《for Khiara》sept
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12/06: but this is you, after all.
this is not okay.
i am unable to look at you without feeling like i just got punched in the gut because you take my breath away and do you even know how difficult it is to rip my eyes away from yours? i keep allowing myself to get lost in those orbs and to this day i still haven't found an escape hatch—
but this is you, after all.
you see, i crave your presence more than i am itching to again touch
a stick of nicotine between my lips
a glass alcohol by my fingertips
or the wall with my fists—
and the frustration is killing me because i just want to kiss you but
i want to not want to anymore
and i want to not want you anymore
because someone is here waiting for me but i can't want her because all that i desire is
you—
but this is you, after all.
this is you, with your heart-fluttering smiles and stupid jokes and your hypnotizing gaze,
and this is you with your warm touches that feel like hot chocolate on a christmas evening and cold showers on a summer morning and naps on a Sunday afternoon,
and this is you with your dimples as deep as your mind and grin as warm as your words and eyes as genuine as you heart—
and i think i might love you.
but this is you, after all.
you who isn't mine.
you who is his.
you who is taken.
i don't want to want you anymore.
it hurts too much.
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