It's cold. I can't feel my body. I can't see.

But it still hurts. I'm still empty...

The emptiness is growing faster now. I can feel it spreading from somewhere deep inside.

It's like I'm burning away to nothing...but I don't mind, maybe I won't hurt when I'm nothing.

The cold is getting worse. I'm so tired. Wait. Something's wrong.

Where am I? How did I get here? Why am I alone?

Sudden sharp pain rips through me, as if the questions themselves stabbed me from within. I try to focus on remembering but the pain grows the more I concentrate. I quickly realize this is nothing compared to the constant, endless burning. I push through the pain easily.

I see hands...my hands? They're holding a black thing. I'm sitting on the grass with my legs crossed, staring at the black thing. My vision tilts up and I see six square spots of brown dirt on the grass with tall stones just above them. Graves? There's writing on the plaques, it sa-

Agony surges through me as if everything I am is being torn apart, filling the burning emptiness inside of me with an ocean of my own tortured screams.

I struggle to hold onto the memory. My vision blurs and I fear I'll lose this part of myself forever, but I see my hand move up to fill my sight coming away damp.

As time passes I adjust to the pain and the memory becomes clearer. I feel a breeze lightly tugging at my hair. The dew on the grass seeping through my pants. Golden sunlight reflecting against their headstones. The cold weight of the thing in my hands.

With my eyes clear I look back to the black object in my hand. I'm holding it by a handle now. I look up to the sky, taking it all in. I let a sense of peace fill me as I watch the white clouds drift before an ocean of blue and I feel myself put the cold thing under my chin before everything suddenly goes dark.

As the memory fades I feel something inside of me break and the sharp pain grows, clawing at me, as if the broken thing was holding it at bay.

It grows and grows, until there's only a small part of me left, it doesn't stop. I feel more empty as it goes on until finally, it reaches a part of me that feels...denser, stronger. The clawing thing can't seem to damage this part.

It holds steady and I feel something hot and angry start to fill the emptiness. It burns, but not like the cold and hungry burning I've always known, even in my memory of life. It pushes back the devourer and restores the parts of my soul it had taken. I use my newfound rage to shield myself. As soon as the hungry thing fades away a...blue...image appears...

Trait(s) Unlocked! By resisting the loss of memories upon death, you have gained the following! Trait - [Reclaimer]: During the cycle of Life, Death, and Rebirth a soul's past memories are left behind to make way for new, exciting experiences and potential for growth without all those pesky things like regrets, phobias, and mental illnesses bleeding into the new life. Unless you're a Reclaimer of Course! All the useless or harmful things you've forgotten across your various incarnations can be remembered given the proper circumstances. (note: You are not required to relive unlocked memories, however they must be experienced to unlock any skills or abilities connected to the memory. You may also choose to forget them, and the associated skills, forever. Be warned, skills and abilities forgotten in this way cannot be regained.) Trait - [Indomitable Will]: Everything you are screams defiance! By your innate nature your Mind and Soul demand their freedom and cannot be manipulated or bound by outside forces! Lucky you!

Once I finish reading the image another one appears...

Reclaimer trait has Unlocked the Following Lifetime(s):

Name: ERROR%R510a6-3.14159#!!!!R&^# - NAME REQUEST TERMINATED - WARNING: Universe Effect [Sundered Mana Wellsprings] has corruped multiple data archives. Archive access restricted. Incident report has been automatically forwarded to the system administrator.

Available timespan: Years: 27 Months: 7 Days: 18 Hours: 9.53 COMPLETE

Available options: RECOVER MEMORIES SAVE TO PERSONAL ARCHIVE DELETE

WARNING - CANNOT SAVE TO ARCHIVES//ARCHIVE DATA CORRUPTED - INCIDENT REPORT FORWARDED TO SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR

Although my mind is clearer after recovering one of my memories it takes a while before I understand the options I have. The recovered memory that gave me the reclaimer trait was...unpleasant...in many ways, even though it restored my sense of self. I worried for a moment that I might have cause the data corruption but quickly realized that even if I did there is nothing I can do about it now.

