“I just think that we have a higher purpose. Besides being rulers, of course.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I mean, who grows up wanting to be just being a normal Queen?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Bet, my bitch! We can totally do this!”

“And I really think that I’m good at singing. Don’t you?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And I’m good at rapping.”

“And I just love it so much!”

“Uh-huh.”

“Not that I don’t like it here, because I do.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Martio, you like my singing, right.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Babe, you like my rapping, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“So, you think we should do this?” Rumi asked Dracul

“Uh-huh.”

“Which part do you like, babe?” Zoesette asked.

“Uh-huh.”

“…Dracul, are you even listening?” Both girls asked in unison.

“Uh-huh.”

“Really?” The black dragoness said

“I’m pregnant,” Zoesette stated.

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh.” Rumi giggled as she refilled his beer for him. He was just sitting there at the mess hall, headphones in, as he stared down at an information pad that he’d had to go over. Its usual thing Dracul to do and for once been a relatively slow day today. The black dragoness thought she could sit around and talk to him the whole time. Which was fine. That’s what he had headphones for. “Just checking.”

“Uh-huh.”

“‘So, you don’t mind when the market system is open. We can buy a lot of stuff, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh, Babe, What are you like? You’re, like, de best partner ever. And I mean dat. Ever. “

“Uh-huh.”

“You think tonight you wanna eat tonight?” Rumi asked.

That made him glance up. “Something fancy or something cheap?”

“Which do you prefer?” The dragoness asked.

“Ch-” he stopped himself when he saw her face. “Fancy.”

“Oh, Dracul! You and I are just so in sync, huh?”

“Uh-huh.” The Dino Dragon looked down at the pad to read about the inventory he now possesses.

She was still blabbering on too when, suddenly, the trio were joined over at the bar by a weeping Blossom, that stupid bird of hers in her arms, trying to comfort her. Dracul glanced at her before turning his headphones up louder.

He was glad Preceptor was able to make this. Dracul was also grateful that music here was just like on Earth.

“Blossom.” Just like that, Rumi’s attention was off her apathetic husband and onto her sobbing friend. “What’s the matter?”

“It’s,” she cried as Dracul tried to turn his music up even more. If it got too strident, though, Rumi would hear it leaking out and yell at him about his precious hearing or something. Right. Because to prove that someone needs their hearing, you make them lose it by yelling demonically at them. Okay. “Warpath.”

“Warpath?” Zoesette repeated. “What did he do?”

“He-”

“Blossom!”

Just then, the mess hall’s doors burst open, and Warpath came rushing in. Great

“No,” she said as he came to sit down next to her. “Go away, Warpath. I don’t wanna talk to you. You jerk”

“But-”

“No!” Blossom repeated.

“I’m sorry,” Warpath said. “I was just-”

“I don’t wanna hear it, Warpath.”

“Explain now?” Rumi asked. “Did I stutter?”

Dracul, knowing where the whole thing was headed and not wanting to be a part of it, got to his feet, taking his pad with him. He immediately went to sit down next to Crash, who was happily going over some sort of battle plans or something.

“Boss Croc,” he greeted. “What-”

“The Sith and Kaiju,” he sighed, “is annoying me.”

“Ah, yes, Rumi and Lady Zoesette! Any Dino or Dragon would be lucky to have them!” Crash was nothing if not supportive. Also, loud.

Dracul wasn’t in the mood.

“Have to remind myself of that every day,” Dracul said. “If they weren’t so sexy and hot, I would have killed myself already.”

Even more so when it was decided upon when Control showed up and suggested that they should go on a double date. He and his partners. With the Military and the weeper. Even the damn bird, because why not?

“We’re going to fix them, Dracky,” Rumi hissed.

“Hell ya, we are!” Zoesette agreed.

He regrets this. Dracul really regrets making them get along.

“But girls,” he groaned when they came over to the table to tell him this. “I just wanna finish ready this tedious crap, eat a nice dinner, screw around when we get home, and then go to bed. Is that too much to ask?”

If their facial expression was anything to go by, it definitely was.

“We’re doing this,” Remi said simply. “And you can forget about that nice dinner.”

“What do you mean? You said fancy. I got my taste buds all set to steak. Steak, Rumi!”

“His taste buds are rather exquisite,” Crash offered up. Rumi and Zoesette just ignored him, though.

“They don’t have someone to cook. So we need to help them on dis.”

Dracul looked at his second like she was talking about something ridiculous because she was. “We? What’s this we? I ain’t ever seen you two cook a damn thing.”

