As I assimilate nearly three decades of memories, I'm left with one question.

WHY AM I ALONE?

I try to move, I try to sense or feel ANYTHING. I have to find my family, my parents my siblings and most of all I NEED to find Suzy and Anna!

But there's NOTHING. Just empty void surrounding me.

Once I calm down another glowing box appears, and I immediately realize it looks like a goddamn game notification screen.

I start to panic, wondering if I'm still alive and brain-dead or comatose while hooked up to some VR bullshit in the hospital! But no...the gun was loaded with those new micro-explosives. You can't put a watermelon that well-smashed back together. Let alone one that's at least forty-five minutes from the nearest traditional hospital and two hours from the nearest Nano-treatment Facility.

So...I'm really dead but I'm getting game-like notifications...

That means God must be, not just a jackass, but a jackass with an MMO fetish. I can work with that, I'm more of a single or co-op RPG or tabletop guy, but I'm sure we can find a middle ground that ends up with me getting everything I want without having to destroy and/or conquer the universe...

I am SO FUCKED. No...no. I'm sure it'll be fine! I'll find my family and we'll start new lives together somewhere else. I just have to make sure we reincarnate somewhere without airplanes! No problemo.

OK, lets see what kind of badass rewards my life is worth!

Trait(s) Unlocked!

Trait [Reclaimer] has unlocked the following traits, skills, and/or abilities:

Trait: [-ERROR$0$UNKNOWN/VALUE-] - Tier: N/A Level: N/A

Ability: [-ERROR$0$UNKNOWN/VALUE- Resistance] - Tier: MAX Level: MAX

Ability: [-ERROR$0$UNKNOWN/VALUE- Affinity] - Tier: MAX Level: MAX

Skill: [-ERROR$0$UNKNOWN/VALUE- Infusion] - Tier: MAX Level: MAX

Skill: [Comprehension] - Tier: 1 Level: 2

Skill: [Greater Item Creation] - Tier: 1 Level: 5

Skill: [Manufacturing] - Tier: 1 Level: 2

Skill: [Visualization] - Tier: 1 Level: 4

WARNING! TRAITS CONTAINING ERROR CODE "-ERROR$)$UNKNOWN/VALUE-" ARE OFTEN UNSTABLE AND SHALL BE LOCKED PENDING REVIEW BY THE SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR.

MULTIPLE ERRORS DETECTED. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUBMIT AN ERROR REPORT? YES NO

...Ok, God...I get it...I'm sorry for calling you a jackass with an MMO fetish. So...for the love of...well...you, can I please get THE OTHER HALF OF MY LIFE BACK?!?!

ERROR REPORT SUBMISSION COMPLETE. USER COMMENTS INCLUDED FOR CLARIFICATION. THANK YOU FOR YOUR FEEDBACK! USER COMMENTS: "...Ok, God...I get it...I'm sorry for calling you a jackass with an MMO fetish. So...for the love of...well...you, can I please get THE OTHER HALF OF MY LIFE BACK?!?!"

...Oh shit.

I'm not sure how long I sat there staring at what is probably my own personalized blue screen of death before I got a response.

Hello there! Friendly neighborhood system admin here! I see you've somehow managed to not only corrupt a few trillion archives containing the living memories of every single life in this universe, but also the AI Core responsible for managing your personal system access as well as several thousand entries in the separate databases that manage skills, traits, and abilities for, again, this -entire- universe.

So...WHAT THE FLYING FUCK DID YOU DO?

Oh SHIT. Did I say "oh shit" earlier? I rescind that statement. THIS is my "Oh SHIT" moment. How the hell do I respond to this guy? Maybe just "think" at him? I'll give it a shot.

Concentrating, I focus on responding, "I'm sorry, I have no idea how any of that happened. I just figured out that I'm dead and tried to get my memories back..."