After all, as far as I can tell, I'm just a conciousness or soul or whatever just floating in an endless void. Not much I can do to try and fix anything.

I decide to recover the memories. Even though they might be painful, my one memory of my past life felt much more...real...than my current existance. I select the option to "Recover Memories."

There's a light breeze stirring my hair, I'm wrapped in warmth and softness. I open my eyes and see the bright blue sky and fluffy clouds. Then a woman leans over me, smiling, brown hair framing her face, her eyes filled with the gentle love of a mother. "Good morning little -----"

My face is covered with slime but I can't stop laughing long enough to wipe it off. Even if i somehow manage to, the golden puppy jumps up and licks me all over again. I stand up, dirt and leaves stuck to my face, and run to my mother and great-grandmother. She leans over her swollen belly to hug me, saying, "------ tell Nanny what you want to name your sibling." I feel myself swell with excitement as I beam at her "I wanna name him Turtle!"

Mom's laying in a big white bed holding my new baby brother. His name's not "Turtle" but that's ok, I'll love him anyway. Dad's smiling so big his face might get stuck that way, sitting on the bed with his arm around mom. Nanny's sitting at the foot of the bed talking to my other grandma's. Dad waves me closer, picks me up, and puts me on the bed next to mom, "Say Hi to your baby brother ------"

I'm sitting in the big white waiting room with Turtle and Nanny. Turtle's my little brother, he's two now and Yes, I know "Turtle" isn't really his name. I just call him that sometimes because he kind of acts like one. When he gets upset he'll sit down in one spot and SCREAM! His face gets all red and it goes on FOREVER. Mom and dad just wait for him to stop and calm down though so I guess it's fine. Right now we're waiting for my sister to be born.

Nanny's worried because it's taking to long. She hasn't said anything, she's just fidgety and keeps going to talk to the nurses. She also looks at me funny when I talk about my baby sister. She did before too when I talked about Turtle before he was born, but she does it more now. When I asked her about it she said it's because my parents wanted to keep it a surprise and never got the tests done and she was surprised that I was right when Turtle was born.

Everybody stops when they see the Doctor come into the waiting room covered in blood. He's smiling though so I'm not scared. I'm really not. Nanny and Memaw and Mawmaw and everyone else rush over to him. I hold Turtle's hand and follow them.

The Doctor holds his hands out to everybody and says,"Everything went fine! The baby's vitals are all normal and the mother is stable. They're both sleeping now. Her husband will stay with her and the baby for now and will be out to see you folks in a few minutes. I'm sorry, but because of the procedure we'll have to restrict further visitation until after tomorrow. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go check on another patient..."

Dad comes out a little after the doctor rushes off. He looks tired and is holding an ice pack on his hand, but he's smiling just as big as when Turtle was born. My grandmas mob him as soon as he walks up and it takes them forever to stop asking questions. I can tell when they ask if it's a boy or girl because Nanny gives me the look again. When they finally leave him alone, Dad comes and hugs Turtle and me, "Ok guys, tonight i'm going to stay here with your mom. Nanny's going to stay at the house with you guys and you can all come see your mom and sister tomorrow."

"What's her name dad? You didn't tell us!"

"Well, ------, we decided to name her 'Orange.' I know you wanted to name her 'Rose' but we thought 'Orange' sounded better." He burst out laughing when when he saw the look on my face, "I'm joking son, you did good, Rose is a beautiful name for your beautiful baby sister. I'll see you again tomorrow ok? Love you boys."

My first word was, "Mommy!" Turtle's first word was, "Ball!" and now Rosie's first word is "Daddy!" He's so happy. I remember the shocked and sad look on his face when Turtle looked him dead in the eye and said, "Ball!" as his first word. I kind of wanted Rosie's first word to be my name but looking at dad now, all teary eyed and happy, I'm glad it turned out like this.