“Dracul-”

“No. It’s not fair. Just because they’re irresponsible and not awesome enough to make their own damn meals don’t mean I can’t have my steak. I’m getting my steak.”

“Not with us, you’re not. Now come on. Tell your friends all goodbye, and let’s go.” Rumi said.

“I’m not telling them-”

“Bye, Boss!” Crash grinned brightly. “Unless, of course, you would like me to accompany you and, well, keep you company. You are outnumbered, after all.”

By Shenron Crash…

Glancing around, Dracul found that no one was here to help. Fuck!

“Come on, Crash. Let’s-”

“No,” Rumi said though the man jumped up regardless, leaving his precious papers behind. “No way, Martio.”

“Rum-”

“We’re goin’ out wit’ Warpath n’ Blossom ta help ’em through their muthafuckin’ hard time. “

“How?” He asked both of them.

“We’re older, more experienced, hardly ever fight-” Rumi started to list off.

“What do you call what we’re doing right now?” Dracul pointed out.

“Dracul-” Both girls said.

“And besides,” he countered. “Crash’s helping me through my hard time.”

“What the fuck hard time r’ yo’ -”

“The one you’re two are putting me through by making me go out with them!”

“Do you,” Zoesette began then, voice low, “Or do yo’ not wanna git home wit’ us tonight, Dino Dragon?”

“Well…”

“Then come on. And goodnight, Crash.”

“For the record,” the red-haired warrior said as the two of his ladies walked off. “If we were together, I would never threaten you with holding out on overnight visits.”

"Aand" Dracul got up following his wives. "I'm leaving."

As the male ruler of Warfang left the hall he has only thought in mind.

"Is this what marriage feels like? Cause the lack of real sex is starting feels like marriage."

....

Dracul tried to get out of this and I mean really tried. But nope he was doing this.

"Blossom-" Warpath said again for the damn one-thousandth time.

"No, Warpath. You always do that. You act stupid and then think that you can just do something small for me and I'll forgive you."

"In his defense," Dracul tried, not believing he really cared that much. "He's pretty stupid in general."

"Boss!" Warpath whined. Dracul only shrugged.

"Come guys. Let's have a nice chat and a good meal plan. Dracul is making everything."

The Ruler of Warfang blinked. Zoesette had already confiscated his headphones, so he heard every word of that.

"Dracul is what?" the man asked.

"Well," Zoesette said. "We already promised babe."

The Dino Dragon growled again. "Again what is this 'we'?" He was still trying to figure out how he got stuck listening to another couple argue over stupid crap and would end cooking for them too. What kinda sense did that make? Sex wasn't even on the table!

"So," Rumi tried after Dracul left to start on theresteaks. "I think it's pretty clear that you guys have some issues here and, well, maybe we can all talk it out and get passed-"

"Blossom is totally a tyrant and tries to tell me what to do all the time." Warpath annoyed that the woman kept glaring at him, clearly knew what he wanted to say. "And I won't take it anymore."

"I'm being a tyrant, Idiot? If that's true, then you just show up at tent break half of my stuff and wonder why I get mad at you!"

Warpath scoffed at the idea.

"I think," Rumi said slowly. "That things would go a little smoother, Warpath, if you let Blossom work this out."

"Which means," Dracul grumbled as he eyed the mojo tribal hobgoblin darkly. "To shut up." He dropped the plate on the table.

"Babe."

"I'm helping, Zoesette. Why else did you two bring me here?"

"Why did you bring us here?" This question seemed to dawn on Warpath for the first time. Then, frowning at Blossom, he said, "Hey, I think they set us up or something."

"Dense."

"Stop calling me things that I don't know what mean!"

Dracul shut his eyes and took a deep breath. Maybe if they kept it up, the Sith and Kaiju would take pity on him and, at the very least, give him his headphones back. Hopefully.

"Blosson," Rumi said slowly. "Warpath, you shouldn't call him names."

"Even if dude be stupid." Zoesette also said. "You don't have to say with contempt"

Name-calling?" She made a face at their leaders. "Do you know what he did?"

"That's what she's tryin' to figure out," Dracul grumbled. "Or at least pretend to care about."

Dracul ignored the sharp elbow on the ribs by Zoesette.

"I don't even know what I did," Natsu added.

"He took the pages of a story that I was writing and wiped his filthy hands all over them and crumbled them up-"

"Oh, that's what this is all about?" Warpath looked to Rumi and Zoesette. "Blossom always says to wipe my hands after I eat. So, I had just finished clearin' out her food of all the stuff we wanted to eat and I thought that I would do just that. But I couldn't wipe it on my clothes, could I? Then she'd call me sloppy. Again. So I used the next best thing."