Ok. I don't know what you're trying to say, but telepathy is obviously not your strong suit because all I got was, and I quote:

"OHFUCKISOFUCKEDUPI'MNEVERGOINGTOSEEANNAORSUZYAGAINI'MFUCKEDFUCKEDFUCKED!!!"

So, instead why don't you try to use the system to send me a message? Focus on writing me a letter or sending me an email or something, anything really, other than telepathically screaming in my general direction. Go.

Yup, I'm screwed.

TO: System Admin

FROM: SorryIscrewedUp

Sorry about screaming at you telepathically and all that other stuff I somehow fucked up. I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. I just figured out I'm dead and tried to get my memories back. It caused a TON of errors and I had no idea I could contact someone. In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

I'm willing to help fix everything I broke and accept any consequences. I just really REALLY need to find my family. That's the whole reason I died...so I could see them again...

Admin: Hold up. You're mortal? Like MORTAL mortal? Not a Demi-god, Angel, Demon, or other semi-Divine or Divine? I assumed you were newly Ascended and unusually AWFUL at your job, but you're...what? Just a Mortal Soul? That explains a few things, like how I couldn't find your user info, track your activities, or disconnect your ass when everything started fucking up. Mortals in this universe aren't supposed to have system access in the first place, let alone an AI assistant...

Ok, I'm disconnecting you from everything except direct communication and forwarding this to my boss. You can be his headache while I clean up your mess.

You're the mortal giving Michelle a conniption? That's just PERFECT! I was wondering where you went! You should get your ass to my office ASAP, I could use your help with something before we ship you off to my sister. Wait, you don't have an ass anymore. Gimme a sec, I'll send a ride.

Great...so God is apparently named "Michelle" and she's sending me to her boss because I'm too much of a headache... I think as I wait for my "ride."

I'm not sure how long I waited before I started getting bored. It was pretty exhausting re-living my entire life and having what essentially ammounts to a literal "spiritual crises" given that I don't have any parts other than my spirit at the moment. Actually, it was pretty easy to examine myself earlier...what does my soul look like anyway?

After several hours trying to deny the truth, I eventually admit that I am best described as a "blob." Sure, on the outside I look like a pretty blue-white sphere glowing with power and my own unique force of self, but under that I'm just a glowy blob. Like luminescent yogurt that's been sitting a little too long.

Really, I'm pretty sure the only reason I'm sphericle is because of surface-tension and...pressure? I think I'm inside of a pocket dimension within my home universe that contains nothing other than me, and the sphere shape is the most efficient use of space...probably.

Anyway, under that surface my blobbiness becomes pretty noticable. My structure's not...consistent. There's clumpy spots where my "Soul-goop," as I've started calling it, is much denser. They're small and a lot of them are clustered together, but there's like a gajillion clusters with bajillions of clumpy spots in each one. There's too many to easily count and i'm not bored enough to try just yet so half-made-up-numbers work for now. What's odd is there's only one clump of Soul-goop that I can actually examine in detail and it's freaking me right the fuck out.

It's my life. Literally, my entire human life is inside that one tiny clump. When I look at it I can pull up any moment of my time on Earth and relive it. There's some fuzzy spots in all the memories where my name should be, its's just...GONE. But that's the only thing really missing, I can feel it. That one tiny speck of light in my inner blob contains an entire lifetime, and there's BILLIONS of those lights in that same clump. It's like each clump is a galaxy of memories instead of stars. I can't see the memories inside of them though, not yet.

I'm honestly not even sure if I want to know whats in them at all.

Really, how much of me, my personality, my SELF, is a result of my memories? How much of it is the collective experience of all those other lives? What about my genes during my life, don't those have an effect on brain chemestry and personality? Why isn't my "ride" here yet?

Seriously, I can't find out answers to any of my questions if I'm just sitting here in my own little space. Heh, pocket dimension, my own little space. Yea, I'm going to start losing my sanity eventually, I need a hobby. Actually...