It's hot. My parents drove all of us to the coast for a weekend at the beach. It was a lot of fun! Especially because Dad finally got a weekend off work. He's been working a lot lately and I was worried we couldn't go this summer. I'm so glad we did because it was great! The best part was when Dad was letting Rosie put pretty hair pins in his hair, forgot about it, then went to the corner store to get more snacks! The store was packed and he had the hairpins all over his head!

Rosie's leaning on my shoulder sleeping. I nudge her over because it's too hot. The air conditioning broke right after we left the beach. Dad's pretty mad, the car is dark and it's very sunny so it's super hot. The windows are down but we're stuck in traffic so it doesnt' help. He's cussing. A LOT. I've never seen him so mad, and he's just getting madder and madder.

After a while he pulls off onto the shoulder and jerks open his door. He stops, takes a deep breath, and tells mom he's sorry but he needs a minute. She smiles at him at says it's ok we'll be here when he's ready. He walks off into the grass and sits down. His eyes are closed and he's taking big breaths. Mom turns around, smiles at us, and says, "How about we have a picnic?"

Girls are wierd. At my 11th birthday my best friend Suzy kissed me! Then she got mad, punched me, and ran off! I asked my mom why she hit me but all she did was get all happy and wierd and went to talk to Suzy's mom. Now they're staring at me while they talk, and giggle, and whisper.

I spot Suzy's red hair outside and decide to catch her and get revenge!

Something's wrong with mom. She keeps pacing, she stares at empty space, and she won't smile unless we make her talk to us. That's the worst part. She used to smile all the time, sing silly songs, and tease me about my girlfriend, Suzy. Now she doesn't even look at anyone unless you stand right in front of her. When you do that she smiles and hugs but it doesn't help.

Dad's trying to get her to go to the doctor but he can't take off work right now or they'll fire him. He used all his vacation time last summer and stayed home with us for almost a month. He tried to use sick leave but they won't let him because HE's not the one who's sick. Turtle and Rosie are scared and I try to hug them a lot because...I am too.

Mom's screaming at nothing now. She's acting like there's somone there talking to her, but there's no one there. Whatever's going on, whatever she's hearing or seeing, is worse than anything else. She's crying and screaming, I've never seen her this upset. I can't understand what she's saying.

Dad gets home and makes us all go to our rooms. I watch him while herding Turtle and Rosie, both of them are crying. I think I am too. Dad's making Mom look at him, he's stroking her hair and talking soft and quiet.

Mom's getting better. The Doctor gave her some medicine so she'd stop seeing things and she takes it every night before bed. She still doesn't sing anymore, but she started smiling again. Turtle and Rosie keep telling her silly stories, trying to make her laugh. She smiles at them the whole time and asks them a bunch of questions like she used to...but she doesn't laugh.

It takes us over a month of silly stories and jokes and other stuff to make her laugh again. It happend when a couple of our aunts came by to visit mom. While I was bringing them drinks, Turtle and Rosie ran through the house, naked, mooned us, farted, and ran off. Aunt Kate was so suprised she fell out of her chair. When I tried to help Aunt Kate up I tripped over the chair and knocked Aunt Carol's over. Mom burst out laughing louder than I thought she could, and when Turtle and Rosie heard it they ran back into the room crying, still naked, to give her a big hug. Laughing even harder Mom waves me over into the hug too. Relief flooded through me and for the first time in a long while I was happy.

When I told Suzy about it on the phone that night she laughed until she puked.

I'm floating in the dark and something is pulling me. I hear whispers, calling me, asking for my name, DEMANDING my name. I resist, try to float away, escape, but they grap hold of me, COMMANDING me to give them what they want. I struggle to escape but hold me tighter. They start burrowing into me, trying to take something, to force me into submission.

Hot rage overtakes me and I shout in a voice not my own, "RELEASE ME BEFORE I DESTROY YOU!"

