does not feel anything, then there is nothing Jade can do to convince her that becoming official is the right thing to do. Yet she feels like she needs to convince Perrie it is so. "I... I've made a list. It summarizes all of the possible risks there would be in us - you know, being official - and there are solutions to everything, and... You should just take a look." Jade explains and takes out the piece of paper from her pocket. She never meant to show it to anyone, yet she hands the list to Perrie, and the blonde takes it with a slightly confused look on her face.

PART ONE

1. Losing Jesy and Leigh-Anne: We are going to have to make sure that they are comfortable with everything. We will have to stop if this damages our friendship with them. We can't be a gross couple in front of anyone, especially not them. Not to turn everything awkward between the four of us.

It is a long list, and Perrie gives up on reading it just after the first paragraph. Suddenly, she begins suspecting that Jade and her are not on the same page. She lifts her eyes from the list to meet Jade's gaze.

"I thought we were just having fun," Perrie says, pronouncing her words almost as a question. Jade's voice is stuck in her throat. She does not reply as her cup of coffee is laid in front of her on the table, as well as Perrie’s order.

"We were, we still are," Jade says, wishing she could erase this whole day. "I just thought it could be funny, you know-"

"No, Jade," Perrie cuts her off. She is wearing a confused and suspecting expression on her face, as she realizes that maybe they took this whole thing way too far. She should not have kissed Jade that night in Sweden. Everything was a mistake, and it is going to tear them apart. "This," Perrie continues, holding the list up. "This isn't a joke. It's like three pages long! It's not fucking funny! Do you really want a relationship? Right now? We're in a group together! And it's been barely two months since my four year relationship ended. Do you really think that this is a good idea?" Jade traces bits of anger in Perrie’s voice. She should have never brought this thing up, she just wants to runaway somewhere far and stop this conversation right now, but keeps fighting for a tiny bit of hope she still has.

"It's not a good idea, I know. But it's what I want," she states, her tone remaining calm despite the storm inside of her. Zayn. How was she stupid enough to not think of him as a factor? They broke up in July, and it is currently September. Perrie has the right to not be ready to move on yet. It is natural; Jade should have seen it, she should have waited before rushing into reckless questions.

"Jade, please tell me you didn't see this whole thing as more than just... fun. Please," Perrie almost begs, pure concern and panic in her blue eyes. Jade stays silent. They both regret everything now. "We said no feelings. We've decided," she continues, unable to avoid the word feelings anymore.

"I know, Perrie. I swear I do. I just can't control it," Jade replies, and her eyes fill up with tears. Perrie immediately softens at the sight. She lays her hand on Jade's on the table, trying to offer comfort.

"It's going to be okay," she says with a small smile, although she herself does not see a way out of this situation. "I didn't know you were feeling like this, it's... It's all new to me, you need to understand. I'm sorry if I hurt you with how I reacted, this just came off as a complete surprise."

Hurt, Jade repeats in her head. Leigh-Anne said yesterday that maybe 'the pain of the break up is worth the joy of the relationship', and Jade has been holding onto that statement. Now she sees that it is false; there is no relationship, and there will not be any joy. There is only pain and hurting. Her fears are slowly becoming reality.

"It's okay," Jade assures. It is the truth - she is hurt, but she is not mad at Perrie. She could never truly be.

"You have to give me some time to process everything," Perrie replies. "I promise I will give a better answer, just not right now." As much as Jade would have liked to simply agree with these words and give Perrie the time she needs, she knows that is not realistic. They see each other almost every day, they work together all day. They will be spending a few days in Denmark starting tonight, and only after that they are going to have six days off.

"Perrie, you don't have time to think," Jade says. "We're working all the time, and we can't be distant at work, the fans will notice. I'm sorry I just dropped all of this out of nowhere, but we really don't have time to be apart and think."

"We've got a few days off next week, I'll have the time then," Perrie replies. "And about the next few days, you shouldn't be worried. I promise that whatever answer I'm going to give you, things won't be awkward between us. We can't have that."

"I know. I really hope we won't ruin everything we've built for four years with the group," Jade says.

"We're going to make sure we're not ruining anything, alright?" Perrie asks with a small smile. "We're going to be regular bandmates in Denmark, no one has to know about everything that's going on behind the scenes. I won't be awkward about it, and so will you. Deal?" Jade nods in response. At least there is one thing that she does not have to worry about for now.

Perrie folds the list and slides it into her pocket, and the two dine in silence. When they are done, Perrie pays for both of them and they exit the café and catch a cab. On the way to the airport, Jade finally speaks.

"Pez?" She says, bringing her bandmate's attention to her. "I think it's better if I'm going to spend the night in my toom for tonight." Her heart is breaking due to her own words, but she knows it is the right thing to do. Perrie does not feel the same as her. Touching her will feel better than ever, but it is only going to make matters worse. She needs to take a step back, to be on her own, to stop thinking about Perrie that way. Because after today, she knows that there is no real way for this to work.

"Okay," Perrie replies and squeezes Jade's hand. It hurts knowing she just made Jade cry. It hurts knowing that she is the reason for Jade's pain, that she was the one who started it all. If only she would not have been so reckless. How she wishes she could take back her words from that night, 'you can kiss me', so she could save Jade's pain from her. The worst part of it all is that everything hurts in a friendly way. She loved having fun with Jade, but she stayed true to her words. She did not catch feelings. Perrie feels bad for it, knowing that if she felt differently, Jade could be so happy right now; but just like Jade said, she cannot control her feelings.

However, Perrie does intend to look into everything once she is going to have the time. She will look back to how it all started, and she is going to question every action of hers. Maybe she is just shocked, maybe she cannot see her own feelings yet, maybe they are present. She holds onto the list tightly in her hand, folded into a tiny square again, and promises herself she is going to read it all, truly get into it, when she has the time.

Jade watches Perrie’s hand with a sad smile. Today she understands that, unlike what she had thought up until now, falling for your bandmate is not the worst thing possible. The worst thing possible is falling for your bandmate and not being returned the same feelings.