You know, I wonder...I'm not really fine with being a blob. There's a ton of those clumps of different lights just floating around inside my Soul-goop. The Soul-goop itself just seems to be some kind of...glowy energy that's holding it all together with some kind of surface tension. I wonder if I can move my bits around? Heh, bits. What am I? A harddrive? Ugh, that was bad, even for me. Yea, I'm just going to mess around with my goop. Wait, that was almost as bad as saying I was going to go play with myself...anyway.

I quickly notice something wierd going on with my clumps. Some of them tend to float around close to my edges while others tend to sink towards my center, where I locked away the burning. When I look closer the clumps are connecting into a dense sphere around it, isolating that section. The burning looks like a goddamn black hole in my center that's somehow being contained. What the hell is this thing? How can I find out? Well, I have a bad idea actually...

I pull one clump out of the structure to see what happens only to immediately shove it back into place. As soon as that part was removed I felt the familiar pain return as my Soul-goop got sucked into the darkness and dissapeared. Just like a goddamn black hole. It was EATING me ALIVE the whole goddamn time it was there! And not even my physical body, but my SOUL with who knows how many clumps of lifetimes getting sucked up alongside my goop! How many lifetimes did I lose? It was there almost the whole time I was alive on Earth!

NO. I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.

OK, first thing I need to do is make sure I'm not losing anything else right now.

I look back at the structure around the black hole, examining each clump and watching to see if any of the lights started separating or getting sucked up.

The clumps look to have locked together, like atoms, making a perfect sphere around the hungry darkness. Each one supported by the others in a solid structure. There seems to be rules though. Some lifetimes seem to repell each other while others seem to pull together like magnets. It's not just positive or negative though. It feels more like a color spectrum.

Once I realize this, the whole thing lights up. Each lifetime gaining it's own color, lit by lights of all colors, each life given it's own unique...feel. The clusters are lighting up just like galaxies, and the structure around the black hole? It's...breathtaking. It's like looking up at the milky way for the first time, only....more.

It's everything I am, every life I have ever lived, memories of all of the people I used to be, all the parts of me that ever have been or ever will be, united and interconnected in ways that I don't really understand. Seeing this is like looking at myself, honestly, all of my faults laid bare, my sins self evident, my strengths known, my good deeds touted, and yet finding that I could be...more. Better, beautiful, and Complete.

Realizing that despite these countless lives, I am still a blank canvas. The knowledge that there will always be more to me than what I am now, even if I still don't understand my current self. That every life is an opportunity to change, grow, and better understand who I am and who I wish to become.

Before I realize it, I'm connecting more and more lights to the structure. Taking every freefloating cluster of memories and finding where it connects to everything else within me. When the last one falls into place I feel myself...change.

I feel myself become calmer, stronger, and at peace. For the first time since regaining my memories the tiny voice in the back of my mind stops screaming in panic over finding my family. It's not that I stop caring...in fact I feel my love for them become even stronger...but it's almost as if I know it'll be alright. That I'll see them again eventually in another time, another place. Aside from my calmer state of mind, the biggest change is actually in my goop.

My Soul-goop was originally pretty calm with the different clusters floating freely. Now it's like a raging torrent, flowing quickly throughout the inside of my soul's structure and continuing to accelerate as it grows closer to my center. In contrast, my surface-goop has solidified into a clear crystalline shell. Additionally, the shining light of my lifetimes has grown even brighter, with an odd power flowing through the connections.

Even the black hole, the hungry darkness, has grown more intense. A fact that confuses the hell out of me. Seriously, why did it become worse? Shouldn't my new light suppress it more? Whatever. Also, the slight outside pressure I felt became even weaker after my changes.

Though I spent quite some time staring at myself after my changes, it didn't take me long to start looking for something else to do. I started playing with the boundries of my space trying to move around, but quickly realized that even if I WAS moving there wasn't anything around to move TO. Though the slight...exestential?...pressure around me stayed about the same the whole time I tried to move.