I feel the whispers flee like a flock of startled birds and as my rage fades it's replaced by the ice cold burning. The empty pain pours into me, filling me until I burst.

The dream shatters and I wake up in my bed, panting and panicked until I recognize my dorm room. The burning inside is still there, but slow and even instead of a raging torrent. I'm used to it now. It started not long after puberty.

Suzy stirs beside me and I stroke her head and hum a gentle melody to lull her back to sleep. The alarm on my nightstand tells me it's too early to prepare for class but too late to try and go back to sleep. I lay back in bed, listening to the comforting sound of Suzy breathing, watching her smile a little as she mumbles my name in her sleep. Letting the warmth of her presence muffle the aching hollow inside my soul.

Dad called, he asked me to come home this weekend. Mom's in the hospital. She stopped taking her meds again. Turtle and Rose are having trouble in school. Turtle's getting into a lot of fights and got caught drinking. Rose keeps having panic attacks in class. Suzy wants to come with me, she wants to help...

Mom's back home but she's crying a lot, and apologizing. Turns out she didn't stop taking her medication, it stopped working. The hospital tested her system to see how long she'd been without her meds and she had the regular ammount in her system. Mom didn't say anything about her simptoms because she was scared, she didn't want to hurt us by telling us. She thought she could just ride it out. She's got a bandage on her arm, over her wrist. She tried to hide it from us, but we all noticed it right away.

I couldn't stand how ashamed she looked because I know it's not her fault that her medicine stopped working. I grabbed her arm and kissed the bandage, telling her it'll be ok, I know it's not her fault, I don't blame her, Turtle, Rose, and Dad don't blame her. As I said their names each one came over and kissed her bandage, hugged her, and said their own pieces. Even Suzy. She cried so hard the whole time. I hope she'll finally stop feeling guilty about her illness.

I realized that weekend exactly how much I love Suzy. Just by being in the same room she'll light up my world, but when she made everyone in my family laugh, including Mom, at some story the same day she was released from the hospital, I realized that I couldn't live without her.

Suzy is amazing. Wonderful. Affectionate. Cute as a button. And oh-so-very-Angry. Furious even. She's in a lot of pain too. Also on a LOT of drugs.

She's most especially in the middle of giving birth to our daughter.

Apparently It's my fault she got pregnant. Who knew? My hand apparently. She's about to break the poor thing off. I can't stop smiling though, which just makes her even angrier. I swear it's not intentional!

It didn't take long, the Doctor said it was the easiest birth she's ever seen.

We named her Annastasia Rose after Suzy's Russian grandma and my sister. Anna's got my bright blue eyes and Suzy's fiery hair. Mom was so happy when she held her for the first time and Anna took right to her. Rose cried when she found out about the name. Dad had that same giant shit-eating grin he had when Rose was born.

The cherry on top? I feel whole. That cold empty ache inside me is gone for the first time in over a decade.

Anna starts Kindergarten in the Fall and to Celebrate we're going to spend a whole month at a family-owned vacation villa in Greece, courtesy of one of my cousins. One of my grandfaters emmigrated from Greece and when we told his brothers we'd be staying at a hotel they all but threatened to abduct us at the airport. They even improvized a comical variation of Liam Neesom's phone-threat from "Taken" but about hospitality, so we gave in.

Between the money we saved, the size of the villa, and a little bit of rescheduling and coordination, we managed to rope Mom, Dad, Rose, and "He Who Is Forever Known As 'Turtle'" into the trip as well. Turtle's even bringing his latest girlfriend, though she's taking a separate flight because of her work schedule. Honestly, I'll probably end up joining her on it if things don't calm down at our Project Facility at the University.

It's not like I'm never coming back!

It took just long enough for the ninnies some folks call my employees to stop asking questions and calm down for me to have to schedule the later flight. 90% of my job is already done by email, seriously! I guess I don't really blame them. We're a tech startup that just started landing big contracts and they don't want the guy who built the golden microfactory goose to fly the coop...DAMN my jokes are terrible when I'm tired.