"Next best thing?" Blossom made a face. "I have actual paper towels, War! In the kitchen where, you know, you were having your little feast.'

"Paper towels, notebook paper, leaves. What's the difference?"

"There's a huge difference!"

"Just stop yelling," Dracul ordered. "Sheesh. You're getting a free meal. Act a little appreciative by, gee, I dunno, shutting the fuck up? Also Warpath your getting training in manners. Complain or whine or bitch and I will chop off your arms. "

"I think," Zoesette tried this time, "what babe is saying is that you, Warpath, were in the wrong, but Blossom, you can't be upset with him. We all know that he's very…literal."

"That is not what Dracul is saying," the man grumbled. "I'm saying that you're both idiots and I really don't care if you date or not. Just don't reproduce."

"Dracul," Rumi warned as Zoesette looks ready to claw out his eyes.

"No thanks," Warpath said. "I'm not big on vegetables."

"I said reproduce, not eat produce!"

"Dracul"

"Nope," Dracul said to Rumi. He wasn't having this anymore. The logistics, planning, fixing up the city, and much other tedious shit that was pissing off and he doesn't need their hobby of matchmaking or whatever this crap was taking up more of his precious time. "He like you. End of story make up now!"

"Yeah. I do. And I'm sorry that sometimes I screw up. Or sometimes I make it seem like I don't. But you are the most important thing to me. Along with eating, fighting, and having fun."

"When you really think about it and who he is," Dracul remarked. "You should kinda be honored to be on that list."

"Well, yeah, of course she's on the list," Warpath said. "Right behind-"

"Shut up, idiot," Dracul hissed. "Or do you not wanna make up with your damn girlfriend?"

"So, Blosson," Rumi prompted. "Did Dracky and us fix everything?"

"What did you fix?" Dracul asked.

"All mattes is that we fixed just like in those books Rums" Zoesette cheered and hi-clawed the black dragoness.

"Yeah! We fixed everything!"

"Sure, whatever... stupid books" Dracul mumbled the last part.

"Well," the flora wind cleric said slowly. "I really just think that you should apologize, like now."

"I have."

"For real. And really understand what it is that you did wrong."

"I… I shouldn't wreck your stuff. And I shouldn't be so careless. I get that. And I wanna stay your boyfriend for pretty much ever." Then, grinning for real that time, he said, "I will try to make this work."

Dracul would have been glad for them…had he still been forced to cook for them. But the Sith and Kaiju seemed pretty happy with themselves and that was worth something. Not as much of his time being wasted on this crap as, but definitely something.

When they got home that night, Draucl just wanted to take a hot shower and relax some.

The girls weren't having it.

"-great I am at stuff like this, you know?"

"Uh-huh."

"I've always been good at pairing people up, but to be able to keep them together is just so stellar, right?"

"Uh-huh."

"And clearly, I'm meant to do this now, for, like, real."

"Uh-huh."

"And help other people too."

"Uh-huh."

"With you."

"Uh-huh."

"We're a great team."

"Uh-huh."

"So we can do it then, Dracky? You're going to help us counsel other people?"

"Do what now?" Dracul glanced up from the info pad and look at partners who have big smiles on their faces."Huh?"

"I just think dat yo' n' i could help a lot o' people," Zoesette said. "I mean, we're pretty good together, huh?"

"Try pretty great," he grumbled. "But…uh… What are you two blabbering about? Girls? Something about me and you two helping or-"

"Think about it, Dino Dragon," Rumi said shifting to lay on her side next to him. "We can help all of our friends be happy."

"What friends? I'm a King. With subjects worshipping me. What else do they need?"

"Lux and Jazz, fine, they're pretty happy, but poor Rudy and Tollraod, they're always fighting. We can help with that. And Ironclaw and Bear are-"

"I don't care about any of this. At all."

"Do you care about me?" Rumi asked.

"Yeah, babe do you?" Zoesette said as well.

"Well, yeah, Heck yeah! you're both my girls. I-"

"Then you care about this." Both girls said as one.

Ugh.

"Can't back now" Kaiju said as both Rumi and her kiss on the kick and went to bed. "Good night!"

"Goodnight? " he grumbled. "You two said-"

"I said that we would come home with you. And we have. Now I'm tired. So goodnight."

....

"Can I have my headphones back now?"

"No." Rumi and Zoestte answered.

Yep, this is what marriage feels like.