Getting bored again, I eventually worked up a bit of nerve and tried to use the "system" again. Each time getting an "ACCESS DENIED" message. I did figure out how to direct my thoughts to try and make things happen though. Apparently, lots of phrases and terms used in games and some other programs could also be used. For example "Main Menue" was a command that worked but would bring up a screen full of options I can't use yet.

ACCESS DENIED: OPTION BLOCKED BY SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR/-ERROR- ACCESS DENIED: OPTION BLOCKED BY SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR/-ERROR- ACCESS DENIED: OPTION BLOCKED BY SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR/-ERROR- ACCESS DENIED: OPTION BLOCKED BY SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR/-ERROR- Personal Messages (273)

Oh, wait. Damn, good thing I started pulling up everything again to make sure I would remember it later. Wonder if it's other souls sending them... Lets see...

Woa, I've got like 260 spam messages, what the hell? Who's sending this shit, isn't this used by the Gods themselves? Oh, it actually IS Hell, and they're offering "great deals" in my next life in exchange for my soul. At least it's all automatically flagged as spam. The addresses are all from users with things like "@9thCircleoftheDamned.HELL.INFERNO" or even one from "@Unseelie.COURTS.FAE." It's all pretty obvious where they're from.

Of the other 13 messages I had one from "[email protected]^73^7.CREATION" and another from "[email protected]" The rest looked like they were advertisements sent from different Angels, Spirits, or Demigods that hadn't made it onto the spam list and I quickly added them. Though one message from a "[email protected]" started screaming and chanting as soon as I opened it. I had to delete that one thirteen separate times before it stayed gone. Creepy.

I read Michelle's first.

From: [email protected]^73^7.CREATION

To: ALL

Subject: Dipshit.

You should know who you are, and if you don't want me to throw your ass into the VOID ITSELF you will get your ass to my office YESTERDAY! And if I find out you're doing this on purpose I will make sure you spend the rest of your existance serving demons at the seediest brothel in Inferno. But if you stop what you're doing, close your interface, and come talk to me and apologize, we'll get everything sorted out without -much- bloodshed.

Do not make me hunt you down,

-Michelle.

Holy crap. Ok, yes...I am going to avoid ever meeting this woman. Absolutely not someone I need to run into.

Alright, now the other one.

From: [email protected]

To: Houston (Or whoever you are)

Subject: We have a slight problem

Hey little buddy, it looks like I can't pry open that pocket dimension you've hidden yourself in without a pretty good chance of destroying you in the process. Plus, just to get you my local office, Michelle had to go out and make another pocket dimension surrounding yours. Which required me to temporarily rewrite about half the laws of physics. You're just going to have to open the damn thing up yourself.

Since it's been partially corrupted, and possibly achieved sentience, I've transferred your AI's Mana core to a separate server along with all your system support other than the messaging app. The server's a prototype model so let me know if you have any issues. I'll also monitor it myself as time goes on.

Just FYI; part of the problem is you've somehow gotten assigned an AI that hijacked certain DEV privaleges in the system, which really limits what we can do to help you and caused Michelle a TON of headaches. I've repaired most of the damage to our data, though all of our backups of your own personal memories had to be purged. Sorry, you'll just have to make due with what you've got so try not to damage yourself.

The only real change is that your AI can still read the archives of any universe you connect to but can't directly write to them. It has to go through another core set up as a translator/filter to make sure none of the data gets garbled or corrupted when put into the Archives.

I haven't reactivated the AI yet though, so let me know whenever you're ready.

Thanks,

Techdaddy-Out.

Huh, at least he's not threatening me. Well, lets get this over with. I'm ready to get out of here...

To: [email protected]

Subject: RE: We have a slight problem

Hello, just got your message. I don't know how I got the damned thing either, but if you think it's safe to reactivate the AI then it's fine. As for the other thing, getting out, you need me to do WHAT now? Please explain how to get me out of here like I have no idea what I'm doing...