I went ahead and worked the rest of the day after I missed the flight, rechecking EVERYTHING from the ground up AGAIN. Pretty sure Bruce and Petunia planned it that way since they're the ones who wouldn't just let me leave. It's probably their payback for leaving them in charge while I'm gone.

Suzy and the gang ought to be at the hotel in Athens by now. I'll be flying all night and likely get there around breakfast. They'll meet with the Theious, or "Uncles," my grandfather's horde of brothers.

My phone starts ringing as I pull out of my parking space, my ringtone only slightly less enjoyable without a crowd.

"Never gonna give you up~ Never gonna let you down~ Never gonna run around an-"

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Mr. --------?"

"Yes, it is, how can I help you? Is this Mr. Connagee?"

"Yes, Mr. --------- this is Arthur Connagee, owner of Conn-Air...if I'm not mistaken, we spoke last week about having your company design a new engine for our planes. I remember your wife mentioning your family going to Greece and booking tickets on one of our flights...did you and your family reschedule your trip by any chance?"

"No, my family left on schedule but I ended up getting delayed reviewing a few systems at our facility. Can't be too careful with that kind of equpment. I apologize, but I'm honestly on my way to the airport right now, so I won't be available to finalize any agreements until at least tomorrow, if not the next day. I don't do well with Jet-lag. However, I'd be happy to continue our prevous discussion."

"I...Mr. ---------...I was not...Mr. ----------, was your family onboard today's 8 AM flight to Athens? I have a report that says you purchased seven first-class seats on flight 304 at 8 AM to Athens."

I feel my blood pressure skyrocket as he's speaking, "Why did you call me Mr. Connagee? You've made it fairly obvious something's happened."

"Terrorists attacked the airport approximately one hour ago as Flight 304, your familie's flight, was landing. It was a large scale attack with several other locations, but Flight 304 was targeted by several remote control drones carrying explosives. They destroyed the cockpit, a large section of the tail, and two engines, at which point the uncontrolled aircraft veered into an intact fuel tank. The force of the explosion killed everyone on the plane instantly, painlessly..."

My whole world, everything I am stopped, frozen by what he told me.

They're dead.

"....I'm sorry...I...you should know that the attack at the airport was stopped shortly afterwards. Those responsible were almost all killed, some were captured, but all of the ones flying the drones were shot..."

I hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears.

Mom, Dad, Turtle and Rosie!

"Mr. --------- are you there?"

With each beat I feel as if my veins are on fire.

Suzy and Anna...Anna!

I feel something shatter in the core of my being as the hungry ice-cold empness erupts, sinking into every shard of my broken heart.

I feel everything inside of me die.

It was a wonderful service I think. Everyone looked at me a little oddly though. Almost...wary. Especially the Theious, they seemed to be both afraid FOR me and OF me in equal measure. They seemed to think I was too calm.

But that's fine, it's not like it'll matter much longer.

This echoing dark inside me...I think I understand it now.

It's what's left after something is ripped out of you...your soul. I can feel it.

The problem is, I don't know what it was that I lost. But it turns out, I'm not the only one.

I did some research while waiting for the...bodies...to be processed for evidence and brought to the US.

I've found cases throughout history that seem to match mine back to around 150AD. or so.

Didn't dig much farther than that though, not much point.

I'm pretty tired so I sit on the grass, I don't really care about ruining my slacks. It's a beautiful day. The world just seems so vibrant. The sky is so blue, the clouds look so soft. The grass couldn't be greener if it tried.

I look at the gun in my hands, black, cold, and heavy. Just like what's left my heart.

I look back to their headstones, seeing their names again leaves a dull ache in my soul.

I look again to the sky, marvelling at how perfectly beautiful the day is. The most beautiful weather we've had since I lost them. All of them.

I can't help but wonder if Suzy's responsible for it. She always made my world more beautiful.

Maybe she know's I'll see her soon...